Seeking Anybodys Help or Suggestions

You may try Alta California Regional or The Warm Line. Both are paid by California and Federal tax dollars under the "No Child Left Behind" Act. We used them for speech issues, but they primarily work with other issues. Good luck and I hope you find help!

My 16 year old son was diagnosed with ADD seven years ago. The docs prescribed Adderoll, which he refused to take. My sister, who is a school psychologist, recommended that we ask his doctor about a patch called Daytrona. He was willing to try it and the results have been outstanding. He went from C's and D's to A's and B's. I don't know if this will work for you, but it's a suggestion for his doctor. Good luck!

Hi D.
First - I'm no expert just another mom who feels for ya and wishes she could come give you and your little boy a big hug!

Second... four huh? I'm wondering, can "they" even diagnose ADD at that age? maybe he's just really bored in that preschool. I wish I could privately ask you which one it is. My youngest daughter had some fairly high strung boys in her preschool and at the first of the year I thought there was NO way they'd ever calm down but ya know what? By the end, they really did. I think a lot of it had to do with the amazing teachers and the discipline mixed with love that they showed the students - all of them. That was RLP in Dublin (hope it's okay for me to mention that). I can't say enough about that program and its teachers. It may be that your son does have ADD, but maybe he's just not happy at that school. I happen to have some experience with kids - use to be a social worker for a boys group home and for foster care - and sometimes a change of environment can make a major difference - AND an environment where the child knows they can't get away with bad behavior, but is cared about unconditionally as well. how was he before pre-school? Did you notice this behavior then or is it worse now that he's at school?

The biggest thing I want to say is PLEASE don't be discouraged! He needs you, and if you're anything like me, you need him!! He is a special boy - all the kids are - and YOU are his mom for a reason (I truly believe that). You are doing a wonderful thing by going to nursing school, and your son is lucky to have you as a mom (and you're lucky to have him, which I know you know!)

I hope this helps. My heart is with you guys!

Dear D.,

What a blow for you! I used to run a day care center, and never even thought about kicking a child out because of behavioral problems.

First, you need to find a support group so that you can get more information about ADD. And, along with that maybe he would do better in a small babysitting situation, in a home of someone who has done this for a number of years. Sometimes the large setting is harder on the child because of sooo many people and soooo much to do. They just get jazzed up and don't know where to start, or finish.

If you send me your address - I will send you an article that I cut out of our local paper a couple of months ago. It was written about ADHD children, and you will find a lot of good info there. Also go online About.com/pediatrician and see what they have to say.

____@____.com

It is really a matter of you and the babysitter or school to work together, so that you handle each situation the same way - and you train him. Remember, they are just new here in the world and do not know the rules yet. So he has to have guidance, and guidance that does not irritate his ADD. Like speaking in a normal tone, and keeping the noise level at home down and the light level too.

Find out what is happening inside of your child and then you will find it a lot easier to guide him through learning what the world expects of him. And, how to get what he expects or wants to get in this world too.

I have a feeling that the children feel tense and nervous inside and at least a bit fearful about what is going to happen next. He has been through a lot of traumas - on his level - at school, really not understanding why the teachers are 'mad' at him. O.K.?

You are a brave woman to do all that you are doing, and you need a dear, close friend - who will not hassele you about your child rearing abilities. But, someone who will be by your side to help you figure out what is the right thing for your child. Maybe an older woman friend or a friend more your age that is kind and understanding. "They" say that every mother needs a mother, so that is what you are looking for, someone that you trust to be helpful. Look around and you will find her, or him, if he is broad minded and not judgemental. Men are different, you know. I do like them and this is not to put them down.

So hang in there and walk side by side with your darling child. Who loves you as much as you love him. Pretty nice, huh?

Good Luck, C. N.

Ask your preschool to call the Dept of Education in your area (or you do it) if you sign a release they will come and observe your child and then help you.

Here's my advice:
If the pre-school is run by LAUSD or is a public preschool somewhere locally, then California Law states that a child cannot be "kicked out" and that the state needs to make any and all concessions to give the child an education appropriate to his/her learning strengths. Also, special needs children classified with certain disorders qualify to have an aide paid for by the state in the classroom.

