Swim Lessons - He's Afraid to Get in the Pool! What Would You Do?

As a parent, former swim instructor and a kid who was afraid to swim until age of 8 because my parents never put me into swim lessons keep up with the lessons however you might want to try a different instructor or pay for private lessons. The more kids get into the water and learn that they can come back up the more willing they will be to swim. Just keep up with it and if the fear continues find a new program for the lessons.

My daughter (almost 3.5) started swim lessons last summer. She was terrified of the water! But we stuck with it and after going twice a week for 4 months she loved being in the water (with her "bubble" on). We started again in May (she was a little timid at first after not swimming for a few months) and after the first couple lessons this summer I was wondering if I should wait a little longer and if it was just a waste of money. I was afraid I was scarring her for life! I spoke to her instructor about it and he said if I pulled her now and waited she would be doing the same thing at 7 or 8 years old. That very day she swam for the first time on her own! She is now swimming on her own all the time and absolutely LOVES being in the water. I took her to the pool last night and she didn't want to get out. I have a "tough" love approach to a lot of things so while hearing her cry was heartbreaking for me, I knew the ends justified the means. We go to the pool a lot so I really wanted her to be safe while we are there. I am SO happy that we stuck with it!

As a swim instructor, you should sign up again next month.
Does the Y require you to be there for his lesson? Kids do better without moms there for the lesson. I've seen it a hundred times. If he is afraid and balks, he is pretty sure you will come release him.

Once you turn him over to the care of the instructor, you should cheerfully say, "Bye! See you in a few minutes!" and leave. Do not show anxiety, fear, nothing but cheer on your face.

I am giving lessons right now to a 9 yr old, a 14 yr old and a 35 yr old who all want to know how to swim, and didn't when they were young, b/c when they were afraid, their moms let them drop out of lessons. It doesn't get any easier to overcome fear the older you get. It only becomes harder.

Good Luck.
You can do this!!!

edit: Parents leaving is a good thing, and don't seem real stressed when you go back in and get him. Look happy. If you are anxious about how he did, he will pick up on that.

My inclination would be to just let it go for now. Your son sounds like he's not interested in swimming and being in the water just yet. You don't say how old he is (I'm assuming five or so from the pic on your profile), but my tack would be to just let him be, for now. This sounds like it has become something of a power struggle for him, and I think he'd do better having a chance to actually play in the water on his own, at his own rate. Does he need to just sit on the top step for a bit? Has he been able to articulate *what* scares him? Sometimes the water up the nose is a really bad experience for people.

For what it's worth, I was a late swimmer. I learned at 19 at the Y, before I went into the Navy, because I *knew* I wanted to master this before boot camp. When I was 8, my dad pressed the issue of 'learning how to swim' and threw me into a pool. Because of this, I was very uncomfortable in the water for years. All that to say, don't press it to the point of his being ruined on it. The pool is supposed to be a fun place.

I have a 3 1/2 yr old that just started pre swimming lessons and she's very timid about water. I've found for us that the more I pressure her the worse she does. She's had 6 days of lessons and I'm starting to see improvement. She still will sit on the top step while the other kids are mostly in the water but now she's letting her teacher take her out. Try talking about it more with him when your home and talk it up and try to get him more excited. But mostly I'd just let him get comfortable at his own speed don't push him. He's still young and kids that age are scared of new things.

Give it to the end of these lessons.
Then try again next year.

I had number 1 in swim lessons in the winter, I would go 6 weeks gymnastics, 6 weeks swim, 6 weeks gymnastics, and so on, that is until I had number three then number one did soccer.

Do a mommy and me swim class where you get in with him.
Start in the shallow end, not over his head.
Get a blow up pool for the backyard so he can practice where he feels safe.
Put floaties on his arms or get a swimsuit with bouyancy.

My daughter has been scared and crying not wanting to go to swim lessons at our YMCA before, too. But we've been sticking with it. It does get better over time, and swimming is one of those life-safety things. So we've been continuing, even when she's not happy about it. One thing that seemed to help my daughter was when I told her it was just a big bathtub, so try to have fun in lessons, like in the tub. And we did try blowing bubbles and arm paddling in the tub. The other thing I did was take her to Target and let her pick her favorite beach towel for lessons -- to try to get her excited about it. I agree with the suggestions below of bribery :o) or a nice surprise of ice cream or a special treat. I know you don't have anyplace to go for fun, but that might really help you as it did for us. I see you're in San Jose -- maybe one day your family can have a fun pool day at Rinconada Pool in Palo Alto. I know it's a hike, but totally worth it. They have this amazing kid's pool that is HUGE, shaped like a flower, and each petal has a fun activity: small water slide, bikes that squirt water when you pedal, big mushroom fountain, an empty petal for just playing around, and a baby petal with a graduated depth. The whole thing is only maybe 2 feet deep, so your 5 year old can touch throughout the whole thing. There's also a normal pool next to it where you can take him in with a paddle board to see how that feels. Seeing other kids doing fun stuff might be the motivation he needs -- this worked with my daughter -- maybe even go with some friends with kids who already swim, which is what we've done. You just pay for the day and it's not too expensive. And they have a big locker room with showers. It's also not far off Hwy 101, so it hopefully isn't TOO far for a fun day trip. Just pack a picnic lunch -- I don't believe they sell any food there. Ah, and I just thought of two other fun pools where anyone can go, you just pay for the day: Menlo Park Burgess Pool (nice, but farther and kid pool not as big or as cool as Rinconada), and Blackberry Farm in Cupertino (big kids pool but with no slide/bikes/fountain, nice place, they sell food for lunch). Hope that helps, and hang in there, Mommy!

