My Job Has Turned into Being a Nanny....Huh????

Little brother seems to have mastered the fine art of delegation. If it were me, I'd start interviewing Nannies, hire one, and charge her cost to your brothers expense account. If they don't like it, maybe they might get involved in finding child care for their own child. If not, problem solved, they are paying for it, and you are free to continue with your career.

Give them a deadline to find some childcare, and stick to it. You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

You said to be honest - Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. Are you actually watching a baby at work? That makes no sense for you or the baby. Where is your sister-in-law in all of this?

Invite them over to dinner and when everyone is having a good time, simply say - you know how much I love little Suzie and my girls really enjoyed watching her over the summer, however, I'm simply not able to take care of her anymore. You'll need to find childcare before September __ because after that if you bring her to the office, she'll have to stay with her father while I get my work done.

Don't let them tell you that there isn't another solution. With 2 people working, they should be able to afford to pay someone to watch the baby. If they can't, then your SIL might have to cut her work hours or come up with another solution. Stick to your guns and DO NOT physically take the baby from them. No matter what they say, simply keep saying - I'm sorry, but I just can't watch her anymore. No other explanation is necessary - and have your husband back you up.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Oh wow, you are being walked on and taken advantage of BIGTIME. You need to tell your brother that you were glad to help him out but you are now being taken advantage of. Give he and his wife a timeline of YOUR choice to find a daycare for her if they decide to both continue to work because this arrangement is no longer acceptable! I know what its like to be a people pleaser, trust me-- but you cannot please everyone always, and what about you?! This is NOT your responsibility! Break this now while baby is only 5 months old unless you want to continue watching her until shes 5 YEARS old and starts school. Because based on what you have said here, it sounds like bro and SIL will have NO problem keeping this arrangement until then. Good luck...

M-
The question you should ask yourself is not "Am I rotten?" But rather "What is my job description?" My advice: don't take the baby. At some point, either your brother or SIL hands you the baby. Don't take the baby. Say, "I'm sorry but I have work to do." Period. End of discussion. Go to your office or go see a client. Your brother is a bully. If he continues to harass you at work, talk to an attorney.

You might have to accept that your mom is going to take care of the baby. That is her choice. The most you can do is try to convincer your brother to pay her.

I think you are good person who wants to do what is right. It sounds like you raised two responsible daughters who spent their summer taking care of an infant.
Good luck.
~K.

.

I don't get it? Is he your partner or your boss? Either way, would you put up with this at a job where this was not a family business? Sounds like he just does not respect women (you or your mom). First, I would ask your mom if she likes the situation she is in. She might be very happy babysitting. Then talk to him and his wife and set things straight for you and possibly your mom. It's time to stand up for yourself otherwise nothing will change and you will be setting a bad example for your wonderful girls. You may just need to have him buy you out of the business and find a new job.
I am the youngest of 4 siblings, with the largest age span being 11 yrs, just like you two. I would never think of or get away with treating my family like this. Good luck!!

CRAPPY DEAL!!!!!! Now go stand up for yourself !! Tell brother dear your not watching the baby anymore and tell SIL to get someone also. You already raised your children out of the baby stage, now it there turn. Or tell him your selling your half of the business and start your own without him. Either way stand up for your self and stop letting this be a CRAPPY DEAL!!! Good luck!

You need to talk to him as your brother, not your boss. He's taking advantage of you as his sister, not his employee. You have a couple of options...1 go the non confrontational route: "it was so nice when my girls were off school all summer to help with Daughter! We all miss their help so much! It's been a little too much for me to do on my own and get my work done...blah blah blah" Or 2 confrontation (in a nice way) "We need to talk about the Daughter situation. My expectation was that when my kids went back to school for the fall you would find a professional day care or nanny. I'm cool if you want to keep her here at the office with us during the day but you need to hire someone that is not me to tend to her. I have work to do and would love to spend time with her in between my projects, but she needs a full time caregiver. blah blah blah." I would also mention that mom is too old (or whatever) to care for her and that isn't really an option either, but mom may have to stand up for herself in that situation. You are completely justified and as scary as it may be to have this talk, you have to do it b/c you are clearly unhappy with your role here!

Maybe you could do a little research and find a list of reputable day care centers or nannies and give them to him. Tell him that you wanted to help him find the best caregiver for your darling niece and then wish him luck!

