So If You Don't Do Santa...

I think those who aren't doing it because of something other than different religious beliefs are WAY overthinking it all and missing out on quite a bit of fun and excitement for and with their kids. How sad! I also think that quite a number of people are too selfish and lazy to want to put in the effort it takes. If anyone thinks their kid is going to have problems from being "lied to" about these things or if they were traumatized because their parents "lied" to them about Santa or any of it -well that's pathetic. Seriously? Kids age and grow up and come to realize it's make believe (although the spirit can remain there). I don't know anyone who was ever traumatized or never trusted their parents again after finding out. I think some issues must really be present if that's the case.

WE do not do any of those things. We do not give our kids gifts for Christmas either because grandparents get them tons. WE give them $ when they loose a tooth. They do not get anything for Easter, we just go to church.
I grew up in Russia and we do not have any of those things(just like many other countries in the world) and believe me kids there do not lack creativity or imagination:)

I am updating my first sentence. At first I thought you were being unfair, but I realize that's not true! :) Do you tell your kids that everything they see on TV is real? That there ARE monsters under their bed? Of course not!

Just because some people don't believe in Santa doesn't mean that they nix imaginative play! I dread the answers you will get because they will most likely be in favor of reviling and degrading people who don't do Santa, Easter Bunny, etc.

What's the big deal? We don't teach that the Easter Bunny, Santa and the Tooth Fairy are real, on Easter we have egg hunts and give candy. On Christmas we have Christmas trees, the excitement over presents and giving to others, and each time my kids get a tooth they get WILDLY excited about the Tooth Fairy. We are so good at imaginative play that my kids go wild over the tooth fairy!

That's what imaginative play is. Imagining that something IS real, when you know it isn't.

Added, Mom2CK, I may be too sensitive about this subject. I am not upset at you, but please understand, I have been verbally attacked by normally rational people on this site over the Santa issue that I am tired of having to defend myself as a parent. I hope you get your question answered.

Edit #2 :) Re: The Tooth Fairy. I loved the Tooth Fairy as a child so I tried to do it, but my son was AWAKE!!!! I tried to make it sound like I was just checking on him, but my hand was under his pillow. LOL!

We have one 3.5 yr old boy.

Santa: He doesn't know who the guy is. My mom may push Santa, but we will not. We'd rather the season be more about Christ than about gifts.

Tooth Fairy: Never heard of her (yet). We may or may not do the tooth fairy gig when he starts losing teeth. I think I'd LIKE to give him something fun like the tooth fairy - yes I guess it's still lying to him, but it's not taking away from anything (Like Santa taking away from the real meaning of Christmas).

Mickey Mouse: We've never been to Disney Land, but of course my son will know that it's someone in a costume. I mean, Mickey's mouth doesn't move does it? If he asks if it's the real Mickey I will likely say "What do you think?" and go from there.

Easter Bunny: Never promoted him either. Yes we've hidden eggs, but he knows I hid them. Again - like Santa, I'd rather not take away from the REAL meaning of the season.

So to me, Santa and Easter Bunny are the two I really kind of don't pay much attention to, as they both take away from the more important reason for the celebration. Tooth Fairy and Mickey Mouse - go ahead and belive if you want. It's harmless I think.

Imagination: My son LOVES using his imagination. Right now as I type this he's dressing up as Superman (with Clark Kent on top of his Superman clothes). I have asked him "Do you really think that someone can fly in the sky like that?" and sometimes he says yes, sometimes no. We often say "Eat your dinner so you can be strong like Superman!" He will pretend to crawl up walls like Spiderman. He has a Batman costume and a Construction guy costume and a Cowboy costume. He sometimes dresses up as a Cowboy with a cape and tool belt. He has QUITE the imagination. And we allow him to use it.

I don't get folks being in such a twist about Santa. Kids can enjoy him and figure out pretty quickly on their own that he is a lovely ideal and not a real guy who really comes into the house. I guess some kid might be just shattered at some sudden revelation about Santa,but if so, I would assume that the parents OVERplayed the Santa card for years. We keep Santa very low-key; my daughter has never been encouraged to write him a letter or to leave him cookies, but she winks and says "I guess that one was from Santa, it was in a different wrapping paper!" etc. She knows, at her age, that he is not a flesh and blood person but now SHE maintains the fiction very sweetly -- but very low-key.

