Potty Training 3 1/2 Year Old Boy - Reno,NV

Instead of the toilet, maybe he would feel more comfortable doing it on a potty seat. You could move the seat into his room and just let him know it's there if he wants to try it instead of going in the pull-up in his room. Just let him do it when he's ready.

If he's holding it because he's afraid to go, don't push it. It's better that he goes in a pull-up than not at all. Let him do it when he's ready in his room with some privacy unless he asks you to come in.

Yeah, he's past ready, lol. But I know, it's not funny.

This site for potty training refusers, primarily poop refusers, is just for you and will help you get your son poop trained. It helped my guy to do it in just a little over a day and he was 26 months at the time, so it can work with your son. I won't go into details as you can read them yourself, but remember, "power incentive." My guy was literally running to the bathroom to poop so he could gain use of it :) Hang in there, there's excellent advice here!

http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

All kids "get there" at different times/ages when "they are ready".
Keep trying but don't punish him if he doesn't. That's detrimental & works
the opposite.
Continue to praise him for peeing in the toilet & keep gently urging that he
poop in the toilet. Tell him he's a big boy now & when he goes poop in
the toilet he'll get a big boy prize (like a remote control car etc).
Do not make a "bad" deal of it. They are scared of that big hole.
Get a toddler seat insert in a cute cartoon figure. The kids' behinds fit
better on those. More comfy. Don't feel like they are falling in.
Praise, hold back negative comments.
He'll most likely be doing it by the time he's 4.
When my son first started, it took him awhile so I put a few toys nearby
for him to grab to keep him occupied while he tried to go.
The first few times took awhile. Now he gets the sensation & knows when.
He, also, wanted a small step stool to put his feet up on since his feet were dangling.

Oh I feel for you. We went through this with my son but not for as long as you've been dealing with it. Bottom line is - they'll do it when they want to do it. I tried EVERYTHING and I really am not sure anything I did made a bit of difference. BUT - here's a few things to try. We did not do pull ups - he was just in underwear and we tried to catch him in the act of going to the bathroom in his pants and rush him to the toilet. We also had a reward chart in the bathroom - so many stickers and he got a special toy. We bought the special toy ahead of time and left it where he could see it but could not open it, until he got so many stickers. We also for a time gave him a little bit of ice cream any time he managed to get poop in the toilet. Again - not sure any of these things actually helped. Once he finally decided to go he just went and there was no fan fare or drama about it. I made a big deal about it and he looked at me like, "so what"? Kids can be maddening! Good luck.

In reading the comments below I second the smart phone idea. That still works for my son. And the first time he managed to poop on the toilet he was messing around with a smart phone. I got him his own I-Touch on ebay for not very much money.

I would talk to your pediatrician, just to make sure he isn't getting constipated and making it worse by holding it in. Holding it in for days at a time is not healthy and the longer it goes on, the worse it can get. Then it becomes more painful for him to go, and they freak out even more. The pediatrician may recommend using a stool softener like Miralax to help loosen his bowels a bit. Make sure he is eating plenty of fresh fruits, veggies, whole grains/fiber and drinking a lot of water (bananas and dairy can be more constipating). Build him up to using the potty by having him wear the pull-up while sitting on the potty, then cutting a hole in the pull-up so he is still wearing it but the poop falls through, and then having him take it off altogether.

My daughter was a tough one too - one thing her pediatrician also suggested was letting her play games on my smartphone while she sat on the potty. She needed to sit for 10 minutes twice a day to give the poop a chance to come out and the phone really helped keep her occupied while she was sitting. She loved playing on my phone so it was a bit of a reward for her just to try. If nothing happened after 10 minutes she could get up - but usually something did!

I think they get scared because it feels like the poop is a part of them and somehow some part of them on the inside is coming out and getting lost in the toilet. I just kept reassuring my daughter that poop is just what is left over when your body uses up the food you eat and your body doesn't need it and that's why it gets rid of it and needs to come out. There is also a book called "Everybody Poops" that might help too. Maybe also have a goal or a huge prize he gets when he starts pooping on the potty consistently for a week without Pull-ups.

Hmm... can you have him sit on the toilet IN the pull-up and try?

Let him do that a few times to get used to the idea of sitting and pooping......

We have a tough one too! Hates to go poo poo on the toilet. Wasn't until we really got it through to him that he would get a big BIG prize from Toys r Us that he did it last week! 3.5 yrs old and there was poop everywhere, but he did it!! ( we started with little prizes for pee-pee). We had tried it all too from reward charts to Cheerios to candy to playing with the smartphone or letting him sit there for a long time - nothing but the promise of something Big ..

Oh my son was like that.
Late bloomer in the toileting department.
I didn't stress about it.
He also went to a Preschool at 4 years old, that accepted any level of pottying child. So that was no biggie.
But I knew, that by the time he went to Kindergarten, he would be fine.
And he was.
My son would also exclaim "ITS MY BODY!" or he'd get scared seeing his poop in the toilet.
Main thing, is that the whole ordeal does not cause the child to start withholding, their poop and not go at all. My daughter did that, even if we didn't push it. She just had stress and anxiety about it all. And she got constipated and we then... had to see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist, to remedy it. And it took, THREE months, for her to get over it.
By this point, per the specialist, it is a 2-fold problem: a medical problem and then an emotion based problem. Because, constipation, causes pain internally and when exiting. Hence, it affects the child. The specialist said.... let the child poop, even if that is in a diaper for now. And when they mature and are less afraid of the process, they will go in a toilet.
Constipation, once they start to withhold their poop, can be very serious and cause a host, of medical problems. ie: Encopresis, bulging bowels internally, hardness of poop, pain, blockages etc. Hence, I was very aware of this, with my 2nd child, my son.
And sure enough, he got it, on his own.