Divorce Help.... Please

Updated on June 09, 2008
B.F. asks from Birmingham, AL
44 answers

OK any divorced moms out there?????
I have no idea about this stuff - because, obviously, I never planned on getting one (a divorce) However, I am there now.

I hired an attorney that came highly recommended. My question is this... How long do these things take? I hired my attorney 1st of Dec. Today, I am still without a temporary order - I am swimming in debt, my soon to be ex is driving me crazy, I need some relief.

Is 2.5 months too soon to be expecting any help? I hear that these things take a lot of time. Any input would be appreciated. I just don't know when is too soon to be a pest ---- although I have already started (being a pest) and now am wondering if I am starting too soon?

You take your life out of your husbands hands and turn it over to your attorney and then expect him to "fix it" -- I know the psychology of it all, and yet find myself wrapped up in it.

I just want a divorce and some legal "stuff' in place.

Thoughts?

B

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So What Happened?

Everyone,
Thank you so very much for all of the kind responses. I was feeling alone and like I was the only one. It is a relief to hear from those who have survived this and are doing OK. I can't thank you enough for sharing with me - truly. God manages to show me everyday that I am going to be fine in small ways and sometimes large. Today was large - when I opened my email and saw all of the many responses. I have read each one and take them to heart and appreciate every one. By the way - I recv'd 40 responses in 1 day!
Thank you,
B.

Featured Answers

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L.G.

answers from Hattiesburg on

Hi B..
I filed April of 2006 and didn't have a temporary order until October. Divorce was final May of 2007.
Hang in there, ask for the help you need from friends and other relatives.
I found this yahoogroup very helpful:
[email protected]____.com

L. G

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M.D.

answers from New Orleans on

My husband and I split up 9/15/07, I went to the attorney on 9/17/07, and I did not get any financial relief until we went to a hearing on 11/28/07. I was not working when we split, and had to get a job asap so I could pay the house note and bills.

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S.W.

answers from Tulsa on

B.,
I am sad to hear about your divorce. I have been through one and no matter when it happens or who it happens to, it hurts.
I didn't have any children yet when I went through my divorce. We also didn't even own a house. So that made things pretty cut and dry when it came to the legality of it all.
My ex and I both agreed that it was time to go our separate ways and we made a promise to each other that we would not talk badly about the other one to other people once we separated. We both understood that it took two people to get into the marriage and it took two people to fail at the marriage. We both had made mistakes and we wanted to own up to those mistakes and move on.
From what I read, you sound like you are in a huge hurry to get out of this marriage. I don't know what happened to end this marriage, and I don't need to.
What I do know is that if you put your own relief and comfort over your three small children during this huge transition, it won't end up good. They are counting on you and your husband to be the adults and to take care of their feelings before your own. They are what matters in this situation. If you and your husband want a divorce...fine...but make sure it is as smooth of a transition for your children as possible.
As far as being a "pest" to your attorney about when and what is going on with your case. That is what you pay big bucks for- to answer any and all your questions. He should understand that you don't do this everyday like he does and you don't know everything to expect. So if you have a concern or question- I say call him up!
Good Luck!
S.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.G.

answers from Fort Smith on

i myself have not had to have a divorce , however my husband has and they are going through a custody battle to , they have been doing this now for a 1 yr. and 6 mo. it all depends on everything with your attorney and your husband but it could take anywhere from 3 months on up to 2 yrs. it all depends on the situation and the judge . i wish you the best of luck....

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A.M.

answers from Oklahoma City on

B.,
I was in your shoes not too long ago. I filed for divorce in June and everything wasn't over and taken care of until August. Yours may take longer than that b/c my attorney was a friend of my family. I thought I'd get a temporary order first and start getting child support, and then have my divorce granted to me. It happened all at once. Unfortunately we think these lawyers should be so helpful and caring etc for all the money we're paying them. That is not the case. I know it's hard and easier said than done but you just have to be patient. What paperwork have you filed already? I know I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork and my ex had to turn in 3 months worth of his income and I had to do the same. Does your ex have an attorney? Is the divorce concentual? All these things make the time varience different. I do know that after you file you do have to wait 3 months before you can go to court.

