I know that there have been a million questions on here about potty training and I am going to ask yet another.... I am having difficulty potty training my son. One day he is dry all day and then the next he completely forgets how to use the potty. He has pooped in the potty a few times but never consistently. We take him to the restroom at least hourly and more frequently when he is having one of "his days." We have tried rewards, punishment and no reaction. He doesn't care if he is wearing underware or pull ups. My nerves and my rug is shot. Please help!
My son just turned 4. We do have him help with clean up and it doesn't seem to phase him. He thinks it's funny. *sigh*
Try using a positive reinforcement chart. Make a calendar chart and give him a sticker for each day stays clean and uses the potty all day. After a certain number of stickers he gets a treat or present. After a month or so you should be able to stop the chart. We did this with reinforcing the potty training and it worked great.
Good luck! Hope this helps!
Something I keep noticing over and over is that parents who needs months to train their child have started months too early. The whole setup becomes one of tension, and the child is likely to become resistant after repeated failures, particularly if punished for not doing what he's physically or emotionally not ready to do. And some kids seem to be trained for a little while, only to start having regular accidents again.
Potty training takes longer for some kids, particularly little boys, and particularly if parents are too eager (understandably so, but too much eagerness backfires. Often.)
This is a natural step, and when kids have all systems in place (that means both physical and emotional development), they usually train very quickly. It can be as natural, and as attractive to the child, as learning to walk and talk. When they reach that stage of readiness, neither reward nor punishment is usually needed.
Hi S.,
How old is your son? How long have you been potty training? This is typical for potty trainers. It's a new concept for them. Up until now, if the needed to go potty, it was in a diaper where ever.
Think about all of the sudden having to change your potty habits. My grandma was in a wheel chair and had to ask for assistance to go to the restroom. She always forgot, and my parents would get mad at her. I told them for 80+ years she's used the restroom alone, and now she must remember to ask!?!? The same is going on with your son.
First, do not punish, (expecting to help clean-up is ok, but matter of fact, not punishment). Punishment causes stress, and stress causes potty trouble, yes Freud was right = )
I suggest to parents to purchase a watch with a timer and put it on the child's wrist. Set the timer for 30-45 minutes, and put the responsibility on your child. When the timer goes off, go potty. If you don't, you clean it up.
Cause and effect works better than anything else! If your son is able to go potty, making him clean the laundry/floor, he will learn quickly.
I hope this helps.
R. Magby
How old is your son?
I noticed you wrote here before about pottying, last year... is your son now 4 years old?
If its any consolation... my son is 3.5 years old, and not completely 100% potty perfect yet.
I don't have any "deadline" on him.
i would say pick one method of training that you think is the best and stick with it FOREVER. he may be confused because you have been trying different avenues to success. consistency will hopefully help him be consistent as well. I would say only use underwear and give him whatever reward he would like best. Our daughter likes chocolate for poo and then we give her a small piece of fruit for pee.
just my opinion, it doesn't sound like he's quite ready. keep him in diapers/pullups, keep encouraging, wait till he's telling you he has to go. i kept my son in diapers (got to where i was putting them on/taking them off, with him standing up), until he was going consistently on his own. we went straight from diapers to underwear once he was ready. we only used pullups for naps and night time. just what worked for us...
"He thinks it's funny." That sentence says it all. He may have not been "ready", but at 4 years old, he can process that this is the way things are supposed to go, and as a PreK and Kinder teacher with my own children, I can tell you that he should be mortified, upset or at least not laughing.
This tells me that it's become a game or control issue with his parents. Normal for his age- especially if he's very intelligent (I suspect he is).
Instead of playing this game with him, you might try making some new rules. First of all, have a family meeting between parents and son. Talk about the potty rules, and how it's your job to help him learn. Tell him he's not in trouble, you're not angry, it's normal, etc. BUT it's time to work a little harder because he wants to be in control of his potty.
Get him some fresh big boy pants, scrub his potty in preparation for working harder, and revamp any reward system you may have in place (new stickers, etc). AND get him his own roll of paper towels . If he potties on the floor, he will clean it up. YOU WILL NOT HELP anymore. It's his responsibility. Now, I know you're saying he can't get it all properly, and this is true, but he doesn't need to know that- you can go back and clean it when he's not around. Instead, he's taking responsibility for his own actions, and, believe me, it will cease to be funny really quickly.
Emphasize the "responsibility" for his own pottying, but stay calm, supportive and matter of fact. A simple, "Oops, that happens sometimes! Here are the towels!" is sufficient. You aren't trying to shame him, just helping him figure it all out. Don't make a big deal over him cleaning it up, either- it shouldn't be a source of positive reinforcement, a simple "thanks" will do. Of course, when he uses the toilet properly, he should get praise.
I've seen this so many times with my students- especially boys, but you'd be surprised how many girls, too. Unless there are medical or developmental issues, it's usually just a matter of finding a way for them to make the connection to WANTING to train themselves.
We were at more or less the same point when my son was 3.5. He finally got it enough for underware at 3 and 10 months. That was right after Christmas. Now he stays dry if reminded to go to the bathroom every 2 hours or so (he goes on his own when he has to poop though). But he still argues about taking a potty break and is in a pull up at night. Some kids just take their time. I started potty training at 2.5 and he wasn't ready...so I mostly left it alone since I had a new baby. When we went back to it (18 months later!) he was fianlly ready. My son also thought pee on the floor was funny until I handed him the clorox wipes instead of reacting. He also fools around in the bathroom if not supervised. I am right there with you on the *sigh*! If you have had it you can just leave him in pull ups for a few weeks until you are feeling patient again.
You have to find something he really, really, really likes. I can't say that enough. It worked on my son and now he intiates it. Yes he has his accidents but at least now he has an interest and he asks to go but only if I give him a piggyback to the potty and reward weekly with Chuckycheese. Whatever works I'll take! Good Luck!
Also I just removed the diapers and hung out outside on patio with sandals and undies on. If he went pee he hopped on his little potty right there and i hosed off the patio. I didn't have to worry about my carpets. Just hangout there on the weekends.
