Not Pooping on Toilet

I agree with the doctor. Throw away all of the pull ups and diapers. I tried the reward system with my son. I made a huge deal out of going on the potty and when he pooped I would give him two stars on his calendar and at the end of the week depending on how many starts he had that would determin what kind of toy he would get. I made prices for so many stars. Never had a problem again.

My nephew was 4 going on 5 and would pee but not poop in the toilet.

My brother and his family came to visit and my nephew wanted to swim in the pool but needed to poo first.

My sister made him sit on the toilet, she sat on the floor and read to him. This took like 30 minutes. Yes, he was crying the whole time.

He did it and has been going in the toilet ever since.

Which is a good thing since he couldn't start kindergarten unless he was potty trained.

My daughter did the same thing. We told her when she was 4 that they didn't make pull-ups in her size. Anyway, we ran out one day a couple weeks before her b-day, and she had to go. She screamed the entire time on the toilet, but was relieved when some came out and it was "no big deal". She was terrified at first ,but since then it has been great! I really thought she would hold it in as she had done in the past. My daughter is very strong willed and I really can't believe it worked! Good luck, and don't go back to them. She was sooooo proud of herself and we made a BIG deal about it--calling everyone, and going out for a treat.....etc. The first time is the hardest...

I agree with your dr. Throw the diapers away. Pull-ups are diapers and until he is out of diapers he is not potty trained.

I have had a few pre-k students whose parents claimed their children were potty trained, only to discover they were just as you describe your son to be. That is not fair to the teachers and to the other children in class. Pre-k is for discovery and play and socialization, not potty training.

As an educator yourself I am sure you can relate somewhat.

Your doctor is right. Throw out the pullups. Then feed him lots of foods with fiber- dried fruits, or fresh fruits (not bananas) if he doesn't like dried fruits and lots of fluids. This way, he won't get constipated and in fact, probably will not be able to hold it and will have no choice but to go. Sure he may go in his pants a few times but will soon realize how messy it is and will probably figure it out. Also, make him help with the clean-up. Obviously he is too young to clean himself up completely, but he is old enough to participate. Explain to him that it is less messy if he just goes on the potty. Don't get angry, because then it becomes a battle of wills.
Also, ask him why he doesn't like sitting on the potty. It could be something as simple as being uncomfortable. Put a step stool under the toilet so he has somewhere to rest his feet while he sits. I know of one little boy who had the same problem around the same age, and when he mom finally asked him what the problem was, he said it hurt his legs when they were dangling, and this fixed the problem. In time he will figure it out. Good luck!

just adding to the advice- I agree with many of the moms. Get rid of the diapers and if he messes, don't make an issue but he must help clean up. ALso a reward chest when he poops on the toilet. Since you have the doctors encouragement, find out in advance what you can do if he "holds it in". My son has a problem with that and I know how much mineral oil I can give him...drinking it straight or mixing it in drinks. Also having snacks around that help keep things flowing might help prevent the consequences of refusing to go.

Good luck-

I agree with your doctor. Throw away all diapers. I did the same for my son (he was holding it until his diaper at naptime) and once I tried to put him in a cloth diaper for naps, he refused and pooped in the potty. Good luck!!
S.

get rid of the pull ups.. and if he goes.. make him try and clean it up.. show him how much easier it is to go in the toilet.. maybe try a small toilet for him to go on. good luck.. but get rid of the pull ups.. tell him you can't get his size anymore.. he's to big.. they are for little boys who don't go to school yet..

MOM,

Listen lets face it, the only way to get him to poop on the potty is to actually MAKE him poop on the potty.

Your not helping by giving in
your enabling him.

your hurting him, even if you don't think you are.
even if you think its worse to make him use the bathroom.
ITs NOT.----He won't get sick, he'll poop eventually

I have 3 boys, and we went thru the same stage, and I took my time to push him,

But sometimes they just need to be encouraged,

I took the diaper away, and we had a few accidents in the under wear, BUT after alot of pushing,eating foods that made his bowels soft, crying screaming and waiting --lots of waiting-------- and only one day of actually holding him down on the potty til the poop literally fell out his bum. We were set,

He realized it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, and we've been accident free.

WE even wipe our own bum.

If you want him to attend school, he needs to use the bathroom, no if ands or buts

otherwise make plans for him to stay home.

Good luck whatever you decide.

M

Some children think that poop (because it is solid) is a part of their body being eliminated. He clearly knows when he has to go and seems to have the pull up routine under control.

What does he do with the dirty pull up? Does he put the waste in the toilet himself and flush? Does he clean himself afterwards? If you are doing it for him, have him begin to transition to doing it himself.

