Skin Picking

Hi J.,
First, I'm sorry you're going through this with your daughter. It is awful when your children hurt!!!! I'm sure it's difficult. I think I would consider professional help with this. It sounds as though she has some underlying fears that she cannot conciously explain. There are some fantastic children's therapists that use play as a way of expression.
Best of luck to you.
Your fellow mommy friend, S. :)

Hi J., I too am a picker, I pick everything and I am as normal as I can be...lol...I was a thumb sucker until I spent the night at a friends house for the first time and noticed she did not suck her thumb. So I thought to myself I don't want to be teased and I stopped. My sisters kids are 10 and 14 believe it or not they still suck. I know I get on there cases all the time, they will stop someday but no sense on pushing the issue your child is only 4. She is still very young. I am lucky my son never sucked his thumb, I couldn't even get him to take a nookie. He does pick though, and all the time. He will get a scratch and pick it till it looks worse then it did before. As a matter of fact he had a small little scratch on the tip of his nose and after picking and picking he now looks like Rudolph the red nose raindeer. As far as my sisters kids I think it's because they are bored or something. It drives me nuts, when they are busy they have no time to suck, but when they are at home they don't even know they are doing it. Don't worry it's not a big deal until they get much older. Take care and good luck!

There is a thumb sucking stopper thing in a magazine that I get in the mail go to www.onestepahead.com the magazine is One Step Ahead. As far as your daughter worring I would keep reassuring her all the time even if you feel blue in the face. My daughter had the habit or whatever you call a problem like this where she would be sucking on her plug and holding her blanket and she would pick her blanket fuzz ( her blanket was knitted) and she would do this anytime she held it and when she was in the car, going to bed, anytime she needed to relax maybe. I did nt exactly take it away but I did start leaving it in her bed when she got up and leaving it at home when we went to town. I have never had a picker of the skin but maybe try to cut a long sock and put it over her arm where she picks. Best of luck A.

J.,
My dd is 5 yo and was diagnosed with OCD a year ago. I would definately recommend getting help. Ask your ped for a referral for a good therapist, or I can help you - not sure what area you are in. My dd has done WONDERFUL with therapy. She has/had some of the same symptoms you mention. PLEASE feel free to email me at ____@____.com to talk about this more. I have learned SO much about OCD in the past year and would be happy to talk to another mom about it.
S.
licensed daycare provider and mom of 3

