My Son Wont Eat

I understand where you are coming from. My son is 13 mos old and he does not eat any fruit....he gags when I offer it to him. Usually it is the same foods he eats everyday...not much variety. I think they totally go through phases when it comes to food eating. I would not worry as long as he is getting his Vit D milk down throughout the day. Yes I do believe he has you "trained"...they are such smart little people (my son has me trained). He will eat better for my mom then for me and my husband. I don't know why they just know who they can get away with things with.
As for the temper tantrums...I am not seeing those yet...maybe the time out method or explaining to him in a calm manner that it is not acceptable. My son also gets into the pantry and pulls everything out....I understand what you are going through...
I hope I helped a little :-)

Hi there,

My 16 month old (same birthday month as yours :) is just starting to express pretty specific likes/dislikes/when full/when hungry food interests. The fact that he eats less with you I might actually take as a sign of trust, - that with you he feels comfortable enough in your relationship/communication that he could tell you when he _is_ hungry and you would feed him. Perhaps with grandma and/or dad he is not so sure so figures that he better eat when the food is offered?

Regarding the temper tantrums, we are starting to experience some of those. So far, they mostly come when he is already bothered by something (but doesn't know it) like being over tired, under-the-weather, hungry or, teething.

I always try to make a point if he is starting to scream to pay extra attention because maybe there really is something he is trying to tell me - and if the time demands it - I get down to his level and talk to him there. When telling him there are some things I don't want him to get into we have used:
"That is not for the mouth, it is for the hands(or feet)"
"Not to touch"
"That is for big people, you are still little"
"What are you doing?"
and if he is throwing something that is not to be thrown we say
"That is not a ball! Why are you throwing that? Where is the ball? Go find a ball."

Initially we started by saying these things and taking his hands away from whatever he was doing that we didn't want him to do and giving him something else to play with (redirection)

These days, if he is opening a drawer or cupboard that is not okay with us we will tell him and show him what IS okay (ie. he has his own drawer in the kitchen that I put things okay for him to explore, take out, bang on etc.)

I only use NO! for really important things. I have noticed when I do use it - it REALLY affects him. He gets pretty upset and demonstrates that in a lot of different ways. I know that children get told no in so many places, I really try to reserve it for the most important things (electrical outlets, opening hot oven etc.) and even then remind him at other times that it is not to touch in general.

Mainly, I have found that explaining WHY I am telling him something seems to satisfy much better than a flat no. I think there is a danger in oversimplifying our communication with little ones sometimes that leads to their fustration on multiple levels?

Good luck!

Hi my son is 20 months old and I can sympathize with your fustrations. Toddlers are learning their own independence and like the word "no" even when you know they mean yes. I used to think he needed to eat more or eat when we were eatting meals. I had to tell myself to relax, kids self regulate and eat when they are hungry. When he is getting in the pantry is he wanting to eat? Maybe this is why he is not hungry at meal time. Try to offer healthy snacks and meals every two hours so he doesn't get cranky. The temper tantrums maybe related to his hunger. When my son wants to do something that I want to instantly say no to I say I redirect, distract or say at bedtime, after lunch, etc. This usually works. The word "No" from me can make him have a temper tantrum! I also warn my son when we are transitioning to nap time, bed time, bath time, etc. I say "In a few minutes we are going to do bath time, read books and go to bed." My son is fighting naps now so I put him in his bed for 20 minutes of quiet time and sometimes he falls asleep and other times I have to accept no nap day. Good luck and try to remain calm. Hope these ideas help.

dear Aleisha, I think your son knows that you will give in to him he is trying to get your attion when you are trying to do other things you just have to let him know that you are the mom and he needs to do as you say!!!! To many parents feel that you have to be nice all the time and that works untill the kids start running over you and they will if you let them. BEing a mom means making the right choices for your kids , even when your not right!!!! good luck YOU WILL BE FINE TAKE CONTROL