We are Christians and though I love Santa I also didn't want Christmas being all about him and gifts, so when my daughter was little we adoped the European custom of St. Nicholas Eve. Look it up online if you're interested. In many cultures, St. Nicholas comes on the night of Dec. 5, and children leave out their shoes for him to fill, as well as leaving food (straw, hay oats -- we scatter some oatmeal) for his donkey. The tiny gifts my daughter gets in her shoes are always religious ones -- cross necklaces, little Bible verse cards, etc. And we read books about the real, historical St. Nicholas at this time too, to reinforce the idea of Christian service. For those who are Christians and don't want to overplay Santa, St. Nicholas is a good alternative.

We don't do any of those and my kids are very imaginative :) We aren't anti tooth fairy etc, we just don't introduce it as a right of passage to our kids. If they ask about it, we tell them that it's fun to pretend a fairy is coming in, but it is us leaving a little surprise etc. My oldest son hasn't really even had an awareness of the easter bunny like bringing him stuff but like I give my boys and easter basket with little toys, candy and bunny stuff. We don't mind the kids pretending but we want them to have an understanding between pretending and reality. None of this affects his creativity at all, the other day he and his Grandma were in his room playing some game he has made up called 'brother and sister' where they were on their spaceship (his bed) defending the galaxy from all the attacking aliens....so I think we are good in the imagination dept ;)

We don't do Santa, etc., but my son knows about him and I will teach him not to blow it for other kids. Besides, to me the MAGIC of Santa/Christmas is real. The guy that shows up at your house, etc. is not. It was a Macy's sales tool. That's not the reason we don't do him - my husband isn't comfortable with the lying for years thing.

To me, it's not the same as Mickey Mouse. He's a fictional character, and I think most kids get that he's fictional early-ish AND you don't have to lie to your kid and say he's real every year, and then freak when they start to figure it out.

I don't have a problem with other parents who do the holiday figures, it's just not my thing.

EDIT: I DO hate the "If you don't believe, you don't receive!" Santa line that some parents do when their kids start to ask if he's "real" - I have seen these exact words as a reply to this type of question before. To me, THAT's wrong cause it says "lie to get your presents from Santa".

You don't sound very respectful at all. You just asked if we don't do creative play in a way that implies that we obviously don't have a creative bone in our bodies if we don't like your fat, red suited, story character. Lying to children is not creative. It's cowardly.

We don't do Santa and we do the tooth fairy only as a GAME. My daughters always knew that it was us paying them for their teeth.

There's a big difference between creativity and lying. We do respect our daycare families and keep our mouthes shut about our feelings on the subject. I always told my kids not to ruin it. However, every year, some daycare child pipes up and tells the truth on the subject. Someone else is always upset. Seems to me that it's easier to just tell our children it's a nice story, game, etc. Then they always know they can trust us.

Good question, I'm really curious to see the responses you will get. I've wondered the same...

Our family enjoys and is involved in theater, dance, and music activities. My daughter's father has a whole make-up kit that is at the ready for his events with his men's dance group, and is very handy for dress-up days at school or any holiday for my daughter. We "believe" in make-believe as a part of our lives. My daughter has been in theater activities since she was old enough to take part and is the most imaginative and creative kid I know. You should see the Halloween costumes she has come up with and made herself!

We "do" Santa, the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, and include any and all possible "magic" in our lives. There is no need for us to make the distinction between "real" or "not real" to our children, as they will come to know the difference as they grow up.

For those who are not aware of the very long, as in hundreds of years, and wide span, many countries, of belief in Santa Claus (or previously named versions), please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus

I'm not sure why we as a society are losing our appreciation for myth, fairy tales, theater, and storytelling. I think it's a very sad development. Myth and storytelling have been a way to build community for hundreds of years. Each culture had their versions of these stories, which were usually quite similar, and were used to teach values and societal rules, pass along history, and enjoy time together. We are becoming a culture of separateness, suspicion of differences, and a lack of fun!

Creativity and lying are not the same thing. The question is offensive. You are basically saying, if you don't encourage Santa stories then, then naturally you don't let your kids play or that you "take away thier fun." Really?

I always knew Santa was fake and my parents always told me the truth. But I wrote a letter to Santa every year, I left cookies out, and I played reindeer. I love Christmas and the stoires and symbolism of all that goes with it. But I never experienced the sadness of finding out something I loved was untrue.

