My Daughter Likes Girls

Updated on January 30, 2012
D.M. asks from San Antonio, TX
15 answers

how do i handle my my grandsons questions about my daughter having a girlfriend and also how can i handle it she just all of a sudden started liking girls help me please ty well my grandsons are 10 and 12 so the 10 year old told me his brother the 12 year old didnt like his mom being with girls and i dont know how to answer him and im asking for advise not criticism thanx

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So What Happened?

well i would like to ty for all ur remarks anyway my grandson the tenyear old came out today and told his mom that she loves her friend more then she loves him and he bluntly flat out told her he didnt like her girlfriend and she replied which i think was correct that shes the grown up hes the child and this part i kinda didnt like what she said she said he didnt have no bussines in saying who she likes and who she doesnt like so he turned to me and told me i love u grandma i dont love my mom now what do i do its getting complicated so if u dont mind a little more advice i could use but please dont criticise me ty

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It seems rather simple - some girls like girls,. some like boys. It doesn't matter; it doesn't change who they are as a person and we accept whatever choices people make for themselves. It's all about tolerance and acceptance.

8 moms found this helpful

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Eh, some girls like girls, some girls like boys. What's the big deal?

:)

8 moms found this helpful

M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I wonder how old your grandson is, the answer should be edited to suit his age.

Tell your grandson that people don't fall in love with body parts. What is most important is their heart, soul, spirit and personality.

I am heterosexual, probably a bit boy crazy but I remember hitting puberty and exploring my own body, noticing other peoples bodies, noticing people noticing my body and learning about relationships and sex. I flat out asked my mom, I was probably 10 or 11, how she would feel if I was a lesbian and she said "So long as you are happy and healthy and are in safe relationships it doesn't matter what body parts the person you find attractive has between their legs."

4 moms found this helpful

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with others. It is not clear just who you are trying to talk to, age wise, etc...

Bottom line, however, love and affection is love and affection. Be a model of acceptance and don't make a big deal about it.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.O.

answers from New York on

This will only be a problem if YOU make it a problem. Just tell your grandson that some people like girls, some people like boys, but what really matters is that people treat each kindly and with respect.

And then, turn around and tell yourself the exact same thing.

Your daughter is not dating a category or a stereotype. She is dating a person. If you get to know that person with a respectful, open mind, you will acting as a fantastic mom and setting a wonderful example for your grandson.

4 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

How old is your grandson?
Is your daughter his mother?

Age appropriate explanation of homosexuality.

A good place to start is with the concept of adult love between other adults and build from there. The talk might also include the topics of minority groups, intolerance and acceptance.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.

answers from Houston on

This seems like something their mother should be addressing with them. She needs to tell you how she's handling it so that you can support that. As their grandmother, all they need to know from you is that you still love and support them and their mother. Also let them know that it's perfectly fine for them to have their feeling and express them appropriately. I think it would be very authentic for you to let them know that it upset you a bit too and you can relate to how they feel. Everything is not in your power to control but you don't have to hide the fact that you have feelings and opinions either.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

There's nothing to "handle." It is what it is. You deal with her having a girlfriend the same way you would deal with her having a boyfriend.

3 moms found this helpful
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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

I agree that there is nothing to handle. You are making this a big deal because of YOUR preconceived notions about homosexuality (whatever they may be but your question indicates that it may be a problem for you).
We have a lot of same sex families in our family and circle of friends. Depending on the child's age you can just say that we love in love with a person, no matter if they are male or female.

3 moms found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Sacramento on

Keep it age appropriate. Some girls like boy, some like girls. Some boy like girls, some like boys. We must all love each other, no matter what.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Wow some are very judgemental here today. She is asking a question. She is saying that her grandson was voicing concern. Personally, I have an issue with it, however, I would never stop loving or accepting my child. Doesn't mean I have to agree with their lifestyle.

I would explain to your grandson that some people like girls and some like boys. Ask what it is that bothers him. Maybe someone made a comment to them and that is why they are uncomfortable. As for yourself, I'm sure there are books on the subject of accepting gay children. You may not like it but it is her choice.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Austin on

I would have a frank discussion with my daughter and explain her son's feelings. It is a major adjustment and she should be more receptive to her children's feelings. I am not judging, just giving you the advice you asked for. I would also suggest counseling for the boys. If she is just dating people, there is no reason to bring them around the boys until she is sure she is going to keep that one. Kids need stability. Poor babies. It is hard when Mom is dating. The kids do feel pushed aside if done incorrectly. It does not matter the gender of the person being dated. Good luck to you. My daughter can be a bone head sometimes. She has definitely strayed from the way she was raised.

1 mom found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

It depends on how old they are. A four-year-old girl experimenting with her own very young sexuality would be vastly different than a 19-year-old doing so. Your response needs to be age appropriate.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.R.

answers from Longview on

Definitely sounds like you need to have a talk with your daughter. Unfortunately, you can't make her do the right thing (meaning talking to her kids about their feelings and making them feel like they are important too). You may get stuck doing damage control. Just try to stay positive with them. Listen to their concerns, assure them that mommy still loves them, and always speak positively of your daughter and her gf. I would bet that their feelings have less to do with the gender of your daugter's new love interest, and more to do with feeling left out. I hope everything works out!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Well, I would explain to your grandsons that she is still a member of their family, and it is her right to choose who she spends her time with. And, I would tell you the same thing. She doesn't stop being your daughter, just because she likes girls. And I doubt she just all of a sudden started liking girls, that's usually something that is kept hidden from the family until they feel comfortabel enough to be honest with everyone. I grew up with an Aunt Betty and an Uncle Lori...My mom just explained to me that some women like women, and some men like men, and that's ok, as long as they keep their private relationships private, just like a mixed gender couple should.

1 mom found this helpful
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