Shouldn't She Be Potty Trained at Night by Now?

I know you are trying to do what's best for her but yes I feel making it a discipline issue is not right.
Like to other post said, each child is different and learns at their own pace.
My oldest was completely potty trained at the age of 2 but didn't stop using overnight diapers until 4 1/2 years old.
I remember thinking she'd never sleep through the night w/out an accident and then one day she just stopped. Her diapers were dry every morning for about a week so we started using her underwear again and she succesfully slept through the night w/out any accidents after that.
Hang in there and try to take it easy. She's trying whether you think she is or not so just let her take it one day at a time.

Good luck to you and take care!

"The second night in her undies...and each night after that...accident. I think it may be a discipline issue so I've tried taking her tv privileges away the next day. Am I being too harsh?"

In my opinion, yes you are being too harsh. It is not outside the norm for children even much older to have similar issues. If it's happening at night when she is asleep, I really can't fathom how a 3 year old could control that or how it would remotely be connected to being a discipline issue. If it were day time and she was choosing to sit and watch TV rather than get up to go to the potty, maybe I could see the reasoning.

If you don't want her to feel embarrassed then you shouldn't single her out by using punishment. Children develop at different rates.

Don't be worried. My sister had this problem with her oldest as well. You have to remain harsh in order for her to stop letting this happen. When she does go all night with no accident, make a BIG deal out of it. Give her a reward of some kind. And every night that she goes without an accident, give her some kind of reward. If worked with my sister and it's working with my oldest right now. I'm having a hard time getting Logan to go when he's fully dressed. If he has socks and shoes on, he won't go. It's wierd, but I'm working on it. Hope this helps!!!

Please, please, please do NOT make this a discipline issue. Each kid is different and some mature more slowly. I wet the bed until I was almost 10! I was a sound sleeper and we later learned that my bedwetting was likely due to a dairy allergy. Your daughter will only be embarrassed if you make her feel that where she is isn't normal. Your younger daughter shouldn't be old enough to mess with her sister's mind yet, but that likely will come soon, especially if your daughter does feel embarassed about this. You should talk to your daughter and let her know that her body just hasn't kept up with where her mind knows she wants to be (dry at nite). No kid wants to wet the bed! I would just suggest you use the nitetimes and actually do something to make her feel special (let her pick out a book at the bookstore, or a special toy) since the pattern may already be set for her to feel bad about this issue.

My two daughters 13 and 6 potty trained in a day at 2 yrs. old. They each had a few accidents and it was over. I tried that with my little boy and he was not ready. I tried again at 2 1/2 and he was still not ready. I started to baby sit a little boy a month later who was 8 months older than my son and potty trained but regressing. My son saw him urinate in the potty and from that point forward was tinkle trained. It took a week to get the poop down. However, he started to have accidents a night about a month later. We debated putting him in something at night to protect against it but the potty train in a day book we read was against that. We decided we would begin waking him up 2 hours after bed time to go tinkle again. That worked perfectly. We did this for 4 or 5 months and one night forgot to take him and he had no accident. He has done just fine since then. Try taking her to use the restroom 2 hours after bed time. I wet the bed until I was 16 and was so afraid I would have a child who wet the bed. I prayed with every pregnancy against it. You may also want to mention it to your doctor because some childrens bladders develope more slowly. That is common in children who wet the bed. So that can't hold it all night. The going 2 hrs after bedtime allows more space until morning.

Goodluck

My son just turned 6 and wets the bed nightly.

Totally normal according to my pedi. Some kids are hard sleepers, my son is one of them. He's not doing it to be defiant, he just doesn't wake up. My daughter is 4 and has been dry at night for months. I really did nothing different between the two. I limit liquids after 6, make them go potty before bed, but that's about it.

When she's ready she'll be dry. Don't push her, punish her, or embarass her. Most likely she's already embarrassed since her little sister is dry. Limit liquids before bed, maybe try getting her up at night to go, but if that doesn't work just buy goodnights and be patient.