I woudl never get on here and say you are teaching your kids: not to trust you or that you're setting them up to be hurt or that you're teaching them to lie or you're aren't teaching them to face reality or you're teaching them to be afraid people come sneak into their houses at night.. I actually don't believe that to be true. But you are making a huge leap. I suppose I should be glad you asked the question because you are way off base..

The approach I have taken with my own kids is to share the story of Santa with them (and the tooth fairy and bunny, etc.) And we do all the ceremonial activities that go with it. And we have a lot of fun. But they know where the boundary between truth and make believe. My older daughter asked me outright at 4, and I told her the truth about Santa. He was a real man that was kind to children and we "pretend" Santa every year to honor that message of kindness and generosity. I would argue, I have taught my kids to do creative play more than you have by reinforcing the "lie."

Corporations are what make Mickey Mouse, Nemo and princesses 'real'. Creative play has nothing to do with that. My son makes up stories about his stuffed animals, builds stores and safari camps with his 'buddies', writes 'books' about them and yet has always known that the creepy six foot tall hairy people/bunnies/ creatures at the mall are not real.

He knows some of his friends believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny (we are Jewish and of course do not) and decided (at age 3) to let them believe and not tell. He has only seen a few movies but clearly knows that they are not 'real'. He (oddly) does believe in the tooth fairy although I am fairly sure his world would not come crashing down if he figured out she was not.

This does read as a rather judgmental question.

Are there really kids who believe that the characters at Disney are 'real', that there is a real Elmo and that cartoon characters are real also?

we do not do the santa thing. My kids know what Christmas really is and they know that santa is just someone in a costume at the mall. We also do not do the tooth fairy, or the easter bunny. They think it's still fun that when they loose a tooth there is a present from M. or daddy under their pillow. It's still fun for them. I have never heard anyone say that Mickey Mouse is real, lol! I grew up right next to Disneyland and went there more times than I can count, but I never thought he was real. This does not hurt my kids imagination. My kids are the most creative kids I have ever known. The things they come up with are so funny and just great! Our reasoning for telling them all this is that we don't want to lie to them. They know that they can trust us to tell them the truth.

We don't do Santa. I did him for the first 5 years of my son's life but then I had enough.
We do do the Tooth Fairy. How weird. Can't tell you why there is a difference, there just is. :)
We don't do the Easter bunny at all. Never have. My kids know on Easter morning that mom and dad have them wait in our room and watch TV while we run around and hide eggs and basket.
Ummm...they know that Mickey Mouse is a CHARACTER. They know movies aren't real. They are a bit older, so it's kind of important that they understand that movies aren't real....that there's no such thing as ghosts, that parents don't hate their kids (Astro Boy made my son cry when the "dad" was yelling at the boy that he hated him), that goblins don't exist (I can't remember the name of that movie! But my kids loved it)
My kids are VERY imaginitive. My second son is super creative. Some kids have a great imagination and some don't. *I* don't think that by my children knowing that there is no santa that they are missing out on the magic of Christmas. They know their mom and dad love them and buy things that they love, they know their family loves them as we all get together on Christmas morning and exchange gifts and eat and laugh, they know the traditions that we have for Christmas morning and evening. They know the REAL meaning of Christmas is God....not Santa.
L.

MY OPINION: Bah hambug to not doing Santa. It is fun and only a few years of their lives will a child "believe". For the first couple years they are too young. Up to age 3. Then from 3 - 7 usually by 7 or 8 they find out he's not real. I remember finding out, I was the oldest. My parents did not want me to ruin it for my brothers. I was not upset, I felt special and included in a "grown up" secret. I didn't ruin it for them. They found out soon enough. Nobody was upset, once we found out, we were told the truth.
We do Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.
I have very bright 4 and 5 yo girls. My 5 yo asked me today if Santa was real, I said absolutely. She asked but some things are not real right. And I said right. We talked about things that were fake, like fairies and unicorns and dragons and monsters, and things that were real like Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy. She was happy. It is fun and beautiful for them to believe in this magic, and in a few short years, they won't. Sniff sniff...They have a 7 month old baby brother. By the time he's 3 and 4 years old, my daughters "will know". I'll make sure they don't spoil it for him too!