I say keep at it till he gets it...provided he is not screaming and throwing a fit and disrupting the other kids during the lessons?!

One of my kiddos was kinda afraid of dunking his head....believe it or not he lost his fear when we showed him how to do it in the hot tub at the hotel one time when my in-laws were in town.

Something about the warm water and at 5 I bet your son could touch the bottom of most hot tubs? Might be worth a try?

Swimming is a VERY important life skill and if I were in your shoes I would do everything in my power to ensure that my kiddo got over their fear...but we have a swimming pool and learning to swim was a MUST for my kiddos!

(((ETA, sorry, I didn't actually answer your question or listen to the "at present we don't have anywhere we could have free swim time"...sorry 'bout that...)))

Every kid is different, every parent (and their schedule) is different too. That said, I'll tell you what I do.

I give my kids swim lessons. My first goal was to teach my children,
1. Not to be afraid in (and under) water
2. That swimming is FUN

I have seen my children, (especially my niece who has widespread trust issues), gain a LOT of confidence from this process. She was initially more nervous/tense/afraid/whiny and has ended up being a little shark!

We started by just playing...a lot. At the time, we were visiting my Dad for a month where he lives (on Maui) so we had access to a free pool and a great small waves beach. I was able to take them to the (warm) water every day. At first, we splashed around, chased toys, ran in waves, jumped in waves, followed fish, met other kids, a generally appreciated the water.

Then, after a week of play, I started dunking them. We did "shoot to the moon" where I threw them up in the air catching them farther down in the water until I had them to their chest. Then I'd yell, "Shoot. To...The...MOOOOOOOON!!!!" Toss them up and catch them to dunk 'em under. Another game we'd play was "Save the dinosaur", where I'd toss a sinking toy dinosaur across an imaginary or real line, and we'd dive under the lane divider or the "wall", to rescue the toy from the bottom. I'd have one on my back and carry the other and we'd just run around in the pool. I'd say, "one, two, three" and then "trip" so that we all got our heads wet.

At first (first few weeks) the kids spluttered and didn't like going under. I'd pull back, and we'd just have fun. Once they were comfortable, we'd try again. It wasn't something I ever made them do, or forced - because I didn't want them to develop an aversion. It was a game, and every time they'd come up I would make a HUGE deal of it, "WOW, you are such a dolphin, you are so brave! What an AMAZING UNDER!!! WOW WOW WOW!"

Now, my little niece asks to go under. She'll hold onto my back, and I'll swim under the water with her hanging on. We go under for long periods. My daughter will jump off the edge into my arms and go under. Neither is swimming by themselves yet, and that's okay. We'll practice strokes when they're comfortable going under without being held or remaining physically connected to me.

Personally, I love the water and love the excuse to go to the pool. We have put our going to the pool on pause, because our membership to the YMCA is on pause. We just take it slow and make it a fun trust building/skill building activity. I've got to renew our membership...

Good luck!

Bring him to lessons. Keep bringing him to lessons until he learns to swim. If you have to sign him up for lessons for the next 3 years, do it!
Tell him before you leave the house that he is required to get into the pool with the instructor.
Be firm. Do not be wishy washy.
If he gets in the pool and does the lesson, surprise him and get him an ice cream or some McDonalds fries... I bet he gets right in the next time!
LBC

He is old enough to understand that swimming lessons are not an option. I'd keep going.

Can you get a wading pool for him to play and splash in in the back yard? Maybe buy him a swim mask to look at the designs on the bottom with his face in the water?

Or fill up the bathtub super full at bathtime (before you bathe him ---i.e., before you add any soap or shampoo)... and let him play in it. The deeper the better.

My son was very comfortable in the water itself (he'd put his face in or reach down to the bottom and pick something up)...but he didn't want to be floating (not touching/standing on the bottom). We started on the steps where he barely had to put his face in the water to pick up a dive stick or dive coin. Then moved it down a step. Before long he was picking them up off the bottom. Then it wasn't a big jump to having him float with a noodle,etc... and "be" superman and shove him to the side, etc...

Do the instructors at his lessons seem to relate well with the kids? Our son's instructor was an older teen. He did less well with an adult woman with another round of lessons later on. He is the same with his martial arts... an older teen that relates well with his age group is more comfortable for my son than a 40yr old instructor. He just has more fun with the younger teachers. They probably seem less threatening.

A long time ago I went out into the river to bring back an 11 year old boy who could not swim. He was drowning. I was brave and he was terrified. I found his father and demanded that child have swimming lessons.

Someone told me a boy was afraid to learn at one place and they took him to the YMCA and they cuddled him a lot and made him feel comfortable enough to enjoy it. The other place didn't like his crying and said they didn't have time for it.

One of our twins hated swim lessons last summer. She was 4 1/2. She got upset the first day and that night she began to panic and cry about going the second day. I didn't let her go on and on. I told her that we had paid a lot of money for her to go and just said very matter of factly, "You can choose to be happy about it or you can choose to be sad, but you ARE going to swimming lessons." End of conversation. She didn't panic at her lessons anymore and she learned a lot. I would hang in there as long as the instructor is patient and willing to work with him to overcome his fears.

Bribe bribe bribe. My daughter had a major set back in the water that had her regressing and fearful. I was sent to the office because she cried for mama the whole time. Then one day after swim lesson we drove by a Mcdonads. She had been once before on a Grandpa date and to her it was a very special place. I told her if she had a happy brave swim lesson, we'd go there after her next lesson. We talked all week about choosing to be happy and choosing to be brave and the reward if she could do it. I was amazed how good she did at her next lesson. She's 3.5. Now unfortunatly I'm stuck taking her to the one place in the world I cannot find anything to eat! Yuck, can't stand that place.