Reunion -- Update

Maybe you should tell them why you decided not to go then just ask them that they respect your decision and that you hope to see them next year. Having a new baby is hard enough then traveling with a new baby is h*** o* you and the baby.

Hi A.!
I say stick to your guns. No offense meant, but eewww can you say lots of germs! With your munchkin being so young I wouldn't want so many people around. People don't always have the best hygiene (like I said no offense meant). What's the first thing most people do? Touch a babies face because it's so soft. Let your little one power up his/her immune system a little before being exposed to lots of people. No I'm not a germa phobe (not sure of the spelling). But I just feel in this day & age you can never be to careful.
Good luck!

Good for you - if you don't want to go, don't go. It is one of the first of many times in your children's lives where you need to make decisions which are best for all of you, especially the baby. Don't feel you have to offer excuses or apologies. Just say, you will miss everyone, but this year you won't be able to go. You want to enjoy some private time with the baby is fine, not expose her to germs, rest, establish feeding and sleeping routines, whatever, but it is not their business. Remember - for the first few months, especially with a first baby, things change day to day and week to week. You would be nuts to commit to anything anyway. And then everyone would be very disappointed if you had to back out at the last minute. Enjoy alone time with the baby, you will be glad when she is older and doesn't want you around!

Why not plan something special for that day with your husband and baby - dinner reservations, a family photo, a local day trip. That way you will not feel pressured to change your mind and you will have something to look forward to at home - in addition to a beautiful new baby.

Hi A.,
The decision is completely up to you, and you should not feel guilty about whatever decision you make. Traveling with an infant can be hard, even if you have family with you. You're still the primary caregiver and will be 'on' for 24 hours a day. I've thought of travelling to see family several times, but I would have to drive so that I could take all of the baby gear with me, and driving takes at least 2 days each way. I don't know how far away your reunion is, but you could start listing all of the stuff you'd have to bring, and they'll probably back off. What about sending a picture album for people to look at?
Good luck
M.

Well I live in the same area and know all about the 3 hour trips to get anywhere. I am expecting my 2nd child and have made a few trips to Morgantown and after we get back I feel like I need 3 days to recoup. I will be due around the apple harvest festival and we run one of the stages there so I will have a few week old baby. I will be going but that is much closer. I say you have to do what is best for you and your child. That doesn't mean anything about germs it is about your energy. After my 1st child I had bad post partum depression so I had no energy for anything. Your family should understand. I know they probably won't so my other advise would be go and make it horrible for them then they might think twice about forcing you to go with them.

C.

Two thoughts:
1. Our first daughter was two months old when we had a chance to see a space shuttle launch up close (my husband works for NASA and had some hardware going up). I was scared to travel with such a small baby and we turned it down. Now, after 11 years and two kids, I realize that traveling with a two-month-old is actually a WHOLE lot easier than traveling with, say, a 15 month old. I will always regret the fact that we missed an opportunity of a lifetime because I was afraid to travel with a baby. As for germs: as long as folks wash their hands, you'd be fine. At that age, babies still pretty much have mom's immune system going for them (assuming you're breastfeeding).
2. Having said that, I realize you're talking about a yearly event, not a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sit down in a quiet place, ask yourself what YOU want to do, and then stick to your decision. If you want to stay home and let your folks talk you into going anyway, you're opening the door for a whole lot of interference from a whole lot of people on a whole lot of other issues in the future. You gotta draw the line somewhere; this looks like a good place. Moms need a backbone!--T.

Everybody LOVES babies! Especially our families. They just want you to know that you are wanted and loved. If it's because of your concerns with them handling the baby, I have been there and done that one. No one understood me but it was really how I felt inside. After 2 more kids, I learned that I had worried with first one for nothing. And it's important for our children to know their great's and their grand's. I didn't have great's growing up and my grand's were very old. It's cool to watch my boys with their great-grandma and all their grandparents now days. A., if you don't want to go, then just don't go. And you don't have to answer the phone when they call you know. LOL And they probably won't let it drop because they WANT what they want...they want you and that baby there. You will have to tell them your 'why' for not wanting to go to stop them. And it sounds like you may have told them that you couldn't leave the dog...yeah, I tried that one too. It didn't work for me either. Maybe you could go but go really late in the day...? My heart hurts for you cause I remember how it felt for me. Take Care and best of luck to you! N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 7 & 2 yrs old married for almost 15yrs to Mr. Wonderful!

How did we all manage to make it to adulthood? Doctors telling you not to let a six week old baby be around a crowd of people and god forbid children!! What did we ever do before Purell hand sanitizer?

Go to the reunion or not go to the reunion. You're a big girl, you had a baby, you make a decision and stick with it.

I'm the mother of a 20 year old and a 17 year old that started traveling the world with us as infants and are very healthy. Babies are easy to travel with!

