Preschool Issues

Wow. Good on you and your husband for being so involved in this and asking for serious response at the school Your request will help the whol environemnt there, not just your son's situation.

I really love your husband's idea that the issue isn't with your son but with the other boy. How smart of him, how tuned in. This is right.

If your school can't take the scrutiny off your boy and on to the boy who hits, then you need to find a new school.

Bravo! You guys are tuned in and are advocating for your child!

Assert yourself.....do not ask or suggest. Tell the teacher that they need to take the "shadow" off your son and put the "shadow" on the other child. Also, you said that "now they have more staff then in recent months". Put this question to them, "Does this mean that you were under staffed and putting the children at risk? Tell them that you, the staff and the other parent need to have a meeting to resolve this issue. Also, I would suggest to them that if this persists that the other child needs to be removed permanately from the daycare because the staff has shown that they are unable to keep a handle on him and he is a danger to the children. This might encourage the other parent to really put their foot down w/ their child in fear of having to find another daycare.

I agree that someone should be shadowing this other boy instead of your son... that's rediculous that they wouldn't suggest that instead.
The age range IS quite large, and that is not appropriate. There are quite a few preschools here, and I am sure you can find a better one. There is nothing wrong with taking him out of this school and starting over in the fall somewhere else. Luckily, you are a SAHM, so you have that option... (I am one, too ;-D)

Hi JL, I agree with all the other moms, but I wanted to throw in my two cents on one other thing. you need to sit down and talk with your son. he needs to have the tools to be able to tell the boy to "stop hitting me. I don't like it. It's not okay" And then if the situation continues to be able to go and get the teacher. My son was also very gentle hearted, and whenever we would go to the mall (lynnwood mall! yeah) there always seemed to be some kid that would pick on him, be it hitting, spitting, or just being mean. It broke his heart, and mine as well. I have always been an advocate of "walk away", but sometimes that just doesn't work. So, I know this is a little contoversial, but this is what I told my son.
If you get hit you....
1. Tell him "stop, don't hit me, I don't like it, don't do it again"
2. If he does it again, go and get an adult. Usually it was me, and I will go with you and talk to the boy to tell him, "stop, don't hit, he doesn't like it"
3. If he hits again, defend yourself.
by him having the knowledge of what to say to defend himself, we never got to #3. At 3 he is old enough to tell people to leave him alone, and then get his teacher if it doesn't stop. That skill will last him a while throughout school.
Good Luck

JL,

You and your husband are absolutely right! This is not your son's issue seeing as he is the victim. I worked in a daycare for a short time and it sounds like something that they had to do there a few times. It's called a shadow, and it needs to be placed on the aggressor. That staff member is only responsible for that one child, and follows him around everywhere (even the bathroom). It is the responsibility of the shadow to make sure the aggressor does not hit.

If the teachers in the room give you the "deer in the headlights" look, go to the center director. If the director has no clue, go to his/her boss, and keep going until your child, and the others, are safe from this aggressive child.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Definitely the "shadow" should be on the aggressive child.

Have you contacted the other child's parents about this? If the Preschool is this lame about "handling" the situation, they've probably not bothered to inform the other parents.

Is there something about this preschool that is irreplaceable through another? If your child is hit by that kid again, you need to take your money elsewhere -- and make sure that your friends who have kids there know what's going on too.

Maybe you should find a new school. The great thing about preschool is there are lots of them. So if you don't feel you're making any progress at this school, take him out for the rest of the year and find a new one for this fall. Get a fresh start. I was a little concerned when I read in your post that the mix the age range so much. Maybe you should try to find a preschool where your sons class will be limited to kids that are closer to his age.

I a pre-school teacher and I completly understand your concerns. I agree that it is not your son that should be having to sit with another adult, it is the other child- they should be allowed to play together with an instructer involved during free play or something. Observing why this other child gets angry or wants to hit is important to know and needs to be interviened so that he knows its not alright. I would send notes home with the other child letting the parents know how his day was at school and the impact he has in the class as well as safety concerns. A confrence should be done with child and parents to they know the severity of it. This child could have other issues or even impulses that cause him to act our without thought.
Im so sorry, We have 2 children in our class like that and I am on them in an instant, their issues are hitting other children and running off in a rampage to destroy the class, we have taken to being absolutly FIRM in the rules and that they need to respect the class and that they do not have a right to touch another persons body in any way. If they need time because they are upset, their option is to go into another room to cool down, be alone,(supervisor close by) and then come out and talk when ready; then if it was with another child, it is expected that we work the situation out, not just let it go.
I hope some of this helps or if nothing else lets you know that you are not the only one- so sorry for your son's grief.
A.