I have a 3 1/2 year old boy that has really bad separation anxiety. He's had a babysitter and gone to the church nursery since he was a baby, and has has been in preschool 3 days a week since 18 months old and it has always been a struggle. He screams and throws fits every time. He stops crying and is fine literally 2 minutes after we leave. When we ask how his day was at school he always has positive things to say and his teachers always say that he participates and plays well and does great once we leave. I'm wondering if this sounds normal to still have separation anxiety and how much longer will it last?!?! It's so hard to drop him off anywhere!
Also, we're finishing up swim lessons with him this week. Tomorrow will be his last of 8 classes. The first day he did great, walked right in and participated the whole time. It got progressively worse with each day. It's not a fear of the water, he LOVES the water. He goes under, "dives" for toys and does great. But each day he spends less and less time in class and just sits on the edge of the pool and pouts. I guess it doesn't really matter now as tomorrow is his last day, but he was the same with soccer this last spring too. Is he just not ready for classes? When you ask him about it after the fact he says he has fun and always acts excited to go. Any suggestions to get him to participate?
This turned into a long question, sorry! :)
Thanks!!
If he stops 2 minutes after you leave, do NOT make a big deal out of it. Just drop him off give him a hug and a kiss let him know who will be picking him up when (and pad the time a little if you think 5 tell him 5:30!) and LEAVE. The longer you take to say goodbye the longer his fit will be.
He's normal.
He is just 'transitioning.'
As most kids do.
They will learn to adjust.
He is 3.
This happens.
Let him talk about it.
So he 'vents' too. Every person needs to vent sometimes to situate their feelings.
This also helps adjustment.
Talking it out or talking about it out loud. With you.
Then as a boy, he will learn, to express himself and communicate with you.
Which you want to, nurture.
So that as he grows up, he will turn to you, and tell you things.
Never, teach a boy or child, to keep silent about their thoughts or feelings.
Or they will learn, not to talk to you, about their life.
You cannot force him to participate.
But don't make it a big deal.
Kids are always, hot and cold.
Emotions at this age, is not even fully developed yet, either.
It is taught.
Not automatic knowledge or skills.
It is taught.
Teach him HOW to say his feelings and the words for it.
Teach him sentences to use, so he learns to communicate with you about whatever is going on.
And that, no kid is expected to always be in a good mood, either. Not even adults.
But we all, 'try our best....." and that everyone is different.
He is himself.
Not a follower.
Kids this age, are not 'experts' in interactive play, yet, either.
And yes, he may just not be ready, for all of these classes.
My son is 4 almost 5... and he will articulately tell us "I like to and want to, but I am not ready yet...." (for Karate classes, which his sister takes and he likes it and is interested in it)... but this is what he tells us. I tell him, okay. He KNOWS himself and I respect him telling me that, his feelings. Maybe in a year, he will be ready. He knows that.
Your boy, is young.
Again, at this age they are NOT experts at interactive play nor socialization nor organized, sports.
He is young.
He is screaming for your attention and time!
He might not be ready for sports yet, he is only 3 1/2. As far as the
separation anxiety goes, he sounds like my kids. It will get better.
My little brother was the same way. In daycare since he was 6 months old, but still threw a screaming crying fit every morning when we were dropped off and totally fine once the door shut behind mom when she left. It lasted until he was 9 years old. I'm not joking. Mom said the ladies at the daycare helped her cope with walking away while her baby boy screamed. Eventually he would kiss her good-bye and walk off to go play, while still crying the whole time. Not much advice to offer, just have faith that he is in good hands.
