My Daughter Spaces Out During Martial Arts Class.

drop the martial arts and get her into some arts and crafts classes. maybe even sewing knitting and crochet classes. she wants to do art and be involved in that not martial arts. go with what she likes and don't force her to continue to do what she is not interested in. she may be the next Van Gogh, Picasso or Michelangelo

My son was in martial arts for one month. I thought he would like it. He did! For the first week, maybe two. THen he was bored. Spacing out, looking around, not interested. So, after the month we just pulled him. Why FORCE him/her to do something they don't like? It's silly. My son found his niche and has been playing soccer for the past 9 years. Why? Because he loves it.
Works for me! And everyone is happy.

Do family members force YOU to take classes/activities outside of school and work that you have no interest in?
Of course not so why do it to your child?

Your profile says your daughter hasn't started kindergarten. If that's true I would say chances are she's too young. Around here, most places what the child to be at least 6 before beginning. My husband and I still aren't sure our 7 year old is old enough.

You probably just need to give her more time.

I don't know if I would give up on the swimming, though. Knowing how to swim is pretty important!

We don't allow parents to attend dance classes at the studio. Know why? The kids look at their parents and don't pay attention. They won't do anything they're asked because mom or dad didn't tell them what to do.

When a kid is in a class and they have a teacher and a parent and they are still tied to the apron strings that child is going to look to mom or dad to lead. They will not consider that teacher to be an authority figure.

In child care the WORST moms were the ones that just would not leave! Those kids would come in screaming and mom would hang around, telling the kids they'd be alright, that they would be back in a while to take them home, they would just hang around and stay and stay.

Those kids would stop crying almost as soon as mom left. 99% of the kids that cried when they came in would cry and act like a nasty kid but as soon as mom walked out of the room that kid would get up and start acting like a great kid.

It's the mom. Leave your kiddo in class and go have a cup of coffee. If they cry don't look back, just keep on walking. If you look back or wave bye to them or anything they know they have you. If they just cry a little harder or scream a little louder mom will come back. But as soon as mom is gone, they pay attention and do what they're asked because kids want to please. They want to be liked.

I truly think she's not participating and looking at you because you are there. When you get up and leave she won't have anyone to look at except the teacher and she'll notice the other kids are having fun and then she'll start going along with them.

How much did you pay for this class? How long is it supposed to last?

Either let her quit, or tell her that she doesn't have to do the next class, but she does have to engage in this one. It is good to teach a child to finish what they start. But really, why did you choose martial arts? Was it totally your idea? Or did she want to try it? If it was totally your idea, then this is on you...

About the art class - let her enjoy it to the max!

Sounds like she doesn't enjoy the class

How old is she? She sounds very young.

And no, you can't make a kid like a class she doesn't like. How do you "make her like it" anyway?

Young children are frequently put into programs for "enrichment" well before they are ready for the structure and intensity. Kids learn through playing - let her play. Take nature walks, have a good supply of arts & crafts at home, do outdoor play with bikes or skates or soccer balls, let her play in the dirt, collect pine cones or leaves or rocks to wash/paint, and so on. Give her time to just experience the world around her. Read read read to her. Play music at home and in the car. Have a supply of puzzles and building toys. Just have fun!

Swimming is an important skill in terms of safety, so you might revisit that later on. But the structure might be too much for her at this point. Be sure that classes are play-based and not working on stroke development and so on.

Yes, stop forcing her to do activities that you picked out. Let her pick her own activities.

This sounds like my son in judo. I first thought he might be distracted, so I spoke with the Sensei about my leaving during the class so Kiddo wouldn't look to me for directions/affirmation and would hopefully be able to focus. The Sensei was a good sport, a very humble man who always wanted to encourage the kids, but after about 6 months we could see Kiddos heart really wasn't in it. He was spacing out and going through the motions. While my husband really wanted him to make an effort and push through the challenges, I could see that Kiddo didn't care about it. He does become very self-directed when he's interested in learning/knowing something and wants to master it. This was not the case with judo and I was able to persuade my husband that we would all be happier not having to do what was becoming an unpleasant obligation.

