Son Won't Eat! - Converse,TX

#1 ... Don't cave in to his demands because he will get into a habit of getting what he wants with negative behavior. He won't starve! When he gets hungry again give him something healthy to eat. Don't give up and don't give in regardless of what he says or does. If his behavior continues he will be a demanding teenager. Habits can be broken and new habits begun. Someday he might even thank you for taking such good care of his body ... or maybe not ... lol Hang in there and remember you are the adult, he's a child.

I have a 2 1/2 year old girl that is starting to act the same way. I find a couple of healthy meals she will eat, although it changes weekly, and fix those meals all the time. My theory is, if she gets hungry enough, she will eat what I give her. I just refuse to let her eat junk. Hope this helps!

I am so sorry you are going through this. My son was exactly like that and still is in some ways. I have to give him V-8 Fusion as well as his vitamons ashe will not touch a fruit and veggie. I but benefiber in his water. I have tried having him help me cook the meals but he would not try anything. I even have a garden so he could pick the veggies we are going to eat. My son smells all food before he eats anything. He gets plenty of protein, milk,etc... This behavior has lasted for 4 years. Finally he is eating brocolli and green beans. It has taken many long dinners to get that done. I will not let him leave the table until he takes one bite. I wish you luck. It is a challenge but eventually they will eat.

LITTLE ABOUT ME: 40 yr old Working Full Time Mom with 2 fabulous kiddos (dd age 8) and (ds age 7) that are extremely busy and married for 9 years to the love of my life.

Hi S.-

Your son is a little younger than my daughter was when we went through this with her, but what helped me was including her in the process of choosing food. I would take her to the store with me and shop just the perimeter of the story (produce, dairy and meat). We did not go down the processed food aisles at all. I let her help choose the bananas that we bought or the vegetables. I showed her all the unique fruits and vegetables and let her see the different colors and feel the different textures and talked to her about how good they were. When I showed her a kiwi for the first time she was so excited about buying one so she could try it at home (she loved it by the way). I also tried to include her in preparing the meals so she was more excited about eating what she had cooked.

We go to area orchards and pick our own berries which also gets her more excited about eating them. She is so into fruits and veggies now that we have our own garden in the backyard that she helps with.

In addition to what I mentioned above, I just stopped buying the sweets and junkfood. If it's not in the house, they can't eat it.

Best of luck,
K.

My advice is to try not to let this be a battle of wills between you and your son. I have read that toddlers don't necessarily eat a balanced diet on any given day, but that over the course of a month, if you tracked it, they eat pretty well. My 2 y.o. is like that. One day all he'll eat is bananas, the next day all he wants is meat, and a third day he might be all into cheese and bite sized crackers. I don't control when my son eats, and the only real controls I put on what he eats is to say, no when he asks for something I don't want him to have or that I don't feel like making right then. If I say no, I always explain why, "no, muffins are for breakfast! i want you to eat something healthy, can you choose something healthy?" and then I start offering what I am willing to give him, "crackers and cheese, yogurt, cut up apple, banana, cereal, macaroni and cheese, eggs, toast with peanut butter, raisins, etc." Generally he chooses something before I get very far in my list.

I understand your concern about his life-time eating habits, but I think that continuing this battle is more likely to lead to that eventuality than learning to work with your son. One thing I would recommend is the Brazleton Minimum Diet. In his book, "Touchpoints" Dr. Brazelton says not to battle over food, and that if your toddler is getting the bare minimum, not to worry. Here's what he says your toddler needs (this is from memory, so look it up if you're interested):
Milk or a milk substitute (soy, goat, etc.): I forget if it's 32 or 64 oz, but it's a lot.
Something containing iron: meat, cereal
1 serving of fruit: juice is OK
a vitamin to make up for all the other stuff he's not eating.

Good luck!

S., you are not alone! From other posts and I will confirm....my little one is like that as well. We discussed her poor eating habits with her pedi and he said as long as she is eating meat/veggies ever so often during the week not to worry. Our little ones diet change so much so don't worry about consistency. My daughter will eat poorly one day then 3 days later, she'll eat everything on her plate. I mix Pediasure with her milk so she can get her vitamins and she loves it! She also loves fruits and tortillas, rice, etc. but I have tried to make her meat a little saltier since I've noticed she likes the salty flavor. If your boy has a sweet tooth, maybe try to flavor the meat a little on the sweet side with pineapples or whatever and see how that works.

Don't worry, this is just a phase and from what I hear, toddlers eating habits are all over the board so as long as they usually eat...don't worry...it'll pass. Good luck!

I would cut out snacking and not have any of the forbidden food in the house. Offer what is available at meal time. Be prepared for a very cranky child. It is a lot easier to change this behavior now than it is when they are 7 or 12 etc. You have to remember that you are the parent and that you are in control. (It has taken a year of therapy to be able to say that.)