I don't get the viewpoint that telling your child about Santa is a lie. I have yet to meet a parent who insisted that Santa really came down the chimney to their questioning child. I tell my children all kids of stories, including Santa and fairies and many other things. I did downplay the tooth fairy though, cause my kids always manage to lose their teeth when I don't have any cash on hand and can't get to the bank :)

I do understand that those who don't do Santa have reasons, and they aren't anti-creative play. I think that is where you got into trouble, Mom2KCK. I like the question, since I like to understand other people's POV even if I don't agree that telling my children about Santa is lying to them.

I've wondered this too. The same parents that don't want to "lie" to their kids about Santa will still let her kids believe in kid's characters & stories that are not real. So, it's okay to let your kid believe a caped crusader can fly & save the world, but not to believe in the age old fable of Santa Claus? Isn't it all the same concept? I don't get it, and I don't think I ever will. I don't really feel the need to.

I have always thought it was sad, personally. Isn't the backbone of childhood about being imaginative, creative, being innocent & believing in dreams & fantasies? Why not let you child decide for his/herself, whether or not they want to believe in holiday characters, instead of pushing your adult viewpoint on them?

Ha, I was just thinking about this the other day. We don't do Santa in our house. I have never explicitly told my kids that Santa isn't real, but we have also never told him that any of the gifts they receive are from him. My children know that any presents they get come from their family and friends, not from some magic person. We still do pictures with Santa, because they are fun, but to me, Santa is exactly like Elmo or Mickey Mouse. So your parallel isn't at all appropriate for our situation. To us, Santa is a fictional character; we do not pretend that he is a real person who actually brings my children presents. I don't go out of my way to tell my kids that Santa (or Elmo or Mickey Mouse) isn't real, but I would if they asked. They are too young to really realize the difference right now, so it doesn't occur to them to ask.

So to me, that is the difference. Of course, I would read fairy tales and let my kids enjoy Disneyland, but no one would ever think to tell their children that all those characters are real. That is why some people think that promoting Santa is a "lie," because you are actively trying to get your children to believe that someone other than you is giving them these presents when that is not the case at all. If your child asks you, "Who bought these presents for me?" and you say, "Santa," that is patently not true. Imagine if you asked him, "Who hit your brother?" and he said, "Santa," wouldn't you consider that a lie? I'm not saying you shouldn't tell your kids about Santa, but to imply that not choosing to do so is the first step on a slippery slope toward a childhood without creativity and imagination is a little bit much to me.

All that being said, I was talking to my son about losing his first tooth, and I just sort of carelessly said, "And then the Tooth Fairy will come." And he asked me, "Who is the Tooth Fairy?" The idea that we don't do Santa or the Easter Bunny but I just mentioned the Tooth Fairy and the apparent hypocrisy in that wasn't lost on me. I kind of just quickly changed the subject, because I realize I hadn't thought through how I plan on dealing with that.

I never for a moment thought the Tooth Fairy was real growing up, but I don't recall my parents ever telling me that they were the ones who left me the quarter. It was all just part of a fun game that we played, and I sort of want it to be like that for my kids.