The two things children feel they can control are BM's and food intake. I would tell him that the school does not allow pull ups and therefore he needs to begin to go on the potty. My boys always sat backwards on the big toilet because they were afraid they were going to fall in. They also loved to "bomb" cheerios with their elimination (number 1 & 2).

Good luck,
E. S.

Your son needs to do this his way, for whatever reason. Just let him. Not much else a 4 year old has control over. You can probably be sure that he already knows what you want from him, but he's not able to do it, so maybe best to not pressure him too much. He wants to make you happy.

As for the inconvenience... It's not really too inconvenient; he uses a pullup and the cleanup is not necessarily any more that post toilet use. Don't let the teachers at school force you to make it more convenient for them as it's their perception. Make sure they respect him...

My son did the same. The more pressure I used - no matter the technique it's still pressuring - the more resistant. When he was ready he took on the job 100% and did not look back at pullups.
For health and personal safety, I did give him metamucil and mineral oil if he was 'holding on', and I also bought the potty seat with the step ladder built-it (do a google search I cant remember the brand-$40). The ingested stuff kept constipation at bay and the potty makes him very secure and give sense of control.
Good luck. You're resolutions now will be building the foundation for all future problem solving between you, so keep assuring and respecting and he'll come around.

I agree with Deanna, get rid of the pullups and throw out undies that he poops in. I also have my son clean himself up when he deliberately goes in his pants because he does not want to stop playing. (But not for true accidents when he is trying to get to the toilet and it is occupied, etc)
You could try benefiber if your son does not like Fiber One bars. My son will hold it all day until he gets home because he only likes our toilet, these kinds of fears are common with kids. The benefiber helps to keep him regular, I stir it into his milk in the am, there is no flavor or texture to it. If he has held it for too long, with my MD's permission I use a tiny bit of Miralax. They told me to use half the adult dose, but I use even less than that. Hope this helps!

A.,

I too am having the same problem. I have 3 and a half year old twins and my son is pretty much potty trained but refuses to poop in the potty, He just goes in his underwear & then asks for new underwear. I would love any advice you get.

thanks

A.

i would do what the doctor said. if not throw them a way, get them out of his sight. tell him that you ran out. My sister had the same problem with her boy the same age, when he knew there were no more diapers, he used the potty. never had a problem again.

He is old enough to control himself and use the toilet. I have worked in a pre-K room where one child used soiled pants for extra attention. Put him on the toilet and make him stay until he defecates in the toilet. Tell him other children in pre-k will not want to play with him if he doesn't learn to control himself because he stinks!!!

Get rid of the pull ups. As long as he has options, he
will take the easy way out! Good luck.

This sounds so elementary, but have you had your pediatrician tell your son to poop on the potty? The only reason I mention this is because when my son was training, peeing was a snap, but pooping took a while, and at Joey's 3 year well-child visit, the ped...gently 'poked' him in the belly and said "you put those poops in the potty, mister!" - and that was it...Joey came home and pooped on the potty...you know kids listen to everyone else other than their parents!!

Best wishes to you...
J.

I've heard of this before - think about being a little guy, sitting on that big toilet . . . . knowing that when it flushes, everything goes "away" and, to him, that's a long way down! Have you tried putting a small seat (like a potty chair that fits over the toilet) on the regular toilet for him? You're right, he's potty trained (maturity-wise), but sounds like he's just afraid of the "big" toilet. I also agree with you that throwing away the diapers (pull-ups) could result in him becoming impacted, which is much worse than what he's going through now. He sounds like a very intelligent little guy and I think this issue will resolve with some patience and improvising. It's hard being little in a big world!!! Good luck! I'll be thinking about you both.. Hope this helps.

Ahhh...seems like 2 months ago I was going throught the same thing! Oh, yes, because it was. My daughter just turned 4 about 3 weeks ago and just 2 months ago we finally! got her fully trained.

First of all, throw away the pull-ups! Multiple packs of big boy underwear, a tub and laundry soap to soak the soiled ones, and lots of patience is all you will need to get through this. We thought our daughter was never going to poop on the potty. She would pee but she would not go #2. I thought she was justbeing head strong because she is but I really am starting to wonder. I would sit her down and talk to her about pooping on the potty and why she preferred going in her pants. Turns out she was afraid that it would hurt when she went on the potty. So we would sit day after day for hours reading stories and talking about how it wouldn't hurt when she did it and how we would take a fun trip to the zoo when she finally would go.

We tried everything from prizes to flat out bribes to taking away privileges that she valued the most (Computer time). She got so amped up about how I was stressing about this that she finally started to withhold her poop for days until her stomach would start hurting. She would hide from us when she would poop and she would lie and say she didn't when you could clearly smell that she did. She was still wearing pullups and still going in her pants.