If you think you need some professional help, Speech therapist and occupational therapists offer food therapy. They can determine if it is a texture or a color issue, etc.

Is he talking? Does he have any delays? Early Childhood Intervention may also be able to help if there is a delay of some sort.

My autistic son got down to only cheesey noodles. I had to cut him off cold turkey and offer only things that I felt comfortable letting him have. We now know that he is gluten intolerant and that the pasta was like poison to him.

Good luck.

I tought little ones for a while and what worked for me was a schedule. Make a picture schedule. Write the time in numbers, then write in a one or two word phrase what he is to do and then next to that draw a picture. For example...
8:00 Brush teeth (pic of toothbrush)
8:30 Eat breakfast (pic of an egg)
9:00 Watch Barney (pic of Barney)
9:30 Eat a healthy snack (pic of popcorn and cup of juice)

You can have him check off what he chores or tasks he has completed and it will guide him to the idea of eating at snack and meal times. He doesn't have to know how to tell time, all he will know is that there is a time for everything. Hope this helps.

My brother is going through the same thing with his 3 year old daughter...my experience ( I have 3 girls) is that the WILL eat...I remember going through a day or so when my little ones would just nibble around, not really ever eat a full square meal, then the next day, they may eat all day long! I believe it is just the age, and that he will grow out of it. Obviously you are doing all the right things by offering him veggies / fruits...when he sees that he is not going to get the sugary snacks he will eventually give in. Good luck and don't worry! These things have a way of working themselves out - funny thing, my Mom says all I wanted when I was that age was Cheerios and mashed potatoes...needless to say, I have broadened my horizons!! :-)

My daughter is 20 months and when she gives us a hard time we just play a game with her. We ask her to find all the peas, carrots, corn, etc. Whenever she eats them, we make a huge praise about it and even make fools of ourselfs dancing around. My husband discovered that she really enjoys laughing at us, but she only gets to see us act crazy- as a rewards for eating her food.

Stick to your guns! Serve nutritious balanced meals cheerfully. Keep up the hidden veggie thing too, I love that idea. Any snacks, and they're reasonable at that age, make them fruit or carrot sticks or something equally healthy. Whole wheat crackers would be good. No dessert unless some of the other food is eaten. He WILL NOT starve himself. Be really positive, but don't beg him to eat, bribe him, or appear upset if he doesn't eat. Give him a reasonable time to eat a meal, then take it away. My way of dealing with tantrums was to ask them to go to their room if they were going to behave like that. All that said, I had one who lived on milk, peanut butter sandwiches, and cheerios for a long time. My pediatrician had a child (his own child!) who ate only American cheese for months at that age. He'll gradually start eating good stuff if that's all he's offered. Don't act delighted if he does. That just gives them "ideas". Good luck, this is a tough one, but many kids go through this and come out healthy!

I have a friend who sells a product that is wonderful. It is from Juice Plus which is fruits and vegetables in a gummi treat. They don't even know it is good for them but provides the nutrition of 17 different fruits, vegetables and grains. Also has products for adults. Her name is Alma Hastings 1-877-441-7944 ____@____.com Good luck and God Bless Linda L

S.,

I've read a lot of different opinions here. In my view, the bottom line is that your child will eat when he's hungry. If the only thing available to him is healthy foods, that's what he'll eat. He can only refuse so many times when he's hungry.

This appears to be classic 2-3 year old behavior. It's all about the power struggle with that age - letting him choose between two healthy foods might help. You just have to be willing to stick to your guns and make him unhappy for a short period of time. I'm not suggesting that you be cruel, just resolved. You will be rewarded in the end!!

I am a mom of four, so I have been through every childhood development stage imaginable. Please don't let this become the focus of your life with your son. I wish you the best.

I think that son of yours has your number! What is the worst thing that could happen if you don't give in? He won't eat for a day or two. Make sure you give him fluids and serve him what everyone else is having - if he doesn't eat it - that's his choice - but I'm sure he will come around in a day or two - hunger can be a powerful motivator.
Make sure you tell him the family eats what you fix and if he doesn't he will be hungry and not get any unhealthy snacks to fill up on. Good luck.

I realize that you are not of that philosophy, but perhaps look at it a different way: he's not making the rules, you are adjusting your own expectations to what is appropriate for his age. As parents I think we need to constantly assess if we are having the wrong expectations or perspective on things.

Snacking is actually very very normal for a child of his age. Dr. Barry Brazelton says that to get a child of this age to eat, you should cut a PB & J in quarters, put 1 in each pocket and 1 in each hand. he'll eventually eat! They are on the go and also have tiny stomachs.