You should just do what you feel comfortable with. You know yourself and your baby best. You may need to explain your concerns to your family to help them understand, but you might want to be open to their ideas as well. With the whole gang there (who are all anxious to see your beautiful new baby!,) you'll have lots of helping hands, understanding, and support.
When my son was 2 months old, my best friend got married in CA (we live in VA). I wanted to go so badly, but didn't because my son was a preemie and the doctors told me not to take him out in public until he was at least 3 months old. Of course, that decision was easy because I had doctors' orders, but I still felt like I missed out and I missed plenty of other things because I was so nervous about being a new mom. When I look back on all the things I missed as a new mom who was too nervous to take her child out, I wish I could do it all again. My friends who now have 2 kids take their infants everywhere and it works out fine. As a mother of a 4-year old I can tell you that it's relatively easy to take an infant on a car trip as opposed to a toddler!

Please do not ever miss a family celebration! Take the baby, let everyone taker care of it and relax a little. When I was younger we were all forced to attend our grandmother's 75th birthday party/reunion. She was not always the nicest person, so we did not really want to go. Well, we went and she was wonderful and so was the party. That was the last time we all saw her alive, she died suddenly 7 weeks later. Grandmothers love to see the babies, so enjoy them and their advice. I live two houses from my mom & dad and my kids are there constantly. They have developed a wonderful relationship with them and they have been a great help when I have needed advice or the kids have needed to "hear it from someone else." So go and enjoy it, I promise you will not be sorry. Oh and put the dog in a kennel and take your husband! Put the child before the dog and do things as a family.

About me: SAHM & homeschooler 4 boys, 1 girl, 20, 19, 17,15,14, divorced and very happily married for four years.

I'm just going on my trips with my son. But his first trip away from home he was 3 months. We even traveled during the day he slept and only had to pull over to feed or get gas. BUt it's up to you on what to do. I can understand not wanting to go and try to get use to the whole Mommy thing. I didn't want to go at first but Bradley staied with me most of the tiume and if I wasn't holding him my Mom was. So not many germs were transfered there.

You have the right not to attend but if you would like can you attend the reunion for a while and them return to room hotel or family home to give yourself and the baby a break.

Whatever happens stand firm.

um and why is it that you are NOT going?
it sounds like your family is unaware of all that is going on so they cannot understand or accept your decision to not go. it sounds like whatever your personal issue is that you are getting treatment for might be the whole reason. you might have to come clean w/ your family about that one so they can understand and support. dont forget that you will have family there and they can help w/ the baby. could you also possibly stay overnight and drive back the next day?
it sounds like you just might have alot on your plate mentally and emotionally and dont feel like you can handle the trip at this time. try telling them that. maybe next year you will be stronger and can attend.

A., If you REALLY don't want to go, then don't give your reasons or excuses to family. Its easier for them to dispute your reasons, or try to resolve them for you so you can attend. If your mind is made up, simply say "I am not going." and leave it at that.

Its always easier to talk someone into doing something if you know why they are against it, so don't give them that chance. If you want to go but want the kinks worked out, then give the reasons and you'll have more than enough suggestions on how to work around them and support in making it happen. I hope it works out well.

Come on A. - stop the excuses. EVERYONE in your family wants to see your beautiful new baby. This is the perfect opportunity to "get it over with." I would think it is easier for you to go to the reunion than for ALL these relatives to come to your house. You said it is a 3-4 hour drive each way and you would come back in the same day. Why not plan to stay the night somewhere? If you can not afford a hotel room - pick your favorite relative to spend the night with. As to your baby being only a few months old - as long as the baby is not going to have to be out in adverse weather during the reunion - what's the problem. I have flown from Germany to the U.S. with a baby that was only a few months old and I have also rode a Greyhound bus with a young baby with no real issues. As to the issue of pictures - yes, it is good that your parents will share the photos but photos are only photos. Don't you want everyone cooing and admiring your baby? Unless you can think of some better reasons not to go - you are going to come across as being selfish and an over protective mother.

It would seem that having a newborn would be enough of an excuse for not attending any function, including the Nobel ceremony in Stockholm...but families are funny, aren't they?

You might try this: Will there be children at this reunion? If so, you have the perfect excuse not to attend!

My pediatrician was NOT happy with my decision to schedule our daughter's Christening when she was six weeks. Her reasoning was that infants this young should NOT be handled by so many people, and especially not exposed to many children, as they are notorious little petri dishes and can't help the fact that they carry loads of germs. Apparently, if an infant this young gets an infection it is almost impossible to isolate, and can be quite dangerous. (There were no children at this Christening, and very small number of adults, so the Dr. did sign off on it...but still.)

More importantly, your own health (including sanity) should count for something! And driving 3-4 hours with an infant?! Yikes, I've done that. It will take you almost TWICE that time if you plan to feed or change the baby on the way...

By all means, send pictures. Send videos. Make a plan for visits later on when you are feeling prepared to travel or receive guests. Don't be bullied. Best luck!