One day we said that the pullup fairy came and took away her "baby diapers" as we called them. She was left with cotton panties with every character I could find in the store. Mickey, Curious George, Dora, My little ponies...etc...We told her it was time to wear big girl panties. We also told her it was okay that she has accidents because after all at her age it's all about learning from your mistakes. When she would have an accident, we told her that it was okay but that Mommy and Daddy were disappointed. We told her that she would be able to have her favorite treat of chicken nuggets from Mcd's the first time she would poop on the potty.

After a few weeks and several pairs of soiled panties, we still made no progress. We then decided that privileges that she enjoys have to be taken away because that is what worked when she would have pee accidents. Her computer time had been taken away which really seemed to be the turning point for her. She started withholding because she knew if she soiled her pants she would not be allowed her precious half hour of playing computer games. We had to try a laxative finally when she went 5 days without going potty. She finally relented after that because she had to go and she couldn't hold it any longer.

The first time that she went we thought we had it beat but it took a few more accidents to get it right. She enjoyed the fact that she earned her computer time back and of course we made our trip to the zoo. We are now diaper and accident free but it was a struggle.

Sorry this is so long but it is still so fresh in my mind! I really hope that you start enjoying some success soon!

Hi,

First, get rid of the pull ups. Second, get a goody bag. We used a yellow gift bag with small cars, candy, slinky ect... My son would only get to pick from the yellow bad if he pooped on the potty. Somehow, he even knew that if he started in his underwear and finished on the potty he wouldn't get to pick. Get about 7 to 10 prizes. If you stick with it, the habit will form very fast. Third, if he poops in his underwear then throw them out. So if he sees his favorite character underwear get thrown out it might upset him and he will try harder not to go in them. Finally, if he likes granola bars, get him the Fiber One (35 grams of fiber) granola bars. He will not be able to hold it very long after having one of those. My kids love them and they always work in about 6 to 8 hours. If he doesn't like granola bars, natural apple juice or cider also works. This is what worked for my reluctant 31/2 year old. Let me know if you have any questions.

Good Luck
D.

Its a control issue with him. He has control of the one thing you cant make him do. Ignore him. He knows what he is supposed to do. Throw away or hide all diapers and pull ups and if he poops in his pants amke him clean himself. Dont say another word about poop. And if he tries to discuss it with you tell him he knows what to do and you arent going to tell him.
IMHO children should be toilet trained before they can talk and refuse to do it. LOL

Hi A.,
At 4, he certainly can and should be doing his business on the toilet. At 4, we all did, and if we had any fears about it, we got over them. You can either just take the pullups away and tell him he is simply too old for diapers, that 4 year olds use the toilet and you don't change poopy diapers for 4 year olds, or you can transition him by insisting that if he uses the pullup, that he sit on the toilet while he poops in the pullup. And he should be taking it off, flushing the poo and cleaning himself. Then transition to pooping on the toilet without the pullup or diaper. Good luck.

i can't help you much, but can tell you that i'm in the same boat! my daughter trained herself the week her baby siter was born (she was 2 years, 10 months) -- but did the same thing -- would tell me she wanted a diaper on to poop. at the time i felt she was going through enough, and she did train herself for pees, so why push it. bottom line -- its been almost a year and its still happening! i read all of the responses of people saying toss the diapers, and i just don't agree! i'm sure all those moms would say that i've given my daughter too much control, but like someone said, there isn't much a preschooler can control. from the beginning, my daughter seemed to know when she was ready for the next step. she weaned herself from breastfeeding (11months), bottle (12 months), diapers for peeing (2y, 10m), and none were an issue for me. even sillier things, like walking with me in a store instead of going in a shopping cart -- she seemed to know when she was ready for. i say don't push it -- he probably just needs that little bit of security for a little while longer. i assure you, i've never heard of a child wearing pullups to high school! :) good luck!

Hi A..
My son is also 4 and just potty trained him 2 weeks ago. He did the EXACT same thing your son did. I had to take him to the Doctor for some feeding issues and she gave me a stool softener and another med related to something else. How is your son's stool? Is it hard or pasty? If it is you may want to try the stool softener. I give him 2 teaspoons of miralax once a day in 3 oz liquid. (it isn't bad for them if you are helping him out with his stool) Our son was afraid because it hurt him to go on the potty sitting down, so he did it standing up leaning against something. After we gave him the stool softener we put him on the toilet and told him it was easy and it wouldn't hurt etc. and once he did it the first time...it was the end of pull-ups. He is now completely potty trained. You may want to try it for a week or two. I know it worked great for us. We would never have thought of it if we weren't at the Dr's office and she was asking us about bowel movements etc. Good Luck!