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W.D.

answers from Tulsa on

If you have paid your attorney a retainer then you should already have your Petition for Divorce and Temporary Order already filed with the Court Clerk. I am a paralegal and prepare documents everyday for Attorneys. It shouldn't take 2.5 months for something that only takes 1/2 day to prepare. The Temporary Order is required and needed immediately and most judges will sign them on the spot depending on the circumstances. Since their are children involved, their will be mandatory parenting workshops both parties will need to attend and if your soon-to-be ex-husband contests anything that you ask for, then that can take extra time as well. 60 days is the minimum time frame and could take 6 months to a year if anything is contested. If you feel like the attorney you hired is not working hard enough for you or has your best interest and your childrens best interests in mind then I would seek new counsel and request the balance of my retainer be returned immediately. I would then hire an attorney who specializes in domestic issues. Contact the Oklahoma Bar Association for a reputable referral. Now would be the best time for replacement counsel since no hearings are currently pending.

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S.F.

answers from Little Rock on

It depends, in quite a few factors. Is he contesting the divorce? Does he have any attorney? Let me know those things and I can hlep. My hubby is an attorney and since we were married during his law school years, and the first 10 years of his pratice, I have a few things down pat.

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B.R.

answers from Tulsa on

Hey B.

I recently went through a divorce myself. I also have 3 children. I think 2 1/2 months is quite a stretch for a temporary order. Taking into consideration the holidays, something should be happening soon. I would start calling your attorney on a regular basis. Upon filing for my divorce in Rogers County, it was 2 months for a temp order. The negative on that was my ex agreed to nothing in the temp hearing and the judge had to set it for trial. That was in Oct, and we didn't get a trial until end of Feb. last year. It is over thank goodness. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT is what I recommend. I was the only one who agreed to anything in the temp hearing (visitation arrangements), I didn't know I had an option to play hard ball. My ex stopped making all payments on house, vehicle, utilities EVERYTHING! It was a rough 4 months but we made it. I wasn't working either. Play hard ball, you don't have to be ugly at all but this is about your kids! remember that, what you get is what you get so make it count. I'd be on that attorney! Hope this helps some.

B.

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H.P.

answers from Jonesboro on

B.,
I separated from my husband May2003 and was divorced July 2003.Mine was easy I kept everything but his truck and belongings..lol...including the kids In Arkansas you have to live in separate households for 2 months before a divorce can be granted.If eveything is agreed on like who gets what things go faster.My ex soon faded away never seeing the kids and marring 5 months later and giving up the kids allowing my new husband 2 years later to adopt them.I hope this helps I would make sure proceedings are moving along so things are not prolonged.

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C.P.

answers from Fayetteville on

Dear B.,

Do not expect your attorney to take care of you. If you want something done, call him/her and say "I need you to do this by such and such time." You are paying this person. The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Unfortunately, attorneys are in business to make money, not "fix" situations. There is only one person in this life you can depend on and that is yourself. I hate to tell you this, but a divorce can go on for many months. Focus on your kids, your health, your income. Do not depend on a man or anyone for that matter to "take care of you." You are the caregiver. Toughen up. CP

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M.F.

answers from Huntsville on

Your no.1 priority is your children and you! Are you receiving maintenance payments? If not, holler loud and long - you must be proactive - talk with your atty daily if necessary. Divorce timelines vary from state to state, do some research. If your atty isn't working with you (if you feel any reservations) go to your legal board and find another. You say your soon to be ex is driving you crazy - how so? If he is harrassing you, you can get a restraining order. I am sorrier than I can say about your situation, I know how hard it is. Make yourself heard - you are not being a pest - you have rights - make use of them. Forget about being well behaved, take charge of your life and it will all work out for you. Good luck and take good care of yourself.