Hm. I have to admit I didn't really know what to do with the boys about Santa. We got an adorable picture of Santa (a sweet man we actually know, a big burly biker with huge hands, holding my 2 month old sleeping baby in his hand) just on a whim, and that made us want to do Santa photos every year. We didn't really talk about him much when Joseph was 1 and 2 (he called him "Ho" because he wasn't sure of his name, but knew he said "hohoho"). But starting at 2 yrs old, we'd do the Santa letter (where you receive one) for his scrapbook, b/c it's cute. A little at a time he was introduced to Santa (last year at age 4 was the first year he got that Santa brings toys; he used to just be happy with the candy cane after you take a picture with him, or at a parade). I was a little unsure of the "lying" thing, but then I remember that when I was 7 or 8 and my cousin told me, I went to her and said "Mom, we need to talk." very seriously, and went to a back room and closed the door when she came in. Mom knew I meant business and I said "Kim said Santa is not real. Is he?" and she didn't lie. She just said, "Well, there's the story of Santa, and the good feelings that come with it, but no Santa doesn't come down a chimney and visit homes.....no, he's not real. But please don't tell your baby brother". I was ok with it. I understood what mom was saying (she went into the story, and why we celebrate like we do, etc) and I felt like I was a big girl for having a special secret that the baby couldn't know, and it made me have a warm feeling in my heart toward my dad who stood in the freezing cold rain in the middle of the night and rang a bell and said "hohoho, merry christmas" to get us excited that Santa was out...that year, I remember how sweet I thought that was when he did it (29 years ago!) But our Christmas season is so FULL of "stuff" (parties, community events, charity projects, guests, games, birthdays, church stuff, winter activities, etc) that Santa is just a small part. We stay very busy doing loads of things and planning ways to bless people, being thankful for our blessings (which is why I love Thanksgiving being the "kickoff" to the season), and talking about what God's done for us and what that makes us want to do for others, how we want to be like Him....so while the kids love to take a picture with "Ho" and we read stories with Santa, get a letter to/from Santa, lay out cookies we made, and open presents Christmas morning, he's not the only or biggest star of the season. And when they ask, we'll tell the truth, and why we do what we do. He stays on the "peripheral" so that it is more of a game than an overly elaborate "lie".
In the meantime, while we did Santa growing up (and Santa with my kids now), NO my children don't think movies and the movie characters are real. That never crossed my mind to tell them. My 2 year old knows that cars don't talk, wicked witches aren't real (or at least green and turning into black dragons), and neither is any other character. We play pretend all the time. But they know movies and TV are just pretend to entertain us. We will still have a LOAD of fun at Disney World though! But it's a load of fun in a world of pretend stuff, not "real". The tooth fairy and Easter Bunny, again, very low key. They know the Easter Bunny, but he really doesn't come up until the morning of. We spend the week leading up to Easter Sunday with our own spiritual stuff, and Easter morning we'll have a surprise (not necessarily in the morning----just "some time" during the day....you never know when the Bunny will strike). But that's fun and a game, and then back to what we were doing-----how about our other special parts of the day. Tooth Fairy hasn't come up yet, but....whatever. He can have a dollar under his pillow whether he believes or not. Again, we'll not let them be completely unaware of what's going on, but the story is delivered more like a game than like "I'm serious, this is the truth". And if they flat ask, I will flat answer. They deserve that much. I want them to have fun, and experience the "magic" of a holiday too. I just also want them to know that when they seriously say "I have a question", that they can KNOW I will give them the best answer that I'm capable of providing. I don't judge people that do OR don't do holiday characters like Santa. I get annoyed with people who judge one way or the other though. Fortunately, I'm not really in contact with anyone who openly does that, that I know of.

We "do" Night Fairies for Solstice, because they are real. They are us. We are the ones who stay up late on Solstice and put gifts in their stockings. That is the tradition, and it's not hidden from the kids. They believe what they want to believe and NONE of my kids had a nervous breakdown about the fact that little people with wings don't actually come to the house and party all night.
I never want to go to Disney. I think the Bible is full of myth and fairy tales (and in all fairness, so is the Koran and The Book of Mormon) meant to teach lessons not history. Creative play isn't defined by a publisher or Hollywood, it's defined by the child. I didn't interfere with THEIR imaginative play, but I also didn't lie to them and tell them that things that aren't real are real. My oldest used to "see angles" when he was a toddler, I believed him. My daughter has had nighttime visits from my dead Nana, we talk about it and she's not scared of her. All of them had lives full of imaginary play of their own making when they were little, not an imitation of a character from tv or popular culture.

The Tooth Fairy is the only one I gave in to because it was so programmed into them by the culture and their friends and it's not religion-specific. But our Tooth Fairy is always late, she goes on vacation a lot. The Easter Bunny is dumb in my opinion, we do far more fun stuff with Demeter and Persephone :)
I suppose I could ask why people who go trick or treating don't tell their kids the true meaning of that day and the next day. Why don't they talk to their dead ancestors and decorate/dress up to hide from those spirits that are not so nice? Because that's their choice and we all have the right to celebrate any holiday however we see fit.
The tone of your post IS judgmental. You say, "We know several people who are Christian families and don't do Santa. My kids don't ruin it for them." What would they ruin? That your child's magical fat imaginary friend is better than what the other kids celebrate? Do you think a child in Africa or India who is not Christian is being "ruined" because of our culture's holidays?
You ARE lying when you tell them about Santa. But it's a little lie with good intentions, which is a line we walk as parents because we want kids to believe what we want them to believe. If you had never told them about Santa, their lives wouldn't have been ruined by it.