I am looking fo advice from both genders and both single paents as well as families with both mother and father in the home.
I think my 9 yr old son has been having "wet dreams" (for lack of better termonology). I would love any advice on explaining exactly what is happening and if that is in fact what it even is. he says when he gets up he peed a little but just in his undewear no where else. he has also very happily pointed out that he is getting more hair everywhere. I have noticed an incease but nothing like pubic hair anywhere. more like thickening of peach fuzz and hair everywhere. and his body odor is not quite musky yet but i have started deoderant and cologne. and explained the basics of what puberty means. we thank the lord are very open with eachother and he will talk. I even brought up masterbation and that it is normal but a private thing and he says no he doesnt and has no desire to and i ask him about girls and have even gone so far as to how women get pregnant and well i guess i have covered a lot moe bases than i thought. however any advice is welcome!!!!!!!!
The other term is "nocturnal emissions"....lol...the things we remember from junior high health...lol.
Sorry...can't help more. I have older stepsons but they came straight at me with the questions and I just answered them honestly or looked up answers that I didn't know.
There are books on that.
Try going to Amazon, and input the search words "books about boy puberty" or, "puberty in boys" etc. Lots will turn up.
The books are both for the child and the parent.
Well, I have young girls. So, I don't know if my advice is really that useful.
But. What I plan on doing/have done so far is be really honest when it comes to discussions regarding sexuality and body changes. No shame and no secrets. Just strait forward answers. Our bodies are beautiful and natural. Granted, puberty and aging are both uncomfortable and awkward processes at times and most of us don't have positive mentors or rituals to commemorate or respect those processes.
We have the opportunity to respect our children's body and changes in a sacred way. Follow your heart. Talk honestly. Keep on doing what you are doing. You don't have to be a man to do that.
Meanwhile, if you have any really close male friends/relatives, perhaps they might take your son out for some quality time. Being single doesn't mean he won't/doesn't get positive roll models or relationships with men.
Good luck...sounds like you're doing a really wonderful job already!
I have a 12 y/o son and we just had that conversation 2 days ago!!!! Not because he asked or has wet dreams but because the school sex ed mentioned it. So he came to me to clarify such "gross" issue.
I just confirmed that it may be happening to him soon (again the "gross" comment from him) and it is a part of development and part of being a male. And that his body will start producing semen and it sort of spills out at times when he has no controll (such as sleeping). He was satisfied with the answers. He just needed the confirmation of what he herd at school. And we parted until the next discussion.
The model I used since childhood when discussing sex issues was that
#1 I ask the child what he knows (usualy the child knows bits and pieces and looking for more info or for clarification)
#2 I ask what do you want to know (and answer that question NO MORE NO LESS) that helps not to jump ahaid if the child is not ready for that information and also answers his question so he feels comfortable coming back to you again.
#3 I ask Is there anything else you would like to know (if there is you answer using the same model) usualy there is a specific issue that a kid is interested in and once you answered the question the child is satisfied.
I do not know how knowlegable your 9 y/o boy but from above mentioned topics we discussed smell, hair, using deodorants, pregnancy but not masturbation. Simply because he brought up these topics.
I also make sure to discuss the proper bahavior, consequences and responsibility when it comes to discussions of sex and relationships.
The latest issue we discussed was believe in God.... and why was the male created first...
Good luck, hope this helps.
well if you are going to discuss this with him, "wet dreams" are "nocturnal emissions"..then you would need to explain to him about an erection and ejaculation and semen.
just warning you my son in 5th grade had to watch the "boy" video that explained all of this to him..and he did not want to talk about it..he was really embarrassed.
He will tell you his experiences if you do not register shock or concern but answer each question matter of factly. This is an experiential journey for him and will unfold over years, so answer each question succinctly, do not answer more than is necessary, and ask him in a way you you can make sure he understands your answer at the moment. (Okay, son?) He will naturally want to ask questions of other people, like a friend or a man he feels he can trust to tell him the truth. This may or may not be his dad. It's natural.
My mom (55 years ago) and my older sister made a pretty big issue of my wetting the bed when I was seven (Mom because I tried to hide it and sis because she wanted to make fun of me), and I became very embarrassed and clammed up for a few more years of what became wet dreams (ejaculations). It did not scar me, damage my sex life or make me overly modest. I turned out normal because I had and uncle and aunt who, because they knew my older inrtoverted parents so well, took it upon themselves to have careful, frank discussions with me and answer my questions, and because the doctor who delivered and cared for me until I was 20 was a really cool guy and taught me to take care of myself. I had a really good sex education.
As a man, my best advice to you is this: answer your son honestly and warn him away from jocks and fraternity boys who know little about protecting themselves with the truth and even less about respecting women. He will grow up to be respectful of others mostly because he learns to be respectful of himself. This is how he will learn how and why to apply the Golden Rule. You and your husband are his role models.
Having read six other responses to your question, I would say there is a lot of good advice here. It certainly sounds like your son is quite fortunate to have you as his mom.
Best wishes to you and your family as you help your son on his journey through life.
sounds like you are doing a great job. I am a reader so i would also recommend googling some books and prereading them before handing them over to him. Best of Luck!