If he just wants bread or tortillas, have you tried melting some cheese or spreading some kind of nut butter (protein!!!) on them? how does he feel about string cheese? little squares of cheese? when feeding my picky and on the go nieces, I make "skewers" of cubed cheese and turkey on pretzel sticks. They love it! I also give them pretzel sticks with peanut butter. My son usually eats a full meal, but when he's with his cousins he is too busy to eat. These little "snack" meals help them get some nutrition.

V8 Fusion may not contain the fiber he needs and you don't want him to get in the habit of drinking his veggies, but it might be a small step in ensuring he is getting the nutrition he needs. You don't have to tell him that's how he's getting his veggies.

I think that this has turned into a battle for y'all, and that's why it's so tough. He is NOT going to be malnourished because he's refusing to eat! You can stand your ground in your ways - not giving him sugary desserts if he doesn't eat - and let him stand his ground in others - let him have bread but make sure it's whole wheat and put something nutritious on it. Toddlers and preschoolers need to have some control in their ever-changing worlds (especially with new babies on the way!). Taking control of their eating habits and potty going are the typical ways they do it. Let him have some decisions on what he eats and you'll both feel better. "Okay, if you want a tortilla, how about we put some cheese on it?" Melted cheese on a rolled up whole wheat tortilla sounds like great toddler food!

GL! Just don't let the battle of wills continue. I guarantee, he is not about to give in, so adjusting your expectations might be just the thing.

i have a 2 1/2 year old boy that dose not eat very much to he likes chips,crackers,and drinking juice. i make him rise and vegetables and soup with pasta and vegetables sometimes he eat and sometimes he eats dosent.i asked the doctor if he is ok the doctor told me as long as he is growing he is doing good.so i think u should just give your kid what he likes to eat yogart,bread,tortillas,and V8 Fusion and soon this faze should be over so dont be to worried there are other people out there with the same problem if u do fined something that works please let me know.

S.,
I feel like I wrote this instead of you. I have no advice because I'm in your shoes. Except it is my daughter- 3yrs. that won't eat and my son 6 years is an excellent eater. I would appreciate if you could forward your responses. I don't know what else to do either. She will eat only pasta with no gravy only butter and loves all junk food.

Nothin' like a grudge match to fill ones day! I try not to have the sugary foods in the house, or in plain sight. Once in a while, I'd use ice cream as a reward. I used to give my girls Juicy Juice. (100% real juice) There's the fruit. I think everyone here should be eating the same food, and ignore him. He knows where the table is. He likes bread, get the white wheat, & put some butter on it, to have with his dinner. I would make something more filling like pancakes, (get creative by putting faces on them) or oatmeal for breakfast, and 2% milk. Ovaltine is a nice treat! Slice up some apples, bananas, or oranges, for everyone to eat for snack..."This is what we're having today". Don't try to negotiate. It's gonna take some time to see what he actually likes. Focus on him getting a full belly. A cup of milk with each meal. Sugar-free puddings or jello's are good for dessert(he doesn't need to know they have no sugar). Don't expect him to be just like his sister, you want him to be independent. Put the food on his plate, and let him feed himself, and you! My oldest had a blast feeding mommy bananas! Hope this helps...

My daughter is not too far from your sons age and she does the exact same thing. So I give her v8 fusion juices so she can get her fruits and veggies from that. and as for snacks I try to get things that are somewhat not junk food. Well good luck.

Hi S.,
I remember stressing over my oldest daughter's dietary preferences when she was that age, too. I have three now, and what I've figured out is that, for a lot of children, that is a very picky stage. If you can find one or two things that are acceptable to you that he likes to eat, then just give those to him at every meal, along with a sampling of whatever the rest of the family is having. My 4 1/2 year old eats the SAME thing every day...frozen waffles or pancakes for breakfast, bagel with cream cheese and grapes or strawberries for lunch, and a bean and cheese taco and another fruit--apple or banana--for dinner. In between she is allowed to snack on granola bars, goldfish crackers, fruit or raisins. Our house rule is no more than one dessert-type item a day (cookies, ice cream, etc.). My middle daughter ate pasta and strawberries twice a day for two years. Keep giving him the multivitamin and really try not to stress--if this becomes a battle between you and him, it will mostly likely last longer than if you just let it go. I promise you he won't starve! Good luck!

S.,
You are in a power struggle and you cannot win. Do not worry about the rest of his life yet, he will develop eating habits that he needs. Right now he has you right over a barrel and he knows it. Do not fight over the food, just the one thing you can control, when he eats it. If he wants bread and or a tortilla, do not say no. Tell him, it is not time to eat. When it is time to eat, then you can have one. By then he should be hungry enough to eat whatever you put on the bread or tortilla.
If he doesn't want anything else, give it to him. an active 2 yr old will need something else to get through the day. Stop making it an issue. Only apples, oranges, bananas or V8 are snack foods and snack is at 10 AM and 2 PM (or whenever he gets up from his nap) Refuse to be in the battle. "I don't want it!" OK, no problem. See you at dinner.
I had a friend whose kid continued this stupid fight every day until he was 7 or 8. I heard her fears for him, but I saw him manipulate her into giving him enough calories every day. You cannot MAKE him eat the right stuff, but you can make it easier for him to give in.
NO child will starve himself. Just continue to put our nutrutious food, refuse to be dragged into the argument and eventually, he will catch on.
K.