If the pre-school is private, That's a completely different ball of wax!
We had John John in a private pre-school near our home for his first year of school, but we asked the district to pay for his aide, and we went to due-process with the district to get it paid for. (this all happened the summer before school started.)
We asked for a really nominal fee and we hired his aide ourselves, getting monthly checks from the district to pay the aide; it worked for our family, and the district was happy to pay for it. (they would have paid more had our son been in one of their schools with an aide covered by UTLA union rules)

Finally, if a child is "kicked out" of a Preschool for behavioral issues, those issues must be pretty severe, beyond the typical "boy" behaviors expected during a school day. He is either acting out, or might be demonstrating issues typical with behaviors seen on the Autism spectrum.
Seeking help with a psychologist and/or behaviorist might be helpful for you, to do any of the following: get him tested to see if he is on the Autism spectrum, which would help with the state and the district paying for an aide; work with a behaviorist on practices that help curb unruly behaviors (is paid for by Regional Ctr or the State if child is autistic or has severe add); or finally, to get family therapy for herself and her son to grapple with these issues and anything this little boy is trying to express through his unruly behavior, esp. if testing finds that he is NOT on the autism spectrum.
A discussion with your Pediatrician about these concerns might also help!

My work phone is ###-###-#### (my name is Jennifer Porter) and I have phone numbers of advocates to help in a fight with school districts and we have therapists and behaviorists on staff if you need these referrals.

;-)
Jenni

D.,

Hi I have my 7yr old nephew through Child Protective Services for which has severe ADHD, PTSD, and possibly bipolar. Hid ADHD was getting him kicked out of every daycare. Kids with ADHD have certain behaviors that they act out I agree 4 is kind of young but I do believe if he was fully tested by a psychatrist than it should be ok. I had him tested by 2 different people. ADHD kids can not sit still for a story, if they do watch tv or play video games it would be for short periods of times for which they get bored easy. The best thing is to get him into sports and outdoor stuff its hard with winter coming. It helps them get the energy out. He gets very aggressive if he loses a game and always has to be first in line etc but to the extreme where they have to put all there attention on him. He would blow full tantrums not for not getting his way but because of his anger now he runs. I have insisted putting him on medication and his attorney and worker was against it until I had him tested.

Don't listen to anyone that tells you different I studied child physchology and I also have ADHD and Bipolar I I know how it feels and it is a chemical balance in the brain just like a diabetic that needs there medication. But get more than one opinion. I also don't beleive in giving them Ritalin or any stimulant I have my nephew on Strattera which is the only non stimulant drug out there. And as for your insurance they have to have coverage for mental health that is the title it would be under. And as far as preschools most of them are private but yes when they go onto public ones you do have rights he is considered having a disiability. Trust me and some can grow out of it my other nephew was put on it at 5 and only was on it for 1 1/2 yrs then outgrew slowly took him off meds and he is now 12 and doing fine. Everykid is different.

Good luck,
Jen

I highly recommend Montessori, or Waldorf schools for children with ADD or ADHD. With Waldorf your child would stay with the same teacher from K-8th grade. Not sure how Preschool fits into that.

Also, when seeking a preschool or child care for a high needs child I highly recommend asking about your child's potential teacher's credentials. I found that when my son's behavior was an issue he did fine with teachers with a higher degree in their field. He had the opportunity twice to have my son in a preschool/daycare where the teacher had a Phd. He did wonderfully there. Be sure to look for that!

Here are a few great book suggestions:

Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to help the child who is bright bored and having trouble in school
by Lucy Jo Palladino Phd

The ADD Nutrition Solution
by Marcia Zimmerman

The ADD Answer: How to Help Your Child Now
by Frank Lawless and Phil McGraw

The Myth of the ADD Child
by Thomas Armstrong

Good luck!

If your son's behavior is as challenging as the preschool suggests (and note that I say "if" because they may just not know how to handle kids who don't exactly fit their idea of a preschooler), then your child is probably eligible for free preK thru your school district. (There are federal monies for preK programs for kids who are low income, with behavioral or developmental concerns and those learning English as a second language. Contact your local school or the district.

