Resisting the Potty - Saint Paul,MN

Potty training my daughter has been one of the hardest most challenging things I've done as a parent. It was just horrible at moments. It really tests one's patience which I lack alot of. My daughter started using the potty at home at 15mos. She wasn't trained til 2.5 years old. I was ready to pull my hair out in that huge gap of time.

Potty training is 100% in control of the child. We cannot make them. So they pick up on this fast and it becomes a power struggle.

This is what finally worked for me.
I worked at the daycare my daughter was at. I was training (3) 2 year olds including my daughter. Somehow it turned into competition. They would race and fight over who got to go first. Then the one little boy was trained and my daughter and the other little boy couldn't handle that so they were both trained like a week later. At home I would make a big deal about how cool I was when I needed to go. My daughter loved to come and watch and try and be a part of my bathroom time, I let her come with and talk. When she was beyond ready to be trained like she had it down but was playing games and power struggling I never raced to clean up her accidents. I let her be uncomfortable for awhile til she asked to be changed then I taught her to change herself and clean up with help. It became her responsibility not a punishment. After seeing how much time and how annoying it was to have a accident they stopped. I also told her no preschool if she wasn't trained. She wanted to go desperately bad that coming fall so that worked.

Other than that no other bribes, treats, begging, pleading, punishment worked.

I also hate pullups, I feel they are a waste of money, cost more than diapers, are more of a pain to change when they have pants and shoes on, and make it so incrediably comfortable and absorbant they don't mind messing them. I would do the diaper bit til she's ready for underpants. Don't rush the underpants though wait til she's ready.

Now to begin potty training at home. When she wakes up in the morning or from nap dry that's a tell tell sign she's physically ready like her bladder can hold it. Then she must obviously have to go so bring her to the bathroom but don't be pushy about it. After she's mastered going potty after the obvious times when she's woken up dry then start adding more potty times into your day. Ask her do you need to go potty, if she says no just say ok don't ask are you sure or force her, that's where power struggles start. Act like you don't care what her decision is. Then say Well mommy sure has to go, and walk away from her and go to the bathroom yourself. Kids love to copy and mimic if your lucky she will think wow that's cool I'm gonna go try too.

Good luck!

Options that come to mind:

1) Back off completely at home. Let her be in charge instead of you. At school she is probably just copying what other kids are doing.

2) Offer a potty treat everytime she successfully pees in the toilet. But don't get into expending a lot of energy trying to get her there constantly, just 20-30 minutes after she drinks.

My son started using the potty early but as soon as I got involved in trying to help him be successful he wanted nothing to do with it. So I had to do option 1 for a long time. Then he went through a phase where he could be successful on the potty but didn't want to interrupt his play to go. That is when option #2 kicked in.

My daughter was 3.5 when she became fully potty trained. The only problem I had with it really was wondering if she'd ever be potty trained...which is a pretty irrational fear.

Who can explain the difference between home and school. A few thoughts:

1) She certainly is getting a lot of attention for working on this at home...why give that up?
2) It's a lot more comfortable having her diaper changed at home then at school.
3) She's into a little bit of a power struggle at home.

Or of course, none of the above...what do I know?

It does seem like you might want to back off a bit and see what happens. Good luck!

we had to find something our son REALLY wanted, but couldn't just have all the time, like a new toy they LOVE but can only play with for a limited time each time they go, or a part of a movie...that way they don't keep getting something new and get bored with the "reward"