I would say it sounds like he is trying to push limits, find out what the rules are and what you will be less strict about. With food, my four year old, as would most children, eat better with their grandparents because his grandparents "give in". His grandfather on his dad's side will put the food on the fork for him to encourage him to eat. My mom will just let him get up, say he ate "good for his age" and that he was just too interested in everything else going on. My sons half brother is 16 months old, and not eating well either. We found that if we sit down and eat with him he eats better. Also finding foods that he can feed himself works. He also is climbing up on everything, going into rooms that he is not allowed in, and exploring. WELCOME TO THE TODDLER STAGE OF LIFE :) It is fun and exciting and TIRING! You have to watch everything they do, and encourage them to play with their toys and not get into things they are not allowed to have. It's a time where you THINK you can get away with leaving them alone more than before because they appear to be playing alone and yet you have to watch them twice as much because the second you don't hear anything it's because they are getting into something.
As for the fit through, as long as he is not hurting himself or something else, just throwing a fit, let him throw it. Ignore him, watch him from a distance and at an angle that he can either not see you or not see you are watching him. When his fits aren't getting him the attention he wants, they will stop. As long as you give him tons of positive attention when he does good things. This is a great time to talk out play. As he is playing discribe what he is playing with "that red car has an engine that goes vrooom vroom". Stacking blocks up for him to knock down, and helping him stack blocks is a great game. It's such a fun fun age, but they are trying to push to find limits, you have to set them and be firm with the ones you choose most important. :) By all means ENJOY!!!!!

Hi Aleisha,
I think your son will eat what he needs and when he needs it. I know I have times when I am more hungry than others. There may be a power struggle there but don't feed into it. Learn to let it go and I bet over time he will, too!!
The temper tantrums are normal and can be difficult to get through. My advice is to choose your battles carefully. If it is something that is putting him in danger, absolutely stand your ground. He may want to be in places you don't allow him in for that reason--you don't want him there! He may just want to explore it for awhile and that will be that. Possibly you could set a time limit for him to be in those rooms with your supervision. Allow him to take toys if he wants to or just allow for his natural curiosity to explore. I am sure he sees you and your husband in those places doing a variety of things and wants to see what it is about in his own way. Be patient and remember that sometimes it is important to follow the child instead of them always following us!! I hope this helps you!!!

Take care,
T.

I'm the mother of 3 sons and have been a school psychologist for 26 years. I think your son is asserting his independence from you. A calm, dispassionate response is probably best. At mealtime, present his food and eat your meal, giving him a reasonable time to eat his (15-30 minutes). Clean up the dishes and don't allow him to graze between meals, but give him a snack if that's been your usual practice. With regard to the tantrums, "take your wind out of his sails." Tantrums are only fun when others are attending and bothered by them. When you've drawn a boundary, stick to it and your son will have to cope with "no" in his own way. A concise reason for the "no" should be offered, then carry on with your usual activities. When your son tantrums, pay no attention and make no comments. Leave the area so he has no reinforcement whatsoever. His intensity may increase when you respond in this manner initially, but, eventually, his pleasure and frequency should decrease. He'll learn that you say what you mean and mean what you say, and his outbursts have no impact. As parents, we want our children to become ever more independent, and he's just "trying it on for size" right now. You're getting all the action because you spend the most time with him.

The tantrums are normal behavoir.. Also, if he's eating and NOT losing a significant amount of weight, the pediatrician says he's healthy, I'd just chalk it up as a phaise. All 4 of mine went through the same thing.. There will be phaises where he'll only agree to eat nuggets, or only pb&j... As long as he's eating, I wouldn't think too much of it..
My kids were all handled the same way.. As soon as they started the tantrum, I put them to bed.. Plain and simple. No talking, no soothing, just put them in their crib where I knew they wouldn't get hurt, and let them know they'll not get any attention by negative reactions.
Don't worry.. and I commend you for seeking help on matters you are in question of.
God bless,
A.