D.,
My son is also four. At about 2 1/2 I realized that he was much more hyper than other kids his age. It was like a total out of control thing. While we are in the process of having him diagnosed, we have taken some steps of our own that have helped tremendously. I also have been warned that it is almost impossible to diagnose a four year old, but I also know it has been done. One of the things that I noticed was that whenever he had any sugar he got totally crazy. I mean absolutely beyond. So we took him off as much sugar as humanly possible. They have all kinds of sugar free candy, cookies, soda, ice cream, etc. So he never feels left out. We also give him as much natural food as possible. Like fresh veggies and lots of fruit. (Be careful, because even some natural sugars can make him crazy.) My son, for instance, can't have grapes, or too much 100% juice. The other thing we do is we are extremely careful about too much change at one time. It was really hard for him at the beginning of the year because he started going to preschool everyday, instead of 3 days a week. It took him about 3 weeks to adjust, and in that time, he had some behavioral issues that we had to deal with. We are very firm, and try very hard to be consistant. When we make a threat, such as (if you aren't obedient then you'll have to come home), we always follow through. Even if it's punishing us too. Believe me, I really think about what I say now. Hopefully some of this is a help to you. Maybe even just cutting out the sugar could make him a little easier to handle. Oh, and my sons pre-school is awesome when it comes to behavioral problems. They have gone above and beyond when it comes to my son, and he's still there a year later. Find a school that can work with him, and see the good in him.
Good Luck!
B.

Hi D........I know for a fact that safe and natural homeopathic remedies help countless children with ADD/ADHD symptomology. You might want to look into this and find a good homeopath in your area who will study your son's case and recommend a course of action.
C. Springer

You may want to try changing his diet. It has been very successful for many of my friends. No wheat, no dairy, no gluten.

Try it for 2 weeks. Also you may want to try taking out TV time or any computer time. He may just be over stimulated. Each child is so different and some can be over stimulated very easily.

Take care,
A.

If your son is showing signs of ADD, please do not put him on medication. ADD is so common now because children are constantly being entertained and do not know how to handle boredom. The first thing I would recommend is restricting television/computers/video games for your son to 30 minutes a day. I know it sounds very hard and it will be difficult at first, but trust me, it will benefit your son immensely! Also, martial arts are great for kids with signs of ADD/ADHD because they stress focus, discipline, and respect. Kung Fu is really great. We have noticed a huge change in my son since we took away TV and started Kung Fu. He is using his imagination more than ever and really focusing on things. Also, your love and time are more important than anything. Your son needs you and I'm sure you need your son, so before you even think about putting him on drugs for symptoms of a problem, find a way to solve the actual problem first. Your son will benefit greatly from it.

ADD CAN NOT be diagnosed in a four-year-old. I am wondering who diagnosed him? I am concerned that a pre-school would offer a behaviorist when they should know a perfectly normal, energetic four-year-old would look like they have ADD. You may find it a blessing to send him to a different pre-school.

Jen

Hello D.,
I know how you feel, my son was kicked out of Three private Pre-schools, before I finally got him into a School district program! Financially I made too much for Headstart, but after my son was Diagnosied/ Labeled (A process Which I do not agree with) He got into Headstart under the Mandatory 10% of classroom children be special needs, at the same time the district opened a special needs preschool to wich he was enrolled (: I guess I should get to my suggestion, even if you do not qualify for Headstart there are other preschool programs under First five and state monies, go down to your local school district and see what preschool you can quailify for. District programs do not expell children the refer and serve our children, good luck (: and stay strong (:

Hello D.,
I would suggest try cuting down on the sugar if you give him sugar. Maybe the preschool he attends is not challenging enough for him and not enough activity to keep him busy. Hopefully that will work. Best of luck and hangin in there.

D.:

I know what you are going through. I have had similar problems with my son. Remember, you are the biggest advocate for your child. What are some of his issues?

