Son Sleeps with Us Every Night and We Are Not a Co-sleeping Family

There was time when both my kids started sleeping with me right after my divorce. I allowed it for awhile realizing they needed it. But after a few months and counseling with them, it was time to go back to their beds. I started with giving the child one night they could sleep in bed with me a week, but then the rest they had to stay in their bed all night, or they would not get the one night. Then when that worked consistently, I went to one a month, and now we are back to just those times when they are sick or have horrible nightmares. It is not an ideal method if you want to end it quick, but it worked for me and we all got sleep everynight.

I also think it is normal for kids to want to sleep with their parents. I ready a book ( I can't remember which) but it stated it is hard for children to understand why they must sleep alone when their parents sleep together.

good luck.

Is there a reason that what you did the first night wouldn't work again? I'd try it.

SuperNanny says to put them back to bed every time he gets out of bed. Just put him back to bed without saying anything. Of course during the day and when you put him to bed tell him that you expect him to stay in bed. Sympathize with his wanting to sleep with you. Let him cry. Just keep saying something o the effect, "you're a big boy and it's time you slept in your big boy bed. I know it's hard to stay in your bed. I know you want to sleep with Daddy and me. I'd be sad if I were you. But it's time to sleep in your own bed.

Do all of this in a calm voice. Don't express anger at him. After the first trip back to bed don't talk with him. Just keep putting him back to bed. That would probably mean that one of you needs to stay sitting quietly, without paying attention to him, in his room or in the hall. If possible start it on an evening that you are both there because you'll both want support.

I'm guessing he won't have anything to do with you at bedtime because he knows you're angry about him sleeping with his daddy. It's very important that his daddy convincingly lets him know that he wants him to sleep in his own bed. And it's very important that you stay calm and refrain from making angry or frustrating remarks. The two of you are doing this together because you love your son and want him to sleep in his own bed.

I can also understand why your husband would bring him back to bed with him when you're not there. Once a person has slept with another person sleeping alone can be lonely. As well as it is just easier and he can get more rest.

I think that what you described doing the first time you moved him into his own bed could work quite well. The transition is a bit more gentle.
There is the cry it out method and then there is the help him gradually decide for himself with your help that sleeping in his own bed is OK. Both methods require that the parents be firm and consistent. It helps to provide ways that your son can comfort himself. EVen talk with him about how he can comfort himself and get back to sleep. Perhaps give him a stuffed animal or a special blanket. Use a night light. Perhaps leave the door open a crack with a light on in another part of the house which gives a small amount of illumination in his room.

Well first I'll have to admit I'm no expert. You're the mother of four. But, we are both in a similar boat. Wonderful husbands, and wondering sleeping children.
First thing I think I have to say is I agree you son LOVES his daddy. He also LOVES you. The reason he wants nothing to do with you at bedtime is because you have made him sleep in his own bes consistently, where your husband has not. He's let you be the bad guy. Nothing against your husband of course, but your son is smart, and almost 3, and he wants to be in bed with you guys. He has learned how to do this.
Occasionally his mom and dad try for a couple of weeks to get him into his own bed, but after awhile dad will wear down and give up and presto. Back in the bed. Your hubby gets tired, it's understandable, and it's so easy to just, well, "If you can't beat 'em join 'em."
I am speaking from personal experience. I am however, in this case, the husband in the senario. I love having my lildaughter in with me too. I work swing shift so sometimes that's nice for me 'cause I feel like I still get to spend time with her at night.
We also never ever wanted our children in our bed. It actually happened more out of necessity. My daughter was 2 weeks overdue. by the time she was finally born her placenta was so aged she wasn't really getting adequate nutrition. So, she nursed like crazy , really for her first month. We would lie down in a way we(Anneli and I) could nurse and we would fall asleep all time. When she would wake at night to eat, it was the same thing. That just went on and on. The next thing we knew, we weren't even bothering to put her back into her cradle any more.
Just a thought though. I'm not a fan of the "cry it out." It's h*** o* the child, siblings, parents, pets, and neighbors. Also, it takes a long time to relax after a hard cry, or fit. the rapid heart beat, red hot cheeks, increased bodt temp, sweaty, breathing hard, they usually get pretty thirsty, and then no body is going to come and comfort him even once he does stop, or encourage him if he does calm himself, which is one of the keys to that method of discipline.
The approach that has worked for us and our daughter is, to break down her crib into a toddler bed. We introduced it to her as her new "big girl bed." We put a new pink blanket and pillow on and everythink. None of that duffy baby stuff anymore. She haden't really ever slept in the crib anyway, so we recomissioned.
Then since she was used to us sleeping with her, we slept one her floor two weekend nights. Then I worked-I work swing so I'm not around for her bed time. So now my husband puts her to bed on his own. Every night they do the same thing.
Milk
Jammies
Wash face/hands
Book
Dvd-maybe (if she dosen't seem "tired)
Then he lays on the floor next to her bed untill she falls asleep. If she crys, or talks, or what ever he deals with it no big thing. If she gets up he just lays her right back down. It usually dosen't take more than a half hour, but sometimes I don't see him until morning, I admit. Generally it seems to work out really well. She sleeps 11-12 hours easily. She has undisturbed sleep. I feel she's a lot more independant now. She has a little extra boost of confidance.
And besides, you can't have one kido kicking you in bed on the outside and one kicking you on the inside!

