My Daughter Is Getting Bullied

Switch schools. My son was bullied in high school so I took him out because no matter what the authorities say or do children at that age are either good or bad. They are no longer in the learning what's right or wrong stage. I took my son out right away and now everything is fine.

I know things may be different now than they where when I was in H.S. but I was bullied as well during that age. I think the best thing for me in my situation was that my parents seperated and I was able to move out of the district. after I moved, everything I did, was in determination to make myself succesfull and eventually go back and be proud of where I am now, and where those bullies are. (which as it turns out, is not so well off)
so tell her to keep in mind that people who are bullied, usually get their retaliation by becoming a better person because they went through it.
kinda stupid, but I went through life saying to myself that whatever I live through only makes me stronger.
At the same time, this doesn't help you for right now. I don't know what school she is going to, but you need to really talk to the principal, talk to the teachers, talk to everyone. they don't see it because they are not specifically looking for it. a lot of times, they won't go out of their way to actually look for your daughter, and look for signs of trouble. they figure if it happens in front of them, then they have to do something. talk to a principle about PROACTIVE security instead of REACTIVE security.
a lot of times they (school administration) won't do anything unless a punch is thrown. when I was younger, I alsways heard my mom tell me to "walk away from fights"
could you believe someone punched me in the face, and I walked away? things only got worse after that.
then after several fights, where I was scared, and tried to get out of it, and continually went downhill, something magical happened. during the summer I had a great time, and had so much fun, and I started becoming confidant about myself again.
when school started again, I stood my ground. I do not endrose fighting, i think it's wrong, but when someone laid their hands on me again, I broke loose, and let go of any constraints. For the first time I wasn't on the lower hand of a fight. I had confidance. I tried walking away first, but after she physically shoved me into a locker, she initiated a fight that wasn't in her favor. that was groundbreaking to the other bullies because I didn't do what I normally did.

another thing, I HIGHLY suggest enrolling your daughter in karate. I know a very good place to go to that is relatively affordable in the area, so let me know if you want the name and location. karate is not to learn how to fight, it is to defend yourself. it is to build confidence, and give new insights on your life. my husband went to this school when he was younger, and the instructor would also request report cards from time to time, and try to help out the students in all aspects of life. it will also inspire a healthy life. your daughter is probably of normal weight, because now a days skinny is anorexic. make sure that she knows that standards for todays teen girls are unrealistic and unhealthy. and if in case she does have a few extra pounds, I lost a good 15 within 2 months of karate when I was younger.
another thing, when your daughter is approached by these bullies, is it in between classes, or before and after school?
If it's something that happens before and after school, Does she take the bus? or is there someone who can pick her up?
let the schools know that there is a huge problem, and your not going to sit around and let it happen. find out when the shcool board has meetings, see if you can get in your argument about hall monitering to prevent these types of problems.

but at the same time, you don't want to get involved on a one by one basis with the bullies parents, unless it is very extreme, because it may just cause a bigger problem for your daughter.
encourage her. support her. tell her how important she is to you. make her know she is loved. do things to help boost her self esteem. when you are a young girl hearing others call you ugly, even if you are beautiful, you will start to believe it.
maybe there is someone in your family that she adores and looks up to as a role model that can spend time with her, have a girls night, and make her feel better about her self.
I guess this is long enough, and maybe none of my advice helps, but I really hope your daughter can work through this.

