My 2 Year Old Behaves Badley with Me but Acts Great with His Father

D.,
Yes, dear, you have babied him entirely too much. The child will rule your house, if you allow him. If you always give-in and/or simply distract his attention to something else, instead of laying down your rules, you are not doing him well. Children are born TOTALLY selfish, and will demand that he be
# one, with every adult who will allow them to do so. If you expect him to make it in this world, submission to authority is the greatest of life's lessons. We want them as teens to submit to the law, but we don't teach them as 2-yr-olds, and it makes it difficult, if not impossible during their years later. Sara Wesley, one of the greatest mothers who ever lived, (raised wonderful children) "conquored" her children by the time they were two. You must face the battle with your son, and win it a few times before he will believe that you are an authority figure in his life. He has evidently lost a few "battles" with his Dad, and immediately respects his Dad's authority. He will do the same with you, after you win a few battles. The sooner the better, because you are a couple years behind. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Sit him down and explain that you will no longer allow this or that, look him in the eye and speak firmly, and make the very next time he disobeys MEMORABLE for him, a RUDE AWAKENING he will not likely forget. When you do that a few times, with firm reminders of your love, but giving him what is necessary...(he gives you no choice), then he will begin to respect you because you are in authority. If you can read a few of Dr. James Dobson's books, they would help...His "Tough Love" is very the one for now.

He does this because he knows you love him unconditionaly. No matter what he does he has the trust you will still be there. Which is great! When he has a tantrum, completely ignore him (keep an eye to make sure he can't hurt him self or anything else). Don't talk, touch or acknowledge it in any way. He should eventually calm down. When he is calm, talk about what happened and what he can do to keep in control. Be sure to acknowledge him when he speaks and praise good behavior. Even though he is only 2 1/2, they understand much more than you think with the tone of your voice, words and body language. I may take a little time, but be patient & good luck!

Join our never ending battle at our house. Things are starting to look up though. When he throws a tantrum I walk away. He realizes that no one is paying attention and he doesn't like it. I have also started to take his favorite things away and put them in what we call "the no play box". Not only has he started acting better but he has started to learn his days of the week because his toys are in "time out" for a week. I also noticed that he would act his worst when he hadn't seen his dad much. He works long hours and sometimes he goes to bed early. It can make for some long days but now they have started doing some activities on their own and things have started to get better.

Good luck

Don't you find that most kids behave the worst when they are with their parents... especially the parent that is around most of the time? I say this to let you know it's not uncommon for mom to bear the brunt of the bad behavior. That said, it's not fair to you... so just try to be consistent. NEVER give in to a tantrum or let him get what he wants when he's whining. Just walk out of the room if he's having a tantrum and ignor him. Tell him you can't talk to him when he's whining and walk away. Just be consistent. None of this sounds out of whack for a two year old, so hang in there... and I also agree, your husband has to be part of the solution. Is there anything your husband does differently? Does he get to spend a lot of time with him?

D.,

First, the father should not be saying you are the one who has to change his behavior. You both made this child so BOTH of you have to be a TEAM and work to change your son's behaviour. You both have to have the same answer for what ever it is otherwise, your son will notice and go towards the other person. You have to be united with what ever decision that pertains to your son-maybe disagree later in private (not in front of your child). He needs to see a united front. That is what helped my mom with me. I was completely the same way with her. Again, it will take time but a change will happen. Also, consistancy with discipline. You can't say no to something and then later say yes. Neither can either of you say no and then the other say yes. UNITED!! A TEAM!!

I hope some or any of this works! Pray for encouragement, disernment, and to keep the ability to love no matter what happens.

Best of luck! You are in my prayers!

L. R.

Hi D.,

I am a stay at home mom and have a similar problem. My two are not as good with me as they are my husband. I think it is because I say I am going to.... and I don't! or I threaten and then don't act. I am to soft, and to they hear me all day and my husband isn't home except a handful of times they are awake, so if he disciplines them it is strange to them and wow they are like little soldiers. I have started following through the first time I say something to them instead of saying it two and three times and seemingly begging them to do something. Well I can relate is all I am saying and will be watching for the responses. We will get through this because I do not want my children and me at it when they get older. A.

I had a similar problem with my oldest daughter, who is now 21. She never listened to what I told her to do, and did not have any respect for me when I tried to discipline her. My husband asked her once why she did not behave well for me, and she said it was because "Daddy spanks harder." She began respecting me more as she got older, and we are now very good friends. She comes to me and tells me what she is thinking, what is bothering her, and if she needs help. But I was at my wits' end when she was a youngster. Most of the problems occurred up until she was about 8. She has gradually improved and now I feel like she respects me very much.

It may be that your son is more comfortable with you than he is with his dad. Since he spends most of his time with you, he may see you as more of a playmate than a disciplinarian. And you have to take into consideration his age. At two, he is beginning to explore and make discoveries on his own, and is wanting to be independent, but is timid when it comes to actually beginning to sever his ties. Do you give in to what he wants when he has a temper tantrum or whines? If you do or have in the past, he is using that behavior because it has worked before. I have done that myself, because I felt like my children were driving me crazy and I just could not listen to them any longer. I know it is hard, but you just have to ignore him when he acts like that. And if you really want to surprise him, join him on the floor for a temper tantrum! That will shock him so much that he will stop.

Don't feel like a failure, we all have areas in which we feel like we have done a terrible job, but our children grow up to be just fine.

I have same propb w my 2 yr old boy and remember it w my now 7 yr old too, so I'm going to peek at your responses!!!:)