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K.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You can never start to soon to be a pest. I understand where you are coming from. I am a divorced mother of a three year old. Keep on your lawyer, you are right he is the one to "fix it"...but he also can't rush the legal system. I asked for a divorce from my husband in May of 07" papers were not filed until June and I was divorced by Aug. So it took about 4 mths, but a lot of things may be different..you have more children than I, you have a longer term marriage..I was only married for four years and my ex was willing to make it easy on me. I wanted to respond though because I understand the frustration you are going through..it is very difficult to get a divorce..nothing about it is easy or wanted so if you just need to vent...this seems to be a great place to ask for advice. Good luck to you, you will make it and it will make you stronger!
K

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A.C.

answers from Enid on

B.,
I'm so sorry bout your situation. I understand. I have been seperated for 2 and a half years. It was 14 months before I got a temporary order. It is still not final. Unfortunately these things can take up to 6 years. I know my attorney does everything she can but it is my soon to be ex and his attorney who drag their feet and there's not much I can do about that. Part of my problem is that he is in the military and he unfairly gets special treatment because of that. We both have completely seperate lives and since our seperation I have met a wonderful man that I plan to marry, but because this is taking so long I dont know when I will actually get to do so. I would tell you to try to have patience even though I know it is very hard. I have a son who was 2 and a half at the time of seperation and I have just tried to focus on him and be the best mom I can be, especialy because his dad is not really involved. Be careful about turning things over to your attorney to fix things because sometimes they will do things just because they assume its what you want. Make sure you let him/her know what you want to fight for and what you want to compromise on. And most likely you will have to compromise unless you want the process to last a long long time. I know this prob wasn't really what you wanted to hear but I hope I at least gave you some things to think about and maybe helped you know what you might expect.

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C.H.

answers from New Orleans on

Your atty. should be able to get the restraining order right away. I just went through a divorce and hired a very expensive lawyer and know they can move very fast when they want to. If your lawyer doesn't work on the order ASAP, get another one. Demand the refund of any retainer you have paid and look for a lawyer who is going to work for you. Don't worry about bothering your attorney, although you will be paying every time you call or email him or her. I would talk to the secretary if at all possible and let the secretary know your intentions- they are free to talk to. Paralegals cost money to talk to but less than attorneys.

Again - if the attorney is not moving at the speed you want, get another one. Tell the secretary and then if necessary send an email expressing your unhappiness with the speed of things. You should get a response and then go to a new lawyer if you are not satisfied with the response.

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T.D.

answers from Enid on

Actually a Temporary Order should have been written up when you filed for divorce. I too am going thru a divorce, but mine is real nasty. Hope yours doesn't go this way. If I were you, I would pester your attorney to get a Temp Order in place to help you financially. But once the papers are drawn up, then he needs to schedule a Temporary Order Hearing so that the judge can sign off on the papers. But for your children's sake, you NEED to have a Temp Order in place and your soon-2-be-ex held accountable for his place as a father to your 3 children. If your attorney only has a legal secretary, direct all questions to him/her because they cannot bill you for that time you speak w/them. If they are a Paralegal then it's possible they can. Other than that, just call them up and ask for Temp Order and for them to schedule a hearing ASAP!
Hope this helps.

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C.W.

