I think running away is normal at age 3, especially if you have gotten him to go to the bedroom or the car or played with them by chasing them. I did that and discovered that I had to unteach that game. I had my grandchild hold my hand and told them about staying with me and why (to be safe). He tried to get loose and run but most of the time I was able to hold on and often we had a meltdown but I would not give in. When he got loose and ran I did not chase him unless he was about to run into the street. I was happy and fun when they were holding on and a bit stern and even grumpy when they ran. I talked about safety and following rules while we drove or while we were together anywhere else. Eventually he learned to stay by my side or to stop when I called. Someone at the daycare center needs to teach him to stay with teachers and kids. This probably will take a concerted effort for a few days but if they're consistent he'll learn. If he truly isn't listening someone needs to take him by the hand and tell him that listening is part of being a big boy. or whatever words make sense to him.
And you can talk with him at home; explaining that you expect him to do whatever the teacher says. When he's had a good day praise him. Praise him every time he follows the rules. When he hasn't followed the rules calmly say that you know he knows better and you know he'll do better tomorrow.
You've been able to gain his compliance at home.
Now the pre-school needs to find a way that works for them. My grandson's preschool worked one on one with him at first teaching him to listen and how to respond to directions. Directions and expectations at school are different than those at home. And there is much more chaos and unfamiliar surroundings in which he has to learn appropriate behavior. When he's at preschool, especially when it's new, there are so many interesting things to distract him.
Another way that the preschool teachers helped him to learn was to assign him to an older compliant child. This was a boy that Chase already liked and when this boy took Chase's hand and led him to line up or clean up Chase usually followed his lead.
My grandson has some learning disabilities. At 4 he is just learning to talk and gets quite frustrated trying to make people understand what he's saying. And he is sensitive to large groups and noise. He's in the Early Education Program thru the school district. He started out in Head Start because they have a speech learning program. But he didn't do well in the large noisy group of children who could all talk. They transferred him to a therapeutic play school and he is doing much better. The class is small with a small number of children and more teachers.
If you think that your son might have some sort of disability that would prevent him from adjusting to a normal classroom now is the time to have him evaluated by the school district. The program is paid for with government funding and so you pay nothing. They have more resources
for children up to 4 years old. Now would be the time for you to have the evaluation.
I've included information about the special programs because there is a condition in which children and adults do not fare well when they have too much stimulation. If you know that, you can learn ways to make adjusting easier for your child.
However, I'd guess that he's just a normal 3 yo and that the school doesn't know how or isn't willing to spend much time teaching him to listen and obey. Have you told them what works at home? Have they told you what they do?
One way to teach is with time outs. Another is to give rewards such as stickers each time the child is doing something right. Whatever method they use needs to be done with the idea that he is able and will learn. The approach should be positive. For example: When he runs away when it's time to line up have an adult or another child take his hand and lead him to the line up. Next step is a time out if that doesn't work. All the time the teacher is saying to him, I know that you can do this. I want to help you learn. Something positive like that.
If he runs away, laughing, because he thinks it's a game it might work to completely ignore him and allow him to suffer the consequences. For example; if they are putting kids at tables for an art project he doesn't get to do the project. The preschool put Chase in a corner walled off with bookshelves and a soft floor and pillows. He could look at books but that was all. That didn't work for Chase but it does for some kids.
After the consequences whether it's a time out or something else the worker should give him a hug and say something like I know you'll go to the table next time.
Adjusting to a world bigger than their home is more difficult for some children then others. But if the people working with the slow to adjust child remains calm and positive and appropriately intervenes even the ones who had difficulty at first will learn how to fit in.
I just had another idea. Since he does listen to you it might help for you to spend a day or two with him to show him how to behave.
He may be not listening and running because he's anxious. In that case find out what is worrying him and find a way to help him calm down. Does he take a lovey with him?
Helping him to adjust may take weeks. How long was he in the first preschool? A good preschool should be able to work with you to resolve this issue.
It's also possible that he is not ready for preschool and would do better in day care. It is possible he needs more individual attention than a preschool is able to provide. My grandson has calmed down a great deal now that he's in a smaller class and goes to an in home daycare which has 6 or fewer children each day. The day care person has been doing this for years and she's calm, consistent, and firm when it's needed. She has a few definate rules which she always enforces. Her schedule is routine. She's also warm and loves the children. After a month or so of going he felt secure and didn't make a fuss when I dropped him off. He also stopped crying when I dropped him off at the smaller preschool. Consistency is important to him.
I wish you well. This is difficult behavior to handle.