I agree with all the other posts. Our son wet the bed at night until he was almost 5. Here is what we did. No liquids after dinner, make sure he went potty before bed, and for awhile we woke him up around 11:00 when we went to bed and took him to the potty again. If we did all that he usually made it through. And night time pull ups go up to size 5, then there are the goodnight" for even bigger kids. It is very normal and she is not being rebelious, she is just a heavy sleeper.

I had the same problem with my oldest daughter. She was in and out of the Goodnights until she was 6 1/2. Wasn't a disipline or anything she is just a really heavy sleeper who did not wake up in the middle of the night. We would think she was ready and switch her back to panties then she would have a growth spurt and wet the bed for several nights in a row. She would get so discourage thinking something was wrong with her. But as they grow when they are this little sometimes it takes a while for all their body parts to catch up. My youngest took longer to potty train during the day than at night. She is already in panties at night and she is 3. Each child is different, i used patience and acceptence. Things happen. 3 is still pretty young to worry to much. My nephew is 4, 5 in June and he started wetting the bed again. Goodnights are pullup for older kids. They gave my daughter confidence until she was ready.

I had the same issue. My oldest dtr wore pullups at night until she was almost 6. I always asked my ped about it and we talked about medicine, but in my heart, I felt like she would eventually get the hang of it and I would try not to make a big deal about it. We had the same issues starting when she was 3. She'd stay dry for a month at a time and then start wetting again. I'd get tired of changing the sheets (I was also pregnant at the time) and then we'd go back to pullups. Off and on for almost 3 years! And there was no rhyme or reason to it. It didn't matter how much she had to drink...we could even wake her every night at 11 or 12 (that got old but we did it) and she would STILL wet the bed. It was very frustrating at times.

I agree with the chiropractor idea (my dtr's pelvis was "twisted" also) and also make sure her bowels are working properly. My ped said that if she is not emptying her bowels then it could interfere with her bladder and nighttime wetting. I also got a large absorbant pad to put ON TOP of her mattress so that I didn't have to change the sheets in the middle of the night when she did want to wear panties. You can get them at a medical store. I think it's original use it for elderly people. A friend told me about it, mine was $12 and well worth the money.

I also limited her "good" covers (like her PBKids quilt) when she was training with panties. That way I didn't have so much to wash the next day if she had an accident.

And I agree with not comparing. I wouldn't make a big deal about it and just point out all the things that she can do that her sister cannot. I think my 2nd will be way easier to train at night too, but that is just a personality issue.

Also, I agree not to discipline her. From my experience, she's not doing it on purpose and that just creates more pressure to "do it" and she's really trying, her body is just not ready yet, for whatever reason.

We did have to switch to the Good Nights pullups before it was all over. Relax. Right now, I realize I could have relaxed a little more during that time too! It's not your fault.

Good luck!

I had similar concerns regarding night time potty training and my pediatrician said that it really is a case of physical maturity. My girls wore Pull-Ups, or "Paper Panties" as we like to call them, until they began to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom or woke up with clean, dry Pull-Ups. My eldest daughter potty-trained at about 2 1/2 years old and she wore Pull-Ups until she was about 3 1/2. We never disciplined for night time accidents since the child wasn't awake to get to the bathroom if she needed to go. I would say that your daughter should be fairly well daytime potty trained, and I would discipline for instances where she chooses to play too long, etc. instead of using the pottychair, but I wouldn't stress about night-time training.

