She's Attached!!!

I also recomend to swaddle her and also use a baby sling throughout parts of the day.

It's normal for her to cry, but at this age she should typically be sleeping a lot throughout the day.

Remember, sometimes you need to take care of YOU for a minute FIRST. If you are physically and mentally drained, then you can't be there for her too. Swaddle her, let her cry for a bit, take a shower, get dressed, brush your teeth and then go pick her up again. (I had to be reminded of this constantly... and still do sometimes!)

Yes, everything I have read suggests NOT to let them cry it out this young. Around 6-8 months old is when it is better to let them do that. When you let them cry it out, they lose a certain amount of trust and may become even MORE needy at the age when they are needing to gain their independance.

Have you tried a sling or other type of soft baby carrier? This way you would have your hands free to do stuff, but baby would still be right where she wants to be. Some babies just need this in my opinion. My daughter is the same way and she is almost 16mo old, a carrier was a God-send for us. Her older brother was completely different, happy just playing on the floor most of the time.

I would tough it out for a week or two, the bonding is incredibly important at this age, but don't worry its just a phase and in a week or two start rocking her till she falls asleep or gets comfortable then transfer her to the bouncy or a swing...and always make sure she has a dry diaper and is fed and burbed for her to truly enjoy herself in one of her fun toys.

Peace, Love and Babies
M.

I realize it seems as if you are going to go crazy. However, I believe in all honesty that at this age, holding and love is what she needs. She is bonding with the two of you. My son who is now 10 weeks was the same way at first. I would take showers, brush my teeth, eat, etc. while he slept. Take some time to enjoy her and the quiet moments you have together. Soon enough things will change and she will want you to leave her alone all the time. I also have a nine year old girl. Your baby is telling you what she needs emotionally and physically right now, give in and give it to her. At about two months my son discovered he loves his swing, so things change. Just take deep breathes and enjoy that little bundle of joy. My husband would also carry him in a baby carrier and I would use a sling if I had to get up.

You're right, J. - she is too young to cry by herself. Listen to your mother's instinct ;) I have 4 children, and they have ALL been what professionals call "high need". What saves my arms/back is carrying my baby in a sling during the day. Baby stays content that way, and you can still get stuff done. I'm not sure where you live, but I have a Baby Bjorn you can have if you would like it. It's well used but has plenty of life left. Let me know :) Oh, and one more thing...she will outgrow the need for constant holding before you know it, and you'll probably miss it!

I am with you... I can't bear to hear my daughter cry. My little girl at 5 months (almost) is still that way. She is getting better bit by bit and I am grateful for that, but I can completely relate to what you are going through. I didn't want to let her cry it out, but after everything else I had tried (against what my heart was telling me) I gave it a shot and 9 hrs later she was still shreeking... every baby is different... it didn't work for us. My daughter just needed more time with us than our friends kids and overwhellming as it was I have grown to understand her more and appreciate that time... in retro spect I realize that I didn't want to let her cry it out because I didn't want her to give up on me... I knew she was trying to tell me something... I just wasn't understanding what it was...

The only thing I found to help (other than having family or friends come visit her for an hour or two here and there)was wearing her. There are many ways to do it. Here are some sites to get you started....

http://www.mamatoto.org/

http://www.thebabywearer.com/

http://www.rebozoway.org/

I found some of the wraps difficult and the sling was h*** o* my back, but the front carry... facing me seems to work for us... everyone is different, you just have to play around with it... Good luck.

We also had some luck with the Happiest baby on the block... we bought the DVD... basically swaddle, giggle, shush, suck... it worked periodically.

J., this is such a wonderful and exhausting time for new parents, because as everyone has already noted this is very typical newborn behavior. There are some things you can try. In the happiest baby on the block class we teach parents to swaddle first and turn the baby on the side and sush them until calmed, then put them in the swing buckled in (still swaddled) and put it on the highest speed. (the slow speed doesn't seem to work) You may need to keep some white noise going turned up pretty loud so that as she nears the 20 minute mark and comes from deep to more dream sleep she won't startle and awaken.
there is more but this will get you started.
We teach this class at the nesting place if you are having difficulty with it. It really works.

