Sibling Arguments

J.,

I feel your pain I have 2 boys 6 and 12 and they constantly fight it drives me crazy, so I too am stuggling with getting to be more firm but I have to. I tell them "if I hear one more word out of either one of you you both are punished" and the minute I hear either one I send them to the room with no T.V or radio or anything thing else they like and they try to pleade and beg for me to give them one more chance and they will blame eachother and even if I know one started instead of the other I still punish them and I don;t give in. So the next time I say it they listen doesn't always work but for the most part it does. Kids!!!! good luck stay firm

Have you heard of Love and Logic parenting style? It is too long to explain what it is about in this short email but here is the link to the website: www.loveandlogic.com. The basic premise is that kids try to do whatever possible to get parents involved in and rev-ed up about their problems or disagreements. This approach teaches them responsibility by letting them solve their own problems in a logical way. If you use the techniques and phrases with them, they will model your behavior and use it when they are in conflict or have a problem. This technique is amazing and works for my kids! Try it. By the way, I have nothing to do with the company.

I have three children...and my two older daughters, ages 7 1/2 and 5 fight, argue, bicker...you name it. Separating them is really the only thing that works. Something else that my daughters do that I believe I have a handle on is telling on each other. This goes on day in and day out but for the most part, I think I have it under control. Here is what I do: My youngest will come running saying, "She took my purse," or, "she sat on my bed." So I tell my daughter, do you want your sister to be in trouble? Most times they will say proudly, "YES!" Then I tell my daughter, go tell your sister that you don't want her taking your purse (or whatever offense she's done to her sister). The point is to get them to work it out on their own. Unless they are physically hurting one another where intervention is a must, I tell my daughters to go back to their sibling and tell them that what they did was wrong and that she didn't like it. It ultimately forces them to work things out on their own and keeps you out of the silly arguments that go on. I hope this helps.

Hi J.:

Time flies so enjoy your daughters now that you can (even with their natural territorial fights). I would suggest you give each separate special time with you (when you can) so you can enjoy them individually as well as together.

Also, what do you do for you? We tend to not hear the noise that much when you have many things that keep us motivated and involved.

Also, I find that activity based time such as cooking together or making jewelry or painting helps the fighting...although it might start with a fight it can really help them see and share with each other their accomplishments.

A bit about me:
I am the mother of 2 sports crazed boys 13 and 17. I spend a lot of time with them, games, trips, homework but I have learned that my space and my alone time is as important as spending time with them.