What are reasonable chores for my almost 13 year old stespon? He has not had to do many over the years. I want to try to teach him responsibility as well as working in order to receive allowance? How much money per week would you suggest? Thank you!
All of the suggestions are great and very appropriate. If it just comes from you, it is likely to come over as the "mean stepmother." I think it is important to be discussed in a family meeting format and for dad to discuss these chores with him. I made a list of all the things to be done in the house and the time it took. I let the others pick and I took what was left over. It worked for all of us.
I agree that you should not feel obligated to pay an allowance. I told my girls, when they asked about an allowance...We can go to that method, but if we do, then you will pay for all of your extra curricular activities with your allowance and there's not enough work around the house for you to do that will earn you enough to pay for all you are involved in....they quickly decided that just doing what I asked them was fine.
I require my girls to help deeply clean the house every couple of weeks, until it's done and then they have to contribute to the family in some way everyday.
They need to learn that they should pull their weight around the house, after all you and your husband are providing them a free place to live, free food and clothes to wear.
Good luck!
L.,
Hello. I suggest having a family meeting where household duties are split up and agreed upon. Make a list of all household chores and if there's 15 items, and three of you, go around and each take a turn selecting 1 item at a time until they're all taken. I would discuss if these are daily items, weekly, etc. And the timeline (maybe vacuuming needs to be done by Sat morning or Sun night, whatever you all agree on as a family). You're all agreeing to do certain tasks within that timeline. If he agrees to make his bed before school and then doesn't, you're still going to send him to school. But, before he leaves, say I'll make your bed for you today and which one of my chores are you going to do for me tonight (dishes maybe)? It might be worth the trade off and it might not, the choice is his. I would do it for a few weeks and then have another family meeting, where you discuss what chores are working for certain people and what aren't. And maybe trade some chores and see if that works better for everyone. I agree that you should have some basic chores as part of the family, because we all pitch in and our goal as parents is to prepare our children for real life (like living with others and to have that respect in college, with a spouse, etc). However, if you all agree as a family that certain chores deserve money, then set that up (how often and the amount). Ask him first what he thinks is a reasonable amount for that task. There might be need to be some negotiating, and then again his answer might surprise you too. But, I would suggest that the basic chores have to be done first, then if he chooses to go beyond, then great. Kids are sometimes more reasonable and willing than you think; as long as they're part of the discussion, given choices and really listened too. Do it together (the entire family, Dad and any other kids included). Hope that helps.
~ J.
I highly recommend John Rosemond's "A Family of Value" where he discusses chores and allowances. He says that children, even teenagers, feel a sense of pride when they know their contribution to the family is essential and valued, and hence it teaches the wrong message if you pay them to do chores. Nobody pays you to clean house, cook, mow lawns, or wash dishes - those are things you do because they need to be done. If you pay your child to do them, you're teaching him that he is exempt from work, and he may very well decide he'd rather not get an allowance than do icky chores. Rosemond doesn't think an allowance is a bad idea, but it should not be tied to chores. He explains how he and his wife initiated their children into full membership in the family. This is a really good book and his advice has helped me a lot with my two boys so far. (Disclosure: I don't have teenagers yet, but my eldest is 2 and he puts dishes away, throws away dirty diapers, carries groceries into the house, sweeps floors, and helps with laundry. He loves to help and I make sure I thank him for it, which means he likes helping even more. I never give him treats for helping, only praise and appreciation.)
L., by the age of 13 both of my boys knew how the wash, cook simple meals, clean, iron, etc. Since you're just now starting this, start with his room, taking out the trash, etc. The bottom line is that he needs to learn how to take care of household chores so that if/when the day comes that he gets his own place he knows how to take care of himself. My personaly opinion is that there are just things you do at home (chores) because you're part of a the household...you dont' get "paid" for everything you do. Maybe set an amount of allowance for chores that are in addition to his regular chores...teach him yard work as well. If you have to continually stay on him to do the chores he's been assigned then he has to lose something as a consiquence...YOu and his Dad should be on the same page with this type thing or it just doesn't work. Good luck. R.
Taking out the trash; washing dishes; folding laundry; dusting, vaccuuming, cleaning up his room or space; mowing the lawn. Depending on the amount of things he does and if he does them without complaint I would say $5-10 a week.
T.
My son is 13 and he has been doing his own laundry since he turned 12. And, yes, he knows how to sort and use bleach. He also does the dishes - and we do not have a dishwasher - mops the floors, takes care of the dogs - we have 4 four of those. He knows how to dust and vacuum and last night he used carpet cleaner for the first time. :) He helps me cook - my goal is for him to learn how to cook at least 4 easy, yummy meals without me. He is responible for keeping his bathroom neat and he is the trash taker outer. He takes all trash to the blue bin and the bin back and forth to the curb on trash days.
Hmmm, when I type this out is does look like a lot. But I do my laundry, all the bed linens, all the heavy scrubbing, sweeping - because he really hates to do that, take care of the 3 cats, and work and support him and the house and provide him with all that he needs and much of what he wants. I do help out with dishes and have been known to toss his jeans in with mine.
He does not get an allowance as I feel that sharing the household work is just part of being a family. Since it is only the two of us, he does do more than most of his friends around the house.
We were butting heads for awhile over chores - he just would not do them. We sat down and talked about it and although I think we were even on the division of labor I had given him some chores he just hated to do, like sweeping. So we juggled the list and now he mops after I sweep. Which is great because I hate mopping.
Just talk to your son and let him help you make his chore list. With my 13 year old it helps to have him be a part of the decisions. You can explain to your son that at some point in life he will live on his own and needs to know how to take care of his clothing and keep a house neat.
I think children are really much more willing to help around the house than we realize. Good Luck
My brother is 10 years younger than me he is 14. My mom gives him chores. She makes him clean his room,he keeps the grass neat, he folds clothes (she doesn't let him wash them) and keeps both bathrooms clean. Good Luck!
My son is 10 and he has to gather up all the trash and take it out on trash night. Every now and then, he has to sweep the stairs and him and his sister take turns washing the dishes. I've started him out with washing a load of towels. He has to wash, dry, fold and put away. He will vacuum the living room and the couches when I tell him, but he likes doing that. He also has to be told to put away his folded clothes and pick up his room. I think he even dusted his room once or twice. I don't pay him, it's part of being in this family. I have paid him a couple of dollars for doing something extra without being told. Good luck, hope this helps. T.
inside: cleaning his room, dusting different rooms of the house, unloading and/or loading the dishwasher. washing and/or drying and/or putting towels away. vacuuming. outside: sweeping carport. picking up limbs, so that the yard is abled to be mowed. Base his allowance on how big the job is and how long it takes him to do it. And make him redo until done right, just like he would have to do at a regular job. but instead of giving him all his allowance set up a jr savings account and have a set % go into it. then as he gets older you can open an checking account that has a debit card only. not allowed to use unless money is in there. my kids became very careful with their money and learned to save up for things that they really wanted. good luck.
