Preparing an Almost 3 Year Old for a Younger Sibling

K.,
I have 4 girls, the youngest turned 4 months old yesterday. I agree with Amy that it seems people expect bringing home a sibling to be this big problem, and I really don't think it is. Having brought home 3 younger siblings, I've never really experienced regression, lashing out, or other bad behavior from any of my girls.
I have offered dolls to all my girls around 2 years old, and only one of them has really been very interested. With my oldest I gave her a set of dress up shoes, clip on earrings and a necklace at the hospital when she came to see her sister, and she was thrilled with those, but haven't done any gifts since then. We let our kids know all through the pregnancy that God is sending us a gift of a new brother or sister, and they are involved with the pregnancy and have always been excited for the baby to arrive. I've been "late" every pregnancy, so the questions, "Will the baby come TODAY?!?" get old!
As far as dad helping, if you plan to breastfeed then he needs to realize that you'll be busy for about 15 minutes every 2 hours, and he WILL need to help your oldest, because putting her off over and over will cause problems and is just not fair to her whether there's a new baby around or not. Also, you should be basically in bed for the first week, so you'll need him to do the housework and change baby diapers and outfits, too. If you don't take that time to heal right away the whole process will be drawn out much longer.
Finally, as Amy also said, redirecting is for daycares who aren't allowed to discipline. At nearly 3 years old, you're about a year late with time outs or spankings. She needs to be told immediately that hitting is never allowed, ever, and if she hits she will be (insert specific punishment here). Then follow through every time. If she harasses another kid, then she is punished for being mean to someone. The minute she sees her baby, you talk with her about how baby can't do anything for herself and it's our job to feed her, change her, and protect her. It's her job as a big sister to show love to her baby and protect her and when she gets bigger, to teach her the right way to do everything. Stressing the protector/teacher role will go a long way in welcoming baby to the family and avoiding problems.
Blessings on your journey!

I stressed about this when my daughter was born (my son was one month shy of 3 when she arrived). We did a lot of talking and I included him in as many activities with the baby as possible. When I picked burp cloths, I let him have the final say. When I cleaned, he helped (I used Chlorox wipes while he cleaned with baby wipes). We talked about "Our baby" and not "the" baby. We also read a lot of stories about babies being brought home and characters becoming older siblings. There was one in particular (I'll look at it later and get back to you with the title) where a dog had to deal with a new baby. The dog has to deal with the noise and being ignored and the schedule changing for a while. This one was PERFECT for talking about the changes coming. And something about it being a dog made it easier for my son "to get".

As for gifts we gave our son a kid tough camera. We told him it was from us. And we asked him to help us get extra baby pictures. We hoped it would be a good distraction for him while everyone oohhed and ahhhed over the new baby at the hospital. The pictures are hysterical...trash cans, tiles, ivs... but it worked perfectly. My mother sent him a few "Big Brother" t shirts which got him lots of attention on the way in to the hospital. And my SIL made him a little card board suitcase full of entertainment for if he got bored at the hospital. It was full of stuff from the dollar store, but it was perfect for entertaining him. We did not have our son give the baby a gift he seemed to understand she couldn't use it right away anyway. But we let him hug and kiss and hold her (under super close supervision).

I thought about doing the doll thing too, but he for some reason started acting out baby stuff with his Elmo doll, so I just continued to use that to demonstrate. We didn't have any accesorries. I used the real baby stuff. I let him pretend feed Elmo with a old bottle. I let him use the baby spoons to feed him. We put a diaper on him. There was no need for all the "stuff".

We did not change routines at all. When baby came, he seemed to understand perfectly, that mom was busy. When taking care of baby, I included him where I could. He would sit in the bottom of the recliner while I breast fed and snuggled. He would get diapers and wipes, that sort of thing. I made sure that EVERY night I tucked him in. This did mean that his schedule was sometimes off for a wee bit. But Daddy would take the baby and I would lay and cuddle with our son. At the time I felt like that alone time was much more valuable than sticking to a schedule and I still feel that way!

The transition was really smooth. We had rough days. Days where my son was cranky and out of sorts. Days where HE wanted to be held and cuddled all day and a few "take the baby back" comments. But generally it went really well. THey are 2 and 5 now and the best of buddies! Congrats and good luck!

First and foremost, don't EXPECT it to be a problem. Not saying you are, but there's this "older kids have trouble with younger ones" expectation out there which does not need to be.
1) A baby is a blessing
2) and older sibling learning to share and not be the center of attention anymore is a blessing.
3) Enforce all the same good behavior you do now for the oldest and don't let it slip because there is a new baby.
It's a blessing so don't let it be otherwise.

If your daugther is allowed a naughty streak of hitting and you've done nothing but redirect, it's time to get serious. Same if she's targeting other kids and pushing their buttons. This is your parenting style choice enabling this. No aggression should be allowed period especially with a new baby in the house. check out www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

Be the loving supportive parents you already are to your first, make her feel excited and included. Don't allow bad behavior. My first daughter was stellar through the births of the next two, and we expected nothing different. She's the best big sis ever. On one hand we made a big deal of her being a "big sister" but on the other we didn't force her to pay attention to the baby if she didnt' feel like it. At 2 her discipline already had us confident she wouldn't act out. No bad behavior was allowed (or tried).

Your daughter is 3 so there is absolutely no excuse to let her act poorly. Anything that is not effective after months of using it is not effective period.(don't worry, redirecting never works for most people, it doesn't teach things are seriously wrong, which hitting is, it just temporarily puts it off until the next attempt). She needs firm negative consequences for something as serious as hitting or she has no reason to stop.

Other than firming up now on your first to transition for your second, strike a balance between 'big deal' and 'not big deal'. My middle son was awesome with the new baby too.
Congrats and enjoy!!!