I have 3 girls. My youngest is in the potty traing stage now but.......... Teh firs girl was easy. She asked fro a potty chair and loved it. The middle girl would not even look at teh potty chair, would not practice, nothing. But one morning she told me she wanted panties as we got ready for day care. She wore them that day and has never gone back. She has also never had an accident. She is 5. Now the first girl(who is 7 and will be 8 in oct.)still has to wear pull ups at night. Seh is a heavy sleeper and nothing wakes her up. I have her go to bathroom before bed and yet her pull ups are wet 95% of the time in the morning. There are also several days that seh even goes thru the pull up as well. She also has trouble trying to make it to the bathroom. When she says she has to go, she has to go then. I keep extra panties in her school bag and i always talk to the teachers to let thme know that she has urgency. I use to get very upset. Thinking she was being lazy. But now we work together. I never want her to be embarrassed at school or a sleep over. Kids start labeling you in elementary school. I send her pull ups and a wal-mart sack and pj's with pants or shorts when she has a sleep over. We have practiced how she goes to the bathroom alone and takes care of her pantie switch. In the morning she ties up her pull ups and puts them in her bag for home. I did take her to a child uroligist several months ago. I wanted to make sure i was not over looking anything. She is little for her age and i always felt that maybe her bladder was just small and not quite up to the right size yet. We went to childrens in dallas. A wondferful facility. After many tests...the doctor seems to think that at this juncture she just has extra pressure on her bladder. They found her bladder to be normal size and functioning correctly. A concern they look for is it backing up into the kidneys. Everything was great. The doctor thinks that the pressure on her bladder is coming from her bowels. And that with a light medication and a small change in her diet, that she will see success. Teh doctor put her on a low dose fiber/laxative to keep her bowel movements on track. I never even thought about that. I was so concerned about her dripping in her panties or having an accident trying to make it to the bathroom, that i never noticed if she went poopie everyday. We have been on the medice for a few months now. I am also trying to add more fiber to all of our diets. She has had great success. I hope this information help you. Good luck!
I FORGOT TO ADD ONE MORE THING.....
I ORDERED HER SOME PULL UP STYLE PANTIES FROM ONE STEP AHEAD. SHE USES THESE FOR SCHOOL. THEY ARE THICKER AND HOLD MORE LIKE A PULL UP. SO IF SHE DRIPS OR HAS AN ACCIDENT AT SCHOOL IT WON'T GO INTO HER CLOTHES. THEY ALSO LOOK LIKE REAL PANTIES AND TEHY ARE NOT CRUNCHY SOUNDING LIKE THE PULL UPS. THAT WAY SHE IS NOT EMBARRASSED. THIS PROBLEM IS A WORRY FOR HER.

Absolutely do NOT punish your child for wetting the bed!!! Some children wet the bed until puberty because their body doesn't produce enough of the hormone that concentrates urine at night. Other kids wet the bed until they are 6-9 because they have very small bladders. Others wet because they sleep too hard to wake up. Why in the world would you punish your child for something she has no control over? Do you think she LIKES waking up wet?

You can go to a urologist to see if the hormonal medicine will help her, but they won't even give it to her until she is 5. My son wet the bed until he was 7 years old and the medicine didn't help him a bit. His doctor's advice was to do nothing, just let him continue to wear pullups without making a big deal about it. His other advise was NOT to wake the kids up while they're asleep to take them to the bathroom because eventually they will start having dreams that you woke them up and will wet in their dreams thinking they're in the bathroom. Anyway, just my opinion and our urologists advice, but PLEASE don't punish your 3 year old for this or compare her to the other siblings.

Many children have difficulty at night. I have a 3yr old and am not even considering going pull-ups free at night for at least another 6 months and even then we will wait and see. At this point I plan to try switching her to the feel-wet pull-ups or rubber lined uderwear at night to help her adjust before wearing just panties. Chances are it is not discipline, but physiological. There are many, many older children (some up to ages 10-12) who have accidents at night.) Your daughter might just be a heavy sleeper. Have you tried cutting off the water/drinks a couple of hours before bed? Or putting her on the potty before you go to bed? It is hard not to compare children when they are close in age, but just remember development is individual, and being punished for something so natural and so hard to control may make her more stressed and less likely to succeed.

Being a social worker and being married to a physician, I can say it is actually normal for kids to not be completely potty trained at night up to age 7! I know that sounds a bit strange and my eyes bugged out the first time I heard that but it is true. She'll figure it out and there will be no worries! Hang in there and just keep giving her positive feedback.

