Single Mom What Do I Do

M....It will get better...I got divorced....Lost my job...found out I was pregnant and evicted all in one month...My kids were so clingy that I thought I was going to loose it....I found that I had to find a way out...so I had a friend help me out by coming over so I could shower and have a little me time....It worked out...cause then my kids found that I did not need to be under their feet every moment...I got a movie they loved and put it in...said I was going to get in the shower and I did...I always left the door open but it worked....It was good... They slowly got to where I did not need to be there...

Dont give up and Hope the best for you...

Hi, I just wanted to respond to your request. I t sounds like there is a lot going on in your life right now, so it is very possible that you may be going through some sort of depression. This is something that you may want to consider talking to your doctor about, I did, and it really helped. With you being single and not having an income you can get a lot of help from the State, they have a lot of programs for single mothers. It is not uncommon for a mother especially our age to want to have alone or me time. We are young and sometimes feel like we didn't get the chance to be young because we had kids and had to grow up so fast, so don't feel bad because you want time for yourself, it is perfectly normal. If you live close to me I would be willing to babysit so you can go out some time. I am actually having my first girls night out tomorrow in probably 5 years, it has been stressful and I have definitely wanted to go out many times, but like you I have a hard time getting a sitter. If you would like to talk more let me know.
C.

HI M., IT IS VERY NORMAL FOR YOUR DAUGHTER TO HANG ON YOU LIKE SHE DOES. YOU SAID, YOU JUST LOST YOUR JOB. SO HER INSECRUITY IS YOU WILL BE LEAVING AGAIN.REASSURE HER THAT WHEN YOU DO START WORKING AGAIN. THAT IT IS A GOOD THING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. TRY TO GIVE HER A PROJECT (LIKE COLORING )OR SOMETHING WHEN YOU NEED SOME TIME ALONE..GOOD LUCK I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST., I also live in clinton twp.I sometimes borrow the neighbors kids, gives them a break and i enjoy being around kids,they make me feel needed,if you want to meet call me J. ###-###-#### good luck

You didn't say how old your daughter is so maybe this isn't approapriate, but you could use the principle. One thing that I've done with my two kids (now ages 10 mos and 3) is have a little bit of time set aside each day where they can learn to play by themselves. Not only does this give you a little bit of alone time, but it also teaches them to focus and entertain themselves. When they are little (up till 2 probably) I put them in the crib or play pen with some toys. Then on a blanket which they learn to stay on until I say they can get off. Then they graduate to their room when old enough. You have to start with just a few minutes and work up in time, but it's a nice safe place to play. Gotta warn you that they don't always like it at first, but they learn quickly, especially if there are toys around that they love. Hope you find what works for you.

M., I hope that you're able to collect unemployment while you are looking for a new job.

I would check into preschool for her. The state will help pick up part of the tab so you can look for work. Even going a few hours a week will maintain a little bit of separateness for you both so she won't be heartbroken when you return to work.

Another idea: MOPS. They meet at churches. www.mops.org on the left click "find a group".

Hello M.!

Are you interested in working from home?

Hi M.! My daughter is the same way and I have 3 other kids that want attention too. Have you looked into a mom play group? Check out www.momsclub.org I have never been but I have looked into it. It sounds like a great time but the meeting at the chapter in my area conflict with picking up my pre-schooler so I've never joined. It might help you have a little time to talk to adults while someone looks after your daughter. From what I understand it's about $20 a year to join and they ask for a donation of your choice for the sitter while at the meeting once a month. They have play groups and activities weekly I believe. I know it helps me just to get out of the house for an hour. You're not alone feeling stressed out, and getting her out might help her not be so clingy. Take care!

