My 8 Yr Old Daughter Is Struggling in 3Rd Grade.

Our son is in 3rd grade, but he turned 9 in July. He did an extra year of PreK, and was 6 when he started kindergarten. Best thing we could have done for him.

I talked to lots of mom's about their experiences when we were still trying to decide. One mom was in a similar place as you. Their daughter was struggling in 2nd or 3rd grade, and they decided to have her repeat the grade. They were very nervous about how she would do and how she would handle it. It had been a couple of years since she had repeated the grade, and the mom said she had no regrets. Her daughter fit in so much better with her peers, and she was doing really well in school.

Talk to the teacher and maybe the school counselor or social worker. Maybe the counselor or social worker can come in and observe her and take some notes. Just see what can be done to get a better overall picture of the situation. You might find that she really needs to be in 3rd grade Shan next year. You could also find that she is struggling but is also making progress. Maybe extra tutoring over the summer will help. Maybe she needs to be with the kids currently in 2nd grade. Ask lots of questions and keep mulling it over. I think, in time, you'll know what's right for your daughter.

Keep in mind that there are kids in her class that are almost a full year Oder than her. That is a big deal at her age.

There really are many success stories of children repeatng a year, as long as it's done with the right attitude.

She is so young for third grade. Have you considered having her put in second grade? It may be the best thing overall and especially in the years to come. She'll be ready for the work in third if she is feeling more confident and self assured. You could always say something like, we've decided that it'd be better to re-visit second grade not only because it's fun but because you'll get so much more from it. Tell her that we don't really count grades anyway, we just put a number on it to keep things in order for the records. Something light and how revisiting would be such a good thing, etc.

This may be the best thing to do before the year gets on any more than it has. It's better to do that than to have her feel she's failed. If she does repeat third grade, tell her she's revisiting it.

Anyway, sending the best thoughts for the best choices for you and her.

i think it's too soon to get upset about the possibility of repeating a grade. if she's had no problems up to this point, it could just be that she's hitting a rough patch (part of life for every single person) and just needs the extra help you are so diligently getting for her to get through it.
so take a deep breath, mama, and step back and look at the big picture.
not testing well but understanding the material is really not a bad thing. it's 'bad' in the current teach-to-the-test culture and it's a pity your daughter is stuck in the middle of it (it's a paradigm that's slowly changing, but sucks for the kids who are dealing with it) but it doesn't mean she actually has a learning problem- just that she's not a good 'tester.'
that's a problem for the school, not your child specifically.
of course that's all well and good, but they're making it her problem. and it's not impossible that some sort of issue has arisen since her earlier grades. observation and working with her will make this clear, and that's what you're doing.
a tutor is great BUT you don't want her to feel as if she's just buried in schoolwork all the time, working at school and then working with you and a tutor when she's not at school. she may actually progress better if some of the pressure comes off.
remember that repeating a grade, or even going back to 2nd grade now, isn't the end of the world. and if it gives her a chance to really absorb and understand the material instead of pushing on and continuing to struggle, wouldn't that be better?
i know there's a huge push now to social promote always, but i don't think it's 'always' best.
when you're in the trenches working with your child on something that's been identified as a problem, you're in problem-solving mode, and it's very very difficult to breathe and be zen about it. moms are hardwired to be pro-active. and that's okay, but you'll get a better and more accurate picture of just what's going on in THIS instance and with YOUR kid if you can take a break from 'fixing' and just watch, and absorb, and trust your connection with your child. and if another year in 2nd or 3rd grade is what will make YOUR kid more relaxed and confident, don't buy trouble by assuming it will be a blow to her confidence or get her teased. i mean, yeah, it might, but so might continuing to struggle and never be at the same level as her peers. make the decision based on what she needs academically, and trust that you can parent her effectively through whatever issues arise from it either way.
you got this, mama!
khairete
S.

Have you observed in her class? If not, I encourage you to do so. It can be an enlightening experience.

First of all, if the teacher says you can't, that is a huge red flag. (I don't mean the teacher saying a certain day is not a good time - that can happen for a variety of reasons that make sense. I mean one who doesn't want you there.) Nothing should be happening in a classroom that a teacher wouldn't want a parent to see. Teachers and parents should be partners in helping kids learn.