Hi J.,

Your little girl is picking at her cuticles and causing bleeding and sores? Letting it heal up a day or two and, starting all over again? She's not alone.
I have been doing it my whole life, or at least since I can remember... I am 34. I have NEVER had a professional tell me that I do this because I have OCD, and I have been to a lot of professionals!lol I was diagnosed about ten years ago with Anxiety Disorder and my guess is that (Anxiety) is what your little daughter is meaning when she says she "dosent want to be afraid anymore". I totally remember feeling that way when I was a little kid, from as early as age 5 or so, on.
Her little vocabulary dosent know that "anxiety" is probably the word she is looking for. I am curious, does she have sleep troubles too? Waking often because of a bad dream or a monster? I suffered as a child and still continue to suffer throughout my entire adult life with having Sleep Disorder, so watch for symptoms. They (anxiety and sleep disorder) kinda go hand in hand. A Sleep Disorder is directly related to having anxiety and depression and often is un-diagnosed in children because it is generally thought that all kids have bad dreams and many kids will "grow out of it".
Really watch her sleeping patterns (investigate "sleep disorder in children" online) and record (called a "sleep diary") things like nightmares, crying in her sleep, involentary jerking motions that do not wake her, talking in her sleep, sleep walking, not remembering that you took her back to bed, or not remembering waking up and going in by you.... I sincerly wish that I had been diagnosed as a child because it would have saved me a lifetime of misery. Honestly, I'm not trying to make it sound worse then it actually is. My entire life I have been miserable because of un-diagnosed sleep disorder. Both parents, and doctors usually think that its normal behavior and their child will grow out of it. Some do, and some dont and, you will have to consistantly watch her sleep patterns for many, many months, even years before a doctor will make a diagnosis.
In any case, For me, it isnt neccesarily about being frightened, (although I find myself doing this finger picking behavior more when faced with a stressful situation) I notice that I will do this when I am bored, or when I have idle time and not feeling any stress at all. Somedays my cuticles and fingertips are so raw and sore and I just continue picking away and making it worse. It's like I have a very high level for pain for this activity. (It's probably hurting you more then it is hurting your daughter!) When I "catch" myself doing it, I will quick try and think of somthing to occupy my hands. (maybe try a little electronic, hand held game for when you see her doing it?)
I wouldnt say that it is any better or any worse than I remember from when I was a child except, that I can remember doing it throughout my life. Some times I will go weeks and months without doing it, some times I do it for weeks straight. Now that I am older, I am more aware and self conscience about doing it, and find it embarrassing when someone asks "Why are you doing that to your fingers?" and I will stop for awhile. I honestly cannot always control it, I dont know why, like I said, it just seems like I have a very high thresh hold for pain when it comes to this activity.
When I was younger, when asked, I would tell people that "Some people bite their fingernails, (which I do not) I pick off the skin around them." I always considered it compairable to nail biting. There are kids and adults who bite and chew their fingernails down to nothing and if you ask them "Dosent that hurt?" they will tell you NO, they dont even notice it, and/or that it's a "nervous habit"...
Just try and occupy her little hands when you see her picking, I wouldnt reccomend scolding her or even bringing it to her attention that she is doing it, cause that might make her do it more... Just get her attention on somthing as quickly as you can which involves holding or handleing somthing. Talk to her about somthing fun, spontaniously dance around the living room...anything you can do to get her attention away from the picking. And be prepared to do this often, especially idle time, when she may be watching a video while your doing dishes. Your little daughter will more then likly have this rotten habit her whole life so just try and remember that she probably has already developed a higher pain sensation for this activity and it really dosent hurt as bad as it looks, and I as an adult am more embarrassed about it than when I was a child.
Water Tempature; If I put my hands under the hot water faucet without testing the water temp. first with my fore arm or elbow, it is very painful on my hands if the water is too hot. Keep that in mind, she may be sensitive on her little fingers if the water is too warm. Frequent lotioning helps immediatly soothe the sore fingertips and cuticles and using lotion actually will heal it up for me, completly in about two days. Our skin is the fastest regenerating organ of the human body, so thankfully she isnt scratching out her eyes... But you definatly need somthing that will get her attention away from doing it without her knowing thats what your intention is. My mom used to yell at me about it, think I stopped cuz she was yelling? I just started doing it private, when I could be alone, to as you said it, "soothe myself" and you dont want her to feel like its somthing shameful because she will eventually begin hiding to do it.
I just always thought it was a bad habit I have, until I was diagnosed with anxiety... I sometimes am barely aware that I am doing it so dont say to her, "Your doing it again, come hold this."
Talk to your Ped about it, I wouldnt be quick to rush to a Psych. Your doc is probably going to tell you that she "may outgrow her anxiety so watch, wait and see."
Possible Causes; Has she started pre-school or a new day care? Have you moved? or anyhting else you can think of that may be making her anxious? And if it ends up that she does have anxiety, be prepared that she will likly have it for life and it is good that you caught it so early because there are things, with the help of a psychologist or psycho therepist that you and your daughter can learn about how to deal with anxiety in a more positive way and minimalize her suffering as she gets older without medication. I remember being very shy and insecure as a child, always quiet and to myself and, if you knew me now, you'd say NO WAY! I dont have frquent anxiety attacts and I'm not afraid of other people or afraid to go out of the house... I interact just fine with everyone and am outgoing, so dont worry your little baby is gonna turn into a nut case or anything. Pay attention to when she does it though, is she in a situation that may be causing her anxiety? If she is, I would just suggest holding her on your lap or doing somthing to comfort her, there really isnt much else you can do until you have documented her symptoms at home over a period of time long enough for a diagnosis. I wouldnt bring her to a Psych just yet, I went through that whole rig-a-mar-ole when I was little and I it really made me feel worse for a long time because I didnt understand why I had to see all these different people and, I was asked all kinds of questions...ugh. That was probably around age 6, so not too far off from where you daughter is now. Until I was 15 or so, going to school caused me the most anxiety but, I still had to go, you know? Tell your Ped though, and REALLY watch out for sleep difficulties. She may have a sleep disorder which is why she is feeling anxious. It was a relief for me to finally be diagnosed in my 20's for both conditions. I notice that when I have not slept well, or I have inturrupted sleep because of nightmares, or some nights I just cant seem to get to sleep and, it seems like it is always at the moment that I have finaly fallen asleep, then its time to get up... and I feel terrible. I notice that I will pick at my fingertips and cuticles more than when I am well rested. Does she wake and seem well rested or is she usually grumpy? Those are some other things to look out for aside from nightmares and monsters. Also, when I was very small I would wake out of a dead sleep and just feel so scared because I must have been having a nightmare, and I would just lay silently and cry because I was too afraid too get out bed and get my mom. She may not be telling you about every time that she wakes up and is scared. Ask her at breakfast how she slept, if the monster woke her up or not. I hope some of this is helpful. To read that your daughter is telling you that she "hates and feels tired of being afraid" reminds me so much of me when I was little and I know exactly how she feels. I think that your awesome for picking up on it and being concerned. If it is anxiety and or sleep disorder, you are smart to start documenting it now so you will have already undergone the time and diary keeping it takes to make a diagnosis. She will be a little older and hopefully, better emotionally to work with someone in mental health to teach her the tools she needs to cope, FOR LIFE!
Personally, I have been in extensive Psychotherepy for the past six years battleing Chronic Major Depression and, I wish that my mom would have just followed through when I was little and having symptoms. It is very, very hard as an adult to learn new copeing skills after a childhood where you have developed your own copeing mechonisims that are truly not healthy, such as the finger picking.
She's not alone, Mom! My heart goes out to you and your little girl, I know just how she feels.

C. M.