I also have a hands free wrap sling that lets her feel like she is in the womb and you have Both hands free. You can even feed in it, so sometimes this works best.
Feel free to call me at The Nesting Place in Grapevine
K.
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My first son was the same way. It could be really challenging at times. I thought I was going to go crazy. But, this phase in a baby's life is so short. Before you know it they are trying to toddle away from you to go cause trouble. Listen to your heart. If she is hysterical, then she needs you.
Find ways to do the things that you must do. You have to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of her. Try everything, a binky, music, gas medicine, TV. Keep trying, they change all the time. If the swing didn't work this week, it might next week. But, make her needs a top priority. She is learning that she can trust you. If she if left to cry hysterically, she will learn that she can't trust you. That leads to a clingy toddler.
Find something that you CAN do while holding your baby. I read books and spent time on the internet. You and she are still recovering from the birth. It is okay to let some of the house work slide for a litte while longer.
Something that really helped me with my second child was a sling. You can hold the baby, but still have two hands free to do things. The best ones are not sold in stores. I used a ring sling with unpadded rails. They are better than the one they sell at stores with padded rails, because they are more adjustable. www.slingrings.com sells the rings to make them if you can sew. They also have the instructions to make them. I used the unpadded overlapping pleated shoulder pattern. If you don't sew, there are lot and lots of moms who make slings and sell them on the net. The best known company that makes slings is maya wrap. There is lots of information about babywearing on the net.

My Dr told me kinda what Allison said. She said that before at least 6 weeks there is NO way to spoil your baby and to always give her the "needs" that she needs. She said 1.)they are used to the womb atmosphere so recommended a hands free sling thing as well and 2) the this is the time in there life where they build the trust in you and your husband to know where her basic needs are going to come from. As they are able to do more like push up on belly time and stuff they get more dependent and it will be much easier on you. :)

It's totally natural for her want to be close to you - she spent 9 mos constantly attached and she's only been out of the womb for 3.5 weeks. She's also in a big, scary and cold world. It totally agree that 3.5 weeks (much less even 3.5 mos) is way too young to let her "cry it out".

Have you tried a sling? That worked wonderfully for my second son and it leaves your hands free. For the oldest, I had one of those front carriers that didn't work too well, but he was happy in the swing. Son number two was like your daughter and nothing could replace his mom, so he spent alot of time in the sling. Once he became mobile (and bigger) we migrated to a backpack that I would use even around the house so I could get stuff done. He's 11 and is still very attached to mom, which I don't consider a bad thing at all - he's an incredibly sweet, loving, child.

That all said, it is okay for you to put her down for the 5-10 minutes it would take you to do minimal self care everyday. Just make sure she can see you and talk to her while you're doing your activities. As time goes by, you should be able to have more and more time to yourself.

It could also be that she's reacting to her diet and it's just comforting to be held. If you're bottlefeeding, she could be allergic to dairy or soy. If you're breastfeeding, she could be reacting to your diet. It turns out that both my kids (and myself) are gluten intolerant and it is quite likely that the gluten (and dairy with my first) caused alot of stomach pain in my kids. Also, my youngest son was very fussy if I ate broccoli or drank orange juice.

I know you have lots that you want to do, but I can tell you that they grow up so fast - it truly just seems like yesterday that my oldest was born. Enjoy these early precious days!