Stay long enough to blend into the background - a full day if you can manage it, or even several days. Watch your daughter, her teacher, the other kids. You will learn a lot. It may be that your daughter is indeed distracted. But is she distracted by little things, or is the classroom environment full of distractions? Is she bored? Is she tuning out because she's overwhelmed? Is she required to sit still for too long? Is the classroom environment well-managed, or chaotic? Does she feel safe at school? Does the teacher require the same behavior of both boys and girls, or are boys allowed to act in ways that girls are called down for?

Can your child see the front of the room from where she is sitting? Can she hear what is going on? Is your child willing to ask for help? Is she less focused during certain subjects? If so, why? How does the teacher present new material? How does the teacher have students practice new concepts? How well does the teacher give directions? Are things presented visually? Orally? In writing? Through hands-on demonstration? Does the teacher notice if kids aren't understanding what they should be doing? How does the teacher talk to children who are struggling with a topic in class? Or struggling with behavior? Does the teacher get down next to the child when he/she is talking? Does the teacher have a warm relationship with your child? With the other children? Does the teacher favor any children? Openly show dislike of any of the children? How are transitions between activities managed? Does your daughter have trouble with transitions?

It will be easier to make good decisions about what you can do to help your child after you have done this.

There is a difference from struggling to understand what is being taught and struggling taking a test. Not everyone does well with testing. IMO the public school system is all about prepping to take a test and then taking tests. Another reason I decided to home-school. I also don’t think that 8 is too young for 3rd grade, this is usually the average age for third graders.

If your child understands what she is learning then it shouldn't be a problem, some people just aren't good at testing (nerves, anxiety, etc.).

I agree she is young for most districts but each county is different. When is the age cutoff for your district? For example, here you have to be five by Sept 1 to enter K so my son turned 8 October in 2nd grade. Is she the youngest in the class? A few months at that age makes a lot of difference. They expect kids to know so much more in 3rd grade now than before. My son was doing pre algebra in 3rd grade. 3rd grade isn't what it used to be. In my son's school 3rd grade is when they really stopped holding the kids hands and expected more independence from the kids. Maybe this is why no other teacher has said something about redirection before? It was age appropriate and curriculum appropriate in 2nd grade. Also, the age that kids just finally "get" certain topics is different for each kid. If she is on the younger end of the kids in her grade it would explain why she is "behind" (for lack of a better word) her peers. My friend, her daughter had an August 27 bday so just made the cutoff, had her daughter held back in 1st grade so she did first grade twice. She did it the year they moved so she started in a new school doing 1st grade the second time. For her it was the best thing. Even though she made the cutoff she just wasn't ready. I don't jump on the hold every kid back wagon but just saying its not the worst thing. Another friend did a similar thing and her kid had an April b-day and they didn't switch schools and no one made fun of the kid. He wasn't struggling so much and was happier and felt better about himself. I would see how she is feeling about herself this year. Keep in contact often with the teacher. They want her to succeed as much as you do. See what her ideas are. Teachers are excellent resources. And a lot of kids don't test well. It sounds like she understands the material jsut isn't a good test taker for whatever reason. If all else fails if she has a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD (not saying she has that of course but jsut giving an example) you may be able to get a 504 plan for her which will offer accomodations in test taking like have the test read to her (you said she was behind in reading) and this might help her, smaller groups or whatever works for her. Good luck.

Do not let her repeat. When I was in this same position I researched it and 40-60 percent of kids held back don't ever graduate high school, according to a study by the department of education. They were saying that the new holding kids back for all these made up reasons was NOT good for the kids. Yes, they had it easy because they were repeating the same material but they suffer socially and in so many other ways.

I refused to allow the school to hold our boy back and when he went to the next grade he ended up being one of the smartest kids in the class. He was plenty ready. It just took a while for the material to mesh up and make sense.

I would do summer school before retaining a student. You have a tutor, why not add in the subjects she's not doing well.

If you truly thing your child is behind the other students due to being a few weeks younger than the other students in her age group then you might consider holding her back.

Third grade is harder than the other grades. It's the year they start learning a lot of the foundation for pre-algebra and so many other subjects.