Parents with Kids on the Spectrum How Are You Dealing?

I will tell you, and this isn't the only reason but the breaking point, that stress, with no one to support you, was the final nail in my marriage's coffin. You need support!! Find it somewhere.

I know some other moms who had or have kids in Andy's school. Any one of them would take Andy for hours if I asked and I would do the same. If you have raised one of these kids you know two things. Adding one more doesn't change much and you know the value of support.

I can promise you, and this may sound bad, the only way you can get down time is away. No matter who is there to help you you will always respond because they are your child. If you hear them you will take care of them, ya know?

You will eventually learn how to redirect, then going out won't be so bad. :)

Sorry if I rambled a bit, I need to get off of the computer and relax myself, the kids are at their dads.

I could have written your post....it's exhausting, lonely, did i mention exhausting... nobody truly understands do they? only those who raise a child on the spectrum. we love them so fiercly, grieve for them, and protect or want to do our best to protect them from all that could harm them..

they are so perceptive, so unique, so wonderful...but yes, I wonder why God chose me to raise 3 on the spectrum? did he have me mistaken for wonder woman?

I am not, i cry a lot from stress of it all, and the zero support i get, my husband is so pathetic, if you asked him to explain autism, he wouldn't be able to...

i am not helping, i guess just letting you know you are not alone....
a hug to you..all we can do is keep going, we have no other choice, we love them....

I understand where you're coming from with your frustration. It's hard to juggle everything and still manage to find peace. When my son was that age he was at his lowest functioning - he has classic autism and is nonverbal - and the stares and judgement I would get even from other parents at his therapies was unbelievable. Try to network with the families at your daughter's therapy sessions and also seek out local support groups as well. Seeing that she is three she should be allowed to go to preschool for free as well within your local public school district. Look into that to find out all the details.

Get yourself set up in a routine, all of you. One that you stick to constantly and do not waiver from it. If there is going to be something else going on be sure to give plenty of reminders and notice to all the children to prepare them for what is coming. Routine and repetition while perhaps mundane are the keys to managing things, in my personal opinion. Talk to your doctor to get some help with your anxiety. Personally I recommend meditation and exercise but I know that may not be possible in your situation. Hope you're able to find what works for you and yours soon.

It's about stolen moments. (Like this moment I've stolen at almost 2am after I've emptied and loaded the dishwasher, folded clothes, picked up toys.... Well. You know.)

I take every opportunity for my son to have a therapy that will benefit him. During his therapy, I take my other children to playgrounds, the Y, whatever I can to provide them opportunities for fun and development. I have family that I trust to watch my kids so that my husband and I can have the occasional date night and reconnect as a couple. Not just a couple of parents. :-) I also know that there is respite care available to parents of kids on the spectrum, but the waiting list is pretty long where we are. It is definitely worth looking into.

Mostly, I have given the house over to the kids. Honestly, except for a few pricey electronics, one wouldn't think that adults live here. It looks like a day care. I have been diligent to make some areas of my home safe zones so that when I go to the bathroom, I can go alone and not fear what the kids are getting into while I'm back there. Showering is essential to a happy life. I used to see it as a luxury. Sad, but true. When I make time to shower, shave my legs, wash my hair.... I just feel better.

I console myself with the knowledge that as time moves on, certain things will get easier. My son is finally potty trained (for the most part.) I will often just take a deep breath and remember how my hands were rubbed raw (literally) from washing poo and pee out of his clothes for so long and now.... Progress! Try to hold on to every bit of progress like a life raft and, to paraphrase Fight Club, learn to let that which DOES NOT matter truly Slide. :-)

Are you connected with the Autism Society to see what resources they might have available?

http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/state-resource...

autismspeaks.org - they may be able to help you find resources and support.

Honestly - I feel that for the past 3 years I have been in "survival mode." If I can get to all of the necessary appointments, get to work, no one gets hurt, and everyone is fed - it's been one successful day!!!
Thankfully once my son turned 3 all of his therapy was done at the special ed preschool he goes to during the day so that took out a lot of the running around to appointments, etc. My son is now 5.5 and I have to say - progressed so much more than I ever could have imagined. There are still rough days - days that I honestly choose going to sleep to eating as I am so exhausted after getting everything done during the day that it's 9:30 - sometimes after - I'm starving but I'm exhausted......I just go to bed.

I see a counselor for myself once a month. Even the counselor (who used to work with children with behavioral/neurological issues) said, even if you don't think you need to talk about things maybe this is just a time where you can have your time.

There are great days - once in awhile - where the kids are asleep around 8 and I will just take a hot bath and then read.

Hi J.,

I just want to hug you. I know exactly how you feel! I only have two kids, my oldest being on the spectrum. He is now 10 and i can only say, it got a little easier for me as he grew. Every day is a struggle at some point though. Little fights about EVERYTHING. Everything has to be a certain way, in the same order, at the same time, every single day or there is just a meltdown. The way it got easier is that I just started to manage it better for myself. Before, i would let it get to me. You just have to stop, take a few seconds and breath. If you know its coming, you can't expect for it to not happen the next day. Then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Also, i talked to my family doctor about all the anxiety that this was causing me and he prescribed me an antidepressant that has really helped to calm my nerves. It's really made a difference in the way i have started to deal with things. Good luck with everything! All these kids need and want is to be loved, no matter how difficult it is to do sometimes.

Those mommies of children who are also stressed may be the lifeline you've been looking for. Since my son was two, I've switched days with another lady with a son a similar age, but I've also done this with whole families--one lady I bartered with had three children, while I have two, but it all came out pretty even. Herbal teas, though they might help, won't negate the fact that you need a break once in a while, and not just a break so that you can take one child to therapy.

I would approach these mommies again. Set up a few hours here and there, perhaps once or twice a week, when you can watch their kids and they can watch yours. I've exchanged a date night, but the best situation was when a mommy and I exchanged 3 hours twice a week. I had her son Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 9 to 12, and she had my son Wednesday and Friday afternoons from 2 to 5. Sometimes I'd just use the time to run errands or do laundry, but other times I'd just sit and relax with a book or write or listen to music.

I know you love your children, but an exchange would be cheap, and you will know that you have a mommy who understands your child's specific needs. Plus, your children will get to know some other families that way. My kids are still very good friends with the kids I watched, even though we have moved since then. We're going back for a visit this summer, and the kids can't wait.

I wish you luck with your search. Hugs!