Drinking some beer with help produce more milk

Hello :-)
We went through this also with both of our boys when they were around that age. At first we put the door lock covers on the inside of their door and that worked until they figured out how to open them. So then we moved the locks to the outside of our door so we could hear them when they were trying to come into our room. From that we would take them back to their room. Usually because of the time they got up (2AM-4AM) they were sleepy enough that they'd just go back to sleep with a little back-rub. If they did try to come into our room again, we'd just take them right back. I think it was harder for us to get up and take them back then anything. After a few nights of this they stopped coming in and were sleeping through the night again.
As far as your son only wanting Daddy to help him, I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy the few minutes you might have to yourself and know that he will grow out of that phase before you know it. Good luck!! :-)

What worked for us was just being consistent in putting them back to bed, even if it took forty times. Also, not talking to them as they like to draw you in.

I would say that part of the reason that your son likes daddy and won't have anything to do with you at bedtime is that he knows that daddy is less consistent than mommy. My daughter tried that and we, as parents, had to trade off because it is very hard to do it by yourself when your child is clinging to you and calling your name. It needs to be shared whether your child wants it that way or not.

Good for you and your husband for recommitting to doing what is right for your son. Expect that when the new baby comes to have some regressing as it is a shake up for you and your children.

God bless you. It is hard and it is worth it to do what is best for the whole family.

Hi,
This was happening to us and we really didn't want to be co-sleepers either. We did it slowly...we set the rule, no kids in our bed except after 6am and that's for snuggling. We explained that everyone in the family has their own bed and need to sleep in it.
Then, stated that if child couldn't sleep in their bed at night, the only option was the floor next to our bed. Both my girls took this option for around 6 months. (separately, it seemed my youngest fell into the same pattern as her sister previously did)
They finally get tired of sleeping on the floor and with daily encouragment of being a BIG girl finally start sleeping in their own beds. However, we still have the occasional, yelling for mom in the middle of the night but they both sleep all night in their beds.

Good luck. You have to be firm and lay out the rules. We also used (still do) sticker charts and rewards. Hate to use the rewards but it does work.

First thing, I do think that a 3 year old is old enough to be told that he has to stay in his own bed. That said, I know that MY 3 1/2 son sleeps a LOT better in my room. But that might be because his 5 yr old brother keeps him awake half the night, or his 8 year old brother snoring, or even his baby sister, I dont know, but my room is it for him. What we have done with all of our kids once they hit 3 is we tell them they cant sleep on our bed anymore and if they still want to sleep in our room then they can sleep on the floor. I think it is funny that some nights my 8 year old will have a bad dream and come lay at the foot of our bed. and our 5 year old will get scared or something and lay on my side of the bed, and then the 3 year old will lay on my husbands side of the bed. The only child left in their own bed is my 1 year old daughter. I think it is funny. But most of the time it is just my 3 year old, and it isnt an every night thing. So I guess my solution is throwing a sleeping bag on the floor and letting him sleep there.

I also my 3 year oldw used to scream and cry if I tried to put him to bed, but if it was daddy, he was fine, we had just the opposite too, he would scream and cry if it was daddy and they wanted mommy.. he would go in cycles of who he wanted and would scream until he got who he wanted. He was(is) a picky kid, and still very much a mommys boy, and still my baby. He is more my "baby" than my baby. He is more needy, so I give him what he needs to be satisfied. It will only last so long, and then he wont want me anymore and he will grow up and then all I will have are mommories of wanting more of my time. His cuddles. Even his always wanting to sleep in my room.
He will grow out of it. No worries.

I agree with other posters, if cry-it-out worked before I would do that again. I am having the same problem with our daughter and I offered her jello (fruit juice and gelitan I make myself) for breakfast if she stayed in her own bed all night. Last night when she came to the bed I told her if she got in should couldn't have any... and she went right back to her room. I have use CIO in the past too though.
Good luck

If you have broke your son of the habit before then you certainly can again once you break your husband of the habit of allowing it. Sounds like you need to talk to your husband and get that sorted out, your husband has caused this problem in my opinion.