So Discouraged..... - Canton,GA

Get it all on the table. All the McD's visits, all the coffee, all the impulse purchases. Find out what loans you have, what the interest rates are, and see what you can combine at a lower rate. Look at the bills. What's high? What's low? What can change? What habits do you have other than fast food that you need to change? When I am low (right now I'm looking at a big tax bill), I use cash. If I spend the $20 pocket money, then I'm done. No more. Just today I told DD she could only have candy if she was willing to hand over money from her piggy bank. She chose to save it. So no candy.

It's hard, but once you get a plan and start to chip away, you will feel better. Best day ever was when I paid off my student loans. I got a break on the interest by having automatic payments. Do you have any loans like that where automatic deductions could help?

And read this: http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0149-debt-collection

Debt collection has rules. Know them. Keep written records of everything. Don't just guess. Get a spreadsheet and know.

E.

Go through all of your canceled checks to your parents and balance it out.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! Please go to the library and borrow books from Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman. They will show you step-by-step how to pay off your debt AND save money.

Start a money log. EVERY TIME you spend a PENNY - ANY amount of money? LOG IT...TRACK it. DO this for 30 days and you will see where you are wasting money.

Get EVERY single bill you have out. Get your paystubs out and figure out your budget. Yes, it will be tough but until you win the lottery? You need to buckle down. That means Starbucks and McDonald's are things you do NOT NEED.

STOP using your credit cards. TODAY. If you are putting stuff on credit cards that you cannot pay off each month? You are living above your means and will continually stay in this perpetual debt.

STOP going out to McDonald's or ANY fast food. Get a menu in place and start fixing meals at home. Stop making excuses as to why you can't and START DOING!!

Pick one night a week to make it "leftover" night so food is not wasted.

Clip coupons and shop sales. If you can't go into a grocery store without buying just what's on your list? Start using something like "peapod" or other home service, so you shop on line off your list and buy ONLY what you need.

Track your errands. Stop running across town to do things - make a list and a route - get it done in order instead of criss-crossing.

Have a garage sale and get rid of stuff you are not using, don't use or have outgrown. Use that money to pay on a debt. Many people can make several hundred dollars at their garage sales. For collectibles? Sell them on ebay and make more money. Start being a minimalist family instead of a materialist family (not saying you are, but you understand my meaning, yes?)

When my husband was unemployed for 10 months, it was tough. We made it. And you will too. You just need to focus on your goals and money.

ETA: Once you get used to paying your bills and having some extra money you will look at what you by in a different way. You will/should question if you really need that or is there something at home you already have? It is nice to get the latest and greatest but if you have something that works, that is all that matters. Use up what you have before you buy more. And do purge anything not needed to lighten the load.

Original: When you are in the middle of the forest you can't see your way out. Little by little you walk and find your way to the bright daylight. So do hunker down and make the budget, shop with the list, pass by McDonalds and Starbucks, take your lunch to work and in a year or so you will be further out of debt. It only takes a few days/weeks to get into debt but a few years to get out.

Once you are out of debt, make a list of goals you want to do and plan to execute that plan. Spend less then you make so that you have a back up plan and a way to save for retirement, education, and vacation.

Hubby's emergency surgery and disability sent us into a tailspin but we did survive it. I had a chest freezer in the garage and I put a good hole in it by eating the food we had in it. If it wasn't for the food in there it would have been harder. Our kids are grown and out the door so we did not have that worry about feeding them and such.

Just hold on and know that you have a goal and you will make it. It is during these rough times that we find our strength in each other and we survive.

the other S.

PS You can do more than you think to get out of this. Just do it. If you have to find a time on Saturday don't forget the date night.

You are doing a great job. You are just overwhelmed because you are tired as you get to the end of this long process. Set yourself up some sort of treat like for every $200 you pay off you get $20 as a family to spend on something fun (like maybe pizza and a treat for a movie night at home or a board game for the family). Setting goals and having something fun once you reach your goal makes it a little less stressful.