answers from Little Rock on

Im 29yrs. old, have an 8yr. old, a business owner, all my family lives 16hrs. away, and I just went through my third divorce. You'll make it through, just give it time. Depending on how long you were married will determined on how long the divorce will take. If you werent married long and didnt share children (6 months to a year), i'd say about 3months total; however, it sounds like a longer marraige than that plus kids. I hate to say it depends on the situation like how difficult the other spouse making it but its true... My first divorce to my son's father took 6months but we were poor and had only been married for 19months. The second with a pre-nup I signed on our wedding day (hello, red flag!!!) and two yrs of marriage, and no shared chidren, took 5 months. My third divorce, no shared kids, 5 months of marraige he cheated and attacked me (I have a order of protection and a no contact order for a year on both) took 5 months to complete. The best advice i can give is to make sure your attorney is the right one for you and will fight for you and what you want him/her to fight for you. If she is taking longer than 2-3 days without returning your phone call, without a resonable explanantion, than I would move to a different attorney. Thats just rude and they forget sometimes that they work for you...after all you are paying them to. Longer divorces mean more money for them and they all feed off eachother. Also, hang tight! Men dont like to fight and when push comes to shove, he will give up to be done with it and to move on. DO NOT SETTLE on ANYTHING when it comes to your children-you will regret it in the long run and once your divorced, you can NOT change the arrangements in the final paper work without a custody battle (i've also been through one as well-and won, thank you very much!)with settlement. I know what its like to be broke and emotional worn out but think about how this will affect you and your kids a year from now and then some and keep going-find that inner strength all us woman have....there's a reason we have babies and men dont, they cant handle pain, pressure, or stress. You go girl-and good-luck! Hope this was some help!?

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J.D.

answers from Mobile on

It takes a while unfortunately, our wonderful legal system doesnt have our childrens best interest at heart. If you have hired an attorney and paying high dollar, then you have every right to get what your monies worth. If you go through DHR, well, they take forever and you dont have any rights to "pest" them or they will discontinue your case for failure to follow their guidelines. Good luck to you!!

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E.F.

answers from New Orleans on

B.- I am just beginning a divorce and need a good attorney. How did your children take it I have two; 6 and 3. I am scared to tell them.

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S.J.

answers from Jackson on

I'm a recently divorced 41 year old mother of a five year old. I filed on August 13, and it was final on November 16. I knew there was a 60 day waiting period but didn't hear from my attorney until I contaced him in early November and he told me there was one thing that still needed to be done. Had I not contacted him, I'm not sure he would've caught that one thing timely. Having said all this, I think you will need to be a sqeaky wheel so you can get the grease.

Be as proactive as you can and stay on top of your divorce details.Although I was pleased with my attorney because he was no frills, he held my future in his hands and I wasn't going to wait too patiently.

Good luck and God speed!

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T.K.

answers from Pine Bluff on

Hello B...first and foremost let me assure you you asre not alone in this. There are millions of us out here just like you that have gone or are going thru this very thing. I myself went thru it 11 years ago when my children we're small. AND the best thing to remember is the LAWYER WORKS FOR YOU!!!!! You paid him so he works for you. If he isnt getting things done in a timely manner remind him of WHO pays his salary!!!! It may turn out that you need a new one. How did you find this lawyer, did a friend tell you about him/her...could there be a conflict of interest? It ended up taking me two years to get my divorce due to the two lawyers being friends. GOT nothing I asked for and ended up with a pile of debt as well as joint custody.. BUT im alot smarter today...lol Just keep you head held high and never forget...YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!!!!

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K.K.

answers from Huntsville on

well i filed for divorce march 2007 and it still isnt over. my going to be ex is contesting so it could take up to 2 years for me. i live in madison county and the divorce rate here is 70%.
i have a 10 year protection order against him. any time he left hateful messages and called repeatedly i kept it on my phone and i would call the police and make a harrassing communications report. after a while he threatened me and i got a protection order.he also followed me and chased me, sent flowers etc. you name it and he did it.
it is very hard going through this. you should get in a support group. guard your children and do not use them as go betweens. they are the ones who end up hurt the most in the long run.say good things about their dad to them even though it is hard.
god has been my # 1 friend in all of this. he has protected my kids and i. he has swept us up in his hands and is holding us together so tight. he leads me and i try to follow. its been hard to obey him and i dont all of the time but i should .
i hope yours will go easier for you. just pray alot and hold and love on your children they need you.

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J.D.

answers from Huntsville on

I’ve been divorce twice and I found there to be attorneys that were paying child support and or Alimony or paying both who were bitter and wasn’t working for me on the other hand there were some women attorneys that now husband were paying child support and they were bitter and wasn’t working for me. Free consultation is very important!!! Although you’re now attorney was highly recommended I found that I had to be very comfortable because I wanted he/she to listen to my concerns and my needs I didn’t want him to think of it as just another job.