Your daughter just wants and needs attention. The kind of doll you get really won't matter. Involve her in the daily activities of taking care of a new baby. Talk to her: "Let's get the baby a bottle." "Let's change the diaper." "Let's hold the baby." "While the baby naps, we can read a book together or whatever." Don't be too busy with the new baby so as to exclude your daughter. Rather, include her in everything. That way she won't see the baby as competition for your time and attention.

We just had our 3rd baby. Our oldest turned 4 2 months after she was born. When we had # 2, I was concerned about what to do to introduce the idea that a baby was coming. The best advice I could give is to just talk about the new baby a lot. Tell her what is going to happen, take her to ultrasounds, tour the hospital. Let her "own" the situation as much as a 2-almost-3-year old is able to. What helped the most after each younger sibling was born was to have a mommy date with the older one. Just one on one time--it doesn't really matter what you do--we went to Build-a-Bear and made a special friend for the first younger sib, then when # 3 came, we just went to Target and ate at the cafe.
Also, as far as the gift to/from baby, I don't remember that we did one from the baby, but the day before #3 was born we made shirts for the older kids to wear to the hospital that said "I'm the big brother/sister." Then we made the baby's coming home outfit (painted a plain onesie with their handprints). that way, they had something special to wear and the baby came home wearing what they had made. No matter what you do, it is a huge change for her, but everyone comes out ok. As far as what kind of doll to get her, my daughter loves all her cloth dolls as if they are real babies. Don't know if your daughter is the same, but I would say maybe take her to the store and let her choose her new baby. Hope this helps and congrats on the new baby!

American Girl has a "baby" doll that comes with the "necessities". And you can pick one out that has features to match your family. We got one for my daughter when her little brother was born. My husband snuck it up to the hospital and I gave it to her there so she got to bring home her baby when mommy brought home our newest family member. She was thrilled by the concept. And it also allowed her to "help" by emulating mommy's actions with her own baby. The American Girl brand it a bit spendy, but I can tell you it's held up to over two years of active play and still in great shape.

I got some great ideas on here for the same thing about a year ago. Here is what we did...We got lots of books from the library about new babies and becoming a sibling. When baby arrived, she came with an 'outrageous' gift for my son. It was a HUGE concrete truck and he LOVED it. He was so excited and he told everyone that his baby sister brought him a concrete truck! We talked alot about the importance of becoming a big (brother). I got some little matchbox toys and kept them in the closet with a small gift bag handy so that when friends/family stopped by with presents for the baby, I'd put one of the cars in the gift bag and have the friend/family member give it to my son. When you introduce your daughter to the baby for the first time, you (mama) should have open arms for your daughter and let someone else hold the baby. Be careful not to tell your daughter not to touch the baby. Let her be a part of the experience. It's her baby too! Tell her she is responsbile for the baby's feet (keeping them covered under a blanket, getting her socks, etc.) Read to your daughter while you are nursing the baby, or let her play with a 'special' toy during nursing time. Congrats on the new baby!!

I see you've gotten some good responses. I agree that the American Girl baby doll is both well made and realistic. One thing we did to prepare was have our older child take the big brother/big sister class offered by our local hospital. Perhaps your hospital offers a similar class. The children had fun and learned age appropriate information. They also made a gift for their sibling-to-be (they decorated a tee shirt).

My boys are 3 yrs, 2 1/2 months apart. First I want to address the dad comment. My 1st born was very much a mommy's boy. My husband didn't really take a very active part in his care and that turned out to be a struggle. When the baby was born the older one dug in his heels and insisted that Mommy do everything, so Dad had to do a lot of the care for the baby. That was hard, so getting Dad to help with the older one now is very important in my eyes. I think making a big deal out of being a "big brother" made a difference. I allowed him to crawl into the bed with me at the hospital and hold the baby. He tried to "help" me a lot with his little brother. He was very proud of being a "big brother" and took the role very seriously. Things were great. (until the younger brother became mobile and started getting into his things, hehe) I also think presents for the older sibling is a good idea. They don't understand why the baby keeps getting all these presents for no apparent reason and they get nothing.

I honestly don't remember DOING all that much to prepare our son. He turned 3 yrs 19 days after his sister was born. What I do remember is what we DIDN'T do: say that we couldn't do something "because of" the baby. I was very sick/nauseous throughout the entire pregnancy... but I never said I couldn't do something because of the baby. If I couldn't play or get down on the floor it was simply because I was tired. No relation to the baby was mentioned.

He adjusted just fine. They are 12 and 9 yrs now, and are very close. Sure they bicker like all siblings do, but they play wonderfully together often too. Just last night, I went to say prayers with them and tuck them into bed, and they were lying on my son's bed reading books. One would read something funny, and insist on reading it out loud to the other one. My son chose to give his sister the latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, which she has already finished now, and so she loaned it to him and that is what he was reading. She was reading a book of his that he was finished with. And they had a sleeping bag pulled out because she wanted to sleep on the floor in his room to "get used to" sleeping on the floor for tonight's lock-in. :)

(They are at a Lock In at their karate school together.)

It can be nice to do things to help them prepare, but at the same time, you don't really want to go overboard either, imo. "Matter of fact" goes a long way with the 2 - 3 yr old set. I think you can build things up TOO much and it can be overwhelming for them. Gram came the day after she was born, and stayed at our house with our son the next night while we were still at the hospital. My son greeted us at the door (when we came home from the hospital) with a carnation he pulled out of a gift basket. Laid it right in the car carrier for his little sister. :))

Oh.. forgot that we read this book a few times together...

http://www.amazon.com/Berenstain-Bears-New-Baby/dp/039482...