Did your Dad correct his records once you showed him your records on what you paid and when?

I am with you sister! We started Dave Ramsey in 2010 and are just now out of debt. HOWEVER, a large "event" has taken place in our life so we had to borrow a huge amount of money to deal with that. It is VERY discouraging and I myself am frustrated as well. Hang in there. Make a plan and follow it. It does work!!

Regarding your payments to your parents, can you show him your records of payment so you guys can get on the same page?? If he's not good at keeping records, I'd make sure every payment included a balance sheet for each of you.

All I can say is to count your blessings. A lot of people have debts, not everyone is fortunate to be employed right now. Deal with the debts as they come and pay them when due. But be very thankful you both have jobs right now.

If you can think of it in terms of bieng on a Journey. That may help. While the journey itself may not be pleasant the end result will be awesome. Write down some goals you can strive toward beyond paying off the debts. Also while you are on this journey it is equally important to save money as well. I know that may seem impossible but if you don't build up a reserve or a nest egg of sorts if an actual financial emergency God forbid shows up you could be pulled into a deeper depression over it.

My husband and I had over $35,000.00 in debt to the IRS (actually it was my husband's debt to the IRS and not mine). We actually will be completed paying it off this year. It's been 5 long years of torture. Simultaneously I also paid off my credit card debt and we settled the matter of our home being in foreclosure too and that's just the financial stuff we have been dealing with for 5 years.

Being consistent over time gives great results. I do have 1 credit card now that I pay off monthly that gives me cash back. It's great to charge stuff and get money to make purchases. I feel like I'm cheating their system. It also helps me keep track of my spending.

Don't stress over your creditors. They can't get what you don't have to give them and fixing your credit isn't too difficult it just requires diligence and persistence. This is what my husband has done with his credit. You can get things removed from it that are negative you just have to be consistent, diligent and persistent.

Always keep your vision for your future in the front of your mind and move toward it without compromise or apology. If I can do this so can you. Like Nike says, "Just do it!"

That sucks, it really does.
But if your dad wasn't keeping good records, I hope you were. In case he "forgot" what you paid back I hope you have some kind of documentation, like cashed checks, or at least your mother's word if you were paying them back in cash...?

Hang in there.
You're working your way out of a mountain--it's not a sprint, it's a marathon!
Steady & sure.
I highly recommend getting a Dave Ramsay book.
Good stuff.
Look at the debt snowball technique.

You are well on your way!! You've recognized you have too much debt and you've begun to pay it off. So much good advice and encouragement below! This is more than just paying off bills. This is changing your lifestyle--for the better! I commend you for doing it this way--it's going to be long and hard, but it will be worth it. So many people want a quick fix, but it doesn't change their habit.

I agree with Diane D. You need to reward/treat yourselves occasionally (just like with a diet). Give yourself $20 (cash, so once it's gone, it's gone) to 'blow' every month...McD, coffee, mani, etc.

Also, I do a lot of online shopping. For instance, my son wanted Big Hero 6 DVD for his birthday. Yes, Sam's & Target had it, but I can't walk out of there with 1 thing. So, I ordered it on Amazon (orders over $35 get free shipping--I also ordered one other thing I needed). If I would have gone into Target, I would have bought 10 things.

Good luck!! You can do this!!!

Ooh debt!!! I'm glad you posted this. Its not so lonesome as you feel.
Most people including is are in a similar boat. It sucks to not be able to just pay your debt off because its so large... So gather all the bills together and make a realistic plan for living everyday life and resolve to pay every month towards your debt 'X' amount. Real debt is something you have to reconcile within yourself that its going to take a long time pecking away at to get free from.
With your parents you should be able to get copies of cashed checks from your bank. Be honest with your folks where you're at in your financial plan. Because, like any person or company owed money... They want their money back. Though there likely nicer about it. :) Just keep pecking away every month what you can... But do a lot for a Mc D's trip here and there. Just not too much. Because after all you're working and its going to be a while to pay off this debt. So a small reasonable allowance for you and your family to have a treat once in a while, will go a long way to stabbing back the depression of feeling like your never going to get ahead or even.
You can do this! You're not alone! Work hard and be proud of the direction your going... The journey is often as rewarding as the prize... So you may
Find that frugal living will have its own reward at times.