Wow, that is quite a predicament. You have gotten a lot of good advice and I agree that you are being taken advantage of. Your brother has some nerve to expect you to give up your life and care for his first born. You have already raised 2 kids! Why would you want to drop everything to raise another baby that is not yours? I would just tell him, "Love the niece, but I have already raised kids and I don't want to raise anymore." If he doesn't want to pay for childcare, then his WIFE needs to stay home and care for HER baby. They had a baby, THEY need to figure it out. Reading your post has me pissed off too! Lol... I feel for you, just stick to your guns and tell them they need to find another arrangement for their child. Good luck, and try to let us know how it goes. Be strong!

Ok forgive me for being blunt but you DO have a mouth and you need to open it and say, "As much as I love my nieces/nephews, they are YOUR children and I don't mind helping out occasionally but my career is important to me as this business is and since we are PARTNERS in this business and we decided MUTUALLY to keep it going, you and your wife will need to find alternative childcare within the next 2 weeks because I am no longer going to take care of the baby. I'm sorry and I don't want you to be offended but this is the reality of it all. I've raised my children and it's time for me to concentrate on my career and what I want." Yes that may be selfish but you are NOT that child's parents and you are NOT responsible for taking care of it. BE FIRM AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS. He'll get over it and they NEED TO BE PARENTS.

You and your brother definitely need to have a talk about this situation that you are in. Keeping this hostility inside you will only cause you to verbally explode on him or tear your relationship apart. Obviously we would all love to bring our children to work with us and not having to pay for child care is even better, but that is not a reality for most of us. Perhaps if the child's grandmother does not mind watching her then begin bringing grandma to work so that she can watch the baby there. Perhaps then your brother and SIL will get the hint that you do not want to be their nanny. Pitching in to help out is one thing, but being expected to be responsible for the baby while both parents are in the same office is offensive. If they get hostile (about you bringing grandma) just explain that your work is suffering and you need to focus on that and interject that your "baby days" are long over and that you have enough to handle with your girls being "teenagers" now. When your SIL was pregnant, was their a discussion about who would watch the baby when she came back to work? Your brother obviously managed to pay your girls over the summer for childcare, they should have the hang of it now. If they two of you are in this business "together" then he should respect your clients just as much as he respects his own. Why is what you are doing so much less important than what he does? There is no way around it, you will have to say something or you will not be able to tolerate remaining in the family business.

Nope. TOTALLY crappy deal.

You have several options. The first few that jump out at me:

1) You can just refuse to take care of the baby
2) You can ask your brother if he is prepared to buy you out at X amount.
3) You can demand an extra $2500 a month nanny's fee (you're working 2 jobs, you should be paid for EACH)
4) You can continue to let things go as they are going

<laughing> I TOTALLY AGREE... if he reschedules your clients, take the day off and spend it how you please. He cleared your schedule, take advantage of it. Spend some time on yourself and your OWN children.

He's taking advantage of you and your fear of harming the company. My guess is

1) It will take 2 weeks before he wakes up and smells the coffee
2) That those 2 weeks won't sink the business

If you ask me, your brother is taking major major advantage of you. I'd put my foot down and inform him that you're not his nanny. Explain that he and SIL should have thought about what would happen after the child was born and you had to do childcare with your kids. Regardless of what he does with her, I'd make it clear that you love her but that you aren't a childcare provider and don't intend to start now. I'd also let him know that your clients will be treated the same as his and that it's a family run business. If he wants to buy your share out so he can run it all his way, then he'd better start talking to the bank.

Oh no, no no no no no. I feel angry just reading your post. How can your brother possibly think it is okay to force you to care for his baby. I am a stay at home mom of two little kids, and that is an important job to me now...but, when they head off to school, that will be my season for a career, and it absolutely infuriates me that your brother is taking that away from you. You had your season of your own little ones. It stinks b/c you don't want to resent your infant niece...this is not a good thing for your relationship with her. I think you got some good advice from other moms here...I just wanted to confirm your feelings, that it IS insane, and you are absolutely not rotten. I don't think you have ANY responsibility in even helping him find childcare, but if it helps you get back to your own life sooner, you can offer to maybe help him interview nannies, etc...but it really is not your problem. Stand up for yourself!....but maybe to help keep love in this situation, take some time on a weekend or two to visit with the baby...so that your brother does not read this as you having no interest in his child. Good Luck!

