Seeking Moms - Tacoma,WA

I do not have a ton of advice, my nephew is autistic and going blind. Something his mom has recently told me really supported her was that I never treated them differently, I never directly offered advice or solutions, but I took the time to learn brail with them, I learned about each new issue that arrose, I watched J any time she needed to get away, and I never judged her when she needed to just let it all out and cry on my shoulder, it was actually a fun experience - look into maybe a sign language class you can take together with the kids. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

What you're describing sounds more like a speech delay- XXXX my fingers that's all it is, and that some early intervention gets him on his way to talking up a storm soon!

Hi T.: Get her some simple sign language books. Autistic childrn can often flurish with sign launguage. Barns and Nobel sell several children's sign language books-simple-cup, want, potty, food, and even I love you. I teach my preschool class this as a second language. I have an autistic child in my class but he's not high functioning. He has actually been using a word book that his speech therapist made for him. Your suport will mean everything to her! The library may even have some childrens sign videos. I know Baby Einstien "first words" uses simple sign language-
Good luck-H.

Hi T., what a friend you are. i would look it up to get better understanding of autistic. does he do sign language? if so maybe you could find a place that offers that and learn to do sign language.maybe go to a library to look up more imformation if you can not find anything on the net. or if you cant do a class about sign maybe ask your friend if she would teach you because you would like to be a part of their world. if your child is old enough maybe teach him or her as well my daughter is in the first grade and they are teaching her class sign. if she only got one oppinion maybe advice her to get a second one sometimes doctors mis diagnose.maybe you can work with the child to write i love you even if it is a heart. good luck

Hi T.!
My son who is now 9 was diagnosed as Autistic when he was 2 by a Neurologist. Although he was rediagnosed with NIDS the symptoms are still the same with developmental delays and splinter skills. I had wonderful friends who treated us no differently than before and that was what we needed. Because he was non-verbal, tantrums happened often. It's easy to feel isolated because it's difficult to get out and do things on your own. But she and I could go out together and her daughter and my son could play together. Having another child to play with and be a good, positive role model is a gem! Being there as just "girlfriends" is great and give your friend an opportunity to visit. Questions came up out of conversation and she could share in my joys and ups and downs. As I learned to deal with him and help him she did too. Hope this helps some.

Having an autistic child myself, I can sympathize! Since you are a close friend and you want to help, there really is so much you can do to help her! Simply being there for her, supporting her and maybe being willing to help out every now & then when she feels like she is going to lose her mind will mean so much! And my best advice to you in how you can support her is to not try to give her too much advice. Autistic children are different. What works for a "normal" child doesn't always work for them, and it gets a little irritating to have people always telling you "this is how you should do it". I've seen from a lot of responses that people are questioning the autism diagnosis itself. I've seen lots of kids who are high functioning autism, who seen normal but just have a few areas they struggle in, like speech. Just make sure he has a formal diagnosis (preferably from a psychotherapist or something like that) and that she does seek help from the school district or a specialized autism program if one is available in her area. It doesn't go away and it doesn't miraculously get better without help. Feel free to contact me with any questions any time. I'm not an expert, but I have been living with it for 5 years now.

I have a 4yr.old step son who is Autistic. I feel the best way to support your friend and her son is to educate yourself about Autism and help her to get involved with all the programs and help she can so then her son can begin to learn to talk. Early intervention is the best way to treat Autism. Get involved with her. If she needs to talk, listen, and if you do educate yourself, then you'll be able to give her sound advice. If she would like, you can give her my e-mail address and I can give her some extra support and advice. ____@____.com

I also have a friend with an autistic child. The best thing that you can do for her is listen to her. Include her son in everything just as if he could speak. Any noise that they make, encourage it.

I dont have a child with autism but I worked for a vitiam company in Wilsonville Or that made vitiams just for kids with autism. They have a website www.kirkmanlabs.com. We shipped these vitiamins all over the world and I heard many stories from parents that said it worked for their child.
And some insurance companies will cover the cost.

Might be worth checking out.

Good luck

~liz

Who has diagnosed him as autistic? When you say he can do everything that a non-autistic child can do except talk it sounds a lot like my grandson. Is this child social? Does he interact with people by smiling at them, pulling on their hand to get them to do something, playing with kids, look at books etc. My grandson is 3 and doesn't talk. He was evaluated thru the school district and they said that because he does interact and tries to communicate that he has a speech problem and is not autistic. He shows a range of emotions from extreme anger, hitting and kicking, and exuberant happiness. He can't say, I love you, but he gives hugs. His mother and 6 yo sister are demonstrative and he's learned from them how to express love. I think not showing emotion is part of being autistic. I do sometimes worry that my grandson's extreme emotion is a sign that something more is wrong.

