Siblings Fighting like Crazy

I have a 13 & 10 year old & a 6 year old but all mine are girls. My 13 & 10 are the worst about fighting and it has been known to get physical with them. I tend to seperate them when it gets really bad and ground them when it gets physical - no phone, no going ANYWHERE & life gets very boring for them for atleast 2 weeks, no exceptions ( be aware this also becomes a pain in the butt for me) - however it does go the trick for awhile. I tend to put it off more on my 13 year old because she is older and I expect her to know better - the 10 year old is hanking her chain to get a reaction and she fell for it.

The one thing I do stress to them is that while I understand their feelings and know how aggravating siblings can be (I am the oldest of 3 and we very close - now)and no matter what happens inside the house they are NEVER to allow anyone else to pick on their sisters. Allowing this brings swift and harsh punishment. And on some level this works because I have heard my oldest telling her friends to back off my 10 year old and I have seen her stick up for both of them in public.

My hope is that they will outgrow it and eventually become close with each other as I did with my brother and sister.

Part of it's their age. But when it doesn't stop it affects the whole family. Some thing that has worked pretty well for my four kids, is that for every insult or name they call someone. They have to write out in complete sentences 10 nice things about the person they were mean to. And they can't use the same one over and over again. At first my kids complained that they couldn't find that many nice things to say about their sibbling. But I warned them that was another insult and if I heard it again they would have 10 more to write. They also don't have any priviledges until they write it out. It has worked really well for our kids. The name calling and insults have almost become non exsistant. Also when they finish their sentences they give it to the kid they were mean to. It makes them feel good to hear nice things about themselves. I make them rewrite any sentences that are insulting or could sound mean. Good luck.

It is their ages, but at the same time...you are the mother. It would be a good time to talk about respect. If they are talking bad to each other, then that is not acceptable. You wouldn't want them to talk that way to another person so therefore you can't allow them to talk that way to each other. As for getting on each other's nerves...that is normal and par for the course. I think it best to let siblings work out differences, etc. but do not allow them to be physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive.

are they bored. maybe they are around each other too much with nothing to get their energy out so they do it on each other. if this is it try a sport or activity for them.

P.,
I have a son almost 16, daugther 14, daughter 12...the 16 & 14 yr old fight alot! The main reason is that they both have aggressive personality types and both of them want to be in charge. Both of them get along great w/ the younger sister, but she is calm and not dominating. These two also butt heads w/ my husband....who happens to be the one that passed down his personality to them( but he's learned to control his dominating side in adulthood and he's changed into a very laid back person..but he didn't used to be).
All of this to say....take into account your children's differing personality types and talk to them about it. I stress to my fighting ones that the very thing that irks them about one another is the same traits they have themselves. They fight because they are 1. teens 2. too much alike.
I think space is needed, discipline for name calling( if warnings arent' working...I take away phone time) and activities where they are involved seperately so they have time to be on thier own.
Hope this helps..
good luck to us all!
L.

Hi P. - have you tried discipline? I know it must be even more difficult since you are a single mom, but a little discipline goes a long way - they cannot behave like that. I have an 11 and a 7 year old and they got along great as well, and still do for the most part, but I have noticed that they have been not sharing, bickering, etc a little more now since they have been getting older....but I explain to them that they are the only brother and sister they both have and what's more important, your family or whatever it is you're fighting about....then they stop and think and say 'family.' This helps them not just get a lecture from me, but to really stop and think about their priorities....but of course, it is their ages when they get to be teens - raging hormones will really throw a wrench into things...so I would be firm, let them know I wouldn't stand for that behavior and everyone in the house needs to respect each other as a rule, and if they break that rule, then they will have a consequence...then take away privileges as you see fit - they will not listen to you if they have no consequences. Just be consistent. They will not change over night, but slowly their attitudes may start to improve....and as you take this journey with your kids, you can give them suggestions about how to deal with conflict management. Another 'consequence' you may consider is to separate them and then make them read a book on dealing with conflict or anger management or self-improvement or the Bible, etc....anything that will get their mind on the right track. Good luck!!!

Im sure it is completely normal. Keep them separated. Schedule an activity for them to do together a couple times a week where they have to be civil to each other. Set a penalty for when they are ugly to each other. Like give them a roll of dimes. Each time they are ugly they put a dime in the jar. At the end of the week they can keep what dimes they have left. If you reward the good behaviour then maybe that will encourage it. But dont expect a change overnight. Might take a few weeks for them to control themselves.

P., when you find out, please let me know! I thought it was just my kids (13 y/o daughter & 10 y/o son)! It's been getting on my nerves for the last YEAR:(
Blessings to you and yours and I will keep you in my prayers. M.

I have a son (13) and a daughter (11). They fight less now (over the past year or so) as my son has begun to mature some, yet they still fall back into it from time to time. We have tried a couple things including:
1. Having them stop fighting and do chores if I see/hear them arging constantly. The philosophy is if they have time to fight, then they have time to work. This might work the best for you as a single mom!!! You would have a clean house for a while. After a few cleaning sessions...one in each bathroom, or one vacuuming and one folding laundry it's amazing how well they get along.

and 2. Discuss as a family how meanness begets meanness and kindness begets kindness. Just the other night at Uno's we had this discussion. My daughter did not share her candy in the car the day before and then my son did not share his slurpee with her. We discussed the cycle of negativity and how breaking out of the cycle and doing a nice thing/s only lead to more kind/positive things.

Good luck. It is not a quick fix, but an ongoing one.

I would think it was without a doubt their ages. I imagine they are both pubescent and their hormones are playing havoc with their behaviour.

Perhaps it is time, if you haven't already, to explain to them what is happening to their bodies and how it can affect their attitude. They have to learn to control their behaviour and they can start with being nice to each other.

Best of luck you are going to need it.

Have you tried counseling?