My Son's Girlfriend Wants to Follow Him to College

If you are financing his college then I believe that you have some say in what you expect of his performance while you are paying for it. You cannot prevent the girlfriend from going, but you can refuse to support her through your son. If he is planning on living off campus, and you are planning to help pay for that - then don't. Put him in the dorm...she can't live there with him. Give him a budget and stick to it. If he needs more money, he will have to do what most college students do - get a part time job.

You don't really say if she is planning on enrolling in college or just planning on following him there and working while he goes to school. If it is the latter, then she will have to show some initiative to get loans/grants/funding to pay for college. She may not be academically able to do that - so it may all become a moot point.

Basically, you cannot control what she does, but you can explain your concerns to your son, and lay out expectations for him while in college on your dime.

Good Luck

Wow, I see your delimma. Unfortunately in this situation, we live in a free society and you can't stop her from going anywhere. What you can do, however, is to let them know that you won't be paying for her. Give your son a budget and if he can't make ends meet because he's helping her out, then he will have to find another source of income for himself. Also, let him know in no uncertain terms that if his grades are not up to par, you will not pay for the next semester and he will have to come home and transfer to a local school where you won't have to pay living expenses. You can't control her, but you can control what YOU pay for.

My advice is to break it down for him in a calm and kind manner. Let him know that you've worked hard to save for HIM to go to college. Let him know that you are aware that you cannot control his girlfriend or what she chooses to do but that you WILL NOT be supporting her as well. I don't know what kind of study habits he has, but you could also gently remind him of the demand his classes and new social life will put on him. Finally, college is a time to learn and grow as a young person and honestly, I think if their relationship isn't very good now that if she does follow him he'll quickly outgrow her and break up with her. He'll be meeting so many new & different people and if she's not going to school with him she'll be left behind pretty fast. I hope that everything turns out for the best. If you can please let us know how things turn out.

I was that girl, but I refused all boys offers to follow them. The good thing about this situation is she probally won't be able to go as a student. If he lives in the dorm, she will not be allowed to crash there. If you think she is, you can contact the college and have them get her out, possibly discreetly.
I worked my butt off to get many scholarships and was short cash to cover the dorm bill so I went to a different college than the one with the honor's program I wanted. I seriously doubt she will be able to go. Out of state tuition includes a surcharge. Plus, she will need money to get there because you aren't taking her.
I will add that because I was truly abused, I had 7 different marriage proposals from guys wanting to rescue me. Because I had problems, they became quite attached. "Go away/a challenge then come here/she really wants me!" It was almost addictive to some guys. I would refuse to make a comittment, date others, tell them not to call me except once a week..all to keep myself safe. Some still follow my life through friends looking for a chance to reconnect. It is sick.
You can not tell him how awful/wrecked she is or to dump her. Can you take him on a 2 week vacation without the internet or cellphones? sort of a trial run.he might enjoy the drama free life enough to realize she is draining him.

What I would do in this situation is this: Sit down with your son and give him all the reasons you think her attending the same college is not the best idea. You have to remember that he's an adult and need to treat him as such. Explain to him about your concerns regarding the money aspect, as well as the fact that college is going to be hard enough without having the added emotional expense of a relationship that may or may not last. He's going to be out of state, away from his family & friends and everything he's every known, with difficult classes and the difficult balance of making new friends while keeping up with his classwork. I REALLY REALLY wish someone would have tried to warn me about how difficult college was, let alone how hard it is 3.5 hours away from home!

Other than not funding his tuition, you really don't have the authority to tell him that he CAN'T go to that school (he's an adult remember). However, you could lay some guidelines with him, such as maintaining a certain GPA. Let him know that you're more than happy to help him with his education, but he's going to have maintain his end of this bargain, and if he doesn't, then he's going to have to pay his own way.

I think he's very lucky to have a mom who's willing (and mostly able) to pay for his education! I had to apply for grants and scholarships and take out school loans, so having a parent able to pay is a wonderful thing :) In fact, after my school decided to take my stepdad's pay into account, even my mom had to take out a parent loan for me!! And that was for an in-state school!

Anyway, I think the more maturely you treat him and the situation, the more it might turn out to your advantage.

If it were me I would let them both know that I could not support both of them and there is no other choice.
It is your decision to put him through college, but you can not stop her from going unless you are the one paying her way as well.
I think your son would understand if you put it to him in dollars and cents and not be judgemental on what kind of family she came from or how they could careless if she left.
Help him to make the right decision for his future not his girlfriends. Be supportive.

2 things- her way to college is her way, if she cant afford it then it her/ her families problem. I know this would be hard to let go but if what about letting him try it and fail at teh relationship. We all need to go through them in our life. Better sooner than later? I do not suggest they live together though. Im assuming they will be in dorms and can go about their business. Living together woudl be too close for comfort, have too many adult household responsilibities and plainly its just so much harder to break it off with someone if your sharing space, expenses and all that.

where is your son going to live? If he lives in a dorm she can't live with him.

If your son has his heart set on going to this college, he will be very resentful towards you for keeping him from going, even if you're doing it with his best interests at heart! You can't control the girlfriend or her family, and while it's unfortunate, you have to let him figure it out. He will get to college, make new friends, meet new girls, & all the fighting with the current girl will be an irritation he'll soon be done with (fingers crossed). Take a deep breath, mother bird, & let your baby spread his wings :)

Thinking back when I was in college (graduate '99) these kind of situations were present and most of those relationships didn't last. If they are in love and idealistic, they see this as the perfect next step in their relationship probably but in college there are lots of other "fish in the sea" and usually the first year in college is about self discovery and who we want to be. I would encourage him to do well in school and let him know he can reach out to you for support. You can express your feelings about his girlfriend joining him but they may just turn against you. Hope this helps.