I hope that your friend's child is not autistic and would also recommend a second opinion. I have a friend in her 60's who was diagnosed with both Alzheimer's and macular degeneration and a second opinion said that she had neither. It's been 3 years which seems to confirm that she has neither.

And if it is true that he's autistic reading up on it is helpful. I did some research when I was first concerned about my grandson and it was reas uring in some ways. I learned that autistic children do learn, but perhaps differently than most children, and are in many ways a blessing to their parents. I can just imagine, tho, that not receiving the demonstrative expressions of love would be painful. Your friend is fortunate to have you as a friend.

I would say that you just being there trying to understand and being empathic is the very best thing that you can do.

T.,
Just being there for her to listen and help if needed is enough right now. It is the scariest moment in a parents life to be told something like this. I work for an agency that assist's families with children who have autism and other developmental delays. And yes the child can have autism and be high functioning. There are many programs available now to assist families. Your friend desperately needs to get plugged in with some of them for the services, education early intervention and support they can offer. Feel free to e-mail me if you would like more information or help. God bless you for standing by your friend.
J.

Good Morning T.,

First of all, when I have a question in regards to family medicine or medical advice, I turn to "The American Medical Association Family Medical Guide" before heading to the doctor. Usually I can get a great start on answers from this resource and then follow up with my physician or assisting nurse for further help and direction if needed.

Having a child diagnosed with "Autism Spectrum", or commonly referred to as "Pervasice Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified" or also known as PDDNOS has helped me learn a lot about my son. Knowing and learning is what will and has BEST helped my son and his success towards becoming the BEST he can be!!

My advice to you would be, to be the BEST friend you can be and that is being understanding, supportive, empathetic and seeking advice, which you've done already...great job!!

Let us know her success!!

C.
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Hello T. my name is K. i know it is hard to take care of a child that is Autistic i have a 9 year old son that i just found out last year that he has Asburgers and Autisem he does talk and he does every thing that a 9 year old does the thing aobut Ryan (my son) is that if he dont get his way he has a fit and he will ask for the same thing over and over. he dont like certen things...... I work in a group home that takes care of out of control teens and some of them have autisem and it can be really hard to work with them the main thing is to be consistent with them at all time and that is a big thing working with kids that are Autistic I am looking for other kids that have Autisem and asburgers to hook up with for the kids can play my son dont have many friends and could use some for he has other kids to play with hope to here from you soon take care

I have a 7 year old daughter who is Autistic Spectrum. she is high functioning and has sensory integration dysfunction. she was diagnosed at the age of two by a childhood developmental specialist at primary children's because she was 2 and wasn't talking. she was then referred to a neurologist and we were put touch with the school district to get her evaluated by the school district, so she could be enrolled in the early intervention program. every school district has this program, as it's a nationally funded program. my daughter started out with speech therapy, moved onto early intervention, she then spent time with NUAP (Northern Utah Autism Program) for about six months,and was in alternative kindergarten last year. she is in a program now, where they are working on mainstreaming her. honestly, the best thing you can do for your friend, is be a friend. helping her to locate information and resources, will make it a little easier on her. in general, many people don't understand autism until they know someone who has been diagnosed as such. they automatically assume that autism is "rainman" only. the spectrum is so broad, that just about everyone has "autistic traits", but it's getting easier for trained professionals to recognize and make the proper diagnosis. good luck to you and your friend :)

What I would do is I'd have my friend take her son to a speach doctor and find out why her son can't talk yet because there is no reason why a three and a half year old boy shouldn't talk by now evem if the words are just mommy and daddy.

I am a mother of a 7 year old with Asperger's, which is on the autistic spectrum. I did not relyze he was different till age 3, then didn't want to admit it for a few years. Now that I am getting services for him, he has made amazing progress. Speech therapy. There is an organization (free) in eugene called EC cares that helps young childen that need extra help. Refer your friend. They can help.

Have her contact Penny Zindt. ###-###-#### office or home ###-###-####. She has a now grown autistic son, and she works with autistic children and their families. She can help immenseley. She is one of the most amazing women I know. Please try her office first. Her heart is as big as the world.

If it is a subjec that you can discuss with her, you may suggest that she talk to her child's pediatrician about it. In most cases, the doctor can refer the parents to a speech development program that can test for developmental delays. Most programs will work with you on costs. Since he is three, if he needs any special testing or therapy, it will be done through the local school district.

Some kids are just slower to learn to talk. My son is 3, and we still have a hard time trying to figure out what he wants to tell us, especially when he is tired. We had him tested when he was 2, and there is nothing wrong with him. He just wasn't talking because his big sister won't stop.

