Seeking Advice on Schedules for a New SAHM

When my kids were so young we had a basic schedule: eat, play, sleep/rest quietly, play, eat, sleep, play, eat...you get the gist. I cleaned when I could, but the more kids I had, the more my standards declined. I never went to more than one appointment a day. I said no when I meant it.

I enrolled my older kids in part day preschool so I got one on one time with my babies. My husband always did bedtime so I got down time on the nights he was home to do so (still does). I regularly went out with girlfriends to de-stress. You are not a drop in service for other moms, just because you choose to stay home. You should be reciprocated for any time you give to other people's kids, whether with in-kind services or cash.

Also, I pretty much always had some kind of part time job, just to get me out of the house and so I had my own money. Also, use this time to read about child development. Even though I took a great class in college about it, there was still a lot for me to learn. I'm not talking about a parenting book, everyone is going to parent their own way, but you should understand what is developmentally appropriate behavior.

Our schedule goes around the kids' natural meals, naps, and preschool schedule.

I have two girls; a 4 y.o. and a 2 y.o. They like quiet time in the morning, and to watch their shows. So, that is what we do, unless it is a preschool morning (only 2 days a week), or we have an appt. somewhere. They eat breakfast, watch their shows, and play while I check email, pay bills, make phone calls, and maybe throw in some laundry. We shut the tv off after a couple of shows, and the girls play while I continue to work on my things (cleaning, organizing, prepping for my part-time job, or working on some of volunteer projects). We have lunch, and the the girls play while I clean up the kitchen, unload the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, and throw in another load of laundry or vacuum. I pick up the house as I walk around it, make the girls' beds, our bed, straighten up the bathrooms. I put the youngest down for a nap between 1 - 2 depending on her needs (I've learned if too early, she fights it). While the youngest is napping, I let the oldest play a game, watch another show, color, go outside to play, etc (depending on the weather, and what I have to get done).

I leave for my part-time job 3 days a week a little before 3. Hubby comes home around 2:30 and continues working from home. I get home around 6, and we eat dinner (most of the time hubby has cooked whatever I have pulled for dinner, sometimes if he is on a project or call, I make it). After we eat, we all go outside and play for about an hour, or we watch AFV or play a game together if the weather is bad. Then it's the normal nighttime routines of bath, books, and bed.

There are days that I am so tired that I don't do as much as others, and days I get an incredible amount done.

I feel like I do get more done now because my youngest is 2. With a 7 mos. old, you spend a lot of time just changing diapers, feeding bottles/food, cleaning that up, and 2 naps. It will keep you home a little bit more, and not allow you to get as many things done as you would expect....but, that is OKAY. They are only this young once, and being the person to be their care provider is the most important "job" there is. Let the housework go if it is too much. Don't over extend yourself to others. Learn to say no to even the fun things. Don't over run your kids around town; let them chill and play by themselves in their own house, with their own toys.

Find your mommy balance. Don't give your entire self away. You need to remain your true core self. Keep your brain active by calling other moms, meeting up at playdates, and/or volunteering to do something to help your kiddo's preschool teacher/school. What career were you in? Is that something you could do very part time to help a group of people who could USE it? Reinvent yourself if need be. And lastly, don't give yourself expectations that are really too much. That is self defeating, and you will "lose" the game. :) Congrats on an awesome adventure....it's a short one so make the most of it!!!

We just found a flow, nothing strict. So long as there are consistant triggers you are good to go. Most of the time our day is something like this:

Wake 7:30-8:30 cuddle for a few, breakfast, cartoon time (while I shower/dress etc) we pretty much take the morning slowly and do not do a whole lot - we are not morning people. My son gets dressed for school around 10:30, we leave at 11:15 to go to school. Pick up at 2 - then after school we may run an errand together or go to the park or have a play date. Typically we come straight home and "hang out" do different things watch a movie, play toys, do a school project whatever works for us. We feed the dogs at 5:30, feed ourselves afterwards, then it's about an hour until bedtime 7:45, we read a story, he goes to bed. Again, nothing too strict but we have daily consistancies that DO happen at the same time so my son, 5 has an idea of what to expect next and has consistancy to his days. I know kids that need every min of every day scheduled but we rebel against that and simply have consistancies during our day.

I'm with you! When I decided to stay home with our baby, I was nervous and excited too. I had no idea what I was in for but it was such a new experience that I was willing to try anything. I think that excitment helped me be a good mom, personally.

Planning is a huge part of taking care of kids. You can anticipate supplies and time restraints if you plan your day ahead. Most moms do this after their kids' bedtime or sometime at the end of the day.

Meal plan. If you know what you will be making for each meal a day ahead of time, it will save you time at the grocery store and even money (you won't be buying things you might not need).

Have a housework schedule. Some people like to do housework all in one day. Some do a little bit every day.

