My oldest is still adjusting to being a big sister. She turned five when her sister was born. Just wondering how to balance her desire for attention with a ten month old. My husband works a lot of hours and often gets home past eight or nine at night. I try to have dinner ready between five and five thirty. It seems like I end up doing dishes well past 8:30 by the time baths are done and I put my oldest to bed. I do try to play games with her and color but the baby does require attention. I explain to my oldest that when it's just me, it's shared time with her sister. Thanks for the thoughts.
Sometimes in life it's fine to use paper plates so you can cut back on the dish washing.
I think you should plan some one on one time with each child.
If it's 2 kids and 2 parents - the kids don't out number you yet!
Sometimes you and Hubby each just take one kid for a time and then switch off every so often.
Kids first, dishes etc later. You have to learn to let things go. After kids go to bed, then you do what needs to be done. Your big one will appreciate the extra time.
Can you get someone to come in to help you once a week so you can devote a few hours to your oldest? Maybe a relative or friend? Can they feed and occupy the baby while you take time with the 5 year old?
While it sounds like you are pretty much a single mom, you do need to make time for your oldest. It is very important! Good luck!
What does your DH do and can he do the dishes instead of you? I realize he works a lot but if there is something he can prep at night so your family time is more quality time, that can be helpful for all of you.
I also think it's just fine to say they have to share your time. Which they do. Your little one will need to be patient when big sis needs something and vice versa. My stepdaughter needed to remember that DD was just little and DD needed to learn that sometimes even if she was playing at the park, it was time to go when I said we had to pick up big sis.
Is your eldest having specific issues with the baby? I would also encourage her to play with the baby and thank her when she's been a big help.
dishes can be done as soon as dinner is done. if your husband is not home anyway do dinner earlier. and when its done 5 year old helps clear the table and loading dishwasher. 10 month old can be in either a playpen or highchair.
Don't explain to your older one that the little one needs more. Just matter of factly explain that in a family everyone helps. and if she helps do dishes / clear table there will more time for play. there is no reason to be still working that late at night. and is there a reason baths can't happen early in the day? give the baby her bath while 5 year old is at school. no reason bath has to happen at bedtime. You having 2 children does not mean you are now a drudge. make after dinner time your time. supper, and into pj's and let the 5 year old entertain herself a little bit.
My daughter is 8, my son is 2. My daughter goes to bed at 8p, my son at 7p. That hour between is all my daughter's. My son also still takes 4h naps. The weekend naps are her time too, minus 1h for me to nap.
Good luck!
During the day when my kids were at preschool or school, that was my house hold time, and baby time. I got meals prepared ahead of time, laundry done, clean up, and then often I would time the baby's nap for when the kids got home. So I had one full hour listening to how their day went.
I also cut right back on household stuff and made very simple meals. I'd rather spend time with my kids and have a rest myself.
Once my older kids were home, the baby just was part of the crowd. I had an exersaucer, a bouncy seat, a swing, and a mat in the different areas of our house so that as I moved around with my kids, the baby just got plunked down wherever we were. That way, they were in the middle of things, entertained fully by the kids and the commotion, and if they drifted off, I'd pop them in their crib for a nap.
I would say when your daughter is home, the focus can be on her, but if your baby needs your attention, just get your daughter started on something (puzzle, craft, toys) and take care of your baby while your daughter is entertained. She will get used to having to share your time.
I would do the baby's bath in the daytime so you don't do that when daughter is home.
I would put dishes/pans that need to soak on to soak, but I'd do dishwasher once they are in bed if you can.
When husband is home, get him to take baby for you so you can do some one on one with daughter.
Similarly, if you have a teenager nearby that you could pay for an hour or two a couple of days a week after school - to watch your baby, etc. My sister used to do that - paid a neighborhood teen to take baby for a walk when her kids came home from school.
Hope that helps :)
Hire a mother's helper 1 evening a week to hold the baby while you play with older. 1 evening a week for an hour or so will be a good investment of $5-8 (depending what you pay).