I am hoping by the time i get done writing this you will have told your brother that he needs to find a new babysitter! and i would let him know why! the same reasons that you stated you need to tell him and you also need to let him know that if he has another child you will ot be that babies nanny either. that is apart of growing up and taking care of your responsiblities! you have to pt a stop to this right now. and don't allow him to take advantage of your mother either. if you are 41 your mother must be in her late 60's or older! why does he think she has nothing to do with her time either. i'm sure she loves her granddaughter but i know she can find things to do with time also. PUT A STOP TO THIS NOW!!!!!

I agree with Lynn. If you are partners in the business, you need to let him know his daughter needs to be with her parents, that is either him or his wife, or you all can hire a nanny or find a day care and take it ALL out of his salary each month.

I also would let him know he is not to mess with your schedule. You already have children. If you wanted another you would have adopted.

The work place is not a place for this child. This child needs to be where it can be paid attention to, be taken out of the building into the fresh air.

This is NOT your Job!

OMG.. He is being TOTALLY inappropriate... this is simply not acceptable.
He is 'using' you.
HE is the parent and he has to figure out childcare for his own baby... not 'using' you for it and manipulating your own job, just to satisfy his needs.

I would speak up.
What is your Husband saying about all this? His wife, being taken advantage of?

Your Brother and his Wife... are SOOOOOOOO so selfish and lazy... they can't even manage their own child, but instead, DUMPS their child on YOU... and they don't even ask if that is okay, with you. Who is also working and employed.
Whether or not they pay you for it... to me is not the point. The POINT to me is... they are just DUMPING their responsibility, on you. Without permission.

And the other issue is... YOU have to then dump their child on your Retired Mother... which is also inappropriate. Of your Brother. Not you.

STOP doing him 'favors.' He is a BULLY. AND his Wife too.
It is so so selfish AND irresponsible of them.
They have to be real parents and manage their baby like anyone else with life's issues. It is THEIR problem.

Your Brother is a Bully.
Don't give in.

Do you have to be at that job?
If you continue to be, he will continue to do as he pleases and 'using' you... because, ultimately, I believe he is just TOO selfish, to change and he will NOT honor you... nor all the inconvenience you have to deal with FOR him. Because, he is shirking his child responsibilities.
HE should, have his Wife care for their child... his Wife, should be the Babysitter.
And, this will impact the credibility that your Clients, have upon you..... AREN'T they wondering.. what happened to you and why YOU cannot handle t heir accounts????
If I were your Client... I would NOT be pleased....

NO you are NOT a rotten person... you are being used, by your Brother and he is a BULLY and TOXIC and using you as a door-mat....

They are using you for 'free' childcare.... at your expense and they can't even say thank you.
They are not even wanting to put their child into childcare, to save money or they are tightwads. They are not responsible parents. They 'decided' on their own, to USE you, for childcare.... for their baby. That is their decision. The only thing is... they NEVER even asked your permission or compensation for it, to you.
They are not being proper parents. AND he is also Bullying you in your job and MANIPULATING your own work/projects/client relationships and says HIS is more important.
You are getting the shaft. Big time... because, Ultimately, he only sees you as a Babysitter... for their baby.
That is.... UNacceptable.
You have your own family and kids.... you need to put more effort into your OWN family... and your Brother is interfering in that and has NO respect for you or your own family.

What does your Husband think? If I were your Husband... I would be PISSED off... AND I would along with you, put your Brother on notice... and put him in his place. He is interfering in your/your Husband life and your kids... and the well-being of you and your 'job.'

Why should your life & work credibility... be SO inconvenienced and stressed.... because of your Brother's Baby? It is not your baby, it is your Brother's.

You and/or with your Husband... need to speak up, to your Brother. Without fear. It is simply unacceptable.

And if this keeps going on... you WILL lose your Clients. Clients... do.not.have.to wait.... and they should not have to wait. Per your Brother's attitude toward it and you.

If I were there... I would tell your Brother for you.
Your Brother... is a real user.
And your SIL, is a real user too.

Their behavior... all points to this: they have NO respect for you NOR your kids or Husband. They only care about themselves.