I've been there too, and it will pass. My youngest was a very "clingy" sort, but also dealt w/ RSV very early & lots of ear infections. I was just too exhausted to woory about getting her "independednt" & we became a "co-sleeping" family (minus the oldest), just trying to get some sleep!!!! It was just easier. And, the "let her cry it out" method never worked on her. She had the endurance of a marathoner. But as with all things, they do pass. It feels like forever when we're going through it. But right now she needs you, and that can be both brutal & wonderful. You might try getting one of those rice- filled heat packs you can microwave to warm up. I did have some luck getting my daughter to snuggle in next to one of those every so often. Then there are all of the wiggly, joggle, vibratey chairs, swings, bouncers, etc. One might at least give you a bit of a break. And I also had a great front pack for my little "Velcro Baby" that helped me at least get some work accomplished w/ her on board. I'm too short & short waisted, so never had an success with the slings. The one I had, had to be cinched up around my neck to fit properly!

I know there are some full on "attachment" mothers on here, and I'm glad it works for them, but I think if you're not prepared or in the right mindset for it, it can do you in.

Hang in there!
D.

Oh...AND SWADDLE!SWADDLE!SWADDLE!

Sounds like you need either a sling or a wrap and to Wear Your Baby!!! Here is a site that you can make your own No-Sew Wrap and it also shows you how to "wear your baby" with step-by-step instructions.
Main Site: http://wearyourbaby.com/
Make Your own Wrap: http://wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=121
Instructions Page for diffrent carries: http://wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=67 (click on the one you are interested in)

Also, if you need help, I host a babywearing class/playgroup every Tuesday in Southlake and will be happy to help you out (FREE of course).
My Contact Information and Babywearing Class: http://wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=201

At this age, you have to remember they spent 9 months in your belly, always being "held" and it's scarry for them to be by themselfs when they are use to all the movement. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby, Veggies/Fruits/Meats/Etc...can spoil, a baby cannot. I do not believe in the "Cry It Out" method. Crying is the babys only way for communication and to let them "Cry It Out" just tells them that communication has failed and mommy is not there for them.

Good Luck and if you need any help, just let me know!!!

She's normal - absolutely normal. And it will pass. She's not even a month old. She's used to be tightly encapsulated in your womb, warm and cozy and with your soothing heartbeat constantly in her ear. Now, she's out in this cold world, and she doesn't understand what's going on. She needs you, and it's specifically you because she knows you. She recognizes your scent, which is why she cries with your husband and not you.

I know it's exhausting, but right now, your job is to hold her as often as she wants. You're not setting her up to be needy, not at this age. You still really need to give her comfort right now.

It really will get better, but give her time to adjust.

Honestly, just enjoy being able to hold her all day. I know it is hard and I know that you are exhausted but the day will come sooner than you think that she will not want you to hold or cuddle with her. Everything else can wait for right now. She is only less than a month old and if that is what she wants, then thats what needs to be done. My daughter is almost 3 and I have to wait until she is sleeping sometimes to cuddle with her. She is just way to busy with her day to stop and snuggle. And yes, 3.5 weeks is WAY too early to start cry it out in my opinion. Hope this helps. Hang in there, I know it is hard. My daughter was colicky for almost 5 months and she screamed 6 -8 hours a day. Seems like forever ago now. We kept her swaddled and followed all of Harvey Karp's advice in Happiest Baby on the Block. He saved my sanity!

First off, Congrats on the new babie!!! I agree with you that three and a half weeks is too young to let a babie cry it out! At this stage your little sweetie needs your love and closeness. My son, who is now 6 months, is one that also wants the closeness of being held. Oh how I know that heart breaking cry (I think mommies are more sensitive to it). The bright side is that as he has gotten older, has become more aware of his surroundings, and has gained physical ability, he doesn't want held as much. I, like you, often pounced on my husband the moment he walked in the door just so I could take a quick shower, and for the first time in forever, shaving my legs became a luxury. The point is that it gets better and doesn't last forever. When I felt frustrated by not being able to do as much or get as much done, it helped me to look a my hansome little man and realize that he wasn't going to be that little very long and a day would come when I would have to chase him down for a hug.

Hang in there, it really does get better!
If you ever just need someone to talk to so you don't feel so alone here is my email: ____@____.com Just fire me a quick one, and I'll send you my phone number!