Need Some Advice on Completing the Potty Training Process

Updated on February 23, 2008
J.M. asks from Brookfield, MO
4 answers

I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end. My daughter just turned 4 and while she pees in the potty without any issues 99% of the time she won't poo in the potty. She does it in her pants and then comes to me whining about it or she won't tell me at all. I've tried everything I know to do and nothing seems to work all the time. I've tried rewarding her for going in the potty, I've tried taking things away from her when she goes in her pants and I've tried both at the same time but nothing seems to work. She started potty training in pullups and I'm about ready to put her back in them when she poops in her panties. Most of her pretty panties are now all stained and look awful but I can't afford to keep buying packages of panties for her to ruin. I thought maybe she would do better after awhile but so far we're standing still. We just moved in Dec. ro our own home where she's not near her daddy so I thought that might have something to do with it but she's done this for a long time now even before we moved and it's getting any better. Please someone help me!

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So What Happened?

We are completely potty trained and have been for awhile. Thanks for all the advice I've passed it on to friends who have had the same issue.

More Answers

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C.C.

answers from St. Louis on

Did u try every 15 mins. setting her on the potty intil she goes? I have a almost 3 y/o who goes on the potty except she cry's if she has to poop cause she doesn't like to go in her pants or on the potty so we broke out the little potty again cause it gives her feet some solid ground so she doesn't feel like she's going to fall anymore. I wouldn't brake out the pull-ups again cause she might feel more comfortable pooping in those then her underwear also. It best to find out what time of day she seems to have to poop and set her on the potty at that time till she does it works with my daughter but she does cry cause she still doesn't know what to think

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S.L.

answers from Lawrence on

I would love to know, too. However, one thing we are going to start this weekend is the "variable-ratio" reward system. The basis is that people are more motivated by rewards on either a variable-interval or variable-ratio schedule, rather than a fixed-interval/ratio schedule. That's what gambling is, and people get pretty addicted to it. (When you never know when you're going to get rewarded.) We are going to try having a spinner and our son will get to spin it after going potty to see what reward he gets. It will either be a sticker, a teddy graham, or something else. Another way of doing variable-ratio that I know works well with older kids is to put a piece of money or candy in a jar when you see them doing something good or nice, but not every time. They never know when you're going to, and it keeps them on their toes. In general, rewards actually have been proven to demotivate people unless the intrinsic/natural reward has been internalized sufficiently. So if you reward someone consistently and then gradually take away the rewards, they will stop doing the desired/undesired behavior. That's why we're going to try being inconsistent! (sounds crazy, I'll let you know if it works)

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B.H.

answers from St. Louis on

J.,
I did not like to poo on the potty well in to elementary school. Try working on her diet. She probably isn't getting enough fiber. I have always had an aversion to poop....I still cannot go in a public bathroom. I do not even really like to go if anyone is home. Everyone was soooo obsessed with my going on the potty that it was a lot of pressure. I'm over thirty and can still remember it! When I would go, it was very painful and made into a huge production. Once my grandmother even traced it onto a piece of paper and threated to tell the authorities if my mother didn't do something about it...this still comes up at family functions by the way. Anyway, the more you focus on it, the more you are creating a huge issue that may just be she doesn't like poop. She'll get over it because if she doesn't like poop, pretty soon she'll get tired of having it in her pants. Also, try giving her some privacy in the bathroom so that she can go with out the pressure.

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W.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi J.,

I'm a home child care provider and with one of my daycare girls she could tell us she had to go pee, should could go pee. she will tell you she pooped in her pull up bring you a new one and the wipes. All the classic signs of being ready to potty train, but and I mean BUT when it came to going poop in the potty it wasn't gonna happen. We tried for 2 weeks and she got really bad constipated. She would go pee in the potty but when it came time to going poop it wasn't going to happen.

In my opinion you are in the power struggle she has the last piece of her being a "baby" left. Shes trying to figure out the benefits to her pooping on the potty. And on the other hand you want her to go and she is the one who holds the power of whether she will go in the potty or in the toilet. I think no matter what age some kids are just ready when they are ready and some kids are not ready at the age they should be. In my opinion you should cut her a brake for a little bit. Let her know that you know she is a big girl and that she can poop on the potty but until she is reasy and so she doesn't ruin anymore panties it's back to the pull ups for a while. Give her the option to wear panties and let her know that if she wears panties she has to go poop and pee in the potty.

From the sounds of things she has had alot of change in her life in the last couple of months, with some kids things like this happen with their behavior, and things like this but hers is pooping in the potty. I would give her the oppurtunity to get used to her surroundings in "her time", it might take a while but it might be what she needs.

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