It will CONTINUE to happen... them using you to care for their child. Unless, you stop it.
They will not get it... nor understand. So don't expect them too.
They are narcisstic.

all the best,
Susan

You definitely need to talk to your brother about this ASAP. Let him know that your job description says NOTHING about being a nanny to his little girl. If and when you want to spend time with her, you will make the initiation...this is not an opportunity for him to have free child care. Explain that if he were in the "real world" no one would think to allow him to do this, and your family's business is no different. I would also talk to your mom about how she feels and have her tell her son that until a pay check comes to her, there will be no free babysitting during regular business hours.

Is he going to be ticked off...definitely, but you need to get this out in the open now while it is still fresh and new rather than wait until you are at your breaking point (although I think you all ready are!)! Good luck!

Is your brother your boss? If so, you need to talk to him as a boss and tell him that you are not able to perform your job duties while watching his daughter. While you love your niece, nanny is not part of your job duty. If he is not your boss but rather your equal in this business you need to tell him that he needs to arrange for other child care arrangements. If those arrangements are with your mom, it is not your concern if she is or isn't paid, it is hers. If someone needs to put their work on hold, it should be the child's parents. If that means rearranging his client list than so be it...that is not to say that in a pinch you can't help them out but it should not be the norm.

I would hire a nanny for him and hand him the bill. It's YOUR business too, you can't be shuffled out if it this easily. You're a *director* right? Direct a nanny to take care of the baby while you take care of business. GL.

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If you are partners in this business, you need to stand up to him and let him know that this is his child and his responsibility, so if she needs to be taken care of, HIS work needs to be changed, or he needs to put her in daycare.

No way, it is not your responsibility to watch the baby. What role does her mother play in this. Just stop watching the baby if you don't want to. Talk to him and tell him to not reschedule your clients anymore and if he does take the day off. It is his kid after all.

Your brother is being disrespectful to you and your clients. Clients are clients, big of small. You all live off what those clients bring in. You have a responsibility towards them. Your brother and SIL have a responsibility towards raising a child. It is their added job to do it. You have to address this matter with a cool head, both logically and sensibly. If your mother is willing and able to do it, good. She must be paid reasonably and if she cannot do it, they need to get a day care or sitter. (Just NOT you) Good luck

You're not rotten for resenting reality not matching your expectations, M.. But you are apparently suffering over reality, and so you'd do well to either reassess what is available to you under current circumstances, or work with your brother to arrange circumstances to better meet your expectations.

Families working together or handling money matters together is fruitful ground for misunderstanding and conflict. It sounds like your business is running "quite successfully" on a financial basis, but not so much on a personal basis. If I were in your situation, I'd be inclined to do one of the following:

1. Attitude is everything. I might choose to be delighted at being a highly paid nanny, spending precious time nurturing and training a new little human being.

2. If that's not my calling, I'd sit down and outline my career goals, the number of hours I have available in the week, and how much of that time is reasonably needed to meet my clients' requirements. If there is time left to spend with my little niece, and I WANT to do that, then that would become part of my schedule. If not, and I wanted to spend more time developing the business, that's what would round out my week.

3. If my brother is the boss, I'd defer to his business/scheduling decisions. If it's a partnership with equal control, I would treat it as such. It would be extremely helpful to have a process like Non-Violent Communication (google this for details) in my toolbox for meetings with my brother. It is useful to be able to distinguish between genuine feelings and attitudes, a distinction that can avoid a great deal of confusion and anger.

4. Find employment elsewhere that better meets my needs, training, and expectations.

It's a wonderful thing that your brother not only values his daughter's well-being, but that he trusts you with it. But if that's not how you want your working hours spent, you do always have options. Be clear about what you are willing to do, perhaps even interviewing sitters yourself on your brother's behalf, and presenting him with a couple of good candidates to choose from.

You've gotten some GREAT replys to your plea for help, and I'm not going to say the same things as the other women. I would just say to PLEASE take their advise, cause weather you say something to your brother and SIL, or not.. either way there is going to be some upset! Good Luck, and Hope all works out!

You are not rotten and you have every right to be pissed about this situation because you are being treated very unfairly. Is your brother your "boss"? It really doesn't matter, because even if he is he has no right to pull you away from getting your work done in a timely manner that's acceptable to your clients and expect YOU to watch HIS kid!

