Please Help!!! I Single Mom with 13 Yr Old Daughter and Her Attitude

Ah tough situation. I do believe you need to find a way for her to express herself. She is searching for somethng if she is going after older guys. She feels she is empty inside for some reason. Yes Maan no maan needs go bye bye. Don't be so stricked this is her time to make mistakes. But I'd get some counseling about her behavior. I'd also try to switch her school.

I have a few thoughts. My only suggestions would be to :

1. Get her a male role model who can show her how men are supposed to treat ladies.
2. Does she have an auntie/cousin she can talk to when she is frustrated with you? If not start searching for someone in your church,group of friends etc. Someone who she looks up to and can knock some sense into her if you can't.
3. Loosen the reins a little and start doing something special with her every week---just the two of you and just for fun. Build your relationship to a really strong point. Now is a critical time in her life.

Hang in there!

You're not her best buddy. You are her mom. Try at this point to be her chum and you will end up with her hating you for it.

Does she have any activities other than going to school? If a kid is busy they cannot get into trouble and don't have time to think about acting out; if the activity is a good one with strong adult role models, the kid also does not talk back because the activity reinforces that respect, not talking back, is what's right and expected.

If she does not have an activity or several, it's time to ensure that she is too busy, with the right kinds of adults and kids around her, to want to be on Facebook or seek out her problem friends.

Talk to HER an make it positive. Do not present it as I have here -- that's mom talk -- instead, tell her that you would like her to choose some activities that she really, really wants to do and stick with for this school year. I would avoid activities that are closely tied in to the school culture, such as sports or cheer, for now at least; she needs something separate from school so she can be her own person and is not encountering kids who know her from school or who know her friends.

What might SHE want to do? Art classes, dance classes (be careful to choose a reputable studio and I would avoid competitive dance at this point--she needs reinforcement of her own abilities, not competitiveness right now), archery or tennis or golf or another solo or near-solo sport that she can do on her own or with one other person, a book club....

Volunteering can have a very positive impact and keep her busy too. Libraries need teen volunteers all the time. Food banks are desperate for volunteers in many areas. The Red Cross and hospitals need blood bank volunteers. If she has even one good friend whom you consider a positive influence, see if the two of them can volunteer somewhere together. Volunteering teaches a kid to get outside her own little world where she's the center of everything and her own emotions rule.

Keep her too busy with positive activities to be around guys for a long time to come. As for school work, set up a schedule with her and yes, give some rewards when she does certaiin things by deadlines.

Sorry to say this but u r destroying ur relationship with ur daughter. Y don't u try to be friend with ur daughter instead of disciplinarian mom... First mend ur relationship then she will open up her heart to u.... If u don't trust her then who will trust ur only daughter... N regarding sex, boys... Talk to her privately, but friendly manner, about protection, pregnancy, good guy, bad guy... And so on... She in the rebellious age, anything u try to talk to her in strict manner, it will bounce her head and it will take opposite effect. First start by loosening up ur talk n talk sweetly n take her to shopping or anything she enjoys, but all the time just smile and crack small jokes andbe friendly later give her back her phone and show her u trust her.. And explain her calmly about your concern, and say her that u r strict not because u don't trust her, but because u r worried about her and explain everything regarding sex or everything... She is your only daughter and she has only you.. She will think and act accordingly... At that age they need someone to put breaks on them, and they need mom as their friend... They know they need to stop but they find everything exciting at that age... And balance crumbles and excitement wins over responsibility... Guide is needed to reroute their excitement to responsibility... Be patient, u will find result if u work on becoming friend and sweet mom...

They say that if your teens don't like you, you're doing something right!

I say don't let up on her. She's just starting this teen phase and you need to keep her grounded. Also, without a father in her life, she will most likely be overly interested in boys. And you mentioned that you already have trust issues.

The one thing I would NOT do is to blame her behavior on her friends. Your daughter is her own person with her own mind. If she chooses to follow her friends, then that his HER decision and should not be blamed on the friends. My mom used to blame my friends for anything I did wrong. I just wanted her to acknowledge that I was a person with a mind of my own and I was responsible for what I did. The more she blamed others, the worse I got.

Make your daughter accept personal responsibility for her actions and do not let her blame others and you shouldn't either.

First of all, she is entering the teens, which can be tough.

But, in my opinion, one thing you are doing is being overly controlling. Being too much of a disciplinarian can backfire, and it sounds like it has.

It sounds like she has already engaged in undesirable behavior, so you are going to have some work to do. You should probably work with a teen counselor or someone who can teach you how to loosen the reins while still keeping your daughter on track, since you have already set some bad things in motion.

Sorry but, I don't think you will be able to do this on your own. Get a counselor who knows how to work with teens.

Maybe get her a big sister.
I'm not too familiar with community programs out of my area, but there are youth groups for teen girls. In my area they are operated by non-profits but the groups meet at school sites. My niece works for one and she works with the girls for 16 weeks, in which they explore their roots and how their choices today impact their lives tomorrow. The girls journal their feelings and several Saturdays have mother daughter events, all aim for positive development and prevent at risk behavior. Good luck and be patient.

I agree with the half that says that you aren't her friend, you are her MOM, her only mom in the world. True, at this age, she is separating from you, but still she needs (and wants, even though she doesn't say it) a mom that is her navigating assistant.

I also agree that it woudl do wonders to do something with her at least every week - even every day, even as small as "for this next 10-20 mins, the floor is yours, so tell me any or everything you want", or do nails, or give her a back massage.. Any thing to get you two to have bonding time. Stuff like this will spark a closer relationship that will translate to her heeding you instead of pushing against you.

And thirdly, get her a version of a male role model!!! She is begging for it by picking more mature, older 'men' to hang out with.. that is a recipe for disaster.

Maybe let her earn back her FB and phone, but with limits. ?

Good luck!! I am about 5 years away.. saying prayers for myself in advance LOL

Jude