You need to start training your eldest to play by himself throughout the day. Interaction is very important but so is giving you a mental 3.5 yr old break. Start by giving him a toy or something to do (not TV) and have him do that for 5 mins while you tend to the baby, do some housework or just sit by yourself. After he's mastered 5 mins, build it up by 5 min intervals and soon he'll be able to play by himself for 20-30 mins at a time. I have an only and this has worked for me. He was able to learn to play by himself at that age, and without having the TV on no less. Your eldest is also old enough to help you...maybe not so much with the baby but with light housework, like using the dustpan, folding or putting away laundry, toy clean up, setting the table, loading the dishwasher. This is a good age for to start "supervised independence" in your child. When my son started preschool around that time, the kids were responsible for putting their school bags in their own cubbies, keeping track of their shoes when they took them off for naptime, getting their own colors out and putting them away, trying to write their names, helping put up books, puzzle and toys, listening and obeying, reading to themselves (picture books), washing their own hands and lots more simple things. I knew lots of almost 4's who were capable of even more, like packing their own schoolbags and helping put away groceries.

No set schedule here either. We fly by the seat of our pants. If they are restless, we go to the park. If I haven't sat down to play for a while, I sit and play with them. My days are kind of similar to one another, but never the same. The 5 y.o. goes to preschool 3 days a week, and the 23 month old just hangs with me. We get up around 8a, and have breakfast and chill. If I'm going to do housework, it happens between 9 and 11, and then we have lunch, school (on those days), and the baby takes his nap around 1:30p. The older 2 get home from school at 3p, then its homework, dinner prep, etc. I try not to be the kids "playmate" or "cruise director", b/c I feel like its important for them not to rely on me for entertainment. Plus, I work from home part time, so sometimes I can't play, and they need to understand that.
You will be glad you did this, but be prepared to forge ahead with a plan to create an emotional support system. Your husband will never understand your new obsession with the color of paint in the kitchen, or why suddenly you notice that all the closets need a completely new shelving system in order to be efficient :) But trust me, othe SAHMs will completely understand your complaint about that and how the hallways are too narrow to get the laundry basket thru them!

Speak with whomever the last care giver was to see how they orchestrated their day. Kids thrive on routine, you might start out by following their current schedule, then making changes to make it more to your liking.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I don't want to burst your bubble you seem really excited. I have no schedule so mines is more of a "warning" stay balanced when volunteering for things. Keep 'no' in your vocabulary. I do recommend putting your child (3.5) in preschool...try a cooperative preschool so you can be involved. Make sure you have a "quiting time" like you had previously on your 9-5 when it comes to housework (housework is never ending). Enjoy being at home with your kids (see I did it without being negative). Quit my job as a dietitian almost 10 years ago to raise 6.

You will find a schedule that fits and works for you but I believe its important to get them out of the house to the park or the beach for fresh air and run time for the 3 year old. Even though you are a sahm I suggest at least 3 times a week you put your 3 year old in a pre k. Not a day care. That way you can go home spend some special time with the 7 month old, get some cleaning in, and get mom time. When the 3 year old gets home I'd let them watch tv and let the 3 year old spend time with the 7 mnth old and you can prep dinner. After which I'd get them back outside for a hour or so to romp somemore. Maybe bikes or kicking some soccor balls around. That way when evening comes they are calm and ready to relax for bed etc.

your 3.5 year old can go to preschool.
That is about when my daughter started, and my 2nd child, my son, was born.
She loved it and was developmentally needing, "more" and to be in a school setting with other kids her own age.

With 2 kids, just keep naps on target.
Both my kids still napped at that age.
I got them to nap at the same time, per afternoon naps.

A 3.5 year old, developmentally, is at a different stage, of play/imagination/and cognition. Thus "play" or activities, changes at this age. Its a natural development.
Then with a baby, they get tired easily and overly stimulated. So naps are a must.
For me, I coordinated my day with my kids, per nap times. They only would nap, at home. Not even in a car.
Or have play dates for your 3.5 year old or join Mommy groups.
They need other socialization at this age and more physical stuff. And you could also, "teach" her things... her alphabets, shapes, colors, etc. In a fun way. I did that with my eldest.
And just show her what you do in the house...ie: chores. Teach her to help you in fun ways. They can't do it like an adult can, but they can begin to learn these things. Something as easy as wiping a table. With you.
Teach her skills.

I've been a SAHM since my daughter was born. That was 9 years ago. Since both my kids are in elementary school now, I work part-time, at their school.

When my kids were that age we did breakfast, park/walking for mom (brought snacks), home to wash up, lunch, books, nap, snack after and some quiet play followed by another outdoor romp. Either a playdate or play in backyard while I do something awesome like fold laundry, then they come in to color, listen to music or paint while I cook dinner. I clean and prep dinner while they sleep in the afternoon. Then bedtime routine - bath, more books, songs and prayers. Morning playtime would often be switched up for a beach day, museum, berry picking... anything outdoors or fun. I also always did MOPS which is usually during the morning during their normal playtime. Definitely recommend a moms group weekly! I also tried to clean on Fridays even if it was an epic fail. I like to leave the weekend to be family time with as few chores as possible.This is one of the only times I let them watch cartoons! I got a head start during nap then when they got up they got Friday afternoon cartoons while I finished my cleaning frenzy.