Hi A.,
My daughter is almost 3 and we are experiencing the very same thing! When we don't give her a diaper or pull up she will hold it for days at a time. I have tried loading her up on fiber (fiber one bars-apple juice, etc) and she has held it for up to 4 days. She then will run around and do a crazy dance when she has to go and this dance can last for hours - so it becomes very difficult to go anywhere or get much done. When we haven't given in and given her a diaper she has pooped 3 times on the potty and is so proud of herself but it doesn't seem to get easier the next time she has to go.

I am at odds myself as to what to do- so any advice you get if you wouldn't mind passing on to me or any suggestions that work for you.
Thanks.
K.

A.,
The only thing I can figure - lose the pull-up. Once it goes to his pants, he might get the idea this is not going to be forever, and the potty is the place to go to prevent discomfort.

Have to say, my cousin's grandmother had an interesting ticket to potty-dom: If you want this toy, you will use the toilet. End-of-story. He immediately started using it and hasn't gone back.

I don't advocate (and if I can get my husband to avoid this I will) using bribes or penalties or treats to go to the bathroom. I figured my aunt was desperate.

Good Luck!
M.

Hi...we recently trained our 2 1/2 year old. The same problem for a while he wouldn't poop. After talking to other moms, apparantely it's very common. He would do his "poopy dance", so we'd go to the potty and he would sit for 20 seconds and say "all done"; we would return to whatever we were doing for a minute and repeat the process all over. My husband kind of made a game of it. We would have him sit on the potty (when we knew he had to go) and then say "hold my hands and squeeze it out" emphasizing the squeeeeeze part and my son would laugh every time. After just a few times, he would sit down and ask for our hands and go poop. It wasn't long before he was just going on his own. I'm not sure why it worked, maybe just took his mind off of things for a while. Good luck!

Why would he get sick from not pooping? Constipation is not an illness. When he is full he will go.

Hi A.,
We just went through the same thing with our 3 year old. It is extremely common. It can be a control issue, but also a fear issue as well. As long as he knows what to do, and you do not punish or berate him in any way for mistakes, he'll do it in his own time. We don't use pull-ups, just undies and boy is it a pain. Even so, we didn't make a big deal of it. Since it's summer, though, we let him run around nude ( a favorite for every child!) for a couple of weeks. Since there was nothing there to 'catch' the poop, he knew he had to go on the potty. He now goes regularly, and yes, even wears clothes again. Good luck!

Hi A., Is your 2 year old trained or showing signs of interest? When I had this problem with my second son the Dr suggested to pretend my daughter was pooping on the toilet. She was only 15 months at the time but it worked. He may want to relate to the younger child (getting more attention and using diapers.) Your doctors idea is also good. No reachable pull-ups. Big boys go on the toilet. My best, Grandma Mary

It is not likely your son will get sick, he will do it. You have to believe in him and help give him the confidence. Have a throwing away party for all the diapers and let him throw them in the garbage and celebrate, even bake a cake or cupcakes whatever is his favorite. When you see it's time for him to go, grab his favorite book and sit in there with him and either you read it to him or he looks at it himself to keep him there and it will distract and relax him to go. Or simply tell him his favorite story. Whatever will keep him sitting and relaxed and make sure he doesn't get constipated because that will put fear in him to push it out. Good luck I know he'll do it!!

Hi,
I read something on Mamasource a few months back that helped us out -- it was about a child who struggled with the fear of "letting go" of poop, which to her mind was a part of her body/self. So they started flushing the poop from the pullups and saying together "Bye, bye poopie, see you next time!" It got the child used to the toilet without having to sit on it, and got over the developmental bit about self/other/letting go. I hope you get lots of helpful responses -- good luck!

Hi A.,
This is a problem that alot of children have. My daughter did the same thing, until she just turned 5, then out of the blue...when I just dropped the subject.etc...she came upstairs one day and said she had to poop, went into the bathroom and went, like it wasn't a ...big deal at all..or a many year fight... and that was the end of her grabbing her pull ups to poop in. She was totally potty trained now. I tried to push the issue..hide the pullups..even punish, which I hated..she had constipation problems alot and WOULD hold it and hold it, the doctor had to give her miralax for awhile also...I finally realized that what all the books say is true..they will be potty trained...when THEY are ready and not when we want...no matter what parents or doctors think. The tough part is to just ignore the problem for long enough for them to do it when they are ready. Try and have patience and Good luck!!!