First of all, good for you for continuing your education and making the best of a hard situation (being a single parent.) You'll make great money when you're finished with school, so keep going. Maybe you can talk with your pediatrician about the ADD. He might be able to prescribe an RX for you, without having to go through extensive evaluations. I am pretty sure that Walmart has $4 prescriptions, and the drug he prescribes may be on their list. He just needs to be properly diagnosed first. There have been times parents and teachers thought the child had ADD, but found out later it was food allergies. You're probably extremely busy in nursing school, studying, etc. He may just be craving a lot of attention. He will be starting public school very soon. The best time to nip this in the bud, is now.

You can ask at childcare services for you county and ask them what you could do about getting him tested for add..

That sounds all too familiar. My son now 12 has been diagnosed with Asperger's, commonly known as Highly Functioning Autism, but in the early years it surfaced as behavioral problems, and he too was kicked out of numerous preschools. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 years old. The best place I ever started was your local County Children's Mental HEalth.

Hi D.. I am soooo happy alot of the mom's agree on this. ADHD is such a "hype" out there. They think every kid who has a little more energy or something has ADHD and they are quick to give them medication for it. I too, was a Psychology major in college and worked for a Psychologist for 2 1/2 years. We tested many kids for ADHD, all ages, different backgrounds. Very few (who were told by schools and teachers especially) had it. I say "please" do not medicate him. He is 4 years old. He is probably acting out for numerous reasons. I say take him and have him evaluated by a psychologist. They run a battery of tests on him. They can tell you exactly what is wrong. But I have seen kids benefit through therapy and eventually grow out of it. As far as the preschool goes, I agree, maybe look into Montessori or check with your local state agency for referrals, something that deals with those kind of issues. It may just be the school or the teacher. Take care sweetie, I know it must be difficult dealing with this on your own. If you want to talk more, feel free to email me back. T.

You might want to try a Montessori school. They are very good at helping kids with behavior/attention span problems. My son was kicked out of a daycare once and then I realized that it was the inexperience of the teacher rather than my son. He is at a Montessori school now doing great. I think it is better to try that before resorting to medications he may not need. Also it helps to have him on a routine at home, make sure he gets enought sleep at night... at least 10 hours... because that can cause ADD type symptoms if he is tired. If he has behavior issues at home, you need to start there and give him time-outs at home so he learns the rules at home that will give him the self control he needs at pre-school. Try watching the TV show super-nanny or buy her book... they have some great ideas to get children to behave. it is also very helpful to read several books to him each night before bed which helps their attention span.

L.

I feel your pain. I also have a son who will be 4 next month. he is ADHD. we have lost a daycare over his behavior and I dread going anywhere with him and his brother without adult help because I can't control him. we are going to classes that I think are helping - CUIDAR. go to cuidar.net and check them out. maybe they can help you too.

Hi D.,
Have you tried a really good nutrition program? Dr John Gray (the author of Men are form Mars Women are from Venus) has done some great studies on nutrition and ADD/ADHD. If you would like to take more about the studies and what he recomends I would love to talk to you about it.

B.
www.HeyYouGetReal.com

You need to call your city school district. Ask to get him assest. Be sure to list all the things you are concerned about....with my son his speech is really delayed, he is aggressive,and unable to stay in one spot for long period of time, socialy hes still parrallel playing and not making friends. They have 2 weeks to respond and get things going.

i also agree about diet changes! i need to start doing that myself.

I hear your struggle to make things better for you and your son. I can tell you that the best thing you can do for both of you is to get support for you and your parenting (therapy or single parent support group?). Appropriate boundaries at home, and preschool, can support your sons behavioral issues...but the boundaries need to be consistent in both settings! "Spoiling" children usually makes the child feel like the one in control, and it can be scary to be a kid without safe boundaries. As a therapist, I find that kids who act out (may look like ADD) are usually in need of some strong yet loving boundaries to feel safe and contained. I surely hear you are doing your best...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! L.

Good Morning D.,
I know what a difficult position you are in. I don't know what state you live in. California has a preschool program called head start. It is excellent. My daughter was in the program for speech and language as well as behaviors. Prior to head start, my daughter was in a public school program for speach and language. You might want to call your Elementary School District and find out what they can offer your son.
Try to get help for your son early. My daughter is 14 now and continues to have problems, but hers are neurological.
Much success to you and to your son.