Go!!!!! Last year we cancelled our reunion due to lack of interest so we decided we would do it this year. 3 weeks before the rescheduled event our uncle died. We should've done it last year like orginally planned. Don't put it off. You never know what will happen. The other side of the family stopped having them years ago and we all regret it now.

HI A.,

What is the real reason why you don't want to go to the Family Reunion?

A Family Reunion is for the whole family. If you have a certain issue, then that needs to come out. The baby needs to have love from the whole family. Your husband needs to have an opportunity to connect as well.

What is the real reason why you don't want to go to the Family Reunion?

Let me know. Thanks. D.

Hello A.. I'm wondering about 2 things...why you don't want to go, and will you regret not going if "something happens" to a family member between now and the next reunion? Not trying to scare you or guilt you, but I'm the parent of one son who is now 5, and I took him everywhere, from the time he was about 1 month. I didn't and still don't worry about germs, because the only way a child's immunity will be strong is to be exposed to as many normal germs as possible (not talking about the flu or chicken pox, etc.) The farthest I ever went with him as an infant was a 2 1/2 hour drive which actually took about 3 hours and it was no trouble at all, but I would have traveled to the end of the earth on foot to take my son to see my own beloved grandmother, who had been deceased 18 years when he was born. You don't say whether your son has special difficulties, but if he doesn't, and your husband is ready, willing and able to assist and run "interference" for you, I say put the dog in a kennel or with a neighbor if necessary and go for it. The only things most people regret are the missed opportunities. Good luck in whatever decision you make!

Traveling with a baby is hard, no matter how far you have to drive! Don't let your folks pressure you into attending if you think it would be a nightmare (which is entirely possible with a tiny baby!). You should stand your ground and explain your decision firmly, so there's no room for discussion and your parents don't think you're "on the fence" about going. To soften your "blow", I would either promise to attend next year's reunion or suggest that it be held closer to your home??
If there's one thing I've learned with 3 kids and parents / inlaws, it's to be honest and direct (but not rude!). No misunderstandings and no hurt feelings when everyone knows where they stand :)

A., I'm going through the EXACT same thing. I'm expecting my first in early June, and my mother wants me to come down to Florida in August with my husband and our two-month old. I'm very nervous about him traveling that young, and so is my husband. My advice to you: it's your child. Stand your ground. If you're uncomfortable traveling with your child, then it's your perrogative to say no. Good luck, and god bless!

If you don't want to go, don't go. If you attend all the family functions, you can always attend the next one. My family is very similar, they are used to having me around at family functions and my mother is used to getting her own way. But you're an adult and it's your baby so there is no need to explain yourself or your actions to anybody, especially when it concerns your child. Your family will get over it.

Hello A.,

I'm not sure if there's something else as to why you do not want to attend your Family reunion, but know that having pictures of this event for your child is a cherish moment for the future of family members. You all can attend the reunion and place the dog in a kennel.

KaTrina R.

First ... if you've made up your mind, then disregard the rest of my post and eventually family will understand.

If you are concerned with exposure, I was concerned about the same thing, but then realized the more they are exposed to, the more their immunity builds. I also used a sling, so when baby slept, they could be close to me and covered and away from roaming hands. It definitely helped with people touching them so much.

Are you breastfeeding? If so, it is VERY easy to travel with a breastfed baby, and of course, they are getting high potency immunities that help protect them, lowering their chances of getting sick drastically. It might also offer you an opportunity to say, "well she's hungry, we need to go to a private area to nurse (if you want to get away to be alone)

Good luck, with whatever you choose. I think people generally understand.

How about your tell your family that if it is SOOOOO important to them that you attend the reunion, that they have it in YOUR town. Of course every baby is different, but I remember very vividly how tired I was when my son was 2 months old (he was not yet sleeping through the night and he was still a bit fussy during the day and taking him out of whatever tiny bit of a routine we had him on was always a nightmare). Traveling with your baby when he or she is that little is a lot of work and your family is being really inconsiderate to try to pressure you into it when you have already told them no.

My advice would be that you explain to them one more time that the baby will be too young -- YOU will still be recovering and tired and you have made your decision that you just can't make it this time. If they keep pressing, just tell them in a friendly tone that you are not discussing it anymore and if they don't have anything else they need to talk to you about that you need to run.

Good luck and don't get bullied into doing something you don't want to do!

Hi A. ~

The idea of sending a picture album is excellent! Of course your family wants to see the new baby and I'm sure they will miss you all. Just let them know you understand their disappointment, how sorry you are you won't be there and you will miss them all, but there's always next year! Don't feel guilty if this is the best decision for your family. Ask if they could send pictures or video of the event, as you feel so bad that you can't be there. Good luck! ~ K.

try a diffferent answer or approach. instead of saying no say we will see or i'll think about it or we might, then drop the subject. when it comes closer to the day to leave then you can make your final desicion or stick to the one you already have. at least this way you wont have to hear all the gripping til afterwards when it wont benefit them.