Art, however, he LOVES! The same with Lego Robotics and a few other things. I'd say that if your daughter just isn't getting it, consider that she is not *interested* enough in getting it. If I could go back in time, I would have ended the judo far sooner. I think when kids are already in school, their 'extras' should be things they enjoy. We're a lot more flexible now about not spending money on 'should do' things for our son and really putting it toward things which he likes doing--and ends up learning from. He loves it and we don't have a struggle.

It's a waste of your money, your time, her time, and the instructor's time for her to be there if she isn't interested.
What's wrong with just letting her take the art class and not the others?

Encourage art! That's a wonderful activity for her to be engaged in. She wants to express herself, let her. Look throughout the community for different art classes or camps and drop the martial arts. When I was young, my mother took me out of the dance classes I loved and put me in martial arts. I hated it.

Usually when kids "check out" they just aren't interested. When she finds a sport she likes, she'll get engaged. My dd hated swimming (we just did it until she passed all the levels for safety reasons). Maybe she's not real athletic. Keep trying...if there's something she likes, you'll know it.

Did she ask to take this martial arts class or the swimming class? As parents, we have a tendency to think that our child MUST be in some sort of outside activity or their world will somehow not be fulfilled. If she likes art, focus on art classes. She obviously has no interest in martial arts or swimming and art is more free-style, less rules, less rigid instructions.

Well, you might be able to make her continue taking the class, or make her hate it, or make her miserable, or make her any number of things, but making her like it? Probably not going to happen. Ever. With anyone.

Why are you enrolling a child who (according to your profile) isn't even in kindergarten yet? Being in a controlled class environment involves following directions, cooperating as part of a team, and knowing how to respond to a teacher. Then, with swimming and martial arts and other things like gymnastics, you also have coordinated physical movements that must be done with precision, and safety issues, and other elements that can be quite complicated.

A very young child, especially one who hasn't even gone to school, is most often not capable of taking a class like that. Sure, some kids are. Some kids can tap dance when they're two. There are always exceptions.

If you're putting your child in classes in order to achieve something: teaching her skills, or having her master some complicated thing in order to excel at it so she can be on a team when she's in high school and get scholarships, or so that she'll get some exercise, or learn discipline, then I suggest you're going about it the wrong way. You're going to de-motivate her. It sounds like she loves art, which at that age probably involves finger paints and pretty colors.

Why not let her be a kid, and create swirly pictures of nothing (but that make her happy), and play with her and let her skip and run in a playground with you. The only thing you should be forcing at this age are some safety rules, like holding mommy's hand when we cross the street, and not touching the hot stove, and not picking up daddy's phone, and learning to say please and thank you. Don't force restrictive classes.

If she's really young (like less than 8), she might not be ready to follow directions.
Some younger kids have a real fun time in class while others just don't get it.
For a few weeks, when she's in class - you leave and run an errand or two, and then be there when her class ends.
Some kids do a lot better when they know the parent isn't watching.
Give it a good 8 weeks - or until summer break.

"she looks at me a lot"

At our local dojo, parents are allowed to sit in but are strongly encouraged to go elsewhere most of the time. Parents watching are a distraction and what your daughter is doing shows that this is the case with you. Drop her off and go somewhere else while she is in class.

"Should I stop forcing her to go to martial arts or should I keep trying to make her like it?"

You shouldn't try to force an interest in anything because it is counter productive, but two weeks is too soon to tell. Try taking yourself away from her classes for awhile and see if that improves matters for her. If not, then martial arts might be a bad fit. Let her focus on Art and other things that she likes to do without pressure.

If you want her to be able to explore new things and the world around her, you have to be careful to not hover or micromanage.

Also remember that she doesn't need to be involved in something all the time. Depending on her age, interests, and temperament, perhaps one art activity is the best thing for her. Or maybe she likes being busy. Follow her lead on this.