I responded to say thanks to laura. I was reading the post and the response. This is enlightening and I am going to try the not to say no to much. Thank you.

As frustrating as the not eating can be I would keep offering him the amount of food that you want him to eat. I have a very picky eater-3 1/2 now- and he went through times when I thought that he needed to eat more. My pediatrician said that as long as he ate a balanced amount of food every three days he was doing just fine. My son, for example, would refuse to eat protein one day and only want to eat noodles. This went on for a while, but I kept offering it, and eventually he just ate. I also tried to make less of an ordeal about eating-tried to relax, it helped. My mother-in-law always says that they will eat what they need to eat. (this piece of advice seems to be accurate lol:)

About the tantrums...try distraction, but don't give in. I will say that the less attention he gets for throwing tantrums the better. At that age my son loved to play in the kitchen cabinets as well, so I locked the ones that I didn't want him in with those plastic things from Home Depot, and made a cabinet for him. I put plastic containers, cups, spoons, and bottles(he never used them), etc. in the cabinet and let him play.

I hope this helps!

Hello Aleisha I can understand your feelings.

Both my sons were very funny eaters. At times nothing, then like they had never eaten before. Sometimes only meat or only veggies.

His doctor was not concerned as lond as they were gaining weight.

The same thing has occurred with the little one I watch. He eats chicken nuggets, frosted (must be frosted) animal cookies and trix cereal. I constantly offer him what I eat and he is curious but won't eat it. He seems to be growning just fine.

Well I hope this puts your mind to rest. Your not doing anything wrong. If he eats better for others then take advantage of the break.

i hate to say this but this is very typical. i just walk away from my kids when they throw tantums. ( ignore)works the best for me. and for the food. my four year old hardly eats. he is fine. he eats when he is ready. and he does not eat snack food. we eat breakfast lunch and dinner it is there if he wants it . remember there stomachs are so small so what we think is a nice size is not for them. but this is just the beginning. i can say what do you want to eat and my 20 months throws him self down and screams . then comes over 10 min later and wants to eat. don't know why but he does this for alot of stuff. good luck. and remember it is normal

Relax Aleisha, I am a stay at home mom of 4 and one of the things I have learned is that they will eat when they are hungry...I have never heard of a 16 month old that starved themselves to death. Just offer good things at each feeding, he'll eat when he is hungry enough. He is also going to test you all the time starting at this age....just pick your battles and ALWAYS win the ones you pick, he'll learn he can't push you around with the tantrums (please know that it won't happen overnight, this is an ongoing thing through the toddler years, but it will get better, I promise, if you remain consistant) Good luck, and ENJOY!!! This time goes to quickly, trust me.
Mom of 4 ages 3-14

I wouldn't be worrying about how much he eats. Kids always eat what they need to. If you are upset when he doesn't eat, he might be enjoying the attention that not eating brings. I wouldn't do anything at all. If he seems to not want anymore food, say OK! and put it away like it's no big deal. If the attention factor is gone, he will start eating more if he is actually hungry for it. If he just doesn't want as much, maybe he is just not hungry right then! Unless he's wasting away, I wouldn't worry about it. Ask your doctor at the next visit if you're still concerned, but I think that your baby is just fine.

Also, about the tantrums, it is fine to tell him no about things, but you need to find something else to replace it so that he is not just focussed on what he didn't get. If you don't want him in the computer room, you need to remove him to a different area of the house where there is something else fun to do and get him started on it, or just drag out the pack-n-play, fill it with toys he likes, and stick him into it. If he persists with the tantrum, kiss him on the head and tell him that you understand that he wants whatever he wants, but that it is dangerous. When he finally does settle down, he will start to play with his toys. He will try again to get into the computer room, but if there is a consistent response on your part without making a big deal out of it, he will finally get it and stop trying do do the "bad" thing. You could also pull out the high chair and give him some graham crackers to gnaw on, so that you can get some other things done without him getting into trouble.