Snotty Kid After Playdates

I do not have an answer for you but I have been there and am still there at times. Ususually, it is when he gets to do things he would not normally get to do at home. Or having one on one time and going back to having to share the adult that would give him the attention he wants. The worst is when he gets to play video games at a friends house and then have to come home to his non-video game world. Especially if that friend does not have anything else in common like to play legos, climb trees, play scrabble, chess, etc. It seem to help to not let him get over tired, ask if he had a good time, and state that oh maybe we should let you do that again. Then he can choose to act appropriate or not. The first nasty thing out of his mouth I say oh I guess you did not have a good enough time to want to go again. If he pulls himself together quickly I bring up a future oppertunity. Seems to be working. Sometimes just having something to look forward to is enough.
Good luck to you,
W.

I remember being 13-14 and being so ANNOYED with my mom for picking me up from my BFF/boyfriend's house 3minutes EARLY!!! The time always flew by at his house - his mom spoiled me with home made brownies or italian food - his dad was funny and we just had agreat time hanging out. going home meant homework, chores and annoying little brothers. We talked about it a few years ago - my attitude hurt mom's feelings and she thought my friend was a bad influence at the time but since he and I are STILL friends after 23+ years she's decided he's a good kid. ;)
Your son could be picking up some bad behaviors from his pals older siblings - I'm shocked the way my neighbor's 9 year old talks to her and gets away with it!
It's probably a combo of things.
Asking a kid why for anything will always get you shrugged shoulder s and a mumbled I dunno. especially boys!
don't take it to heart - point out his bad behavior as it happens and set uyp expectations and limits - perhaps the other moms can give you a little input too.

Maybe he and that 'friend' is not a good mix?
Is that kid bossy? Does he criticize your son?

Why did you title your post as "Snotty kid after playdates?" is it your son that is "snotty" or the other kid???
You said your son gets "sullen" and "irritable" after they playdate... this is NOT the same thing as "snotty."

How is the supervision at that kids home, after the playdate?
Or is this playdate at YOUR home?
How is their interaction together?

Perhaps if you give us more information about the playdate.... we can help you more?

does he get grumpy when he has to transition out of any other activities (sports, school, etc.)? I've seen both of my 8YO girls being irritable after an activity they enjoyed has come to an end so my gut feeling is that difficulty transitioning is a common thing for kids this age. I try to 'cue' them a bit so that they know ahead of time that a transition will be occurring - doesn't always help but sometimes it helps a little. And sometimes it helps to redirect their attention to help them move from "grrr, I'm bummed that my playdate is over but I don't quite have the words to express it" to "oh, yeah, I was going to finish reading that Harry Potter book" or "aww, the kittycat looks so cute when she sits on top of the car like that"

is it a specific buddy, or any old playdate? Possibly very different issues. But either way, I'd say "unstructured" should be changed first -- make a plan to play a certain game, or meet at a cool park or play site...

maybe it's too much stimulant for him and you can cut down the time he spends with this friend and see if that helps. good luck.

I notice the same thing in my son when I let him watch videos or play games on the computer for too long at home even without any other kids. Is that what he does when he's over at other kids' homes?

My 3 suspicions (based on what happens with my son, and I'm still trying to figure out a good way to bring him out of it / prevent it in the first place...)

* video/computer games
* tired, need a break/rest
* hungry, low blood sugar (ohh, my son gets so irritable and irrational when he's hungry/hasn't had a good (ie, not sugar) snack (my husband too!)

I do like the other mama does, I remind him that how he acts towards me at home is what determines if he gets to go again, if it's something he enjoyed.

I think it's finally beginning to work somewhat. My son just turned 8 and we've been working on this for a while now, so it may be part of the maturity/cognitive level he's reached - he seems to have just had a growth spurt too. Anyway he was invited to go join a friend for his birthday party at a play place for the day. The night before though was his scout bike hike (he'd *just* learned to ride a bike the day before that! woohoo!) so he was plenty tired from the bike ride, it was hot, etc. When I got him home, he was a bundle of tears and temper... I kept having to tell him to calm down, take a bath, eat and get to bed (it was already past his bedtime). I would add 'you seem way too tired to be able to go play tomorrow, I think it would not be a good idea if you went this tired." So, he finally gets cleaned up and into bed. But in the morning, he cleaned up! (without being asked - that day. I'd asked him for several days in a row before that!) He was polite to me. He was exactly how I want him to be all the time. So I was happy to take him over.
There IS hope after all!! :-) moms just get the worst of it - your kid is over at someone else's house, being on their good behavior, then they get home and they 'let their hair down' - think about it - we do the same thing... we grit our teeth and smile politely all day to our friends, bosses, neighbors, customers, whatever it is. Then our family does something and we snap at them. :-/ Same thing. Not ok but same thing.

Is it a certain kid or just any kid? My daughter used to be heavily influenced buy a particular girl in her preschool class and she would bring home negative behaviors and attitudes to try out on us after spending unstructured time with this particular girl.
At age 8 I would talk to your son about your concern for his mood after he's with this other child and see if you can get nay insight to what games they are playing or what conversation is happening. If that doesn't help, maybe you could make the playdates structured and see if it makes a difference.

Good luck!

It sounds like a transition problem. Perhaps he can read or take a nap or a shower/bath after he gets home till he resets to a better mood. I wonder if there's a pattern of snacks they have at the other houses. Not that he's allergic to anything, but some kids who are coming down off a sugar high act like your son is acting. A healthy snack at home might help him get over it a little if you think that might be the problem.