Need Help with Baby Who Doesn't Sleep!

I didn't even begin to hope my kids would start to sleep through the night until the six month mark. My oldest son started sleeping through the night right about six months. One of my twins started at about that age (probably closer to seven months) and the other twin went to about eight months. I think four months is a little early to expect a baby to sleep through the night. How is it that he is taking cat naps throughout the day? Are you running errands all day and his crashes in the car seat? Or does he conk out with no warning and no notice. The difference I noticed between my oldest and my twins was that I really worked around my oldest's schedule but I didn't have that same luxury with my twins. I worked harder to accommodate the twins to MY schedule, which was like a hamster running in a wheel. (I was working really, really hard, but not getting anywhere.) They would fall asleep in the car when I was running errands. They'd doze off in their swings while I was preparing meals, etc. So they were "cat napping" all day, and not really getting a good rest. Then, they would cat nap at night. Once I recognized this, I made more of an effort to pay attention to their cues and work around what they needed. I found that they liked a nap in their cribs in the morning (long for one, short for the other) and they liked a nap in their cribs in the afternoon (fairly short for both). They worked wonders. They started going down at 7:30 p.m. I changed them and gave them a couple of ounces of milk at about midnight (right before I went to bed) and put them both back down. They'd sleep until about 8 a.m. - and I got my sanity back!

He probably wakes up fussy because he's hungry! I can't imagine not feeding a 4-month old at night if he wakes up. The experts say that by 8 months all babies should be capable of going through the night without eating, but many babies need nighttime feedings up until then.

Also, I think a pretty small percentage of babies are sleeping through the night at 4 months. My son didn't sleep through until he was 18 months old, and while this is unusual, most babies don't start sleeping through until about 6 months.

I think you should stop comparing your son to your daughter, and give him what he needs!

I don't think a 4-month-old baby is capable of using "excuses." That comes in much later, probably with language. That thought is probably your exhausted desperation coming through, looking for reasons and solutions. It is hard when you have a non-sleeper, and it must be especially challenging when your hopes and expectations are based on your experience with your first baby.

Every baby is different. My daughter needed to be nursed during the night for her first year, but after 6 months, her hours of sleep gradually increased. Since we co-slept (a practice that has pretty much fallen out of favor now), it was never much of an issue. She gradually weaned herself from night feedings with no stress to either of us.

My grandboy, on the other hand, didn't make it through a whole night until he was around 18 months, no matter what his poor, tired parents tried. He has just turned 2, and still has occasional nights when he just doesn't sleep well, and most mornings he wakes very early. He's capable of a fair amount of reasoning, but I've done a few overnights with him to ease the stress on his parents, and I don't see that he is trying to manipulate anything. He's just awake, often because of a minor discomfort. If he's not able to go back to sleep by himself (he sometimes can), he eventually becomes lonely and anxious, and calls out for company and comforting.

Every baby is different. You might do best by your son AND by yourselves not to compare his patterns and needs to his sister's (yes, that is easier to say than to do). It is really hard to live with a non-sleeper, and you have my sympathy. Once you're past it, you'll probably be surprised how fast it went.

Although my son is nearly 25 now, he did not sleep through the night until he was almost 2 years old. I started breast feeding, then bottle - it made no difference - he ate every 2 hours around the clock. His doctor kept a close eye on his weight / length ratio, and advised that I continue to feed on demand. He explained that some babies' metabolism is faster than others', and his body was using the food up that quickly. He was the size of a 1 year old at 6 months, but not fat. You may find that by feeding when he wakes, he will sleep longer because his tummy is full.

I highly recommend the books the Baby Whisperer or Baby Wise. Take the basic concepts from the books and apply them and I believe your baby will start sleeping longer at night. My baby started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks and we started applying the principles in the books at 4 weeks. The basic principles are:
1) always do things in this order: eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep, etc.
2) meals should begin 2.5 - 3 hours apart
3) no snacking outside of meal time
4) you can cut the play part out of the equation during the evening

Most pediatricians will tell you that your baby doesn't physically need to eat in the evening as long as he is eating enough during the day. A lot of parents confuse tired cries for hunger cries. So I think it is good that you are cutting out the night feedings. Good luck!!