Knowing your situation something should have been in place to assist you financially a temporary order to help with the bills and money to take care of the children. 2.5 months is not too early to expect a temporary order. A temporary order for financial help was the first thing my attorney asked for. My temporary order was requested the first time we stepped into the courtroom. The Judge asked about bills and how much we both made and put a temporary order in place right on the spot. It wasn’t what I wanted but it helped and keep in mind it’s only temporary. All financially records had to be viewed before a final order was made but something is better than nothing and you have three little ones.

I was a working mom I had to pay day care and me and my children still had to live. There should be no hardship felt by the children while you are going through a divorce bad enough their parents are breaking up and no children like to see that regardless of the ages.

Considering this attorney was highly recommended I’m surprise he has not asked for a temporary order yet. B. I’m not approving of ur attorney right about now.

Good Luck!!!!

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S.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

It is always difficult, but how difficult and how long it takes depends a lot on which state you live in. They all have different laws - acceptable reasons for divorce and time periods to wait. Call your attorney's office and ask what they can do for you. Make sure you keep 'good friends' and family around you - people you can talk with. My heart goes out to you.

S.

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J.L.

answers from Birmingham on

First and foremost, always keep this in mind. You are your best attorney. I am divorced with 4 children and while my divorce was the simple part, what came after the divorce has been hell on earth. These court cases can take a long time. In the divorce, it will depend on what will be agreed upon, child custody, etc. Try to think about what you want, and what you think your husband will want out of the divorce and come up with some kind of agreement. Sometimes we put it in the lawyers hands to make it work, but they have so many cases, it doesn't quite move as fast as we would like. Keep in touch with your lawyers about the case and keep very good notes on everything, get a calendar so you can jot down important details that you think they should know. Good Luck, I know it's not an easy process to go through.

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A.T.

answers from Tulsa on

I personally don't do divorce work, but several of my friends do, and it takes a while. Especially when you have small children involved. I think a minimum of 6 months is the standard. I know that doesn't offer you any relief, but it is the reality of divorce. Don't feel bad about bugging your lawyer. That's what we are here for. You just need to understand that many things will be out of your attorney's control. Good luck and God bless.

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A.W.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to tell you that you can get on WIC (Women, Infants, Children) to get some food stamps to help you out financially. Just let them know you are separated, and no longer have your ex's income to help support your kids.

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T.J.

answers from Huntsville on

I've been divorced 2 years this may. My divorce started out "friendly" and then came to a grinding halt when my ex found out how much he was going to have to pay in child support. It took about 9 months altogether. Fortunately I had a very good lawyer, she played nice as long as she could but when I had had enough and gave her the go ahead she played hard ball. I agree with the mom who said stay in contact with your lawyer. Don't be afraid to ask questions and tell him/her what your dealing with financially. This is your future and your kids future your preparing for - don't be afraid to fight for it.

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L.S.

answers from Biloxi on

I haven't been through a divorce, but my husband has and we are going through a lot of court stuff now with custudy revisions. In November of 2004, my husband went to court...it was continued til Jan 2005...we finally had a hearing in Jan 2006. Now we are starting all over again! I believe my husband seperated in March with his ex and they were finally divorced in Oct, but his ex didn't have a lawyer at the time so I think that it made it go quicker. I hope you don't have to many problems, but with three kids it's going to get more complicated. P.S. keep bugging your lawyer..it seems we have to remind our lawyer of our story and different details each time we talk; they are just so overloaded if you don't stay on top of them you'll get lost in the shuffle. take care and God bless ciao

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T.I.

answers from Birmingham on

Hi B.,

First, let me say good luck on your divorce. It is a very rough time. I just finished mine up. The timing depends alot on how amicable(sp?) things are between you two. I filed for divorce in June 07 in Jefferson County and it just became official January 14, 08. We didnt really fight too much on belongings so that helped things along alot. You do pretty much have to stay on top of your attorney. They are busy with other clients and although they may mean well, sometimes I think we slip by without being noticed unless we make ourselves noticed.