We have the same problem with our 3 year old son. He will eat a granola bar or some fruity type gummy snacks but he doesn't seem to eat very much at all. I am curious as to the responses you have received!

Your job is to offer healthy foods, his job is to eat. A healthy child won't starve himself. If he is eating healthy snacks through out the day, I wouldn't worry about if he is eating dinner or not. My kids (4 and 3) will usually only eat big meal a day. If they eat breakfast, they won't really eat lunch or dinner. They may eat dinner, but not have eaten breakfast or lunch. We don't worry about it.

Try filling a cupcake tray with different things, like cheese, fruit, veggies, and whole grain crackers or bread. Put it out for him throughout the day. If he eats, great.

I would also try including him in the preparation. He may be more willing try something he has made.

Don't make it a battle. He will use it as a power struggle, if you let him, and we will win, because you can't make him eat. Just offer, and leave the decision up to him.

I hope you can figure this out...I also have a 2.5 yr old son that seems to eat just like yours. I do use Pediasure (Vanilla with extra fiber) for all the vitamins/etc...but I try to avoid it being the "meal", but honestly if it weren't for pediasure and breads, he would probably need a feeding tube. I, like you, have tried to hide the good food...shredded carrots under cheese pizza/etc - he knows and won't eat it! I am looking forward to seeing some responses you get!

Hello,

My daughter is 2 y.o and she often goes through these kind of phases, without signals. She is a good eater, so I don't worry too much but I admit it's tiring.

The thing is that dinner time (or lunch) shouldn't be a fight. After struggling a couple of time, I decided to make her feel like I gave up.

She doesn't want to eat what's in her plate (pasta, veggies that she usually eats?), fine : she finishes her meal like it was planned with a piece of cheese and a fruit (or applesauce) and then, bath & bed time.

I did that for 3 days. I kind of felt bad because she would go to bed with a half-full stomach, but I don't want her to decide. The forth day, I gave her her plate, she said "no", so I gave her regular portion of yogurt and fruit and after that, she was still hungry and she finally ate what was in her plate.

During these days, I didn't change anything to her breakfast or lunches = same portions.

For the fruits, does he eat applesauce or baby jars? Have if you try to put pieces in a different bowl ? My daughter loves to eat her broccoli puree in a heart shaped bowl. BTW, she doesn't know it's broccoli : I tell her it's "fruit puree"...

I have to trick her.

Also, she never ate "junk food". We have some at home, but we never eat in front of her. We wait until she's in bed if we're craving chips or Mac&Cheese.

Good luck !

I don't want him to get in the habit of just snacking throughout the day and not eating healthy meals (although he already seems to be in that habit). He will NOT touch fruits or vegetables in any form.

Kids will not do things unless it is working for them. One minute you say you do not give in to snacks and then you say he is in the habit. If it is really important to you you will be consistent. Kids go thru weird stages where they do not want to eat. But just keep putting the good stuff out there and not letting him eat between meals and he will figure it out.

I have ecactly the same problem with my almoust 4 year old son, he's been always like that (actualy since he started going to a Day Care at 16 months), I've tryed everything and still keep trying but I figured one way to get him his nutritions- every evening I make for him milk shake (milk, banana and always some mashed vegetables- one jar of a baby food - mixed vegetables for example) and he will always drink one cup in the evening right before going to bed and one in the morning. He thinks that is just bananas and milk and loves it! Try it and let me know if it works for you :)

I really would stick to your position. He eats what you make him or he isn't hungry. 1 small snack - a few slices of apple, celery with peanut butter - healthy small snack in the afternoon. Maybe at the snack time is when you give him the fusion V8 drink. He might be just trying to push your buttons and get what he wants. Or he really isn't hungry. But the constantly wanting snacks is when he's eating.

good luck - try a few days of being very firm and see how he takes it.

There is always dips, for fruit use yogurt, put cheese inside the tortilla toast it and slice it up like pizza. Lunch ables have fruit, crackers, meat slices etc. in them have you tried them. Do not give them to him let him see you start to eat one and leave it see what he does he may want to see what was so good about. (a trick but it may work)

I understand you feeling of not letting the children make the rules. I am a mother, grandmother, and great grandmother and have found during the years that sometimes we have to bend rather than break. I would follow the advice of the doctor. If he isn't eating what you want him to at mealtime, why not try letting him have the things he will eat at mealtime.

D.