I am also taking care of a 4mth old with the same problem....there are baby drops for gas at your drugstore....this really helped our guy out and then to get him thru the night we have also added 3-4tbls of rice cearl to his nite bottle.....he still wakes up once and we prop a bottle in his mouth the flip him to burp.....absoulty no other stimulation....no diaper change and no burping...at this age they can wiggle out those burps if they are on their tummy...also we had to take away all night lites. GOOD LUCK!

Please go get a copy of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" at your Library - or buy it - it's invaluable. I also had a first child sleep well, no issue. This summer - right about when my 2nd son was 4 months I was just losing it due to lack of sleep. It's a fantastic resource that takes you all the way up to teenage children and their sleep so a good investment.

Hi K.,

The first thing I would recommend is to let go of the thought of getting him on a schedule. Their bodies are going through such rapid changes. I do think it is unfair to ask them to try. Just relax as you can into "baby time". If you haven't considered it yet, I would seriously consider co-sleeping. It will allow you to get more sleep even if his schedule is erratic. If he has gas problems, besides watching what you eat if you are nursing (I hope), I would suggest homeopathic colic and gas pills to help. They are far more gentle on their little systems than the mylacon drops. If you have one of those triangle pillows that you prop your pregnant tummy with, you can use that to elevate his head from his tummy. It might help. Bundling warmly also helped my son too. I wish you luck! I also had to realized how different my son was from my daughter from the get go.

Hey K.,

First of all, I send you a big hug and my sympathies. My daughter was a terrible sleeper - she didn't sleep through the night until she was 10 months old. On the plus side, she's almost 2 and has been a terrific sleeper ever since.

OK, if you're into Attachment Parenting, I would recommend the book, The No Cry Sleep Solution. I'll be honest - even though I gravitate towards AP in my parenting approach, I did not have much luck with this book. However, I know others who have had success with it, so I mention it here.

If you're not into Attachment Parenting, I would recommend the Baby Whisperer. My brother and sister-in-law have a 3 month old baby and they have found this book to be fantastic. Their baby is not sleeping through the night yet, but he sleeps 5 to 6 hours every night, wakes up to eat, and then sleeps another 2-3 hours, which gives everyone enough sleep.

To the best of my knowledge, the Cry It Out methods are not recommended until age 6 months.

A few pieces of advice:

When you decide to try something new, expect things to get worse before they are better. No matter what method you choose, whether you start now or three months from now, it will be worse before it's better. Knowing this helped me tremendously.

Once I settled on a strategy (which did work, I just found it really late in the game), I chose a night to begin, I brewed myself a pot of coffee right before her bathtime, and I mentally told myself that it would be a long night.

The good news was that, by being 100% consistent and pushing myself through two VERY long, sleepless nights, she was sleeping through the night in three nights. I didn't use the cry it out method, by the way. That's just a personal preference - I have two good friends who have used that method and they were very happy with it.

Finally, your little one might truly be hungry at night. Some babies don't need to feed at night at 4 months, but many do. Even at 6 months, I could sometimes hear my daughter's stomach grumbling from hunger when she woke up at night. And this was after we did everything to "stock her up" during the day and right before bedtime. Just an idea.

Good luck - you're already an experienced mom, so you know this will go by FAST! Congratulations on your little one!

M.

he is only four months old... some babies just don't sleep through the night til much later.. out of five I had several that did not sleep through the night for quite some time sometimes up to two years old. I too was spoiled with a very easy first baby.. and the second one... restless even before birth. Every kid is different. And maybe you should feed your baby during the night if he wakes up. He may just get hungry more often than your first one. Hang in there.. this too shall pass. There are some things you could do though.. a warm bath with lavender scented baby bath and lotion, warm pajamas, feeding before bed, "white" noise in the room (fan, humidifier, waterfall or soft music or even a ticking clock near his crib).

and the gas.... does it seem to bother him? if so - if you are nursing him, consider what you are eating... typically if something gives you gas it will give the baby gas too, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, chocolate, onions and garlic - and the last two can flavor your milk so that it doesn't taste good to the baby... I discovered that my kids would fuss incredibly if I ever ate any raw onions (cooked seemed to be okay) or any garlic.. they would scream with each nursing until it was out of my system.. so I learned to stay away from it. Gas will sometimes bother kids sometimes not.. if it bothers your baby... and you are not nursing him... check with his doctor about switching formulas.