It is a very rough time and I wish you all the luck in the world! If you'd like to talk, please feel free to contact me. Also, Cafemom has a great "Life after divorce" support group that is wonderful!

Good luck to you!

T.

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A.C.

answers from Baton Rouge on

It takes a while but even longer to actually go through a day without thinking of HIM!!! Allow yourself time to grieve ( it is the death of a relationship). THE DAY WILL COME when you realize that his name, his face, and his requirements on your life HAVE NOT CROSSED YOUR MIND in a week, month, or year. If you don't allow yourself to be bitter, LIFE IS SO VERY MUCH BETTER ON THE BACK SIDE. If you happen to find someone else that will love, respect, & cherish you, ALL THE BETTER.

One really funny --- as we were grocery shopping, I put the normal 2 cans of Bean W Bacon Soup into the basket. My son stopped me. "Mom we have 10 cans of this at home already. Dad isn't there to eat it & none of us even like it." We had a good laugh & then I sent the 10 cans to the food bank.
It will probably happen to you as well. Funny, the things you remember 30 years later.

Good luck. BY THE WAY, WHAT STATE ARE YOU IN? My 45 yr old son is "in the process" too. He's a GREAT GUY!

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M.D.

answers from Fort Smith on

Go back to your lawyer & tell him/her that if they don't get this thing on the road that you will be seeking legal help elsewhere.
Also, tell him/her what your husband is doing in detail. If he refuses to do anything right then, walk out & find someone else. Let him know he'll have to refund your money if you have paid him anything.
There is no reason for this to be dragging on. My lawyer did the same thing until she found out that I was tired of waiting on her to do something.

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L.H.

answers from Shreveport on

It's been some time since I was divorced, but I remember that we had to be seperated for 6 months before the court date. When we finally got to go to court, I was so nervous that I didn't even know my name! LOL Now, I have been married to a wonderful guy for 7 years. Keep your chin up~things can get better! Good Luck!

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M.A.

answers from Lafayette on

I've never been through a divorce. I know a few ppl that have. One that filed just a few weeks ago. Here's what I know. She was told by her atty. that she could pay like $600 or something for the long process...or pay like $2600 for a "quickie". I think it will depend on whether there will be a custody issue or not. My friend will not have any custody issues. She also gave her husband the house. So, hers really isn't complicated. I thought there had to be a 6 mos. separation also, but she only moved out about 1 - 2 mos. ago. So, I'm not really sure about that anymore. I feel for you & your children...as it will be very hard on them. I will pray for your family to heal as quickly as possible. Good luck.

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K.L.

answers from Huntsville on

I'm sorry that you are having to go through a divorce. I am also going through it, so I want to share some things that have helped me. First, reach out to your girl friends and family. They will be a great support to you. Go on line and sign up for daily advice from www.divorcecare.com. It's also available in paperback and many churches offer the class free. Next, choose your lawyer wisely. This is not the time to just let your fingers to the walking and randomly select someone. Ask your friends about lawyers in your area that specialize in divorce and family law. You get what you pay for. A good lawyer may be able to get a judge to order some sort of temporary support while the other matters are being sorted out. Be prepared with pay stubs, tax returns, and bank statements. Have documentation of what's in your IRA, 401K, and other investment and/or retirement accounts. If you own your home, your lawyer may want you to get an appraisal. Bottom line, you need some facts before entering into any kind of meaningful settlement or even mediation. Be strong for you and your kids. It's been eight months since my husband moved out of our home and into an apartment. I never dreamed it would take this long to get things settled, but the final divorce papers should be ready this week. Don't fold under pressure. The decisions you make now will affect you and your children for years to come. Good luck and God Bless.