Don't accept the answer that the Teachers "Haven't seen anything", What???? Walk into the Principal's office IMMEDIATELY...Make some noise, let him know what the Teacher's response was and let him know this is UNACCEPTABLE...The only way to solve this problem is to bring it to the attention of every person in Authority at that School. Call the District, the School Board, the Mayors office, etc. Tell the Prinicipal you want it settled "at this level", but if it is not you will go to the "next" level (District, School Board), etc...Actually, I think you should walk in telling the Prinicipal you made these call BECAUSE of the Teachers response and because you fear for your daughters LIFE, SAFETY AND WELL BEING...Oh my goodness, I only wish I knew you, I'd be right there with you. However, I know you can do this, but if you need any moral support, don't hesitate to email me, ____@____.com...STAY Strong, BE Strong...(P.S.) Partnership with Children in Downtown Brooklyn offer FREE Counseling for Children. The Number is ###-###-#### if that Location is not good for you, ask them of other centers in your area...

call the principle. most nys schools also have a guard on staff. You didnt say what grade she is in. but this could affect her for years. When aI was in school I developed a nervous stomach. I wasnt picked on but my home life caused stress. I ended up with irritable bowels syndrome which still affects me to this day. please talk to a school official and dont take no for an answer. Or find out the kids names and talk to their parents. good luck

This is SERIOUS!!! S..... I am 22years old and I have only been out of highschool since 2002!!!! So this is all still very fresh to me!!!!! I too was bullied in highschool by almost all my classmates in every class!!! They would throw spit balls in my hair .. the whole nine yards!! It made me hate school... and I didn't want to go either!!! I would wind up going to school and than leaving in the middle of the day because I couldn't take it! NO ONE WANTS TO PUT UP WITH THAT!!! I never dropped out... but because I missed so many classes I didn't have enough credits to graduate... but I am a smart kid.. I just couldn't be around people whom disrespected me everyday! ---- MY HONEST BEST ADVICE TO YOU IS TO PUT HER IN A DIFFERENT SCHOOL IF SHE AGREES!!! TALK ABOUT WHY THE OTHER SCHOOL IS BETTER.... AND THE GOOD REASONS TO GO THERE!!! Talk positive positive.. so she can really think about going there and actually go there happy!! I AM TELLING YOU THAT WHEN YOU ARE THE ONE BEING BULLIED SCHOOL IS LIKE TORTURE AND TO THIS DAY I LOOK BACK AND SEE THAT I WISHED MY MOM would have put me in a different school b/c I would have done soooo much better and enjoyed school!!! It was THAT SPECIFIC school and the kids that turned high school into the worst years of my life.... I TRULY AM SAYING A DIFFERENT SCHOOL IS BEST!! ---- no matter what you say or do with the teachers or whomever... the kids will still find a way to isolate her or even make fun of her more when they find out youv'e had a talk with the teachers!!!!!!! --- my mom went to my school a couple of times... and the kids just used it against me even more and although the teachers had an eye on them....the kids still found ways to bully me...

Well I know all too well what you are going through. Teenage girls are absolutely horrible and cruel. My daughter is in a similiar situation. She has been called names and picked on all year long. Her grades have suffered terribly. The school system has a blind eye to this which is making me insane....I wish I had some advice for you other than hang in there and give your daughter as much love and support as you possibly can. I have a meeting with the school this week, so if I get any information I will surely pass it along.
Good luck and if you need to vent just drop me a line!
~M.

i totaly agree with the others i am 32 and still remember not being the perfect body type. get the names of the main kids causing her problems. then have a meeting with the princpal, then the principal and the other girls and their parents. remember beauty is on the inside and even perfect looking girls have flaws!!

Hello S.. I am just going to get straight to the point on this one. It is the schools responsibility to make sure your daughter is receiving quality education, and feels emotionally and physically safe in her schooling environment. I would request a meeting with the pricipal, A.S.A.P, and voice my concerns. If they are not willing to take you seriously, I would tell them that they need to find an alternative way to educate your daughter, in an area where her safety and well-being is not going to be jeporadized. I would be firm and persistant with this issue. It is their responsibility. I am glad that your daughter felt comfortable to come to you with this problem. It is now in your hands to stand up and take action. Be appropriate, but maintain your backbone. Good luck to you. K.

Hi, This is becoming a national problem. I know you may think this sounds corny but go on Dr. Phil's web site. He did a whole show on bullies in schools. His son actually goes to schools and speaks about it. People just don't take this as seriously as they should. It will effect your daughters grades, her self esteem, her confidence and the way she interacts with people. No one wants to spend the greater part of their day in fear that someone is going to ridicule you.

