Sympathy Ideas?

FIrst I would write a letter to her of any memories you have of her child - if you do. When my mom passed away a few of her friends sent me heart warming letters telling stories - funny or S. - that I cherish. years ago my secretary died of a fast moving cancer and I know her kids were devastated. SO I wrote them a long letter telling them of all the things I remembered fondly about their mom from her work perspective. I got a lovely note from her grown daughter thanking me. If you knew her daughter a S. note like that will be more special than anything else you can think og. If you happen to have photos of her as a child I'd make and include copes of them as well.

Food isn't a bad idea either - but I'd wait a week or so since everyone sends food the first week and then you have all this food going back at the same time. Omaha steaks or soemthing like that isn't a bad idea - easy to prepare. Or if you can google restaurants in her town see who can deliver...

When my cousin died, we bought her daughter (age 10), a silver locket with their birthstones on it and put a picture of her mom inside. This was 5 years ago and she still wears it.

What about finding a local place to have a meal or two brought in ? Maybe something that could be frozen so whenever your friend doesn't feel like cooking she can just heat that up. Or a cleaning service to clean her house one week ? I figure she is going to have enough to do finalizing her daughters stuff and maybe being there for her son-in-law & grandkids (if she was married / had kids) that she is not going to feel like cleaning or cooking.

My SIL recently lost a brother and I wanted to go beyond flowers as well. I contacted my brother and asked for a good picture of her brother. He immediately sent me her favorite. I then bought a nice photo charm from etsy. It was silver and has a heart charm that said forever in my heart. When it arrived I tried to wrap it beautiful like my SIL always does and included a nice card.
The day she received it she posted a pic on FB and said it was the best gift she had ever recieved (warmed my heart).
I have a silver resin photo necklace of my son that I ALWAYs get compliments on (the photo was in sepia and many people tell me it looks classy).

Besides sending her something, it is important to be there for her. She might want company or the distraction of a good friend. My stepdad recently passed away and my mom has really appreciated her women friends who have taken her out to a movie, or come over with a bottle of wine, or taken her out to lunch or to go antiquing or crafting. Your friend might not be ready for this yet, but it's something to keep in mind.

I am so very sorry to hear about your friends loss, how sad.

I agree with the idea of sending a letter. If you can do a handwritten letter, then that's even better.

I have this small cedar box that I keep meaningful treasures in that I've collected for years. When my Grandpa died ten years ago, I received several handwritten notes from friends of his, many of whom talked about their memories of him. Some of them had grown up with him, so those notes were especially nice. All of those letters and notes are now in my cedar box, and I pull them out from time to time and read them. Its like having him here with me all over again. (In fact, I was reading them just this morning.)

Sending your friend flowers and food is really nice--and appropriate--but once the flowers die and the food is eaten, they are gone. But having something tangible like a letter to hold onto for many years to come can be more meaningful. Your friend might find reading your letter painful now, but I'll bet she will come to appreciate it as time passes.

You are a very thoughtful friend for wanting to do something special. How kind you are. The world needs more people like you. Hugs.

Hello! I lost my daughter five years ago and got way too many flowers to the point that I don't like getting or giving them anymore because it brings back all of those raw feelings. Now I send food like fruit baskets. Families also brought us meals, desserts, gifts for my living daughter, restaurant gift cards, and some families had a mass in our daughter's honor, which was very special. You can find some neat angel trinkets at various Hallmark stores too. I've collected many! Most of all be there for your friend. She will be grieving for a long time and will look for a friend to talk to her child about. The first year is the hardest!

I am probably too late, but will share this anyway. A friend of mine always sends a basket of breakfast goodies (she uses Wolferman's, I think). Scones, english muffins, pancakes, jams and other spreads. Her thinking is that it's such a painful and crazy time and often people forget to eat or are so busy running, they don't take the time.

Several mutual friends have said it was the nicest thing they got and made the hectic difficult time during the planning and funeral so much easier!

It's now my go-to for these situations.

HTH

I am so sorry for your friend. I can't think of much worse loss than that.

Writing a letter and relating how her daughter impacted you (if you knew her) would be great. If you didn't know her daughter too well then a letter telling her you are there for her and will be checking in on her regularly will be great. Food is great, especially if she has people at home to cook for. If it's just her or her and her husband, she may not want or need much in the way of food.

