Preschooler Table Manners

No you are not asking too much. I have a cousin who always had terrible table manners. He ate like a cow. I had a friend over one Thanksgiving and she almost to sick watching him. Fast forward to his teen years and he still ate the same way. He finally gained control of his manners when he was teased at school for eating like a pig. So no start now. I have had to correct my daughter too. The way I did it was by telling her that she was going to Kindergarten and she needed to eat like a big girl and not a baby. That worked for me. Good luck.

Do you praise her when she gets it right? I found that works best with my daughter is to praise her or thank her for doing it right.

Thank you for using your fork
Great job keeping your mouth closed

I still have to remind her about these things, but not as much as when I praise her. If I stop praising her when I think she's got it figured out, she reverts back to bad behavior.

As for talking with her mouth full, I tell my daughter, I love to hear what you have to say when you are done chewing your food. This way you are correcting behavior, but showing her that you are interested in what she is saying.

Mostly I reminded our son to take small bites and chew with his mouth closed (and swallow) before talking so he would not choke.
Since I stressed the safety issue - it seemed less like nagging about eating pleasantly - but it killed 2 birds with one stone.

Since my son hardly eats anything I serve for dinner, slurping and chewing with mouth open have not been issues. For us, the issues were sitting properly in his chair and been willing to try foods without a giant battle.

I don't think you are asking too much that she work on those issues. But I do think you are expecting too much if you think that she will just suddenly stop the annoying behaviors. I would focus on only 1 or 2. Here are some other good tips: http://www.scholastic.com/resources/article/teach-manners/

Gentle reminders are OK but constant nagging and turning this into a power struggle are not. Chill out a bit. I suggest that YOUR reaction is rather extreme. Yo have to leave the room over a child's loud chewing? That's kind of nutty. Relax.

Meal times should be stress-free times to enjoy nourishing food and connect as a family in our busy days. Table manners will come with gentle instruction, good examples, and time.

Sigh. I swear my 4.5 year old has a hole in her lip. She can't even eat Cheerios without getting them everywhere. My son, otoh, is a super neat eater. I don't think I did anything differently with him, but who knows?

I like to do gentle reminders. So at the start of the meal, I remind them of certain things, like napkin on their lap, eating over their plate, not talking with their mouth full. I will sometimes make it a game, 'let's show Daddy what model citizens we are with our food" (model citizens is the expression I use with my kids when they are following societal rules, be it at the grocery store and holding onto the cart and walking calmly, etc.) They usually like showing off their "skills."

I think all L. people slurp and stuff. My daughter adds humming into the mix. I've stopped letting it get to me. She will learn table manners eventually, meanwhile, there is no point in creating a power struggle area. I think it's like all things with small people, we need to be patient while they are learning.

my rule of thumb: "manners!". It's all I need to say with my daycare kids, & they correct themselves.

& no, you're not asking too much. But your method of delivery must be pretty intense with so much angst behind it! Why does this bother you so much? I seriously believe you need to address the issues with yourself 1st. :)

Gentle reminders, and LOTS of praise, even if she's not getting it exactly right if you can see that she is trying give her praise.

You might suggest smaller bites. My fourteen year old can be a challenge at times with this!!!!!!!!

M

Keep working on her. My DD is also 4 and our dinners are punctuated with, "DD, use your napkin/fork." Or "DD, please say excuse me when you burp." Or "DD, please swallow your food before you speak." I don't think you are asking too much, but it's a process. Our DD sits at the table with us because we want to model that behavior and enjoy a family dinner. I think you and I will both have reasonably mannered daughters someday, but at 4 they're still working on it.

And FWIW I've gotten more sensitive to noises since having DD and sometimes my own DH drives me insane with his chewing. So maybe it's that you are more tuned in since having a small child. I "hear" you there, too.

ETA: I didn't take it as you were being mean to her, FWIW. I just thought "yup, been there...doing that." We do also praise DD for when she does remember that my fabric covered chairs are not napkins but it's often a drawn out process to get through dinner at this age. I see nothing wrong with setting the expectation and nudging her there, while acknowledging that she isn't going to be prefect at 4.

How sad for your daughter. It's normal for kids her age to eat like your discribing. All she's going to remember about meal time is how much trouble she gets into for just eating.

You need to let this go. I don't know how to tell you to do that either. I took care of a young man with Down's Syndrome for about a year. He was in High School and we fed him breakfast and dinner for the mom. I would literally gag when I was sitting at the table with him, hearing him chew his food and then when he swallowed...it was revolting. I had to decide to let him eat and I would move around and serve everyone, not sit down quietly to eat, I just couldn't. On the nights he wasn't there I would sit and we'd have a regular meal but there was nothing I could find that would fix this issue I was having with just him.

But he remembers how much fun meal time was when he stayed at our house. He enjoyed each moment because I found a way to let it go/make it less of an issue.

Having table manner is very important but a 4 year old is not very capable of doing so many things at one so they are going to be messy and do stuff we won't allow once they're a teen.

Praise is the way to go here. If you see her take one bite with her mouth closed, acknowledge it and praise it. If she is slurping the bottom of her cup, say you must be done with your drink, do you want some more? If not, take the cup away so she doesn't try to drink again.

If you are not careful, eating time will become stressful for her and she'll get negative feelings about food. You don't want to coorelate mad M. = feeling bad = food and meal time. She'll just stop eating to avoid getting in trouble and feeling bad about herself.

You need to work on one thing at a time. That way you aren't nagging.

Huh? Preschoolers can actually have table manners? Just kidding. :) It's just like teaching anything else...requires a boatload of patience and a million and one repetitions. I'm right there with you...with my 3 and almost 5 yr olds. :)

You have a lot of good suggestions already. I'll just underscore that humor and praise can help. Don't expect her to have the manners of an adult, but do praise every improvement. Remember that she's four (I guess you haven't forgotten that!) and that a lot of correction might actually make her *slower* to change. You know how it feels when you think somebody's on your case all the time.

One of Betty McDonald's MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE stories (I forget which book of the four it's in) is about a boy who learns good table manners from a large white pig. The story is probably too long for your young daughter to handle, but you'd certainly enjoy it.