My little girl is 2-1/2 and she is still not potty trained, we have been going round and round for about 7 - 8 months now. But I think the worst thing you could do is to punish her for having an accident, I would just but a diaper on her at night until she does better, or wake her up a couple of hours after she goes to bed so she can potty, that will get her in the habut of getting up to go in the night

Please don't punish her for something she can't control! She is asleep for crying out loud! Every child is unique and different. Her body has not matured enough to maintain bladder control overnight. This is normal. Buy some pull-ups or good-night panties and try to restore her confidence in herself. Do not compare her to little sister anymore either. Limit fluid intake in the evening and praise her for overnight success. Don't make a big deal over accidents. She will outgrow them.

My 5 year old son was not completely (at night and poo poo on the potty) trained until the age of 4. each child is different. my 3 year old is still not potty trained but he will go pee pee on the potty.

A lot of kids have night accidents for several years. especially if they are heavy sleepers. Just put the overnights on her and dont make her feel bad about it because it can maker her feel bad about herself. (I went through a bed wetting phase as a kid until I was 8 and felt terrible about myself and they did not have pul ups back then)

Reduce the water and liquids about 1-2 hours before bed and make sure she goes potty before bed. Be real positive with her. she just may need more time she is still young to be fully potty trained with no night accidents.

Good luck

One lesson I learned soon after I had my second child is never to compare the two. And I know it's hard, and you do it subconsciously, but you have to make a determined, conscious effort not to compare your children with each other or other children. Every child potty-trains at their own pace. My oldest was potty-trained at age 2 and has never had an accident - no lie. My youngest will be 4 in June, and at least twice a week I'm awakened by a tiny tap and a sorrowful voice, "Mama, I pee-peed on myself just a tiny little bit, but it was an aks-cident." Then I go to retrieve pee-pee soaked sheets for yet another laundry adventure. The best advice I can give you is be patient. Limit or stop fluids at least 2 hours before bedtime. Determine at about what time of the night she wets the bed and wake her up and take her to the bathroom before it happens. We actually try this and it works, however, the sleep deprivation and irritability I experience the next day makes it easier to just wash the sheets and wait for him to stop wetting the bed in his own time. Yeah, it could be a medical problem, but I'd worry about that if she's still wetting the bed at age 10 or older. You don't want to add Depends to her college supply list, but I think you're safe just giving her a little time. Good luck!

Kids progress at different rates. I understand it's frustrating, but I don't know that disciplining or punishing her is the right track to take. Just love her and acknowledge the accidents as they happen. Keep encouraging her. She will progress at the rate that is right for her. Put her in pull ups at nite - they're 'like' big girl undies. At least you have that option - those weren't around when mine were little! Patience - and prayer - and remember to let her know that you love her even when she does have an accident.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old little girl ( she will be 3 in June) and I find that positive reenforcment works best with her. She wears big girl panties durning the day & pull-ups at night. She still occassionaly has accidents & is totally humiliated when it happens so I comfort her & reassure her that nobody is perfect & accidents happen & that we will just try harder next time. This seems to be helping, accidents are become fewer & fewer with each passing week.

Everyone has a different parenting style and yes I do punish my daughter when I know that she acts out on purpose but with potty training I am very careful about getting onto her. The ages 2-4 are such a turning point for children as far as become independent little people & losing the baby tendencies that it is somewhat like walking on egg shells, not wanting to push too hard one way or the other. I have noticed with my daughter that she will wet her pants & ask me to change her like a baby & then rock her. In a way they want so desperatley to grow up & do it all by themselves but at the same time they still want to be momma's little baby. This can be a very stressful time for little ones & I have heard that bed wetting at night can be caused by stress. If it continues I would contact your pediatrician.

Some children have what they call "immature bladders" and my son wet the bed at night until he was six.I took him to the doctor and the doctor gave me a pill to give him each night. After about 3 months I quit giving the pills to him and he never had an accident after that.

Not necessarily, Don't give her too much to drink before bed, put a pull-up on her and she'll be fine. Don't talk anything about embarrassment to her. You are suppose to love her anyway. Have you checked with a doctor about any medical problem she might have? She may not be ready yet, and that's all.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the thought that she's doing it deliberately. Our older daughter had night-time accidents until she was about 6 or 7. When she was about 4, we talked to the doctor about it, had a urethragram that showed she retained urine in her bladder, and tried some medicine(Tofranil); also decided that she slept so deeply that she just didn't know she needed to get up. She finally outgrew it. This was about 30 years ago so there may be some new approach to take.

