Normal for Preschoolers to "Check Out" During High-commotion Events?

My granddaughter with sensory issues does that. If there is any sort of commotion, she simply cannot handle it. She starts shaking from head to toe and literally cannot move. I've had to pick her up and remove her from the commotion so she could settle down. I don't think it's necessarily normal. He is young, though, so it could be that he is just overwhelmed. Keep an eye on it at things like family gatherings or big events. Maybe it was just being on stage with all eyes on "him" that freaked him out.

Coming from a longtime preschool teacher-- yep. Completely common. Not always usual or typical, but not strange or weird to me.

This may have been a couple things; some kids find these sorts of situations a huge 'sensory overwhelm'....it's so new and uncomfortable, checking out is a way of coping, of taking space. Just Too Much. I have seen this with older kids at large events--- they might check out with a book or handheld game-- but they are still checking out. One mom I know said that when she took her 10 year old daughter to a peace rally, her daughter had her head in a book the whole time. Something to consider.

The other idea is that your son may really hate having all those eyes on him. I know children who would fall apart the minute "Happy Birthday" was sung to them, because everyone was looking at them. (One four year old I know negotiated with his mother--she could have a birthday party for him ONLY if no one sang Happy Birthday to him. When this child had a hard time emotionally, I always found a quiet spot out sight of the group so that he could not have the added stress of being watched while he worked through his feelings.

How about asking him before the performance if he actually wants to do it? At 3.5, I don't feel that performance should be mandatory. I think, at that age, there's nothing to gain by being put up on a stage if you hate it. All it will do is create a stronger aversion to this sort of thing. Some kids thrive on the recitals, junior drama activities, etc.- others just loathe it.

Lastly, and I want to stress this, as the mother of a kid who is also an "observer"-- do not compare your kid to those around them. My son didn't do ANY of the singing and motions during his first year of preschool. NONE. It clicked in during his second year. He is a bit on the dreamy side, more tuned in to himself than to what's going on around him. It's been my own challenge to accept him for who he is, here and now, and help him along when it's appropriate. Even at five, now, he's really not cued in to the social life activities at school other kids are excited about.(Sock Hop, craft fairs, etc) I've learned that there are times when I must lead him, and that there's also plenty of time to just watch and observe him, and let him lead me so that I can parent his own unique self better. It's hard when I have had people telling me his behaviors are atypical, because I see something different-- I see a kid who knows what he wants to be doing, a kid who does have friends and is very insightful about some things other kids could care less about.

All that to say, love your little guy as is. There's always going to be one kid or other who marches to the beat of a different drummer-- or the tune of their own kazoo!

Maybe he's an introvert. Not every child likes to perform. Performances are not "normal" occurrences and he is not even 4. Maybe he just doesn't like doing them. Regardless of how the other kids do, it seems like he's a normal kid that doesn't like these things. Unless he has other issues you're concerned about, I wouldn't stress about it.

Your son, for his young age... was doing "coping skills" which for him, putting his hands over his mouth and looked down... was HIS way, to deal with the LOUD noises and TONS of kids, making loud noises and all the commotion and crowds.
So he did good, for his age.
Be glad. He showed some maturity.

My kids, especially my daughter when she was younger... hated loud noises and huge crowds of children in tight spaces and it is just overload on the senses. ie: like at school child performances. PLUS the parents are all there and there is music etc. Even for me, as an adult... all the commotion is irritating.
So for your young son, I think he did FINE.
Not everyone likes those "performances" things that kids have to put on... and it is and can be, very loud and bustling full of many people/kids/adults and very active.

Don't worry, your son is normal. Nothing is "wrong" with him.

Like others have said, I really wouldn't stress out over this. My daughter at 3 years old was completely overwhelmed by her first trip to Disney World. She was excited to go, and I was excited for her, but our first day in Magic Kingdom wasn't how I imagined it - she basically said no to everything. Didn't want to do any rides, didn't want to meet any characters, didn't want to watch the parades or the shows. She looked a bit dazed, and I think she was just trying to take it all in. Mid-way through Day 2, she started coming out of her shell and showed more interest in things.

She also didn't do well when it was the end of the year for her gymnastics class and all the kids were supposed to "perform" for the parents - again, she was 3, and while she did do it, she didn't exactly have a big smile on her face. She pouted and slumped her shoulders the entire time. A year later, when she was 4 and it was time again for the end-of-year show, it was a much different story - she was very proud to show off what she had learned and did a great job. She's in dance this year and they work with the kids getting them used to performing in front of someone by having them practice with dolls and stuffed animals first to get them over the jitters - and also talk to them about going out, putting all their heart into it, and loving what they are doing and letting it show. Funny thing is, DD has always hated having everyone sing Happy Birthday to her - she's gotten better, and doesn't freak out, but you can tell she hates having all that attention focused just on her.

My guess is he just felt overwhelmed and that was how he was coping with it. He should get better as he gets older.

Totally normal!
When my son was that age we took him to The Little Gym.
He had a blast!
And then the last class came where parents showed up to take pictures.
With all the people and cameras - he just froze up - he totally had stage fright.
It took awhile but by 4 he was happy to sing with his class on stage.
Your son's class might be full of confident kids but I've seen other kids freeze, cry, run off stage, wet their pants - it's a common development stage (oooh, bad pun)!

I think he did great. What a huge step from not even being able to stand up there, to coping in his own way.

My son is what I would consider an extrovert, yet at his last school performance (2nd grade) he did something very similar to this. He didn't cover his ears, but he didn't enthusiastically participate. He looked spaced out and moved his mouth to some of the songs, while some of his classmates were belting it out as loud as they could. I found out from his teacher that in practice, he had a tough time focusing on the performance...playing with friends and jumping around. For him sitting still and minimally singing and moving around was his way of keeping himself together. So you see, kids find all kinds of ways at these young ages, to take care of themselves. They are not yet able to fake their way through things the way that adults can.

He'll grow into being ready for these things. Don't rush him. And praise him for standing up and being part of the performance. It's sure a lot on these little ones to look out over all of those faces.

My daughter, who I consider a cautious observer and introverted person, blossomed at about 2nd grade. She had a lovely teacher who understood her well and encouraged her in all the best ways. With her help and ours, she learned that she is special in her own gifts and to love herself for that instead of worrying about what others are doing.

Your son sounds like a tender hearted sweetie-pie. Enjoy these sweet years :)

oh Yeah for both of you. you for preping and him to not freaking externally! that is a big step, I wasn't sure he was ready and i recomended hiding. but i'm glad he is growing and showing you that he trusts you.

I'm sure it's normal for him. However, if it really worries you, you might ask to have him evaluated by an OT for sensory issues. Perhaps she would have some tips for you to work with him.

Honestly, I think he'll grow out of it. But you are the best judge of it, since he is your son.

Dawn

I did the same thing at that age, my mom has photos of our church Christmas play, me in the center of the front row, with my back to the audience. She says I loved the idea of being in the play, and she had recorded me singing all the songs (I knew all the words and motions) but when I got up in front of the audience, I was having none of it!