We are moving in two weeks from the only home that my kids have known to Kansas City, where my husband and I grew up (about 14 hrs away). We are very excited (even the kids) about being closer to all of our family, but there is sadness from all of us about leaving our home of the last 6 years. My 1st grader is having the hardest time with the transition-- and understandably so, he is leaving his friends, school, home, baseball team, church, etc. My question is, should we let the kids see the house after the movers have emptied it, or should they say goodbye before school that day and not come back to an empty home? I have memories of my childhood home empty and they are extremely sad. We are trying to make this as easy on them as possible. Thanks so much for your help mammas!
I think it depends on the child. I would ask him if he wants to see it when it is empty or does he just want to remember who you all lived in it.
It may make it harder for him at the time, now. But as time goes on he will soon have fuzzy memories at best.
He will be OK. Kids have a way of adjusting better than we do.
Take pictures of the way it is now and make sure they are NOT on the computer hard drive that will crash next year, been there done that! Make a scrapbook of the friends, house, his room, baseball team. Make a book for him.
I think your kids are of age to ask them what they want to do. If you make the choice for them, they may regret it in the years to come. Shutting the door for the last time will be emotional for all of you, but once that is over, you are heading off to your next adventure :)
Good Luck!!
Kids this age are very resiliant - I think the bigger the deal you make it the bigger a deal it will be to the kids. I would make this upbeat and positive and yes sad to miss your old connections but so excited for new ones & family close by.
I moved a few times as a youngster and I don't recall having any sad memories of an empty house. I would explain that a house is just a building where a family lives. The family & it's stuff, love & memories are what makes a house a home. Once the people move out it's just a shell. (Same idea when a loved one passes away too - their body is just a shell that holds the essence of the person.) I'd even walk around the house looking at the rooms saying soemthing like - wow - it doesn't even look like our home anymore - I wonder if the new family have as many good times as we did? You can even leave them a map that you make with the kids noting where playgrounds, pizza places, drycleaners & hardware stores are.
As for your sad memories of your empty childhood home - I suspect that the memories may be coupled with another sad memory of why you were moving, etc - and your age. Moves are much more difficult, even traumatic for teens as they are far more invested in relationships outside the family as they grow up and gain independence. But for a 1st grader and pre-schooler it will only be a few weeks before they are well-settled in your new home.
Best of luck with your move!
Get them as involved as possible! Keep them excited. We've moved 3 times in the past 4 years, and my kids are actually asking me when we're moving again. They would have been awesome 'military brats'; they love moving!! And they're the same age as your kiddos.
Make sure they say goodbye to their friends. Maybe get them an address book just so if they are missing someone, they can call or write (with your help of course). I let me kids see the empty house we're moving out of, and they ceremoniously say goodbye to every room. As excited as they are about a new place, they still shed some tears (me too!) No matter what, it's an emotional experience... but the tears turn into excitement once they start putting their things away in their new room!! Good luck :)
I agree with the poster that said to ask them if they want to see it, and that it depends on the child. We moved 7 months ago, a few months after my son started kindergarten with most of his PreK friends. It was exciting to move back to family and where we met, etc. But my son missed his house, school, friends, familiar surroundings, favorite restaurants, etc. He did not want to sell the house and asked if we could keep it for him so he could live in it when he grew up. We made a point to take him to the house after we moved (was vacant for 5months) and he loved it, and he was just fine. At our new house I painted his room similar colors and he wanted the same blinds on the windows. It does get better with time...
Can they be present for the packing and moving out? I think that'd be best. You need to stress that their feelings are OK but that as long as your family is together, you are at home wherever you are.
Home is where family is! Kids are pretty flexible at this age. They also take
their cues from you. If you visibly, sad they will be too. I would not take them back to an empty house. Good luck.
Take before and after pictures or videos of the hosue, inside and out. If video, maybe even let the kids narrarate some of the rooms "this is the spot where brother ate a whole bag of oreos and threw up on the dog"...taht sort of thing. Take pictures of each room from all angles. Even take pictures of their bedrooms from their bed. That way, if they chose to see it full or empty, or not, at least you have the pictures they can look at down the road when they are ready to remember or miss their old home.
Moving is so h*** o* kids but if they are good and confident kids who know they are well loved no matter where they live, they should be fine. gl!
C., I feel for you! (I'll be in the same situation in six weeks: moving to Alabama from Michigan with a 7 year old, a 3 year old and an infant.) If the kids aren't around for the packing, I would have them say good-bye to their rooms before they leave and *maybe* do a drive-by to wave at the house after it's empty. But I wouldn't have them go into a suddenly empty house - at that point it's no longer your home anyway. With my first grader it's all about giving her an idea of what to expect. I'd let her know "this is the last time you'll see your room" or "we won't be going into the house again." My daughter gets a sense of security from knowing what to expect. Best wishes C.!