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Z.A.

answers from New Orleans on

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. First let me say I am not an attorney so don't utilize what I say here in place of speaking to your attorney. As a divorced mother and working in the legal field in family law I can tell you 2.5 months is no time as far as getting something done with the courts, even a temporary order (at least in a major city.) If your soon-to-be-ex had entered into a consent agreement it might not get signed by the judge in 2.5 months. I am sorry to tell you but a contested divorce can easily take 6 mos for a tempotrary order and 2-3 years for a final order. That is very common. Now if your soon-to-be-ex is abusive and harrassing you might talk to your attorney about a protective order and a judge can make some rulings in a hearing on that (temporary custody, support, temporary property rights, etc.)but that should only be used if you are afraid he might hurt you or your children. I would just talk to your attorney. They understand this is one of the most difficult things you will go through in your life and they should be able to help you understand what your options are and what you should expect over the next few months to years. If he/she is not doing that then you may want to consider a different attorney, it is key that they are able to explain these things to you. As you know already, it is too agonizing not to know what is happening in your own life for an extensive period of time. Hang in there and my suggestion is to get involved in a church meditation group or something like that. This is a time when you need all the support you can get especially since it drags out so. The good thing is that you can make it trough this and whether you can see it at the moment or not there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and I will pray for you and your family.

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D.B.

answers from New Orleans on

Have you filed yet? Here in LA you must wait one year if there is a minor child. You should have sat down and came up with the child support and spousal support. There is a formula for this and your attonery should have it.
Be patient, but not a push over and demand something in writing and soon. Your ex can not comply with orders that are not there.
I understand how you feel, you just want it over.
Take control of you life and continue to love your children, remember they are always listening.
Talk to your lawyer and if you are not statisfied, make some phone calls.
I filed 9 months ago and haven't talk to the lawyer since, but ex is meeting his obligation every month, he has to!
Good luck

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Y.T.

answers from Lafayette on

B.,
I am a divorced mom of 2. My divorce lasted 5 years, yes...5 years. When your married to Lucifer himself....what can I say. these things do take time, but you should be pushing strongly for temporary support, this can happen quickly and your attorney should step on it. Although it seems like the pain, emotions and financial strain this will put on you seems to go on forever, I promise things do get better. I am a survivor and you will be to. Take care of yourself, your children will need you, stay strong for your arms will need to hold them at nite and give you strength to pick yourself up. And most of all, no matter how much you can't stand your ex...never speak badly of him in front of your children..remember they are part of both of you and when we ..adults..bash each other it seems that they feel it is a reflection on them. Don't fight with your ex...it only makes him happy to stir your emotions. Be a class act, your children are counting on it. I have come to find that people don't care how you fall...it's how you pick yourself up that really matters. Good luck to you. Y.

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E.G.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I'm not really sure how this "mamsource" works but each state mandates their own divorce laws. However, in my area, I filed for divorce in Sept. 2006 and was in court by October 2006 determining child support, alimony, and visitation.

Your attorney should be responsive to you and should be giving you a time line of what to expect and when.

Attorneys are too plentiful and too expensive to accept one that is not giving you the attention that you need.

Just because he/she came highly recommended and was a perfict fit for your friend doesn't always mean that he/she is the attorney for you.

In Louisiana, as of January 2007, a married couple with small children must be seperated for 1 year before a divorce can be granted (unless there is proof of adultery, etc.). When I filed my attorney told me, "Go to the bank, take what ever amount you think you may need to last you until we can get in to court because he does not have to give you a penny until that time." Fortunately for me, I work outside of the home and did have an income source. Also, fortunately for me, my husband, wasn't a total jerk, and continued to pay most of the bills until we did attend court.

I am in no way an expert on divorce but will happy to assist you in any way I can.

