Need Advice - Lubbock, TX

I am sorry you are going through this. First you need to sit down with your husband and have a true heart to heart. If he doesn't want to be married, it will be so much better to get on with your life now, without him as your husband, no matter how painful it will be. Why waist one more day, even one more hour in an unhappy situation. Life is way too short to be miserable when you can do something about it.

You are obviously a strong woman since you have already been living in this tough situation. You will make it through and when you get to the other side you will be stronger for it.

Good luck, I hope you find the answers you need soon.

L.,
First I am sorry that you are in this situation, this is not something that I would wish on anyone. There is alot of advice to be had but I really have questions for you.

I know that you said he's been gone for three months. Do you mean gone, gone and hasn't been home to see his wife and children in three months? Since he isn't in another country, or even on the other side of this country this is something that I think needs some great thought on your part. I have been married 26 years and my husband has had to work out of town a few times, he was miserable and especially when the kids were young, he would drive all night to be home for Sat,. and Sun. and leave again early Monday morning. Now I know that for some it is a bit easier and financial situations are different and may mandiate longer times away from from but three months????? One state away... And I haven't checked a map but I believe the furthest point away in La. is closer to DFW than El Paso.

Do you have a phone number that you can reach him at?? Day and night?

Do you have a physical address where he is living so that if an emergency arose the local police could get a message to him?

Do you have the name of the company, their office address and phone number and even his supervisors name so if an emergency came up and he was out in the field you could get in touch with him?

If you have these things then that's a plus, if not you need to get them and ASAP no excuses! You have children and things happen, he is their father and you have every right to know where he is at all times........... If he is hesitant or gives excuses for not giving you this information then you need to have a real serious talk with yourself.

I think you know some of the answers to the questions that you are asking, be honest with yourself about what you want, what you expect and what you deserve. Marriage is ups and downs and inbetween. Sometimes it easy and sometimes it's the hardest thing you will ever do. I hope that you find some peace in the future one way or the other. As the others have said you are strong you will get thru this, weither it's moving to La. to get your family as it should be or if it takes another turn. I wish I could tell you it will be easy but probably won't, change of any sort rarely is. You have two great sources of strength right there with you and when you feel you are running low give them a big hug and kiss and you will be able to go another day.
Take care, let us know how you are doing, you don't have to be alone.

I agree with the other ladies about having a heart to heart with him about the relationship. Depending on your relationshiop with your mother in law you may ask her if he has talked with her about your relationship. I would ask her to watch the kids for the weekend and to not tell him because you want to suprise him. I would then drive to town and be prepared for a long talkin weekend. You need that time together, and you need to talk.
My husband and I have been thru alot together..sickness, health, richer poorer...been there done that. We almost didn't make it thru at one point and I had some people telling me to leave so I know the thoughts that may be going thru your head. I work in mortgages and see credit everyday that is ruined due to divorce/seperation. If you have credit cards that are in your name and he is a authorized user on, think about removing him as a authorized user. Have him do the same if you are a authorized user on his cards. If the accounts are in good standing in both your names and you decide to split, close them. Countless times ex's have ruined the other persons credit by not paying the bills. If they are awarded in a divorce situation but your name is still on it-it will affect your credit. You and your kids need the best possible life and if you can keep your credit clean things will be easier if you do in fact split.
Pray hard, and stay strong. This can work itself out, but prepared for the worse if the talk turns that way. We're here if you need to come back and talk again. :)

This is confusing because we don't know all the conversations you've had regarding this in the gaps. Has he told you he's looking for a place for himself, and you are to stay where you are, or is he looking for a house for all of you and wants you to get a smaller apartment until you and the kids move with him? Surely, since you are married-you feel comfortable enough to ask him 'what's going on here-are we over"? Since you seem so unsure of your own relationship status. If you feel there is no longer any connection, you don't want to live having to move here and there, and that possibly you jumped the gun on the marraige, which happens, then tell him, and file for divorce. If he agrees, the divorce even with children won't be difficult. I filed, and for $1,000 paid in payments at that, I filed with my own stipulations, my ex was served, he signed the papers and didn't even show up to the courthouse for the preceedings, which took about 15 minutes, and I even had my last name changed back. Sadly simple, but if the love and commitment isn't there-and if he's moved on, then you should too. You can do it. Good Luck.

I do believe he has moved on becuase he should have told you that we are moving to louisana not just him. Baby pray about it and go from there. You and your family are in my prayers.