It's great that she confided in you. Stay in touch with the school, reassure her that she's fine and wonderful and that there is just something in other kids that makes them mean. The web site has alot of advice on what to do. Make sure the school owns up to this. It is not a small problem for your daughter or your family.

Please try the web site. I found it to be a great resource on what you can do and how you can help her.

Good Luck.

Hi S., I know what you are going thru because my daughter went thru the same thing when she was in high school. This is a very serious problem which you are now starting to see the effects that it has on your daughter. Dr. Phil had a show on this not to long ago. You really need to stay on top of this, please don't pass it off as something that kids go thru. You need to go to the school and make the principal aware of what's going on, and if so, meet with the parents of the kids that are giving her problems. You also need to address it at any parent/teacher meetings the school has because this is very serious. Sadly, things like this lead to suicide and school shootings, low self-esteem, and depression. If need be, have her see a counsilor either at the school or private.
Assure your daughter that you will stand behind her and nip this in the bud. Unforunately, kids are very cruel to one another, I've worked in many schools and have seen it all. If worse comes to worse and nothing gets done, then she might have to go to another school.
Please keep me informed on how things go

C.

Hi S.,
This may not be the standard, run of the mill advise that you would get from a Dr. But I would try to teach her ways to defend herself and build her confidance. Depending on her abilities, you may consider enrolling her in a karate class, or something. Not that I would ever suggest she use those techniques to fight, but it can build her confidance, and she could meet new people and make new friends in the class. Does she have any interests like that? Kids get bullied in high and jr high school all the time these days, and some kids are confident enough to fight back or shrug it off, while others just let it beat down on their self esteem until they have none left. Build her confidance somehow. And Keep on top of things at school. Make the teachers aware of who is doing the bullying. Chances are your daughter is not the only one these kids are picking on, and the teachers need to look out for it.

Good Luck, I hope that things work out for your daughter and you.

OMG, you just gave me a horrifying flash back to my high school days.

I was bullied in high school horribly. Nearly thrown down 2 flights of stairs because someone took something I said way out of proportion. I had been called four eyes, high eyes, fat, ugly...had gum and body fluids spit in my hair. Pushed, shoved...you name it. The worst thing was when my mother got involved, it got worse. Kids have a funny way of dealing with bullying. I cried and even got stomach sick, just so I wouldn't have to go. I'd skip school or do things in class to get in school suspensions, so I wouldn't have to be in the hall ways or class rooms with these people. Needless to say, high school was a very long 4 years.

You have got to get your daughter into counciling. I wish I had back then, because I am still dealing with the anger I have towards the girls who picked on me every day...and its been 14 years since I graduated!! I was also suicidal in high school and it led me to cutting and popping pills. See about getting her classes changed. Have the teachers notified as well as the guidence councilors of the situation, but don't let your daughter know. If she takes the bus, get someone to drive her to and from school. And if anything, get her some kind of self defence class. I didn't have this and ended up walking around school with a knife and some metal stabbing tool I got from my dads tools.

I hate to see anyone go through all of this, especially because I was there. Keep that open relationship with your daughter...it will be the most important thing right now. I'll be praying for you and her situation.

M.

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is going through this. I would also agree with the other responses. Your daughter needs your support in this. Go to the school and make sure that this is dealt with. Those other children should have consequences for this behavior. It has to stop.
The other thing that comes to mind is something that my dad used to tell me when I was struggling in school. He would remind me that I won't even see these people in 5 years. My parents worked hard to keep the communication lines open and encourage me in my strengths. What are her interests? Maybe she could focus on what is important to her, and go for her dreams. Keep speaking truth to her, so that she won't start believing these lies that the other CHILDREN are feeding her.
I sure hope that the school will take action on this for you. Good luck!