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T.W.

answers from Huntsville on

Plan Plan Plan .... think about you and your children's future. My children were 1 and 4 when I got divorced. My ex was able to get over on me with a lot of things because I was stressed out when I was going thru my divorce and not thinking clearly. Health insurance, make sure they are covered and make sure there is a contingency for unpaid medical expenses such as co-payment, prescriptions, glasses, etc. these things can add up over time and are not usually considered part of the basic child support payment. Also be very careful, the new HEPPA laws do not allow you to call and get information about policies that are in your exs name even if you are inquiring about something for the children. I battle with mine each time I have a question about coverage. Also I have sent my prescription claims to be processed only for him to receive the money. If he is suppose to pay half, enforce it from the beginning. Taxes, be very careful, some men will claim that since they pay thier child support they should be allowed to claim the children, this is not so... my ex played this trick and I only get to claim my daughter now, which makes it hard at tax time to digest that he is getting the extra break that should be going to me. School, my children are gifted, public school did not do them justice, I placed my son in private school in 5th grade and have had to foot the entire bill myself, it is well worth the investment but one more thing that I wish I had addressed when I was getting divorced. Best of luck to you but the best thing to do is listen to anyone that is close to you that can give you an objective point of view. NO matter how rosy he is claiming it will be when you initially get divorced it isn't guaranteed to be that way. My ex changed as soon as he was remarried and started a new family with his wife. t

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M.C.

answers from Texarkana on

Every state is different, however if there is any reason for you to feel afraid of your husband, ask your local Justice of the Peace for a temporary restraining order. You may also contact your local Legal Aid (look in your yellow pages under Community Services) for help/advice, if you are indeed "swimming in debt." I do think, however, that your attorney may be taking too long.

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H.W.

answers from Montgomery on

Hey i work for a few attorneys and sometimes they do take time but something could have been done by now. Is the divorce contested or uncontested? If it is uncontested it should not take long at all. However a contested divorce will take some time but your attorney could have already filed the papers with the court including the temporary order. At my office the paper work is usally done within a couple of weeks for either type of divorce. I am in Alabama and I do know all states are different but all it really takes is the attorney or his or her staff to fill out the paper work and get it filed.

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C.C.

answers from Pine Bluff on

You need to be a pest. If it has been that long you should call the lawyer everyday until you get the results that you want. I am a divorced mother of four. Divorce is never easy and lawyers don't help. I found that the only way to get resutls is to call everyday and keep your case in the front of the mind at all times. Good luck

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L.B.

answers from Shreveport on

Well, I don't know if I'm a typical case or not. I have been divorced for almost 3 years now. When I filed...I filed middle of December, had a temp. order in January and by March divorce was final. My ex and I were able to settle out of court by just going through our attorneys. I know every situation is different. I was blessed enough to have a great attorney! Don't feel like a pest....you're paying them to do their job..and you're just making sure they are doing it! I wish you and your kids all the best!

L.

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A.M.

answers from Enid on

Hello B.,

I am not divorced but maybe I can help you to put things in perspective.

It seems to me that the wheels of justice always turn slowly, sort of like a watched pot that never boils. That would have to apply to Divorce procedures as well. Consider the worse and hope for the best.

The worse being that you are swimming in debt without relief. Perhaps now is time to take life firmly by horns and guide it where you want it to go.

Talk to your debtors. Try to make payment arrangements, defer payments. Ask if they can give you a 30-60 or 90 day extension due to your pending situation. See which of them is willing to try to recoup payments (or parts of each payments) from your former husband, because he still shares your debt responsibilities.

Consider moving to a lower priced rental. If you own your home and want to save it, rent it out. Rent a room. If all else fails, sell it and split the proceeds...warning, you may need to put money into repairs or bringing it up to standard if it is not in good shape. The entire market is in trouble right now, but you may be able to get an equity line of credit to help keep you afloat.

Tap into your TSA's, deferred comp., or consider a part-time job to supplement your income. If you have wealthy relatives, now may be the time to let them know you could use some temporary help. We are talking about survival.

Start cleaning out your closets and plan for an extravagant yard or garage sale. This will accomplish two things; it will fill up your spare time and it could potentially make you some money. A third advantage could be that the areas are cleared out should you end up moving from your present location. Gradually pack up things to make preparations for a brand new life. You've got a rare second chance, start it off right!

Hopefully some of these ideas help.

Sincerely,
Angie

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