What you really need to do is sit him down and flat out tell him that as much as you love your niece, you cannot be her babysitter/nanny. Tell him that you love your job and that's what you want to do; he has to understand that he cannot be doing what he is doing to you - with the baby and the clients/jobs. I would not bring up the fact that he and SIL weren't there to help you out when yours were little because it would only cause trouble (although I would feel resentment, too!) and a family feud wouldn't benefit anyone. It may or may not matter, but how does your mother feel about your predicament? Your husband?

Some people may advise you to get another job, but unless you have that option and it would be something you like and comparable to your current job salary-wise, then I wouldn't advise caving in and walking away. Stand up for yourself because you are not wrong in how you're feeling about this situation. Your brother and SIL need to find someone else to watch their child. Period.

I look forward to hearing how things turn out - keep us posted!

Have you considered hiring a nanny for your brother.

Perhaps if you bring the nanny into the company, under his division, and he feels it in his budgeting dollars - he will understand the importance of this situation. Maybe you could give her the title of personal assistant.

You poor thing, it's like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. It will get better. Good luck.

You've gotten a lot of good advice... although I did not read them all. Just to reiterate, you are letting your brother take advantage of you. An old cliche applies... "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." So you need to stop letting him dictate what you are doing. It's hard to tell from your question why your brother has the power to control your schedule... is he actually your boss? If so, you are in a tough situation. It does sound like your brother really needs to grow up. He is expecting either your mom or you to take care of his child, and both of you are allowing it... where are the boundaries? Was he so spoiled growing up that he thinks everyone needs to cater to him?

You are not rotten and resentful, you are realistic. It needs to stop. You need to stand up for yourself. I almost wonder if you need a family therapist to talk with all of you, because it seems like you have some unhealthy family dynamics. I apologize if I am off base, it's just what I am getting from the reading of your post. Good luck.

Hmmm... any way you can find a new job? Sounds like they are toying with you. So, hand them a business card to a nanny, or start typing up an impressive resume and get to work on your clients. Pretty soon, your clients will get pissed from being rearranged and working with someone else and find a new business.

Well the business belongs as much to you as it does to him. Your clients will suffer though if you fight about this too much. It sounds like you need top put your foot down and tell them what you have told us. But you might want to consider getting an outside business consultant to help you discuss this with your brother. It might be worth the dollars to make sure this gets resolved without turning ugly in a way your clients may get wind of.

It seems you're generally resentful of your brother and I'm not sure why. Someone else could easily praise the opportunity to care for a baby, while getting paid a director's salary, and contribute to the family as a whole. Remember, you cannot change someone else's behavior. So, where as you cannot keep your brother from asking to care for his child, you can certainly refuse to do so. As a result, he may become angry and never let you see his niece again, but again, you cannot control someone else's behavior.

I recommend that you define your own values and priorities and make a decision accordingly, even if it hurts. Usually the best decisions hurt a little bit.

You have every right to be angry, after all it's not your baby and they shouldn't put that responsibility on you! It's their baby and their responsibility. I would sit down with your brother and sister-in-law and tell them that they need to figure out another arrangement for their baby. They could either pay your mother to watch the baby or put the child in daycare. Explain that you don't mind helping out occasionally, but you want to do the job you're getting paid to do, not babysit.

Good luck!

STOP! RIGHT NOW! You are in the position you are in because you let your brother and his wife walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Make it clear to him you are done. He has to get a sitter for his baby and you are not it. You should have never let it get this far. You should be mad and stand up for yourself. If that means selling the business then sell it. It's time your brother learns to be a man. Stand up to his wife also, get right in her face and make it clear to her that she had the baby and it's her responsibility to care for it. If that means quitting her job or hiring a sitter, day care etc...make it clear your done being used and walked all over. Once this is done you might feel bad at first but you will be glad when it's all said and done. If you don't want to stand up to them then quit crying and be walked all over.

Uh...NO you are absolutely not being rotten or resentful, but you need to tell them your brother and SIL. This will continue to happen unless something is said. Can your brother or SIL fire you or decrease your salary? Why would you accept being pushed off to the side and your work and home life suffer? Not cool, but sometimes people do things without knowing and sometimes they do things because they can and no one says anything different so they just keep doing it. You don't have to be rude or nasty, but if you continue to let this go on it will get to that point that you will feel like that is the only way it can be handled.
Be proactive do not compare your situation to his, but just say you love your new baby niece however she should be your brother and SIL FIRST responsibility not yours and you should only be relied on as a second resort. They may still get defensive but again the baby is their responsiblity.