Several years ago my husband and I paid off our debts other than the mortgage. They totaled more than our annual household income at the time. We got rid of it in about 2.5 years with a combination of reducing optional bills & expenses, then taking on part time jobs for earning extra money. It is easy to get tired of it all, but it is SO WORTH IT in the end.

For your parental loan, gather copies of your check images, emails that mention a sent payment, etc. If you've been paying them back with cash, stop doing that. Check or money-order only. Even if it is family you need a paper trail to avoid issues. If you don't have proof of your payments, then you'll need to sit down with your mom and dad to compare notes and talk it out.

I've been co-hosting a forum for many years that helps people budget and work on the most effective debt-elimination plan. We were keeping a running tally of how much our forum members had paid off, but we lost count after $3 Million. If you have any questions, feel free to sent me a private message.

I am in a similar situation. My husband was hurt at work almost 10 yrs ago but with the surgeries he has had and the restrictions placed on him, very difficult to find a job. It has just been better to have him home during the day since we have 2 boys with medical needs. I lost my job in 2013. I was out for 11 months, 5 of those with no income. I got food stamps but that does not pay mortgage and everything else. I also borrowed money. It is a very slow process but you have to take it one step at a time. I have found that credit cards are willing to work with you if you tell them the situation. i have gotten interest reduced or eliminated for a set time and setup payment plans according to what we can pay. Now, 2 items did go to collections are they are being the biggest jerks about it. I have sent payments in but they want the whole things right now. I am keeping track of what I have paid and when. I got a letter the other day saying I have made no attempt. Vwery frustrating.
Anyway, make a budget. That has to be your first step. If you know how to use Excel or even a different spreadsheet type application, use it to keep track of your payments. Get a little notebook that you can write in the amount and date you make a payment and have them initial it. then you can log that into the spreadsheet and see the amount due go down.

Getting out of debt is like losing weight. We want it gone NOW but have to take it a little at a time.

Can I ask if you've shared with your dad that he is incorrect in his accounting? You have, haven't you? Do not be pushed into paying more to your parents that you owe. You can't afford to be afraid to say what's what to your parents...

I'm not sure what you have promised your debtors, but I think that probably if you have credit cards, you should work hard to pay off the largest card first, with the lesser debts being paid in smaller amounts.

Now IS the time to stop going to MacDonalds, buying lunch out, other stuff. Hit your bills hard with what you make. You can really stretch a dollar if you try.

I wish you a lot of luck. It is hard to say no to things you think you can't do without, even when you really can...

***OK just saw your SWH, so you ONLY owe your parents? And have no credit cards? Your original post sounds like you owe some cards? If you owe any credit cards: see my post below. If not, then there's nothing you can do but buckle down and pay your parents. And trip to CA? I know how important it is to treat yourself in life, but to be honest, in times of dire debt, you can't if getting out of debt is your priority. We went 6 YEARS without any vacations or treats while scraping together the bills and paying off debt. We ditched the satellite, the cell phones, pulled a kid from pricy daycare, quit eating out. We HAD TO. Now we are completely debt free and have kept our budget nice and lean. Life is GOOD. I would skip the CA trip. And if you do go on the trip to the tune of a few thousand $: Don't complain that your debt isn't disappearing. No one gets to be both out of debt AND go on vacations****

Several years back I had a gnarly, HUGE IRS debt from filing jointly with my husband who got the debt from bad accountants: Long story short, we never should have owed the massive balance, and couldn't afford to pay it, but there was no help for it. Every one of our settlement offers was rejected. As time wore on making settlement payments to IRS, tax lawyers, and hospital bills for child births, going into debt on credit cards for groceries and gas, we eventually had to file Chapter 7.