I experienced a similar situation. A dear friend lost her fight with a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer. Her mom and I have become better friends through this loss. I try to remember and send cards on the anniversary of her daughter's death as well as her birthday. I tell her funny stories of things her daughter and I did together and how she made me laugh. I listen when she's sad about some aspect of having to return to life as normal even though her life, as far as she's concerned, will never be "normal" again. She's a tough lady and she's an inspiration to me. I remind her how much her daughter loved her.

So, I agree with others. She'll need your support more down the road a bit. Right now she's in shock and probably has a lot of people around her for a period of time. Later, when everyone gets back to their routine, there will be another wave of grief even more than right now.

You are a great friend and you will know the right things to do as they come. Be available to listen and offer a shoulder. Maybe invite her to your house in a few weeks for a change in scenery or meet somewhere between your two places for a weekend or something.

Whey my husband's mom died, my mom wanted to plant a tree in our yard in memory of her. It was a beautiful sentiment and meant so much to my husband. His mom was a master gardner and there could be no better memorial in her honor. My brother in law has a memorial garden at his house and plants something new for every person who has passed from his family. My oldest brother in law had a widow maker heart attack in May last year at 59. We were devastated to say the least. When I visited Jim's house, he had planted a gardenia bush in John's honor. They were John's favorite. He has a magnolia tree for his mom and another flowering bush in honor of his aunt. It is so touching to me. So maybe that's an option.

Blessings to you as you walk this road and take care of your friend.

L.

Send a letter - a real live snail-mail letter. If you can relate a memory involving the daughter, that would be great. If you have any pictures, send copies of them to her.

And please, contact her in a month, too. It's after the shock wears off that she'll need you most.

A heartfelt letter of sympathy and a check for family wishes to either be used as a memorial or for unexpected expenses. IMO, the letters are more appreciated than anything. Share special memories if you have any and let her know you are there for her. Don't use clichés like "I know how you feel" (unless you've also lost a child and you really do know how she feels), "God needs another angel," or "God never gives you more than you can handle." And then really be there for her. Keep in touch. Understand and don't give up on her if she handles grief in unexpected ways or differently than you would handle it. The first few weeks are very busy and there are a lot of people around, but it's later when the support is really needed. And don't expect her grieving to end. Grieving changes and we learn how to bear the loss, but it never truly ends. I lost my mom a year and a half ago and some of my dad's best friends recently lost an adult son very unexpectedly to a sudden heart incident. They, especially the mom, are not handling it in the manner my dad expected them to. Everyone responds to grief differently and in their own way. Best wishes to you and your friend.

if religious, a mass at their local church OR if they have any type of spiritual practice, maybe you can have something done on the daughter's behalf..
Also, although thinking of doing something now is great, I always like to do something down the road, like send a card once a month to check in or even every other month.. once the funeral and all is over, people sometimes forget that a family/person is still grieving.. I think it's helpful to have support throughout the year..

I had a friend whose baby niece died suddenly in a car accident, for a year, I sent the family cards about every month and on the one year anniversary of the child's death, I bought the family a mass (they are Catholic) I had it done in Spanish so that the grandma who was especially close to the child could completely understand it..
they really appreciated it.. I think you have to do what you feel is within your boundaries as a friend and theirs..
go with your heart..

So sad. :(
Definitely send a note about your most vivid memories about her daughter (even if they were stories related by your friend if you didn't personally meet/know her daughter).
IMO, nothing is more important for a grieving survivor as knowing that other people remember, loved, were impacted by, the deceased. That their loved O. made a difference--via career, children, interests, volunteerism, etc.
People want affirmation that their loved ones' life mattered. Tell her how.
A plant, dish garden, shrub or tree might be a good idea if you think she would appreciate a living remembrance.
Or a throw blanket could symbolize caring, warmth and love from you.

How sad!

Depending on what the circumstances.. Ie Cancer, donations to find a cure in the daughters name.

If something does not relate, what is a cuse that you think the daughter would like and donate in her name?

I don't know what/how the daughter passed but you might make a donation to the particular charity that may have caused her death, IE if by cancer then to the American Cancer Foundation.

A heartfelt letter to your friend is ALWAYS welcome, something more personal than a card/flowers.

If you have the number to her nearest relative and/or friend in her area they might know if she is wanting something special in the way of a charity.

Sorry for your friend's loss...Peace