I worked in a hospital for 5 years in their Children's Therapy Dept. we had many children that were seen there that are on the autisic spectrum. The first thing about going to a doctor is that not all of them have enough information on the issue. I have talked with many parents that have heard so many different things from many doctors, so she may need to see more than one or two of them. As said in some of the other responses, your friend should have her child evaluated in the school district. They have trained therapists' in the schools who help out with giving the child what they need. Also going to an outside therapy service helps the child, and the parent, learn more things that can help. Usually they have speech therapy to help with speaking and different sounds. They also may have occupational therapy which helps with everyday things if the child needs it, ie., brushing their hair, tyeing their shoes, and also helping with issues as if the child has tantrums and teaching the parents and family how to help the child. Some of the outside therapy facilities have people that are "FRC's", they have alot of information of different services, they can help with school services, and if the family doesn't have insurance that covers needs. I hope that this helps you out. I just worked around all of this for so long that I know that your friend will have a hard time in the beginning, but things will get easier with the more information that she gets. And autisic children can do many things and some can lead some "normal" lives, it just depends on where at on the spectrum they are and there is a huge gap from the beginning to the end of it. J. D.

Hi There! Well my younger brother-in law if that makes any sense has autisum. It was a little hard to cope with exspecailly since i have never been around that before. but i ound out the best way to help out the in-laws is to be a great listner. my in-law got alot of things off her chest just by talking with me over coffee one day. its alot to cope with and it can be very hard to have a child with it but i learned to just be there as much as i can and listen because i really cant give advice to her or the because i am not in there shoes all the way even though he is part and will always be a part of the family sometimes a good ear is all mom needs! hope it works or it helos a little

I thought autistic kids were good with only one thing. Be a friend by telling her to get a second opinion. I used to work with autistic kids and they most certainly could not do what other kids could do.

My son didn't talk until he was 3, when I placed him in a preschool. I had never been around other kids, so I thought he was all right. As time went on, there were little things that bothered me, but he was so smart in others, that I thought every kid is different. Last year, when he started developing speech problems again, he asked for help. That was when he was diagnosed with Asperger's. I can understand the pain the mom is going through, but, there are so many different ways of showing love, verbally or non-verbally. Help her understand that each child is different, don't label him, and accept him for what he is-a sweet loving child. Also, have her understand that if her son does have a form of Autism, learn to speak up for him. Because if she doesn't, who will? She knows him best. Also, get her and him involved in Early Head Start (I thank my lucky stars for them),small play groups, or the local church. I learned rather quickly my son doesn't have a meltdown as long as there are very few people involved.

www.autismspeaks.com

P.

I know how your friend feels. My son is two and half and basically can do everything his three year old cousin can do, but talk. My son seems like he has his own language at times. He has not been diagnosed with autism, but he has a doctors appt. on the 27th to help us find out what is going on.
I think the best thing that you can do for your friend is be there for her and be understanding. It's very hard not being able to communicate with your own child. I think that it is also a good thing for you to bring your child around her's as much as possible. I've noticed with my son that having other kids around him that can talk encourages him more to talk.

I am sorry to have not replied sooner. I didn't know you had sent me a message. I need to check this regularly. I feel the same way sometimes when I am around friends whose kids are normal. My son is the same way, he does not talk, although he has a few other problems. I would love to know what my babies voice sounds like. I would say to just be there for her. Listen to her when she talks about concerns for her little boy and be understanding but don't feel sorry for her. I can't stand when I talk about cam and they get that look of sorrow in there eyes. Just treat it like you would any other problems with hparenting and let her know you care about her and her son no matter what. ITs hard emotionally for us parents of kids with autism and I believe support and undersatnding makes a world of difference.

Hi T.-

I am in the same boat as your friend. I have a two year old son who was just diagnosed as Autistic. I am still abit skeptical, since his biggest problem is that he doesn't say too many words. (10-12, but not clearly) He doesn't seem to want to interact with other children, but is clearly smart and has emotions and is trying. We had him evaluated for developmental delays and are getting help for him to try and "Catch Up". I too have friends with children in the same age group and it is sometimes hard to watch their children function "Normally". They just support me and are there to listen. I find that it helps to talk to other people who are dealing with similar problems. Try to read up on things and help your friend to get involved in Autism support groups in your area. There is one here in Las Vegas that has monthly meetings and we are going to our first one this month. (You would be surprised how many people are going through similar things and it helps to know that you are not alone. If you or your friend would like to talk further I would be glad to be a friend. :-) ____@____.com

Good Luck-

I have worked with children with autism and have friends with autistic children. Always remind your friend that her child is special and that he may not tell her verbally but he can show it in other ways. It takes a special person to raise a child with any disorder and they need to know that people care. My friends have tried using priducts that do not contain chemicals and they have noticed a difference in their child. This may not help all children but it is worth trying. It is good for all children not just children with autism. I have found a company that sells these products at a lower cost than the ones in the store. Let me know if you would like more information on the company.
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