ANYWAY, before we filed, we had an AWESOME experience with debt consolidation. If all we had was legitimate debt, we could have paid it off easily once we went that route, but it was the erroneous IRS sum we couldn't pay when all was said and done.

But anyway, if you can STOP using your credit cards, you should go with Greenpath. They are AMAZING, kind, helpful, and they will talk you through your options, and will get your payments down to a fraction. We had been making backed-up credit card payments of about $900+ per month, and they were able to negotiate everything down to under $300/month. Even with their one month fee and their monthly deduction of $10, our payment was hundreds of dollars less. We could have managed and gotten out of debt this way if not for IRS issue. I was also able to pay down a Target card to zero and keep it for emergencies.

It is SO WORTH IT to STOP using those cards and pay them down with a service like this. And very good for your credit. Do it. http://www.greenpath.com/how-we-can-help/debt-counseling Call them. Discuss for free.

If you find yourself saying,
Oh, no I can't give up the cards" Then you're NOT serious about getting out of debt. You can get new cards once you pay this off. I shut down a Capital One and paid through debt consolidation, and ditched another one in bankruptcy. Now fast forward, I have a a good credit score, and a high rewards Capital One card that keeps having credit line increased because it's always paid to zero. Get out of debt and cherish the great habits you form.

Dave Ramsey says "You have to live like no one else, so you can live like no one else." This is the tough time, but you're just setting yourself up for success in the long run.

As others have suggested, check out his books from the library. Pay off the smaller debts first and work your way up to the larger debt. Keep a detailed spending log and use cash. Learn to differentiate between wants (McDonald's) and needs (mortgage). Those are all little ways to pay off debt more quickly. Good luck! It's super hard now, but you won't regret it once you're out of this mess because you will have the experience to STAY debt free!

We hear you!Sending hugs your way. We have debt also. We, too just get to that point and voila we need something and cannot pay like we were. We are also spending too much on things supposedly necessary like cable and internet. We will be revising that soon. We are very careful. It has gotten so with the exception of socks and underwear I shop oftentimes for used clothing that satisfy the shopping urge. I am sorry you owe to your parents. Thank goodnes they had it. Good luck to you and remember so many are in the same boat. HUG again.

In addition to the great suggestions below, I think you need to get a handle on the credit card debt by working with a reliable (emphasis on reliable) service that negotiates FOR you with the companies to see what they will accept in settlement. CCCS is one, and there are others - talk to your accountant for referrals. Don't go with someone who does a TV commercial, and check them out with the state attorney general's office. This service will work with your creditors and stop all the phone calls and mailings. You will make one payment per month to CCCS (or whomever) which will be divided up among the companies. They will also stop with the interest and penalties, which is what drives up the monthly cost and keeps you from getting a caught up. Once you get these people off you back, you can make a dent in the debt and have a lot less stress without all the nagging and phone calls. It's absolutely worth it from everyone I've talked to. Job loss is not a shameful thing, but you are stuck in this endless loop of not ever catching up (and the system is rigged so that you can't).

You can sell more things than you think you can - used clothing stores, CD buying services, old books, and more.

The worst things are the "little expenses" that don't seem like much but do add up. So rethink every, and I do mean every, little expense of $5 here and $10 there. Make coffee at home, eat at home, shop sales, make your own lunches, and stop the impulse purchases.

Hang in there - you can do this!

Encouragement and kudos coming your way! Not only can you do this, you ARE (caps for encouragement, not yelling) doing it! You are strong and capable.

I suggest that you and your husband make a plan with the Dave Ramsey books. They are so clear, so helpful. And it is the team approach, with weekly meetings with your husband, that will allow you to keep to the plan and acknowledge your progress.

As for your being exhausted, I remember being overwhelmed by work and home. Please take a quick look at your sleep schedule, your intake of water and your diet (load up on proteins, restrict white carbs). Dump any expectations folks make of you that are really not your responsibility. Focus on you and your family. Make any adjustments you can. Each minor adjustment to your schedule will be as helpful as each minor adjustment to your financial plan. All my best.