Sleeping through the night at 4 months old? That would be rare in my opinion. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 YEARS OLD. Some of that might have been my fault, but he did need to wake up in the middle of the night to eat until at least 18 months old. He woke up 2-3 times every night until he was 2 and then only once a night (or so) after that. He's still a light sleeper and will wake up at night, but he now puts himself back to sleep. When he was an infant he would wake up and eat a fully meal of breast-milk 2-3 times, so I'm sure he was actually hungry. Some babies just need to eat more or are light sleepers.

Co-sleeping is also a great idea. I co-slept with my son, which allowed me to only half-way wake up to feed him and then fall back to sleep. He slept with my until he was 2 and then was happy as can be to get his own bed. Good luck!

Hi, do I understand your frustration! I have a three month old right now who has the craziest schedule. Never the same. I had a huge months long struggle with my first (he didn't sleep through the night til he was 9 months old)so I know it will get better. Don't stress about it. It'll happen before you know it. Gassy problems could be related to what you eat (if you breastfeed) or with the formula (if you bottle feed). We have been taking our 3 month old to the chiropractor and it has really made him a different baby. He'll sleep sometimes 6 hours at a time for days in a row. I also have been working on night/nap sleeping since he was 3 weeks old. Sometimes, when you've tried all you can and you KNOW he needs sleep, sometimes you have to let the baby cry it out. It's a form of discipline I think. Anyway, hope you are encouraged. Trust the instincts God gave you!

My daughter wasnt sleeping consistantly throught the night until just after her first birthday. I think you were really blessed with your first bundle sleeping so early. Daily and bedtime routine is what helped us - so did getting her on a routine naptime schedule and sticking to it. As well as when she was old enough (closer to the year mark) limiting my nighttime visits to her.
Good luck!

Does he put himself to sleep? If not, I would work on that first. Also, I would work on getting him to sleep for longer periods during the day. If he takes a brief nap, encourage him to go back to sleep. Maybe let him fuss around for awhile. My inclination is that he doesn't know how to comfort himself to sleep. Once he learns this the sleeping through the night part will follow. Not like I'm one to talk, I've got a 9 month old who doesn't sleep through the night. He nurses all the time, and sleeps with me! LOL!
But, I was successful with my first baby and I really found that once he learned how to put himself to sleep and he realized I wasn't going to feed him at night, then sleeping through the night wasn't a problem. :)

I am surprised at 4 months that he can go through the night without food. I feel for you. Each kid is different, as you are well aware of. I'm afraid the best I can tell you is tht if your daughter was sleeping through the night at 4 months, it was a MIRACLE. Most babies are quite a bit older when they sleep through the night. My son didn't sleep through the night until I quit nursing him at 17 months, although as he got older, the times in between got farther and farther between. I think at the end (before I quit nursing him) he only woke up about 2 times a night. If your son is only waking up because of gas, perhaps some of those baby gas drops would help him feel better. Just give them to him after he finishes eating. They did wonders for my son when he was that age. If the bottle doesn't say how much, a pharmacist should be able to tell you the doseage.

K.,
At 4 months he NEEDS to eat at night. He isn't on solids right? I'm guessing he is only cat napping at night because he is HUNGRY. It is natural for a 4 month old to wake to eat. I wouldn't expect him to sleep through the night until he is AT LEAST 6 months old, and even that is early. You may have been lucky with a daughter that slept through the night at an early age but him waking frequently is normal and I believe that you should be feeding on demand. Check with your pediatrician.

Hope this helps!
MA