Moving,upset Child

If she is unpacking boxing and making messes punish her, she needs to understand that sometimes life may not seem fair but that is no excuse to act like a brat.

Also, talk with her about why she is so upset, is she scared of making new friends? Just mad about leaving he old ones? Try to help her adjust and cope.

Widower:

WHY are you moving? Do you have a legitimate reason to move? She's 7 years old. You have not been forthcoming on how you lost your wife - so when she moves - she's losing another piece of her mom - a place with no memories of her mother -so yeah - she's being stubborn and trying to capture memories of her mom.

What can you do? You can sit down and explain to your children WHY you are moving. WHERE you are moving to and what they can do where you are moving! Show them pictures of the new place.

COMMUNICATE with them. Explain WHY you "have" to move. Tell her the truth. How long do you plan on staying there this time? Etc. If you are moving frequently and bringing new people into her life (your girlfriend with the dog and she's allergic?) you are confusing her. This is why people told you NOT to introduce a W. to her or ANY of your children until you are in a long-term COMMITTED relationship.

So COMMUNICATE with your children. Tell them WHY, WHEN, WHERE and WHAT is going on in THEIR LIVES!!!

Good luck!

I agree with the other responses. Talk to your kids and listen to them. Ask if she is sad that you are moving, etc.

Then, don't pack your kids' stuff until the last minute.

By the way, are you planning on marrying your girlfriend? Or are you just bringing a woman into your kids' lives, only to have their hearts broken again?

I would move the packed boxes to a storage facility, to a garage up high.. somewhere she can not reach.

I also would have a LOT of conversations about moving, feelings and fears she may be having. Go to the library or go to the book store and purchase picture books about moving,

Find out what it is that is really bothering her.

When ever our daughter would react the way you are describing, it meant we needed to stop and figure out what the real fear, assumption or thoughts were going through her head.

Sometimes it was totally not what we were assuming was going on and easy to fix.

Is she worried she will never see these friends. She will miss her room. She likes the routine of the way you all were living. Then help her figure out how to feel secure about the move.

I find that children this age, LOVE to be "Big Helpers".. "Dad is packing up his books. Could you bring over all of the books that are this big.."

"Ok, great job, now can you bring me all of the books that are this size?"

Or who do you want to invite to the park this afternoon so you can say good by. I will take pictures and get their address so you can send them letters!

Lets go to the store and pick out note cards so you can write letters when we get to the new house!

Lets take a picture of every room in this house so you can remember. Lets take pictures of the playground Your favorite ice cram shop.. (you get the idea. She needs some control. She needs some understanding and she needs you to have some empathy, by saying. I understand you are feeling sad because....

"I understand you will miss your room. Maybe at the new house we can paint your room the same color.." Or "For the new house you can pick out a new color. " Only offer what you are willing to follow through on.

With your wife's death, it could be deeper concerns for your child. So figure out what that is. .. Many times it is pretty simple to me and you, but to your child she cannot figure out a solution.

Moving is hard for most children. This situation is amplified because someone is missing, that should be there.

Hang in there.

we packed stuff, labeled it and put it in a storage place. I can tell you one of the things that we learned (we have moved 4 times) is that you pack the kids rooms very last and unpack them first. so stop packing her stuff up. just leave it go til the end. then send her off with a friend for a day (your friend not hers) pack her stuff mostly up and label the box as something else. kitchen stuff or whatever. then stack it with other boxes. and if that doesn't work a swift crack on the behind will.

Send her to a day camp so you can pack up and have the stuff out of the way by the time she gets back.
I've known people who send the kids to grandparents for a few weeks and then the kids come home to the new house.

The last time we moved (about six years ago) I signed my daughter up for a two week day camp. I was able to get a lot done during the day and she had a nice distraction.
She didn't really *want* to do the camp at the time but as the adult/parent I knew it was for the best, and, as it (usually) turns out, I was right.

Listen to her and ask her why she's acting that way. Really listen. Hug her and tell her you understand, and you'll miss your old home too....but you need her help with the move. Ask her to pack up some things.

Let her know that all of her things will be there, you will all be there, pets will be there, family will be there and she'll get to see them a lot more often.

Most of all, be empathetic. When she feels like you understand, she'll be more likely to work with you.

Also, please stay out of relationships for a while. A move AND new "mommy" is just too much. And you need to figure out how to be in a relationship and be a dad in a healthy way. Quit introducing every woman you go on one or two dates to your kids. Wait. At least 4 months. Seriously.

Get her an address book and help her get contact information (addresses, phone numbers and emails) for all of her friends. Assure her that she will be able to call/write and that you will assist her if she needs you to. Have her help you take lots of pictures of her home so she can some memories of the home she will be leaving. Also, show her where she will be going. Go to some websites that show the highlight's of her new home (ie parks, zoo's, pools, recreation facilities etc).

She'll love CT. We have lots of snow. Really there's nothing you can do at this point to make her less upset about the move. She's at an age where she'll miss her friends and doesn't know she'll make new friends once she moves.

When you pack a box, tape it up, mark the contents, and then move it to another location turning it around so she can't read the contents. If she starts to touch the boxes warn her and then give her a time out. Explain that it's ok to be unhappy or worried about the move but it's not ok to unpack things.

Pack, tape up boxes. She takes apart and unpack, there should be consequences. You cannot make your kids happy all the time. Although today everyone, it seems, has to make their world perfect! That is not life. You are moving. E plain to her she will make new friends just like you. No one ever said life is fair I am sure you can find some positive things to tell her about the move.

We went through this too. I would spend days packing and stacking boxes all labeled by size and who we were giving the small stuff to. I would come home from work and her room would be waist deep with every single item unpacked. I finally gave up. I put a lock on her bedroom door and she slept on the couch until we could move the boxes out of the house. It was more costly but it worked. I could go sit in her room all day watching TV and repacking every item. It was time consuming and tedious. I was so mad for a long time about all the work I had to do 3 times.

She is still unhappy about the move but they will learn to cope eventually.

I would sit down and talk with her. It is hard to move. I moved from MN to the East Coast for similar reasons, but I missed all I knew. Are there friends she will want to try to keep in touch with? Is she scared she won't make new friends? Is she afraid of a new school? Have you ever been there with her before and does she know the family you will be closer to? Will she be leaving behind other family members? Try listening to her, even if you can't say, "Okay, this changes everything, we are staying." Acknowledge her. Maybe write a list of things together that will help her feel better, like take pictures of her favorite places for a photo album.

I also agree to pack her room last. Get the rest of it done and then tackle the kids' rooms so that they have their "safe place" for as long as possible.

Sending her to camp or otherwise keeping her occupied may also help.

And if she's really bad, and starts unloading other rooms' stuff, then you may need to work in a consequence because there's a point where being understanding doesn't trump needing to get stuff done.

Question: In the moves before, were they still in AZ? And is your late wife buried in AZ? Is she afraid of losing that connection?