My mother-in-law came to me about 2 months ago wanting my opinion on a medical condition in my father-in-law's dog. This dog is 15 years old and has only been living with her about 2 years. (He left her and the kids when my husband was 8 and just recently came back into our lives so there is very little emotional attachment to him in regards to my husband and I) I have worked in the veterinary field for almost 9 years now and am a registered technician. Her current vet had suggested a referral to another vet that could perform more diagnostics than he could (he's kind of a small town country vet). She came to me and asked my opinion about what she should have done and decided to come to the clinic that I work at. At the time I took a professional approach because I got the feeling she wanted to know the clinical aspect of the case and wanted the information. After several tests at my clinic working with the doctors there we have come to find out the pet probably has a rare liver disorder that can only be diagnosed by biopsy under anesthesia. Because the dog technically is owned by my FIL my MIL has been letting him make the decision. He knows the dog is getting worse and worse but does not want to put her under anesthesia for the liver biopsy. I understand his concerns and the fact that he just wants her to die peacefully at home. My MIL knows the dog is suffering and feels that euthanasia is the best option. I have continued to take a professional approach in the matter because she continues to approach me and the doctors about pallative care and keeping the pet comfortable. She has never once asked my opinion on whether or not euthanasia should be done. I agree that it is his decision to make. Knowing I'm in the middle the Doctor on the case spoke with me and suggested that I should maybe change my approach to him. Instead of approaching this situation as a professional and giving options because they need to make the decision on their own I should approach this with family support and basically flat out give them my honest opinion. I really have no emotional ties to my FIL (I mean would you knowing he abandoned his kids for 20 years and now is back only because he lost his job and house - that story is for another post) and when I was first approached about the case it was on a purely professional level. My husband agrees that my MIL wanted the professionalism not the emotional support and she has never said she wanted it any different and because of the lack of emotional ties I should keep it very professional. I know this is a difficult situation but what would you do?
Regardless of any clinical expertise and/or personal/emotional attachment to your FIL, I probably would tell ANYONE that when a dog is old, and showing signs of suffering, the kindest solution is euthanasia. It's the last good deed we can do for our pets.
Could the doctor call your FIL and talk to him, that way you are off the hook for having to be in the middle? I think that would be my request to the doc.
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Another way of looking at this is to put the dog, and not your family members, first. And then go forward that way. If you feel it's in the dog's best interest to be put down because it's suffering, I think that's a pretty valid point to make. Sometimes, people can have plenty of information, and they also need 'permission' to make what they feel is a horrible choice. Perhaps your FIL is coping with a lot of changes and a bit paralyzed in making a big decision like this. Likely, your FIL perceives the dog to be his best buddy and may need a nudge or more options: "You can try this medicine for temporary pain relief... or...maybe it's time to figure out how you want to say goodbye and let the dog have some peace." But I do think the welfare and comfort of this living creature needs to come before the strange family dynamics.
(Just FYI-- I have to practice what I preach professionally as well. Sometimes, there are times as a teacher that I have to tell my friends what they might not like to hear about their children-- I really try to keep the child at the center of that conversation, and any awkwardness usually blows over soon. But it certainly keeps the conversation on point, honest and productive.)
Has anyone mentioned the dollars and cents? I know losing a dog is horrible-please don't think of lambasting me and thinking I am callous-I am not- and I love dogs-but a 15 yr old dog-having expensive procedures that may not save his life? That seems extreme. Good luck.
My Vet is also my friend. She gives me both advice as a friend and as a Vet. You MIL probably wants a clinical opinion, not an emotional opinion. I don't know her feelings about animals, many do not understand the emotional attachment to animals. If I were in you place I would set aside your feelings of your FIL and talk to him as I would any other pet owner. I would give the clinical and emotional answer.
I think you should just be honest and treat the dog and the owners just as you would if they were not family and give them a straight picture of all the options and what, in your professional opinion, should be done. If you feel "close" enough to say "this is what I would do....." then go there if you want.