It is difficult to give specific advice without knowing the organizational structure of your business. Is your brother your direct supervisor? Are you partners? Do you both answer to another individual? I would say the first step is a very friendly inquiry from you as a sister to your brother, to go something like this: "I understand a lot has happened very quickly for all of us in the last couple of years. We have all tried to pitch in and help make things work as best we can. I do have concerns about my contributions to this business if providing childcare continues to be made a priority over my clients. Do you have a different long-term plan or do we need to discuss possibilities?"

You may offer your experience as a mother and your interest as a sister and aunt as resources to these parents to figure out a better plan. They may actually show appreciation. On the other hand, you may need to be prepared for a battle. I have hope that if you approach it diplomaticly, like a loving and concerned sister with a calm, business attitude, you will find success. I hope it works out.

Wow - I am sorry you are going through this. I would first and foremost speak with your brother and sister -in-law. Your point regarding that no one helped you when your children were young and that they never took your girls for anything screams volumes. Personally I feel they are selfish!

Frankly your clients are just as important as his are. I would calmly have the conversation that you cannot effectively serve your clients being a Nanny all day. It's wrong for you or your mother to do this. It will make you resentful and it's not going to be good for the child either.

Maybe do some research for some daycares close to the office and offer that as well.

I really I had more - be strong - I know you can do it!

A.

I dont get it. How is it that your brother gets to tell you what to do and rearrange your schedule? If your salaries are comparable, he can afford to take his child to daycare. Aren't you guys equal partners in the business? In any event, you need to let your brother know exactly how you feel about this situation. If you really look at it, your brother is not paying you for babysitting either. Babysitting is not in your job description. You need to let him and your SIL know that the babysitting is going to stop. Their behavior is ridiculous. Put your foot down.

From what you post, it sounds to me like you're being used for convenience. You're the "woman/sister/aunty" in the family business so technically he thinks it is your duty to pitch in and do whatever, since your clients aren't really "that important". That is unfair and quite a predicament. You didn't say if his wife was also a part of the family business or works outside. If she was a part of it too, I would really have a conference with them both and let them know you are not being paid to watch your niece ON the job. Since he is your younger brother, I assume he thinks big sister will always chip in, cause he is too busy running the business. I think you need to sit with them both, outline what your job roles are, and suggest they make arrangements during work to take care of the baby. If not, tell them you quit and they can pay you to stay home and be nanny. Since the business require you both, set down some rules as to who does what or hire an outside person.

See an attorney- I listen to that Joe Pippin on radio- call his office and find someone. This is legal- maybe talk with the attorney about having your brother buy you out.
Who made your brother in charge, not you? Get legal advise. You are not rotten- you are being taken advantage of- and your brother and his wife have dumped their parental responsibility- they are ridiculous. But you have allowed yourself to be a doormat- get up!!!!!!
best, k

I didn't get a chance to read all emails, so I may be repeating a suggestion. If he is set on an employee (right now you) watching his child at work, can the company open a nursery/daycare for employees? This could be a listed at a benefit to employeees and possibly one that would entice all employees to stay with the company. Also, the company would be paying someone at the correct salary level & with the correct qualifications. :)

Yes, you have to deal with this situation. maybe working from home would be better for you, unless your brother would insist on coming to your house. In which case, I would not answer the door.
You have to deal with this as professionally as possible, IMO. What they have done or not done for you and your kids is irrelevant. As a matter of fact, even if they had helped you, this does not make any sense for the business. The fact is that your business will lose clients if this continues.

Here is what I might do: I will get the family (brother and his wife, if possible and your mom) together and say that I love my neice and once in a while, I might be able to help take care of her but if it is a regular basis help -- which is the scenario -- they must hire a nanny or designated adult to watch during the business hours. Whether my client is as important as his is not an issue, I have done raising my kids, and they should be raising their child, not me. For one or two weeks, keep a tab of how many hours you are watching the baby and show them the patternin writing. If they refuse, then hire a person to watch the baby and pay him/her and show them the bill. I would hate to put my girls in between, but one other way is to make your brother or SIL drive them to activity or mall and be responsible for your girls and see what it takes to raise the kids. I know it is hard when your family and friends are involved and their kids are forced on you ..