No your not wrong for feeling or going thru what you are going thru, your daughter senses how your feeling and she is trying to comfort you, our kids senses everything we feel as parents, but to get some self time why not try making her take a nap or maybe wait till she goes to bed at night, I know thats what I use to do to get some me time. And I am a single parent myself, but just because your stressed never loose site on whats really important which is your daughter, sometimes we as parents can get so stressed or depressed and wrapped up in what we are going thru we tend to forget about whats the most important and loose focus on that,

I feel that you are going thru the start of depression. You use to have somebody by your side every day and when he left you had work to keep your mind busy now your mind is going in alot of different directions like "How am I going to support my baby?" "Who can I turn to?" "I was so happy with him, why did it have to end this way?" "How can he walk away from a beautiful baby?" There are alot of things that go thru our minds when we are alone. find a mommy and baby class somewhere (They may have them at the YWCA) or see if you can leave your baby with a friend for a few hours so you can have a quite bubble bath. Your going to be fine...But seriously, get some friends that have kids around your baby's age, you will soon find that it really does help.

its hard bein a single parent thats why u put them to bed early theres ur me time

Have you had much luck finding a new job. Sounds like you are just stressed out and overwhelmed. It is understandable but you really shoud try and help yourself by getting out here in the job world again. What kind of work do you do?? Message me back...maybe I can help you out here.

Hello M.! Iam from Houghton Lake too. It's perfectly normal for you to feel the need to have individual time for yourself. In fact almost any counselor would tell you that it is "nessesary" in order for you to you to stay happy and healthy mentally. My oldest daughter is 18 and my younest daughter is 14. Through out all these years of child raising I have made "time for myself" one of my priorities. I allow myself "one day" a week to do what ever makes me happy. Sometimes its taking a day out to go boating with a friend, down state to go shopping ect. I have never lost myself. I have a compartment day just for the "old me" and the rest of the week "Iam mommy". My daughters because of this have turned out with a sound sense of themselves as individuals. Seing that I have my own life too, instead of me living my life through them. My oldest is on her way to LSU next year and my youngest is a Houghton Lake cheerleader, honor roll student. Ask a friend that you trust to "trade" babysitting days and then go out with another friend for "your day". Anyhoo good luck and if you want to talk some more let me know. T. S. bye....

Hi M.,
Our situations aren't exactly the same but my son went through the same thing. It was so hard not having one minute to myself. I couldn't do anything either, no shower, no dishes. Luckily it was just a stage. Do you have any family around to help out? I dropped my son off at my dad and stepmoms about once a week so that he could do things without me. I also started timing time alone for myself. I would get a timer and told my son that I would be folding laundry for 3 minutes and unless he needed me he needed to stay and play without me. It was kind of like a timeout for me. It took awile but it got
alot better. Now he plays all be himself in his room or playroom. It is really nice. Good luck.
Chris

First, please do not feel guilty about needing time to yourself. If all we did is give of our selves and never put anything back we would soon be empty. Also, it is true that kids pick up on our feelings and if you are stressed she is feeling it to, only she doesn't know how to handle it so she clings to you. My best advice is to make sure everything for her is as consistant as possible. Having a set schedule will give her an idea of what is going to happen each day will leave her feeling a little more secure. Make sure you are able to give her some alone time with you as well when you can focus on her only. No TV, No distractions. Sometimes the day gets away from us and we haven't really talked to our kids and played with only them because we are trying to get everything else done.
I am 26 as well and I have 2 beautiful children and even with help I feel stressed. You are a doing a wonderful job! Never forget that!

M. I think that in your position it's only natural for you to feel stressed. The holiday season is enough to have the best of us pulling our hair out, on top of that you are recently unemployed and being a single mom is a big handful. I know because I am also a single mom with no help from the father. M. my suggestion would be to go and apply for daycare assistance from the state. This will give you some free time to look for work and a few moments of peace. It will also be very good for your daughter. I was a nervous wreck when I put my son in daycare but he loves it and doesn't want to leave his new friends when I come to pick him up. I hope this helps a little and if you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me.

hi have been there. i kind of still there. my son is seven he loves when i am home he will not leave my side. first do you have any family to watch you child for an hour. if so ask them. two it is normal for your child to do this. they want your attention because they feel lefted out of your life when you go to work. third do some thing with her that she likes. put her on a schedule to go to sleep. then while she is sleep have you some me time. and if you ever want to talk let me know. i can tell you story but with me typing so much my hand hards more now. so i will not do that alot but if you really need a friend let me know i am open for conversion.

