Relocating After the Divorce

Updated on September 15, 2009
D.F. asks from Albuquerque, NM
6 answers

Hello Moms!

I am currently in an ugly divorce, where my spouse slept with anything with a pulse. The unfortunate thing is my children met some of these women.
Due to the lack of involvement my ex has with his kids now, and my great dislike for Albuquerque I want to leave the state.
I feel it is in my best intrest to move to a place where my family may rebuild and move on. Due to what my babies have seen they are currently in thearpy, and I plan to keep them in thearpy til we move.

My issue is I need some advice on places to move I have been looking into North Carolina, but would love some input from other single mothers who are familiar with the single parent struggles!

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answers from Phoenix on

Hi D.,

I have been in your situation, a long time ago. My children are now 21, 16, and 11. I divorced when my oldest two were 7 and 2 and had very little support, remarried about 2 years later, had my youngest child and then he passed away when she was 5. I still have to live near my ex for my 16 year old, even though he has not seen her since May due to her being allergic to his new wives cats. I completely understand what you are going through dealing with all that you are.

First of all, if you are where you can easily and legally move away, that is great. I agree with the last post that it would be better if you can move somewhere you have family, friends or someone that can help you here and there if needed. I have also looked into NC and it is beautiful and in a lot ways is less expensive. I live in AZ and it has become quite costly to live here. I have heard a lot of stories about how humid and miserable the weather can be in the summer. I am from Tennessee and remember the humidity. That is part of the reason we decided not to move there. I would suggest that you try to visit where you would like to live and see if it is what you hope it is.

I desparately want to move to Washington state after years and years of research of my perfect place, however due to the ex-husband causing many issues and not having the money to move, I have had to put it off many times. I am hoping that once I get extra money we will go visit and decide where we would like to live there and then hopefully move next summer or the summer after, when my 16 year old graduates high school.

I suggest doing a lot of research regarding cost of living, crime in the area, cost of moving that far, and also schools for your kids.

If you don't have anyone you can do it alone. I have many times due to not having family. The only thing I have had since my husband died is a great church family that has been encouraging and supportive. Also, I do feel that it is easier when your children are older like ours are now,due to the kids can be a part of making the decision. Take them with you to visit and see what they think. My children are looking forward to one day moving to Washington. Also, when the kids are older, it is not as stressful being they are more independent and you don't usually need as much help from family and friends for childcare help.

I don't know if this helps, however I want you to know you can anything you put your mind to, especially when it is to better your children's lives. It will be very hard and stressful, but keep the reason you want to do this in your thoughts always and it will be easier than you think and you will have strength you never knew you had. Take it from someone who has moved at least 8 times since her husband died, and most of the time has no help but I wanted a better live for my kids.

Good luck and if you ever need to vent or have someone to talk to, send me a message.

Health and Happiness,




answers from Phoenix on

as with the previous response.. I would go where there is family. I did divorce and move out of state and lived with my parents for a month or 2 until we found an apartment for me than we were still close to them and they babysat for me while I went to school at night. Also my church family has always been a great support to me. Do you have either? family or a church family?



answers from Phoenix on

I am sorry to hear you and your children are having to go through a difficult divorce. However, I want you to know that it is possible to have a complete and healthy family as a single mom. I raised two children from 3 and 6 to become fine productive adults. It's a tough job, but you sound like the kind of mom who can put her kids first when needed( and they need that now) and do what you have to do.
I think you are wise to relocate, especially if you are unhappy where you are. I would advise you to look to the east coast as there seem to be more support systems for single parents. I lived in upstate New York and Montgomery county, Maryland while my children were groing up. I found suburban Maryland to be great, but kind of expensive to live there. You may find North Carolina a bit rural and more two parent family oriented, especially in the small towns. However, the more urban areas could be a good choice. But, that would apply tomost states.
Good luck to you and your children.



answers from Albuquerque on

Would like to talk to you; my former spouse left me for another woman and we have and still are battling in court. I was living in Colorado, but was directed to move to NM to be with family. If you give me your phone number, I will call you. God bless you and your kids; S. Beck



answers from Phoenix on

North Carolina is awesome!! The best place that I ever lived and I have lived in MI, NC, GA, and AZ. The people in NC are so friendly. Everywhere you go people you have never met are saying hello. It has great weather, not too hot, not too cold. Rarely snows. Rains like I have never seen rain before and has beautiful beaches. The humidity - you get used to it and usually is not so humid at the beach. You get that ocean breeze. I highly recommend NC and will be moving back there as soon as we can afford to!



answers from Phoenix on

You should choose a place that 1- you can find a job, 2- the cost of living is acceptable to your and your standards of living, 3- you believe it is a place your children would enjoy living and you can do activities together as a family. I would want a support system too, with a family or friend nearby, but that's just me. Nearby doesn't necessarily mean next door, but maybe within an hour or two...
If North Carolina is where you feel you and your children would be happy, then that is where you should be.

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