Moving Cause My Daughter Unnecessary Issues

Your daughter is not the only African American child that has been called "Oreo" (black/brown on the outside and white on the inside). It is just that she thinks more main stream "white" than black. She identifies more with other kids and things besides the inner city as she was not raised this way. My children are/were "military brats" meaning they had friends of all nationalities and mixtures of races and were also called this.

Just think your daughter could have been born there and still could be picked on because she thought differently that the main group. So don't take it as personally. Sometimes kids pick on others because they are different and they "wish" that they had what your daughter has. It will take a bit but she will find a few friends that accept her for what she is and enjoy her company. Just don't push her to "fit in" as it is not going to happen.

When I was younger I recall living in the country or rural areas and the life was much different than going to live near a big city. The customs, music and ideology were so different and sometime foreign even though it was 30 miles away.

Let her live and wear her skater shoes and be herself.

Love to both of you.

The other S.

This is a tough age and some girls are so ugly. Your daughter is a very strong young lady and I know you are proud of her. I'm sure she'll meet at least one good friend... This is really preparing her for the real world and I guarantee she'll be very successful because of it. She may not trust people easily but that's not a bad thing...
We moved our kids a lot when they were end of elementary to middle school, my husband told them, don't go looking for friends, be a leader and they will find you... This was harder on my daughter, however, she saw how it does work... she had over an hour bus ride so she took a book and read it... then people started to go to her and find out about her, she didn't look they came to her... Our son has a great personality, and not matter where he's went, people cling to him... he makes friends easy...

Just continue to be there for her, it sounds like she has it together!

There's nothing you can do to make these other kids treat your daughter the way you want her to be treated, but you know that already. She sounds like a good girl who is strong & independant so you're doing a great job so far. Kids are going to be picked on, it's just part of being a kid & it doesn't matter what her race is, if it wasn't that they'd find something else to tease her about. No matter what she looks like physically, 12-15 is a bit awkward for everyone. You're realizing what kind of person you are & who everyone else is. You're beginning to understand that your parents are people, too, not just your parents. She'll find a group of people to fall in with, it might just take some time. Make sure she knows that she doesn't need to fit in with one particular clique, it's almost better if she doesn't pigeon-hole herself this way. I had enough friends in high school to be satisfied, but the only thing they had in common with each other was being friends with me & there's nothing wrong with that.

It seems to me the school needs a better bullying policy in place and if they have one, they need to enforce it.
Peers pushing each other to fit stereo types is bullying.
It's worse in middle school because many teens are just finding/recreating themselves and peer pressure can be enormous.
Have her join some outside school activities so she can meet a wider variety of people and she will find friends who will accept her for who she is.

awww...I just want to reach out and hug your daughter and YOU! At least she knows and is comfortable with herself and seems confident which is by far way above the rest typically at her age-lol! It's got to be h*** o* her and on you since she actually talks to you about it to hear these things but just know that these kids were "taught" that. They "learned" it from someone and as someone told me a long time ago....You cannot reason with ignorance.....I think she should keep up with what she is doing. Stand strong and hold her head high because eventually that is something that will stand out to people in the fact that she is confident within herself. People envy that and will try their best to destroy that but she needs to condition herself to really not care what these others are saying about her. Rightfully every single person on this earth is a "mixture" if you don't think you are connected to African American" , Asian, White, etc. you are dead wrong well at least to geneology that I have seen/read I guess everyone has their opinions but science can prove otherwise. That is exactly why I believe that you don't judge a person based upon the outside but from the outside. I teach my two girls there is no difference. What they learn from others is beyond my control but I try to reinforce to them how God looks at each one of us-from the inside-our hearts.

Tell her that Michelle Obama went through the same thing! That might help her.

I've never understood this.... if a black or mixed person tends to be good at academics - they are told they aren't acting black enough. Why should blacks be perpetuating the myth that they cannot succeed in academics? I'm 31 and I saw this in schools too. My middle school was 75% mixed, 10% black, 10% hispanic and 5% white (military brat - Germany base school). I'm white. High school was more equal between all the 'races' including mixed... but the issue that blacks jeer and rudely outcast those mixed or black ppl who do well in school.

I would tell your daughter that she is lucky she's strong willed enough to want to better herself and do well in school, and not to worry, she'll make friends who value the same things she does eventually - not to worry about waiting.

First off, your daughter sounds amazing and refreshing. It's great that she knows who she is, and is confident in herself. That is so important in those beginning teen years. It's possible those girls do not know how to relate to her in any other way, and they are intimidated. I know this may not be the same thing, but I was teased all the time in school for my height. I was the tallest girl in my school until about 10th grade. I also wore very different clothes/styles then the other girls my age( army jacket, wing-tipped shoes, bell bottoms,etc..in the late 90's-while they were very trendy,preppy ). My mother told me to embrace it, go with it. Do not care what other people think or feel about you. I had about five friends who I loved , and who I could count on in high school. Still friends with them 15plus years later. It makes no difference in the long run. If she is comfortable in her own skin, their is no reason for her to change for anyone else. You are raising a wonderful individual , mom!

Kids can be so very mean. When my son was about 6 he syarted gaining weight. He was active just chubby. One day at baseball practice on of the kids called him santa and told him he wouldn't fit dwn his fireplace. The kid said in front of a bunch if kids and they were all standing there laughing at my baby. Omg I was so mad and hurt for him. I gave the kids a speech about hurting others feelings but I wanted to slap every one of them. Now nick hi puberty and lost about 40 pds and feels good about himself now, thank goodness! He was always beautiful to me! Madisyn my 4 yr old had to have her top 4 teeth pulled because of no enamel and we were at my sisters soccer game and some kid told my kid she looked weird without teeth and she should ask santa for them. My baby just looked at me. The strangling feeling came back but I took deep breaths and handled it. She so precious and she's never had top teeth so it would be weir to see her with them! Moral of story is just be there for her. You can't prevent every hurtful thing that happens to them. I encourage my kids to be themselves and have pride in themselves. That's the best I know how to do!

Oh Middle school it is so tough when kids are trying to find their identy. Pecking orders are so viscous and common at that age. My son just finished his first middle school year and for the most part flew under the radar but says everyone has someone that picks on them. And he was no exception. I think it is great that she is not conforming. My son got a cool new hair cute, we ended up cutting his bangs shorter because he kept getting teased. I want not happy about him doing that but allowed him to make the choice. I think that you guys talk alot is a good thing. I think that is what has helped my son deal with it. I do not know what more we can do.

As long as her being different is being who she truly is and not because she is hiding behind it she should be fine.