You should not be punishing a child who has accidents or wets the bed! There's a mistake right there. You say you're worried about how she feels that her younger sister is more successful than she is, but you're going to punish her for having an accident? Put a pull-up on her at night.

M.
I am a mom of 4 grown children and 9 grandchildren each child's body and mind develope at different rates. Do not punish your 3yr old, night time bed wetting can go into the preteen years due to many things. she could just have a small bladder and need to be restricted from fluids after 6pm if bedtime is at 8 or maybe she has an active imagination and dream time where she dreams she is on the toilet or she chould be having emotional issues she does not know how to handle at 3. My oldest son was 3 1/2 when my 3rd child was born and he regresed with each birth. Be patient, your love and understanding are more important to her selfesteem than if she has to wear a pull up at night. Your doctor may also have some ideas.

Well, you are already doing better than us! Our 3.5 yo won't potty at all! Personally, I wouldn't consider this a disciple issue. For the most part, I have been told being dry at night varies greatly from child to child and some kids aren't completely aware of this until they are as old as 8 or 9. Just my $.02.

The last bit is very conflicting(I am sure that is how you are feeling). You don't want her to be embarrased, BUT you are punishing her. Being a mom can be crazy hard sometimes.
I DO NOT think she is doing it on purpose. 3 really is very young to be dry at night. Both of my boys were/are, but my brother was like 10. SO...some kids just are less developed, BUT it's not purposeful etc. PLEASE don't punish her. http://www.drgreene.com/21_586.html

Oh my gosh . . . don't punish your child . . . you will never be successful with potty training that way! What you need is patience, which is not easy!! And rewards work much better. When my oldest daughter was potty-training, she struggled with BMs. We put her in big girl underwear, and she just kept going in them, but I refused to go back to diapers. So instead, we did two things. We set a goal with her ("you're going to be 3 years old in a few weeks, and 3 year olds don't go in their underwear), and reinforced this with her once or twice a week (but don't overhype it, or you'll just stress out your child -- just make it a casual comment at an appropriate moment). Then, when she turned 3, we made a reward chart which hung prominently on the wall. She earned a stick for each day she went on the potty, and then after X amount of stickers were earned she would get a small reward (a little trinket, nothing much but it made her feel good!), with the ultimate goal that if she completely stopped going in her underwear, there was a big reward of her choice at the end (I think it was a tricycle or something like that). Good luck . . .

She probably just isn't ready. Many kids still have nighttime accidents until they're 6 or 7 years old. It is not a discipline issue, and by punishing her, you could be setting her back by making her worry about it.

My almost 7 year old would be dry at night for weeks & weeks, but then if he was worried about something or there was a stressful situation in our family or school, he'd have a set back.

WebMD has some great information on bedwetting. The biggest help for my son is still for us to wake him to go to the bathroom around midnight (about 3 hours after he goes to sleep).

Just try not to make it a pressure situation, and as hard as it is, encourage her not to compare herself to her little sister. Every kid & every body is different. If she insists on wearing her big girl panties at night, you might try a liner that would minimize the accident each night.

Good luck!

I had the same problem with my now 5 y/o little girl. She potty trained easily and quickly during the day by 2-1/2 but was in pull-ups until she was over 4. It was very frustrating because she had been potty trained during the day forever and her twin brother was having no problems at night. The pediatrician told me that usually by 2-1/2 we all start making a hormorne that slows urine production at night, but some kids don't make that hormone until later. Hence, the wet panties, bedding, etc. Before that bit of information, I had tried everything...punishing, rewarding, staying up until midnight to take her to the potty one last time, and nothing had worked. After talking to the doctor, I just resolved that I would be buying pul-ups for awhile and the night wetting eventually stopped. She was almost 4-1/2. Once I got over the frustration and realized she couldn't help it, it was much easier to deal with. Just know she will eventually be able to go all night and wake up dry.