I have a daughter who is almost 3 and she is the same way. I think its that age and also that you are now home more and u werent before. A good idea to do to get you some ME time or adult time is to attend a playgroup. Another thing to do at home is to set down certain times of the day that you spend just you and her time then also set aside you time also....
I am a single mom of two kids, 5 and almost 3. If i want time to myself yet the kids want me time i put a movie on and do my crafts while they watch the movie. THey feel me being in the same room is good enough for them so they sit and watch the movie yet i get time to do what I want also. I hope this helps :)

Hi, I am in a similar situation. I am 25 years old, my daughter turned 3 years old today, and her father is not around. I am currently off work because of pre-term labor, and I quite possibly won't have a job to return to. I am lucky that my sister and my mom both love to spend time with my daughter, so I occasionally get a break. When they are not around and I just need some time to myself, I sometimes give my daughter a snack and put on one of her favorite movies. I know that it's not good to use the tv as a "babysitter" but I am taking online classes and sometimes need to get some homework done. Also, since I am not working right now, I spend the majority of my time with her and don't feel so guilty about it. Most likely it is just a phase she is going through. Try your best not to lose your patience with her, she just loves her mommy! If my daughter just needs attention so much that she won't let me get anything done, I will forget about my homework for a little while and sit down with her and read her a few books. I also take advantage of her naptime to take a shower or get things done (maybe even take a nap myself). If I find myself getting irritated, I just close my eyes for a few seconds, take some deep breaths, and remind myself that she is my number one priority. If you are truly feeling depressed, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor. I have an issue with mild depression and anxiety, and my doctor prescribed a low dose anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that has very few side effects. I didn't like the idea of being medicated, but it really helps me cope with the high stress levels of single parenthood.

Thank your lucky stars you only have one to hang on you. I have 4 and at any given time any or all of them will want me for something. Your daughter is going through just as stressful a time as you are kids react different than us. Pick her up assure her you love her and sit her at an activity and tell her she must play by herself for a while. Now since that never works for mine I dont take a shower, go on the computer, or do the dishes until mine are all in bed thats my me-time. They are all in bed by 9 and then i can do what i need to do. On a serious note if you feel as though you are depressed go see a doctor before it gets bad. Think about something your little girl is probably used to a certain rutine from the babysitter or daycare where she was when you were working and just like you feel lost not going to work she prob. feels lost not going there. Giver her lots of hugs and kisses and spend lots of time with her they grow up way to fast. Before you know it your the last person she will want to be around and you'll be begging her to cuddle or sit with you. Just remember mommys arent perfect we all make mistakes and have bumps in what ever road we choose. I have both extremes my 18 month old, and 4 year old are always at my side, and my 12 year old and 7 year old are always doing their own things. Both are into sports and let me know that they are not babys anymore. Things will work out search papers for a sitter or trade child care with other moms to get a breather. My husband is a truck driver and is gone all week so it is just me and the kids, we dont have a sitter either and never go out but it is ok we like bieng home most times lol. I was a single mom for 7 years and worked full time the whole time and when i met my husband became a stay at home mom it was real hard at first and still is most days and i do take medication for depression when i can afford to get it get help if you think you need it no-one will think ill of you taking care of yourself. Merry Christmas and keep us informed.

M.,

Hi.. I am a stay at home mother of 3 and I know how you feel. Its not a bad thing to want some "you" time. Does your daughter like any cartoons like Dora or Blues clues? I can always get a 1/2 hour while my kids watch Dora every morning.. They are 4 and 2. I also have a 3 month old son and so I have my hands full, but my husband lets me take off for an hour sometimes to get some fresh air...maybe a walk or a little shopping. Good luck. Giving yourself "you" time will make you a better mother!