Need Help Getting My Child to Sleep in Her Room

Hi K.,

When we first moved into our house in Williston my boys had a very difficult time being anywhere in the house if I wasn't right there next to them... it was becoming a problem... they wouldn't even go to the bathroom unless I was standing outside the door. I worked with Dr. Patrick MacManaway, who is a Geomancer and home healer... don't know if you're familiar with that kind of work or not... but it worked and they have been comfortable in the house and sleeping in their own beds ever since. If you're interested in finding out more let me know and I'd be happy to either give you contact information or share more about my experience. Be Well ~ R.

K.,
it can be tough.
I have had two daughters my first daughter passed away from SIDS(Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)at age 9 months.I was 22.
I was 28 when I had my second daughter and very protective overly of her,she stayed in my bed(my ex) didnt like this,but he also didnt understand,I was scared.
I am divorced and he gave up all parental rights.But to protect my daughter I left her curl up next to me for a long time.it was a hard habit to break,she is 9 and thank god she will sleep in her bed but if she wakes she does say can I snuggle and wakes me.I tell her she is to big and to go back to bed,but when kids are sick its tough to have them in the other room.
so when she is sick I let her curl up in my bed,then i can hear her and be there for her.
I wish you good luck and its a hard habit,something now I wish i had not started with her.
Good Luck.
hugs,
A.

it is not unusual for your daughter to be afraid and want to sleep in your room, it actually is very common let her sleep with you, most parents will tell you their children are in the parents beds for a few years, if they were honest, and there is nothing wrong with that, they eventually head back to their rooms--although there HAS to be something, or someone who has scared her to this extent --is she watching the wrong things on tv?? they hear and store EVERYTHING, so if you are anxious about these things she will easily pick up on them--this is the age also of night terrors. Do you have the tv on the news channels, they hear it and do not understand alot of it but will remeber it all, commercials for upcoming movies might frighten her--ask her teacher they are great for getting the right info--is there a grandparent, uncle, aunt,babysitter, neighbour, etc., who has told her things that might upset her, thinking they are saying it for her own good--It HAS to come from somewhere so keep an eye on all things, but let her stay in bed until she is comfortable--what happened in her room?? did she hear about someome being taken from her room on the news ???? something always sets it off--letting her stay in the room with you is MOST common for sometime, wait until she has gotten over this, and slowly let her stay in her room with someone with her at first, and with night lights--it will take baby steps but it will work--anything in her room or closet that looks scary, get down at her level and look around during the day and at night, can she hear things in her room from anything in the house or the neighbours?? This is a time when scary things start to get into their heads and even more things they hear which they do not understand and put a young childs spin on it--good luck, would NEVER hurt to talk to teachers (as they have heard everything )her doctors anyone who deals with young children---my best of luck to you---one other thing is she around when you are talking on the phone about unpleasant things, either at home or on the news?? Baby steps ---bye for now--onemore thing any video (childrens or other) games that she plays, even though not scary , some children and people the anxiety of it does not help---

Find out what is scaring her. Is it noises she hears or maybe something she saw on TV? Is she afraid of the house itself? Maybe it is just a phase she will outgrow. Will she tell you what is bothering her? When I was young I was extremely fearful of my house-especially going to bed and being all alone...Once my mom understood our house better things improved greatly.

She sounds just like I was growing up! My mom tells me that I never left her side, I was like velcro! I was petrified of the dark and thus begged my sister to sleep on her floor, beside her bed. Do not push her to have her own room. Does she feel safe in with the baby? Does she feel safe in a bed in the corner of your room? I know many people(including my mom) thinks it best to force the child to sleep by herself, but from my own experience it will instill more fear. She is too young to expect her to think logically regarding fear. Age takes care of this--IF she is kept safe. Safety and the security are natural cures to such things.

Hi K.-
I have a similar problem with my 6 year old. He's been afraid to be alone for a few years now - sometimes it's worse than others. Bedtime, going to the bathroom, going to his room for something... One thing that worked for him at bed time was a timer. We'd set the timer for a minute and then come back in to check on him. As he got used to it, we'd set the timer for longer amounts. We leave a dimmer light on in the room and he can read books. Sometimes music also helps him. He shares a room with two brothers, but at nighttime it doesn't seem to matter especially since they fall asleep first. Hope this helps!

Karla

Hi K., with my daughter(5) we had to get a 13 inch tv/vcr combo for her room & she gets to choose a movie when its bedtime. At first we had to lay with her(for weeks) which is tough, but its better than having her in our bed every night. We told her if she sleeps in her bed m-f she can sleep with us on sat night(which now is a big deal for her). We also told her when she starts Kindergarten, the other kids might laugh at her if they knew she slept with mom & dad. Good Luck :) D.

Dear K.,
I used to read to my girls, then lay down by them and tell them a story with the lights off till they fell asleep. This seemed to give them comfort and security about going to sleep in their own room. I don't understand all that's going on, but maybe this small thing that worked for me would help. My youngest daughter is almost 17. Boy, it's been a long time since those days. Hang in there. T. in Vt.

I just want to offer support. My younger child is like this and nothing seemed to work until we set up her bed in her older brother's room. They were both delighted and she has been sleeping much better since we did this. She is still a velcro child during the day but two days of week daycare has also helped in this area. I have always talked to her if I have to leave the room and tell her where I am going, offer for her to come with me, etc. I have found that with both of my kids, they are much more comfortable if the separation is "their" idea!

Has it always been like this? Is there any incident that could have caused it or a point in time when it started? I would respect her fears but try and discuss with her what might make her feel better. Bedtime routines can really help. Maybe asking her to help you by retrieving an item for you in another room? Gives her a sense of worth and independence.