I did not want my daughter to regress during the day when she did this, so I told her five dry nights in her pull up and we would try again...she did it. It relieved the stress for me of cleaning blankets everyday and she earned the right to wear the panties....so far so good. Hope something clicks for her....although I have heard it taking some kids longer to get this...due to sleeping too hard or something. One friend would wake her child up before she went to bed and have her go...this kind of trained the child when to wake up and go. Just an idea.

I recently found out that sometimes when kids are having problems with potty training it's because their hips are out of place. Try having her checked out. I've put our doctor's information below.

Dr. C. Hyman
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As the other posters have noted, this is not a discipline issue. Night training has more to do with physical development of the urinary tract than it does anything else (size of the bladder, muscle control). In fact 'night training' is probably a misnomer since there's no way to train it. Each kid is different. Don't punish her for something her she can't control. That may even make it worse as she'll start to stress out about it. If you're really concerned, talk to your pediatrician but what you're seeing is perfectly normal. Give her more time. Use pullups or put a waterproof matress pad on the bed so she can wear panties like her sister.

Check with your Doctor! Some children have smaller bladders and are just not able to hold it during their sleep. She may also sleep really hard so she doesn't wake up if she needs to go potty. Try no drinks at least an hour before bedtime and make sure she pottys twice before bed. Try once an hour before and then again right before you put her in bed. I am not sure disipline will help if she really can't hold it. My nephew wore pull ups until he was in kindergarten because he slept hard and just didn't wake up. Hope this helps!

M.,

I don't think you should worry that your 3 year old is still having accidents at night, that is normal. Your 2 year old is the exception. This should not be a punishment, I think that might make it worse if you are wanting her to have pride in herself, taking things away from her because she has an accident doesn't make her feel good about herself. Most children's bodies can not wake themselves up in the middle of the night, children are heavy sleepers. I just wouldn't worry about it, just tell her that until her body is ready then at night she needs to wear a pull-up, don't try to compare the two or say anything like "your sister can do it" that just causes resentment. I remember my little brother was about 7 years old before he stopped having accidents at night, he just had a smaller bladder than "normal" kids, so maybe her bladder is just smaller than your other daughter. Anyway, that's my two cents, good luck and remember they are still young.

Well, this is just me, but I don't think it is discipline at all and I think taking something away is just punishing her for trying! I think since she is showing the "want" to do it, that it is just her little body is having a harder time figuring it out at night. Think about how long of a stretch it is at night to not "go"! Just because your 2 year old "got it" doesn't mean that your 3 year old should have already. Every child is different and it is a learning process just as everything else. Some babies walk at 10 mos. and some at 15 or so. This is no different. It takes time! If she is having no accidents during the day and only at night, it is not discipline but learning!

Just my 2 cents!

T.

She may be a very heavy sleeper. When I was young, I wet the bed until I was 6 or 7, just because I was such a deep sleeper. I don't think shaming her is going to help. She may just need to wear that pull-up for a while. Explain to her that everyone is different, and point out a strength that she has that her sister may not have. Don't make her feel bad about this--her body is just different than other 3-year olds. You may also want to check this out with her pediatrician.

No. I have read an artical of a 21yr old having the same problem. My neice is 8 and still has this issue. I forgot what it is called. The person that was 21 and was still peeing had meds for it. My mom works in a pharmacy and see she has known quite a few people with this problem. My nephew also has this problem sometimes. Not so much anymore though. My sister would just get up in the middle of the night, to get him up to pee. He is going a lot better now and she no longer has to wake him up. The reason we feel my nephew would do it b/c he sleeps really hard and his body does not wake him up. Look it up, also talk to your childs doctor.
Hope I was able to help.
Love,
A.

I wouldn't punish. It is not a discipline issue. All kids develop at different rates, she may not be ready yet and that's okay. Just keep reassuring her that she will do it sometime and that everybody has accidents. Keep praising and reassuring and before you know it ... it will happen. I know potty training is frustrating for parents, that is for sure. I like to go to babycenter.com when I need answers. Look there it is a very helpful website. Lots of luck to your family!

A little about me...
Teacher and best of all a mom of b/g 4 year old twins and an 11 month old baby (future potty trainer!!)